<p>A high school junior is not ready to “hang out” with college sophomores for the night. The official sleeping arrangements are meaningless, it’s what could happen in the moment that is my concern. I would bet my house that the phrase “fresh meat” is going to be used when some of these Sophomore college men hear about high school junior girls coming to visit.</p>
<p>It’s one thing to be sensible on your home turf, when you’ve had years to get a feel for the people around you. It’s another to be in a new enviroment where you are trying to impress up others that you are as worldly as they are when that is simply not the case. </p>
<p>Your daughter and her friends think they are mature enough to handle this. Experience tells me otherwise. Kids mature a lot in their senior year in high school and freshman year of college.</p>
<p>pugmadkate - I’m struck sort of speechless. The boys I’m talking about have been friends with my D and her friends for almost three years now! I just can’t imagine that they’re thinking of them as “fresh meat.” I can’t speak for the friends of the guys, however. But honestly, I would think that 16 year old girls would seem a little young to most college sophs. Thanks for your input - though I’m truly hoping this isn’t a valid concern.</p>
<p>Yeah, I don’t think my sophomore son would be interested in 16 year olds in that way (fresh meat - :eek:). </p>
<p>What my worry would be is that he’d want to show them how much “fun” college can be, which would include the drinking. It would be (in my experience) a rare college sophomore guy who would be responsible (in an adult way) enough to be a proper chaperone for the girls. </p>
<p>What I’m trying to say is, they wouldn’t be trying to take advantage of them, they just wouldn’t even stop to think about the consequences/dangers/liabilities of taking the girls to parties, etc.</p>
<p>Does this make sense?</p>
<p>Neither your daughter, her girlfriends, or the guys could be looking for trouble, but it might find them anyway…</p>
<p>ag54 - that’s more along the lines of what I’ve been worried about. These guys are very sweet for the most part, and they’ve been dying for the girls to come visit them. I think all the girls would need a really good talking to before we let them go - that’s for sure. Still not sure what I’m going to do though…</p>
<p>BengalMom - I never said I wasn’t worried about drinking and partying - that is by far my biggest worry. The good thing is they’ll be going during the week, not on the weekend, which should cut down on the partying by at least a little. I hope…</p>
<p>Limomof2, Did you go to college? I went to a good college with a good reputation. But that was 20 years ago and it was not nearly the safe, sober, reasonable place you seem to assume the colleges your daughter will be visiting. ARe they strict colleges about drinking and curfews? We drank during the week if we had friends visiting. Nearly everyone I know drank at least sometimes during the week. </p>
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<p>16 year old girls are too young to most college sophomores. Then add alcohol, everyone’s judgement is impaired and then watch what happens. Not to mention there are still plenty of college sophomores that are more than happy to take advantadge of high school girls desire to appear older and more sophisticated than they are. </p>
<p>It’s so easy to believe that because you or your daughter have known someone that there is no danger. College campuses have far greater incidents of binge drinking and date-rape incidents than the general population. And no one thinks it’s that children will be a part of it. But it’s someone son or his friends and it’s someone’s daughter or her friends. </p>
<p>Further, when a daughter is trusted to handle this type of situation, it’s nearly impossible to come to her parents later and tell them that she got in over her head, that a young man from a good family that they’ve known a long time either did something or left her alone with young men they’d never met before. </p>
<p>I wish my parents had trusted me less. There would have been no harm in them insisting on staying a hotel and picking me up at a set time.</p>
<p>pugmadkate - yes, I went to college - and while some drinking went on during the week, the real parties were saved for weekends. I don’t think these girls are going to do anything to appear older and more sophisticated than they are - it’s not like they don’t know these boys, and the boys don’t know them. They just spent the past few weeks hanging out with them! These are boys they keep in touch with regularly and spend time with while they’re home, not just guys they used to know. You have given me something to think about, however. I’m a little more concerned about D being left alone with guys she’s never met before - actually, that concerns me a lot - especially if they’ve been drinking/partying. I’ll definitely be giving this matter a lot more thought.</p>
<p>LIMOM, You know your D and her friends and these boys, which we don’t. We are all just speaking about how we would feel if it were our children. You’ll make the right decision for you and your D. :)</p>
<p>But her gut said she’s not sure, which is why she asked for opinions. If limom was fully confident then she wouldn’t have any questions or qualms.</p>
<p>My sophomore son happens to be standing over my shoulder reading the posts. His initial reaction when I showed him the 16 year old girl post, and the person who posted “fresh meat”, was, “EEEEW Creepy, something bad happens, I go to jail.”</p>
<p>He acknowledges that he visited UT as a 17 year old (without parents) and stayed with a family friend (a fraternity guy he knew from hs), he walked around the campus, the school he was interested in, and then he went to a fraternity party where he blacked out (can I just add, that this is the first I have heard of THAT part). </p>
<p>His recommendation (honestly, coming from a college kid) is to go ahead, but STAY in the group of girls, don’t get separated because if there is one (drunk) girl by herself, there is an opportunity for something bad to happen.</p>
<p>He said that this fall, when he saw senior girls from his highschool that were at the parties, he made sure they stuck with people they knew. As long as there is someone they know keeping an eye out for them, they will be ok. (power in numbers)</p>
<p>That is the honest word from a sophomore guy, unabridged.</p>
<p>He’s out of the room now, and I have to add, it’s really funny to see his reaction to this website (of which he’s never been a part of), he’s amazed that parents are actually posting these types of questions and looking for answers. He is also amazed that my responses were spot on to what he would be like. </p>
<p>His old mom’s not so blind or stupid :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay - I was actually asking for opinions because my inclination was to let her go, but I know without a doubt that my H’s will be the opposite, so I wanted to hear arguments from both sides. My biggest concern is that my D will drink - and since she isn’t very experienced, may end up in a bad situation. If something like that is going to happen, I would rather it not happen when she’s that far from home and in the care of high school and college students.</p>
