<p>I went to a college orchestra performance over the weekend and found myself checking all the ladies’ legs… musicians and audience. (OMG what is my life coming too) I estimate 100 women there and I saw 2 pairs of stockings. Dark hose with pants and pumps (violinist) and saggy nylons (grandma-type audience member probably in her 80s.) </p>
<p>As I scrutinized my fellow music fans and their legs, I noticed one student in a flowery dress and shoulder length hair. But at 6 feet and 200 + pounds, she had the build and gait of a linebacker. And very hairy legs and cheeks too for that matter.</p>
<p>Later, I described her to my son “Is that person really a guy?” I asked.</p>
<p>“Well last year she was,” he said matter-of-factly. “Now she’s not.”</p>
<p>Me: “You certainly get to meet a lot of interesting people at college.”</p>
<p>you guys make me laugh. My D2 only wears tights. that is because she wears dresses to school everyday. but only for the winter, in the warmer months bare legs. that is fine for them withtheir nice legs. I was not blessed with those, and I want panty hose back.</p>
<p>Not sure this is the appropriate forum to seek consolation about younger D (still in high school) who was turned down for leadership position by faculty member (and decision maker) who had encouraged her to apply. D had felt quite close to faculty member, but now the relationship can never be the same as before. D knows that this is one of life’s inevitable experiences/lessons, but the loss (missed opportunity; relationship with teacher) still hurts. I can’t wait for high school to be over, though of course the periodic disappointments won’t end when high school does. Sigh.</p>
<p>Peonies… It’s what you do next that counts. I know that at least a few of my son’s recommendations made note of his resiliency, to not become jaded, to remain positive and look for the lesson that was surely buried in there somewhere. As far as leadership roles, he learned (and wrote one of his essays) about learning how to “walk the talk without ever saying a word.” I would very much doubt that one single teacher was solely responsible for what happened to your D. And if it is a committee of one - well, I would have had a problem with that long before my kid was up for something. Frankly, by choosing your D and if they (teacher/student) indeed have a really good relationship beforehand, I would have assumed that favoritism over competence had played a strong role. Maybe it’s a leap, but not a HUGE one given what you said. I more so imagine there were others in on that and she went with the majority. </p>
<p>As to what to do next? She can go and talk to the teacher about ways in which she can contribute and be the most effective or she can snub the teacher and call it a day. If it were my kid, I’d be asking which choice builds character and encourage them to take that route. No, it’s not always easy, but along the way my son earned a great deal of respect from his teachers and coaches for how he learned to handle himself in difficult situations. Believe me, there was a learning curve involved throughout 9-12, but he ALWAYS held true to the making it work and looking for the positive of what he could build on. You will always learn more about yourself from your failures than your successes. It’s all about point of view.</p>
<p>Thank you, Modadunn, for your thoughtful and helpful works of advice. I’ll be digesting them and doing my best to pass them on to D, who is resilient and positive and does try to make the best of things.</p>
<p>But, I fully sympathize with you and your D. Without going into a lot of detail here, I will tell you that my own D gained a LOT of character in HS. That was the upside, but the hurt and disappointment were still there and and needed to be acknowledged. Thankfully, HS does end.</p>
<p>Just chiming in to say that both S and D had more than their share of “growth” opportunities in HS. It happens in college as well but seems to be less fraught with emotional upheaval/drama. etc. I couldn’t agree more with fallgirl.</p>
<p>peonies so sorry. its hard for the child and the parent. I always feel so sad when my children are not recognized for how awesome (in my eyes) they are. I have found they move on and so do we. sound advice from above.</p>
<p>So sorry for your D, peonies. It must be the “season.” I was just about to post about my own '11 D. I’m ready to send her off to college - or somewhere - right now. She’s becoming impossible to live with. </p>
<p>At the end of the week they choose the only leadership position she wants. She deserves it and should have it, but last year the decision of the director of the activity utterly defied logic, so we can’t count on anything. (
that’s what happened last year to some folks.)</p>
<p>She’s becoming more stressed and difficult to live with by the hour PLUS she’s sick and the first round of meds did nothing. But of course, she isn’t patient enough to try to work with us to find a time for her to go to the doctor and all the appointments we come up with won’t work. </p>
<p>Ah, practicing law is so much easier to deal with than high schoolers trying for leadership positions!!!</p>
<p>missypie,
Good luck to your D! It sounds like she has a challenging week ahead, with not feeling well and anticipation about the impending end-of-week decision. Why do they wait until the end of the week for these decisions? (I know, it gives everyone - the happy and the not so happy - the weekend to regain perspective … but really). I also sympathize about the problems with fitting in doctor’s appts around a HS schedule - tough to do! btw, I too am an attorney, and know what you mean about the practicing law vs. parenting balance. Practicing law is much more manageable!</p>
<p>And count me in as one who built a LOT of character in high school. It must have been very difficult to have been my mother because there were so many more disappointments than successes. I think if I had been my mother, by senior year I would have said, “Would you please stop trying out for stuff!!!” </p>
<p>On another subject, it’s so funny that we are now going around noticing who does and does not wear hose!</p>
<p>So this morning there was an Ad on tv for Leggs… you know the company: cute little eggs for your pantyhouse. (as an aside, my mother actually put those in our easter baskets one year). Anywho… now they are making various “spank” type undergarments with no hose attached… and really… isn’t it just the tummy control and lack of panty lines we’re looking for?</p>
<p>And I agree that it’s important to keep perspective when trying out for things/applying for leadership etc. It’s the willingness to try that needs to be in the forefront. My older D tried out for every play/musical her large public school offered. Always made it through until the last call back and then ALWAYS cut. Four years and not one part. Same kids every performance. Same kid who tried out in Middle (she didn’t attend the public in Middle School). Frankly, I thought it was amazing that she kept trying out.</p>
<p>Moda, D loved theater in middle school- then when she got to the HS everything was a musical. Literally everything. She was in two “smaller” productions but if you didn’t sing you just weren’t involved with theater. Which was really too bad. </p>
<p>I don’t think I even own pantyhose any longer. No spanx either. Boy has this thread taken a tangent!</p>
<p>Thanks, ladies, for the Jergens tip. I was an early adopter of the “no-hose” movement (although don’t mind tights in the winter) but know fully I was responsible for “blinding with the light” everywhere I went. I thought tanning agents still made you orange, but I see science has been kind to us, and will soon be sporting one I did not earn in the sun ;)</p>