<p>scualum - I thought I had already mentioned this, but maybe not - I have already told D that since one of the schools offers official overnights to juniors starting in a few weeks, that if she was going, she would have to do it OFFICIALLY. The other school is more of a problem - their web site doesn’t mention overnight visits at all! I’m going to call admissions on Monday to question them about the girls doing one and find out if they offer them.</p>
<p>About having the boys be their official hosts - well, I’m not sure I’d want that to happen either…lol. But I’ll ask if that’s even a possibility.</p>
<p>My apologies - you did mention that and I missed it. Official visit very much changes my mind - they are there with a host and the fact that they have some friends at the school as well is an added benefit.</p>
<p>Now, after taking up everyone’s precious time, I found out that my D was just bringing the subject up to find out how I felt about it! She and her friends have discussed the possibility, but they haven’t mentioned it to their parents yet at all as far as she knows! Well, at least now I’ll be a little ahead of the game - for once!</p>
<p>The part about the guys asking them to come visit - well, that’s true.</p>
<p>It’s a tough time, the next year and a half. Senior year gets tougher. I know I was constantly weighing the thoughts of if I was being too strict, knowing that they’d be off on their own the next year vrs trying to be sure they were not put in a position they weren’t ready to handle (and by my son’s admission last night, that on one of the first unaccompanied college trips he’d taken, he drank so much he blacked out - I had reason to worry). Honestly, I can’t imagine how I would have felt if I had a daughter. It may be sexist, but there are just some things I think I would have been much more cautious about if I had girls, and not my sons.</p>
<p>None of us should judge each other, we are all trying to be the best parents we can (or we wouldn’t be frequenting this website). It is nice to have a place to come for advice anonymously and know that the counsel we get will be with good intention and best wishes!</p>
<p>Thanks, ag54. I have to be honest - I’ve been a lot more lenient with my D than with my S about certain things. The reason why is that she tends to have way more common sense than my S does. I can’t even imagine why he does certain things, never mind how he came up with the ideas to do them. </p>
<p>Scary about your son drinking enough to make him black out on his first unaccompanied college trip (was that official or unofficial, btw? ). You must have loved hearing that one! </p>
<p>And I agree - it is nice to have this place we can come to anonymously to get counsel/advice. And naturally, when that happens, we won’t agree with every bit of it - but it’s still good to hear to get others’ perspectives. It all helps.</p>
<p>LIMOM, it is good that you are the first person they mentioned it to, it gives you more input into the ground rules. For example the part about having official visits. If your D is open to that, have her mention that as a required part of the visit so that when the friends float the idea to their parents it is included as a requirement. You said the friends have fewer rules, so your rules are mentioned from the start it will be accepted by the others. Good luck and if it all falls through, oh well!!</p>
<p>jackief - that’s my attitude exactly. Now D knows at least some of my ground rules - I only get to share them with her in 5-minute increments while we’re driving. So yes, we’re definitely a step ahead. And if she and her friends don’t go together as a group, then when we visit in April (as I had been planning all along), I’ll give her the option of doing an official visit then if they’re still available and/or hanging out with her friends. </p>
<p>ag54 - I probably wouldn’t mention it to the mom either - but yikes!</p>
<p>I will let my son do an official visit. As has already been said, those are different in my important ways. I’m sure my son would have a lot more fun on an unofficial vist with friends he already knows but we’ve talked about why that’s not going to happen and he’s okay with it. </p>
<p>And I’m fully aware that things can get out of control during an official visit. I’m just trying to play the odds here. </p>
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<p>Surely she would not be suprised? That’s how it goes; we have high expectations of our kids, they present their best face to us so we feel confident in our trust, then when they get out of sight they do things that we have convinced ourselves they would not. </p>
<p>I find being the mother of a child getting ready to fly the nest involves a lot of willful ignorance on my part. I hope for the best but I will not be surprised to find out, well, anything short of committing a crime!</p>
<p>Is anyone interested in Elon? We’re attending an info night at a local hotel on Monday evening. I realize it’s probably a safety school for most of your kids, but if you have any questions, I’d be happy to ask them on your behalf.</p>
<p>I have only briefly looked over this thread, but I would discourage you from letting your daughter do an overnight visit as a junior. There is no need for one until she has been accepted and is seriously considering the school. Right now, she either has no idea what she is getting herself into, or she has this calculated. If something goes wrong, she will be too far away for you to help her.</p>
<p>DougBetsy: You could let me know what you think of Elon after the meeting. I like their website, for some reason I get a good feel about it, although I really know nothing about it. It might be a good school for my S, and maybe a safety for my D when the time comes. Thanks for thinking of the group and offering.</p>
<p>Well, Elon is not a safety for my D. Actually, given her current scores, nothing is a safety…So take a look DougBetsy and tell us if you like it and your general impressions when you get back.</p>
<p>My son has three passions in life right now; theater, chemistry/biochemistry and gender studies (ie research on gender studies, both biological and cultural.) </p>
<p>His plan right now (he’s a junior, so this can change), is to try out for a few BFA programs and also apply to a few colleges based on the other two. He’s got his BFA schools picked out. </p>
<p>Can anyone recommend a college that is strong in the sciences and liberal arts? Naturally, MIT comes to mind and while he’ll apply there, it would be a reach school. And how would he apply there? Would applying for their Women and Gender studies degree program make it harder to get in? I’m assuming they prefer students interested in engineering/sciences, which he is but he does not want to study only that. </p>
<p>Brandeis is another one he is looking at being both a LAC and research focused. I’m sure you can tell this is new territory for me. Any other suggestions would be appreciated in terms of schools to apply to or how to go about applying when a student is interested in two different fields but hopes to study both.</p>
<p>Edited to add: My son is gay and out, so it’s got to be a welcoming school and he is hoping to get to New England (we live in Texas.)</p>
<p>pugmadkate, The first school I thought of for the theater and sciences was Carnegie Mellon. I don’t know how much students in one or the other of those concentrations can cross over, however maybe he would be interested in just a school with a strong arts scene for non majors.</p>
<p>This is going back a ways, but my niece (who is only 4 years younger than me, don’t want to give the impression I am ancient) went to MIT and I think she ended up getting her degree in a womens/gender studies area, after starting off in a sciencey major. I also have known many people who have done theater at MIT, and there are also opportunities off campus. I think MIT and other Boston area schools will all be liberal and accepting, my niece mentioned above is gay and she did not have any issues when she was there ~15 years ago.</p>
<p>Your son may want to checkout UChicago, great liberal arts as well as a highly regarded research institution. Great program in Comparative Human Development. Very accepting environment.</p>
<p>pugmadkate - when I took my D to visit Harvard this summer, out tour guide mentioned he was concentrating on women’s and gender studies, sexuality and neuropsychology (I’m pretty sure that’s it). While I can’t remember if he was active in theater, I do remember that he mentioned being part of an a capella group. And I’m pretty sure he was gay, though I didn’t ask. He seemed very out, in his bright pink tie - but I hate to generalize that way. Anyway, I realize I’m talking about Harvard, but he seemed to have lots of friends on campus and was obviously comfortable there. My guess is BU or NEU would probably be good safer schools for your son to investigate. Is he interested in New York schools at all? Columbia? Cornell? Both reachy, I know, but they should have what he’s looking for.</p>
). You must have loved hearing that one! </p>