<p>Thank you, FallGirl!</p>
<p>missypie, Good luck on the Idiot’s College Road Trip! Eight hours of driving would make for a long day, though whether highway vs. secondary roads could make a big difference. Are you thinking of posting college impressions anywhere (this thread or another)? It would be great to hear your and D’s thoughts. We are working on plans for a midwest road trip in late August …</p>
<p>You know how when everything seems to be going so well and then the bottom just falls out of everything? Today was one of those days. H is still over helping D get her apartment set up; I came home. S came home absolutely smashed last night; four months of sobriety down the drain.</p>
<p>Oh, and it appears I am the major stressor in my daughter’s life. I should probably start a thread on my personality flaws!</p>
<p>Breathe in, breathe out. Relapse is almost always somewhere on the recovery path. Read those Motivational Interviewing guys, 4 months is not gone just lapsed…hang in there… you are a just-fine, good-enough mother and that is all we can be expected to be (by ourselves or any others I say!)</p>
<p>Sabaray-I am so very sorry. I can’t imagine how disappointing that must be after all your heartache before and all the signs of progress.</p>
<p>I believe many many young women might at times claim that their mother is a source of stress in their life, and at other times claim that their mother is their best champion and greatest source of support. </p>
<p>Please no threads about personality flaws-it could get way too competitive!!</p>
<p>Oh sabaray, I am so sorry to hear about your S’s set back, but I agree with mmaah. His progress has not evaporated, it has just gone in to hiding. “Two steps forward, and one step back” sounds so trite, but I do think it applies.</p>
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<p>I agree and so sorry Sabaray. If sobriety were easy, everybody would be doing it.</p>
<p>Did anyone hear the interview yesterday on NPR with former cabinet member Califano? (I’m sure you can listen on line or find a transcript.) He was saying that when AIDS first hit, it was seen as a scourge on the immoral, but within three years it had been firmly identified as a disease and reasearch for treatment was well underway. He said that the biggest mistake we have made on anything is not treating alcohol and drug addiction in the same way…If society viewed those addictions as diseases and not moral failings, we’d be so much further down the road in helping folks who have addictions.</p>
<p>sabaray, what a disappointment. But as someone else said, this is a lapse, not a failure – and certainly not Your failure. Please don’t beat yourself up. I hope you can have some good talks with your kids and have a better day. Hugs to you; I’m sure this is very tough.</p>
<p>That’s so true, missypie. I know it’s wrong to look at it as down the drain - because yes, relapse is common, but I just am not sure what set it off. Don’t think we’ll be going to the cc on Monday.</p>
<p>So sorry for your son’s setback, sabaray. As to your daughter saying you are her major stressor: we should all be so lucky. If that’s the worst problem she has in her life, she has it pretty good.</p>
<p>Sabaray… I know your disappointment and it is true that relapse is very very high. However, I also think that if he can now reflect and see some of those triggers he will be better prepared going forward. It is a process for sure. Failing is not the same as failure. He can begin anew because every day all he can really say is “just for today…” every day. Big hugs to you.</p>
<p>Also, I am not sure that no CC is the way to go as that is something positive and proactive to be doing in the right direction. Of course, I don’t know if I would believe that it was just one night. I know that there was a time when there was a lot of “testing” before relapse was truly evident to anyone else. </p>
<p>As for the personality flaws… don’t go there. I could write a book and we all know I can ramble with the best of them!</p>
<p>Sabaray, I am so sorry to hear of your son’s relapse. You are in my thoughts and prayers as your son travels this difficult road.</p>
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<p>I definitely don’t. </p>
<p>I think part of the problem, and I do not know how to change this, is his sister being a big trigger for him. She commented to me privately that he seemed almost drugged and it was true. I have been searching our house regularly and have found nothing. The thing that is so hard for me to understand- he turned 21 a week ago. He managed his 21st birthday without alcohol and a week later goes on the bender of all benders. </p>
<p>Moda, I suspect we will continue on with the cc path. S wants to go back to the rehab center for stabilization; am looking at the financial ramifications of doing so. </p>
<p>I appreciate the support and encouragement from all of you. Thanks. A lot.</p>
<p>Sabaray, am wondering if the impending trip to the CC triggered the relapse. Might be worth asking him, or suggesting he explore it with the therapist.</p>
<p>Am sorry he has hit this pothole in the road. Sending you hugs and strength. One day at a time.</p>
<p>Sending hugs to you Sabaray.</p>
<p>CountingDown, I do think the planning for the trip to the CC was in fact a trigger. Wednesday night he was expressing to me that he just didn’t know what he wanted to do (short of having unlimited funds to travel, ha, ha). He’s working a relatively low wage menial job but it’s almost as if the thought of improving his work status through education or a better opportunity is too much for him to handle. Having to “compete” for attention (which he doesn’t have to do, btw) while his sister was home was also difficult for him and has been for some time. He has pretty much had our undivided attention for the past four months – i.e., no one else was at home to talk to me or my husband. </p>
<p>My husband thinks treating the alcohol addiction should be the primary focus- I think there are underlying psychological issues that need to be addressed concurrently. </p>
<p>I think I’ll get some rest tonight and hopefully be a bit more logical in the morning.</p>
<p>Ah, the self-sabotage re: college. I remember it well. Definitely something to pursue.</p>
<p>Sabaray: Hope things improve for your son. As far as your D goes I bet my D would say the same thing. I told her once that that was my job. I remember feeling pretty much the same way with my Mother. That past as I’m sure that it will for my D and myself. Hopefully it will for you and your D as well. In my situation I needed to do some growing up. Once I did that my mother and I got a long well. I can see that transition starting with my D and me – not there yet but it’s beginning. Hugs. Hopefully today will be better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. Sometimes it just takes time! Easier said when you aren’t in the middle of it!</p>
<p>hugs to you Sabaray. both D and S are darn lucky to have you on their side.</p>
<p>We dropped off Fang Jr at Stanford for the summer. He had his final exam at his CC in Spanish on Friday, and it looks like he managed a B; we’re so proud, because he has huge, huge difficulties with foreign language. He got a D on the first test, but got higher grades on each successive test due to hard work. (Some of that hard work was done by me, his Spanish tutor.) World Cup games on Univision helped him round into form for the oral part of his exam, where he and another student had to chat for five or ten minutes with occasional interruptions by the professor.</p>