<p>ag54 - thanks for your son’s input - I appreciate it. And your son’s reaction was the reaction I thought most college sophs would have to 16 year olds. I’m sure their friends might feel the same way, except that they’ve known each other for so long. And tell him that if I thought I had the power to make the girls stay together, I would feel so, so much better - but there’s the problem. While I know D will say absolutely they will stay together - and she will mean it - I don’t have that faith in her friends. Other friends of hers, yes - but not these friends. And they are nice girls, they just don’t have as many restrictions as my D does.</p>
<p>Just wanted to add a thank you to BengalMom. I still don’t know what I’m going to do - and D still has to discuss it with H.</p>
<p>Just because something is creepy does not meant it’s untrue, as this current college student demonstrates. I never said that most or the majority of college sophomore men would see this as an opprotunity but it only takes one. And as the rest of son’s remarks demostratate, it’s not uncommon. If there is drinking, the odds of these girls plus whoever is supposed to be “keeping an eye on them” staying together is slim. It would be great if teens, and adults, were as responsible and showed the same good judgement they do sober but that is absolutely not the case. </p>
<p>As the mother of a teen, I appreciate how hard balancing out their maturity and saftey is. My kid will be flying alone this summer and he’s applying for a job that will involve living away from home for two months. Personally, one of the lines I draw is social situation with older teens/young 20s and alcohol. And I’d do the same if I had a daughter. The fact is that most young women know their attackers and most incidents involve alcohol.</p>
<p>Coming to this a little late but as the father of a 2008 son and a 2010 daughter, I figure I have a perspective that might be useful. </p>
<p>There is NO WAY I send DD off to visit boys my son’s age or a year older by themselves - or even to visit my son (if he were away at school rather than at the local JC)</p>
<p>Not because I don’t trust my son or daughter - but I have seen too much of how my son’s classmates behave. It just would be too likely that my DD would get into a situation which she is not equipped to handle - and since she is on her own without a safe place to go to, it could be really ugly. </p>
<p>In general I am not a terribly protective parent - but this one is beyond what I would ever consider.</p>
<p>I just happened to speak to my daughter’s BF’s father today. He told me that his older daughter (over 21), student at UF, was with girlfriend’s this past weekend. She had 2 drinks and they left. When she got to her car, she suddenly passed out. They had to take her to emergency room, involve police, etc. This is a very mature, high achieving college girl. Luckily she was with other friends that were responsible and knew what to do to care for her. I know this is a random incident, but these creeps are out there and I would hope they would not prey on a group of young and inexperienced girls. It seems to be happening more and more. My older daughter (25, not at college) also had this happen to her recently and she is very aware of where her drink is, etc. because it has happened to one of her friends in the past. If any of us let our daughters go where there is even a small possibility of drinking, they have to know that this possibility exists and should know how to handle the situation if it happens to them or someone they are with.</p>
<p>Linfort - I agree that the possibility of having a drink spiked with some type of knock-out drug just makes the whole worry about girls and drinking even scarier. I have already had conversations with my D about the dangers of leaving her drinks (even sodas and waters) unattended at parties.</p>
<p>sculaum - does that mean you wouldn’t send your D on an overnight college visit at all? The reason I’m asking is that I found them to be very helpful when I was selecting my own college. I like to think my D would be better off visiting friends than strangers. I realize that it sounds like they’re going to visit the boys - and they are - but their primary reason for visiting is for the schools, and it just so happens that the kids they know who are attending those schools are guys. Still haven’t made up my mind - but I do appreciate all input - gives me more to think about so I can make an informed decision. I still have a few weeks before I need to make up my mind.</p>
<p>I don’t want to sound hysterical because I’m really not as old-fashioned as it might seem (and maybe my own wild drinking in HS and college is the reason I feel so strongly), but when I hear of things like this I think of Natalie Holloway. She was with a bunch of friends but got drunk (or drugged) and ended up with some guys that seemed nice but obviously weren’t. When I think about my own stupid behavior and how lucky I am that nothing worse happened to me than did, ugh. </p>
<p>She and her friends can always visit the college. Why not let one parent take them up, spend the night/nights in a hotel with them and let them loose during the day and evening? They can still go to parties and such, but there is some accountability at the end of the night.</p>
<p>Now, in other 2010 news, … Monday is the big day for PSAT scores, but some kids’ advisers already gave them the scores LAST Monday. Not my son’s adviser, of course. I hope the wait is worth it. A friend told me her dd is in the commended range, and a friend of my son’s told him he scored a 223. But this kid has been known to lie!!! :)</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay - I’ve just had a preliminary conversation with my D and explained my concerns - at least some of them. She did not look happy! I would much prefer the trip be done the way you suggested - and I had, in fact, suggested that option in the past. The problem is that there’s not enough room in my car for all of them and their stuff.</p>
<p>Good luck with your DS’s PSAT score Monday.</p>
<p>I would allow my DD to do a college overnight - the difference in my mind is that the college administration is hosting her - and therefore somewhat responsible. At least with my DS overnights, there was a phone number of someone in administration he could call if there was a problem - therefore some adult supervision. In addition, the college selects one student to be their host - and for the most part, those hosts take that duty seriously.</p>
<p>My concern under your scenario is actually the multiple girls with multiple college students at each college - there is no buddy system with a 1 to 1 I’m responsible for you kind of relationship. Furthermore there is no safety net - no one in the college is aware that they are there and thus no bail out if things get out of control. </p>
<p>Could they make this an official overnight visit with administration being aware of their visit and the friends acting as hosts? That would reduce my worries…</p>