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<p>I feel sorry for the girl. I’m grateful that we can afford to pay for college (even though the options will be more limited once Son loses his merit aid.) It would be sad to have to leave your child at a bad fit, because that was the only way it could be paid for.</p>
<p>I agree with Missy. What would happen if this kid was injured and unable to play? Do they lose their scholarship or do they hobble on the sidelines for the duration? I think that’s a lot of pressure on top of her not exactly fitting into the team culture.</p>
<p>I found a psychologist close to home who seems familiar with Asperger’s and college students, so I’ve given up on the child study center (that wants Son’s profs to tell them if he plays well with others) and have made appontments with her. Feels good to have a plan. </p>
<p>While Son home this weekend I’ll stand over him while he completes the on-line application for our local cc…don’t know if he’ll be there next fall, but I at least want him to start on his foreign language requirement there. If by the end of next summer he could have his foreign language, math and science gen ed requirements out of the way, I’d feel great. I think he can do that with summer school and then taking 2-3 classes during each term next year. Of course, it would also be fabulous if he also had a part time job. For the summer, we’ll see if he can handle one class in summer school and a part time job. </p>
<p>I’ve also put him on the waiting list for the one Asperger’s program at a Texas state school. There is a long waiting list (some people apparently put their kids on the list as soon as they are diagnosed) but it depends on who is ready to start school when.</p>
<p>Gotta gotta gotta start cleaning out the garage, as we live in the Land With No Basements. H hates to get rid of anything, but if Son is going to bounce back for a year or so, there has to be a place for the fridge, microwave, etc. It will be good motivation to get rid of the USELESS JUNK that will NEVER BE USED that is filling our garage.</p>
<p>Moda…you keep the scholarship if injured and sit the bench until better. There is a sophomore player who played as a freshman and then tore her ACL, she has been out until this January when she started to practice again and tore the same ACL again. She will be out for all of next season too. So her scholarship will have paid for three years and she will have played for one. Who knows what she will decide to do her senior year.</p>
<p>Her roomie cries every night. It is very sad.</p>
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<p>Makes me wonder if she’s really telling her parents how she feels or if she is assuming their attitude would be unsupportive. I mean, if I knew my kid was so unhappy that she/he was crying every night, I might reconsider the situation. Certainly one can’t make money out of nothing to pay for it, but there has to be room for some sort of change/compromise - especially if the social situation seems such a mismatch as well. </p>
<p>I know our kids THINK they know what we’ll do when presented with a situation, but they also sometimes assume we cannot be convinced of another point of view and so that assuming can make for some unnecessarily unhappy people.</p>
<p>Moda, lots of us on this board have compared our kids’ college search with our own very minor search process. In my case, I knew I had to go to a state school for financial reasons. There was exactly one state school with my major, so I applied sight unseen. I took the ACT once with no prep, didn’t even take the SAT. I think my entire college search and application process took under 5 hours, including the time it took to take the ACT.</p>
<p>There may be parents out there of our generation who don’t know or care that times have changed. You go to one school, you stay there until you graduate, and who says you’re supposed to be happy? In the roomie’s case, she must have been an athletic recruit: “this school is giving you money, this is your option, you will stay here and why do you think you need to be happy all the time?” I mean, most of those parents would not frequent CC, but they’re out there.</p>
<p>So many in our generation are so very very child-centered that we forget that there are still some parents who don’t care all that much. Son has a friend with divorced parents who both are occupied with new relationships and pretty much don’t care what he does or even where he’s living or how he makes ends meet. Once he graduated from high school, they checked him off the checklist.</p>
<p>That’s exactly the situation, missypie. Roomie said she would come home and go to CC but mom said no. The mom is a tough cookie, she knows the whole situation but won’t bend at all. The girl could get another scholarship for soccer but you have to ask for a release first and then you’re cut off without a lifeline. The crying is to her mom on the phone EVERY night and then to D2. Bad situation.</p>
<p>The mom probably thinks this experience will toughen her daughter up.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but that just sounds terrible. I can’t imagine sentencing your child to four years of misery, particularly when they’re willing to attend a community college. </p>
