<p>All that is left is two weeks of parties, trips & sleepovers & one exam. I don’t know how it came to all this. I feel they will be sorely disappointed in the real world. My much older D still celebrates her birthday week, what is up with that?</p>
<p>Parental note, if child asks to bring their dog home for a couple weeks when they go to China for work, say “No”, said dog has been here since Nov. and was the indirect cause of me catching my foot in the gate and falling into the wood pile today, very sore on that side. Sometime during that fiasco it stole my garden glove and ate a hole in the thumb. It has now deposited its ball in my lap in hopes that a game of 11 pm fetch is in order, which just makes my big old dog jealous.</p>
<p>ldinct – I just read an email from a sister-in-law, looking for a home for her neighbor’s four-year-old retriever/lab mix. I can say “ldinct told me to say no.” :)</p>
<p>Went to DS 9’s meeting tonight for his summer camp that starts next week. The lead counselor for his age group just completed her freshman year at the college where DS 18, the about-to-be graduate, is going next year. So, she will be a good resource for freshman year activities, etc.</p>
<p>D is headed off to Ohio with the music dept for a competition/fun trip and H is away tonight at a concert with his BFF in the Hudson Valley…is it bad that I am really looking forward to a quiet night at home by myself?? :)</p>
<p>^HollieSue – I envy you. I am never alone in my own house – it’s better than a vacation. Hope you soak up the peace and quiet.</p>
<p>H and D went to her awards ceremony last night (one of two). I couldn’t make it home from work in time. It was at a local country club. It would have been nice if the invite had said “jacket and tie required.” So poor H, wearing a jacket and dress shirt (but no tie – it was 80 degrees out) is handed a loaner. Other than that, it was nice.</p>
<p>ldinct - I’ll trade you one overworked-sleep-deprived-“postal” APUSH student who is completely pale because she hasn’t stepped foot outside her room in months for a little rambuctious doggie! Love when they drop the ball in your lap. </p>
<p>Big mongo jazz concert last night where my ds had a beautiful feature on alto sax - although he said he messed up, I certainly didn’t know, I was so impressed - really. And no tears at this, his very last school concert. Just ready to be done at this point, both of us. If I can find a way to post it to shutterfly, I will. It was very soulful. </p>
<p>gamomof3 - Hope today goes off without a cloud in the sky! Have a wonderful open house too!</p>
<p>arisamp - Hope those 2 extra months give D time to nail the audition!</p>
<p>Can I ask you all a question? I told my dd to approach the band director for feedback on why she wasn’t selected for constructive criticism so she can improve for next year’s tryout. The band director questioned whether she was passionate about band - “is it because you are asian that you work hard?” </p>
<p>Now, #1 - I am white, lily white, and yes, I gave birth to her, not adopted, not that THAT is important. Yes, she looks more asian, her friends are all asian…they are all grade-grubbing, hard working kids. This is my dds primary EC. I do not volunteer at school, or make my presence known with teachers, I purposefully want them to earn their HS honors, not through politics (which happens at our school). So, although she has met me, I don’t think she remembers just how white I am. Or how that comment is inappropriate. </p>
<p>My dd is hurt completely by that racist comment. If you want to say it is a “positive stereotype” - it is still a stereotype. What would you do? She called me to pick her up, cried a long while, doesn’t want me to do anything because it will make her life more complicated. She has 2 more years with this person, and I have 2 more kids who will cross paths with her. I am infuriated, this child asked for feedback - what kind of adult thinks that this is constructive? Now, my dd is convinced that it is her race that will eliminate her for contention in this role in the future - or any other roles with this band program. It is just sad.</p>
<p>Might have to snag one of those duffles even if he doesn’t fly with it, it will still be useful to transport clothes. I was thinking he needs two wheeled duffles to fly since he’ll have a back pack too. He already has a good one from Oakley, but was looking for a reasonably priced, quality bag. LLBean had some big ones, but they are a little pricey, although they will guarantee them forever I’m sure. Lands End seemed really steep. Any suggestions?</p>
<p>amandakayak- I don’t know what to say. No one would ever say anything like that to my daughter because she doesn’t look Asian but actually I am probably kidding myself. IF they were that racist, they would probably presume that she is Asian because of her extremely hard work ethic. Wow! I really have a hard time seeing how an adult in charge would give such a comment but my main goal, like yours. would be to reassure my daughter. Is this the daughter who is going to college this fall? Is this her high school band director? If so, I would just tell her most people don’t think like this.</p>
<p>Amandakayak – I wish I had a dollar for every callous unedited comment I’ve heard from teachers – both my own and my kid’s.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, because D is stuck with this person and so are your other kids, I think she needs to ask again why she didn’t get constructive feedback (I"m not sure how the teacher’s response had anything to do with her question). Or maybe she can address the “positive” stereotype in a light hearted way – “sure – I work hard – and I want to be the best I can be at band.”</p>
<p>I just think there are a lot of people in positions of power (like teachers) who you really can’t challenge, but you can try to work with them which is good training for the quirky boss or temperamental manager we all encounter at some point.</p>