<p>One summer D was absolutely miserable at CTY. We told her that she could come home but wanted her to try and stick it out. Of course things were better at the end of the first week (of three) so we didn’t have to make good on our offer to come and get her, but that was only three weeks, not four years. I feel so sad for that young woman!</p>
<p>What is ironic is that if she hadn’t excelled at her sport, she wouldn’t be in this situation!</p>
<p>maybe it’s because I work in the mental health field, but it worries me when I hear this disconnect from one’s own kid…if this student is feeling this upset/stressed about remaining at the school and feels unheard where does she go with those feelings? yes some kids will learn to cope, but sadly, many don’t. just read that the young man who jumped off the empire state bldg was a Yale junior. I find it so concerning when I hear about college kids feeling so hopeless and helpless that suicide becomes an option. very worrisome to me…</p>
<p>Oh, lindz! Now you’ve frightened me! :eek:</p>
<p>sorry northminn—I certainly don’t know enough about the situation, not implying this girl has no options, but I just don’t understand how parents can not “get” what their child is going through. just hearing that she is reaching out and crying to her mother nightly… with no apparent support…must be hard on your d to see this. is she concerned?</p>
<p>Just read the Facebook entry of a kid at the HS who was rejected from his dream school. He’s the kind of kid whose entire school career was based on Resume Building…leadership in almost every organization there is. I wonder if the school was able to see through him, or if it was just bad luck on his part. He’s now thinking that high school has been a waste. </p>
<p>It’s going to be a sad night tonight for lots of kids. Happy for some and sad for many.</p>
<p>I remember that last year. MY daughter had numerous leadership positions, but it was not resume building she just loved doing those things. I feel bad for that girl, what will her relationship be with her mom in later life? I do agree times have changed. I went to one school because thats what we could afford no college searches for me. Some of those kids are still my friends. I would not want my child to stay at a school where she is miserable particularly with what is going on. Missy glad you are finding solutions. sunscreen expires one year after you have opened it.</p>
<p>My son had reasonable official leadership, but beyond sports he wasn’t much of a joiner in a clubby kind of way. However, I know for a fact that at least two of his three recommendations spoke to his leadership in class and among his peers, which I am sure reflected a little evolution and good choice making in there. No details per say, but I’d like to just think his recent blip is just a slight step back before going forward as the stakes become higher. </p>
<p>Ok… here’s something: So now another student suicide, which of course, there’s plenty of fodder screaming about the pressures of the Ivy League, of which frankly I don’t think it’s the school’s work loads per say as much as the personality types they’re accepting. But we read all about how this is the time for parents to let go and that sometimes parent expectations contribute to the stress these kids are. However, if you aren’t paying attention you could miss some huge warning signs of mental distress - so basically, it’s a real conflict and when you hear about a school suicide, it only drives parents to try and connect with their students (which only increases helicoptering and a perceived sense of parental interference by the student). Definitely seems like a catch-22 kind of thing.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine having my D stay at school if she didn’t like it. D was going to run but was injured and didn’t really “fit in” with the team. There was a bit of drinking of girls on the team and D didn’t and felt funny because she didn’t. She likes the friends that she has made off the team. I don’t know if she will go back to running next year. Luckily no money for sports here so it doesn’t matter if she decides not to run. </p>
<p>I can’t imagine though if she had been in a different situation and felt like she needed to run and stay on the team when she really didn’t like it. College is about the next step in growing up but to have to spend 4 years someplace that you don’t like isn’t something that I would like for my D.</p>
<p>So, Missy, five canisters of baby powder? At our house we (or, to be more accurate HE) collects light bulbs, at least until one of those wonderful sessions a couple years ago when I finally lost it and declared that that was it. Apparently every time he went to the grocery store, he’d look, and frequently think, “hmm…they have light bulbs. Maybe I should buy a pack. Everybody likes light bulbs. You never know when they’ll burn out…”</p>
<p>We’re still working down the supply.</p>
<p>We did that with paper towels. Unreal. And then one day… they were gone and it took us a good two weeks to remember to pick up a roll. All that stock pile of stuff tends to leave us forgetting to buy it at all. Did we say if baby powder went bad?</p>
<p>arabrab - My H is also a bulb-hoarder. He will buy them in a small hardware store, in Home Depot, in lighting store, on his way home from the city, order them on-line… He even buys them now that we have those “last-forever” kind of bulbs. (Halogen, perhaps??) </p>
<p>Of course, he’ll never actually CHANGE the burnt-out bulbs, he just keeps buying them…</p>