<p>I would request a meeting with teh band director and say: “My daughter loves her <musical instrument=”“> and tried out for band and didn’t make it. I asked her to talk to you to get feedback on what she can work to improve. Instead of telling her what technical issues she can actually do something about, you said ‘is it because you are asian that you work hard?’ Would you care to explain that remark?”</musical></p>
<p>Wow, AK! I am very sorry your D was treated that way. It is unfortunate that you have to live with this band person for a while longer.</p>
<p>My gut instinct would be to get very angry and to make a big deal about this racism and lack of instructive response. The director should not be teaching! However, given your D not wanting you to elevate and the probability that you are STUCK with this person for years, I would encourage you to patiently weigh your response. I think Classof2015 gives good advice above. Is your administration receptive to parent concerns? Does this director seem receptive to parent input? Both answers would factor into how I would respond. </p>
<p>This will be a learning opportunity for your D, but it really stinks. Thank goodness most teachers are not like this one.</p>
<p>It hurts because frankly you can’t change your skin - and so it isn’t constructive at all. To dd, she feels that she never had a chance because she was judged as someone who is only in it for the grade - a robotic asian without passion, driven by her tiger mom. Thanks for the comments, I am just fuming.</p>
<p>Amanda: Your son was the drum major, correct? And your daughter tried out for that position for next year but was chosen? Am I remembering the story correctly?</p>
<p>I just can’t imagine a teacher making such an insensitive comment–just as I couldn’t imagine the comments about kinderny’s daughter. So hurtful. I think I would let the initial anger subside for a few days and then think about whether to approach the teacher or to approach an administrator at the school. Never wise to make a decision about something when you’re still upset about it.</p>
<p>OWM - Yes, ds was drum major and no, dd wasn’t selected. I feel stupid for suggesting that she get feedback from this teacher - I thought (naively) that just asking for feedback would show the teacher how much she cares and maybe, just maybe next year she could improve those things enough to get the job. Dd is distinctly asian looking - strangers regularly assume she was adopted and I am not her mother. People are usually shocked to know that ds and dd are related. They are complete polar opposites in personality but the thing that strings this family together is a talent and dedication to band. Call me crazy, I thought it was the thing that my non-athletic kids would have to give them pride and identity in this large HS. Mind you, I can find many ways for her to improve herself for this job - this was her putting herself out there - way out of her comfort zone. I was proud of her for just trying. When she didn’t get it, I could understand the intangibles about leadership, but race? Seriously? Only white kids need apply or if you are asian, just don’t show it?</p>
<p>AK- wow. I don’t know what to say. On one had, I could say this is a good lesson for your D to learn early, OTOH, why should she have to learn it at all? I suppose many years ago, just being a girl would have been enough to disqualify her from the position. Tell her to hold her head high, hopefully this person ends up doing something else next year.</p>
<p>Amandakayak, Id do what OWM advises wait till you calm down. Then Id do what Bopper suggests ask for a meeting and call the Band Director on it. I realize your D doesnt want you to pursue it but this was a very ignorant, very hurtful remark. I am a white(ish) looking mother of a completely Asian son and more than once Ive been in a position to observe casual racism directed at him without the perpetrator realizing our relationship. A direct confrontation is difficult but I have done it on occasion and hope I am helping S learn that certain comments shouldnt go unquestioned.</p>
<p>Idinct - I don’t do dogs or cats. We did have a BIL ask one time if we could watch his dog at our house for a week instead of just going over to his house to walk and feed him, I respectfully declined. </p>
<p>holliesue- enjoy your night alone. </p>
<p>ST-Those duffles look like a good deal, but right now I have money flying out of my wallet like no tomorrow. I did add them to my wish list. </p>
<p>GaMom- hope graduation went off without a hitch today!</p>
<p>momofzach - congrats to your S for the awards! And thank your S for me for all those volunteer hours!</p>
<p>proudmom - I can’t imagine the nest being empty. Of course, I have an 11yo D who loves hanging around the emotional roller coaster so unlike her older bro. I may be looking forward to sending her away in 7 years. </p>
<p>VaMom - I am in on the sleepover, so long as I have a bed! Hey, I will even host the first one.</p>
<p>aris - congrats to your S on his grand slam! sorry you missed it. Sounds like your D learned her lesson and got a reprieve. Good luck to her with the audition. </p>
<p>Finally got S to write thank you notes to those teachers who wrote him recs and a couple of others. He delivered the notes to those teachers today. We lost a book we bought to give one teacher so I will reorder and just have it delivered to the school. I can’t believe it has taken this long for him to get those notes out, he graduated last week! He wrote some heartfelt comments in them and I hope the teachers enjoy getting them. He still needs to write notes to a few other great teachers he has had over the years, I told him I want them done this weekend. Still has thank you’s to write to folks who gave him graduation gifts, but I will wait til next week to start bugging him about those.</p>
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