<p>Talked to my d yesterday. She has limited us to weekly calls only. Says she is too busy otherwise. I do get the occasional FB message or text from her in addition.
Ok, here is my worry. I am certain she is hanging out with, for lack of a better term, stoners (all guys too). This is a girl who would never smoke pot in HS and had one very bad experience with alcohol. I am concerned that she is getting herself enmeshed in a group that will lead her down a bad path. It is hard to sit back and watch it and know I have no control over her decisions. My dh thinks I am overreacting and that even if she is smoking pot she will not become a “pothead”. Oy, I honestly did not see this coming…</p>
<p>holly, ++++++ things aren’t as the seem. Could you be letting your imagination run wild? </p>
<p>Do you think she isn’t going to all her classes?</p>
<p>^ Hugs Hollisue.</p>
<p>That would cause a mom to worry. What makes you believe the group is all leaning that way?
Certainly the groups regular habits will influence their academic performance, attitudes towards joining ECs, going to class, etc. Not to mention it is illegal and might bring scrutiny from authorities.</p>
<p>Has she met any girls in her dorm/classes?</p>
<p>No real conversation with D yet. I’m waiting for her to contact us as a sign that she’s settling in, so held off over the weekend. If we don’t have a call or a long email by next weekend, I will have to rethink this.</p>
<p>In fairness, she called a cople of times at the beginning of the week re:class registration and textbooks, but nothing about how SHE is doing. And I have seen a little bit of what she’s doing on facebook (she has not unfriended me yet!), so I am not terribly worried. but I would still like to hear it from her.</p>
<p>Fogfog: d said they were told that all material from shopping period is fair game for the exams, so they do need to keep up with it or regroup quickly once they make the final choices. It’s not a big deal for D, as she is deciding between two Spanish classes (one literature, one conversation), two levels of physics (likely to go with the lower one), and math and econ are set. But I agree that I am not sure how much shopping can realistically occur.</p>
<p>Hollie- sending good vibes to you and your D. What we’ve found with my D- students she is immediately chummy with the first days, she distances herself from as more kindred spirits become known to her. There is a lot of friend turn over the first weeks. Have faith that the ones your D makes the first few days she is not stuck with the whole time. Sorry for your worries though.</p>
<p>holliesue, Did you read that book, “The Happiest Kid on campus”? In it, the author talks about the issue of kids finding their people on campus and what’s likely to happen if they hang out with, well, stoners. I found it enlightening and not a little scary. He also talks about how it’s not uncommon for the first group of friends not being forever friends, but more friends of convenience. I found that to be true with my daughter. She hung out with one group of friends her freshman and part of her sophomore year, but then found a different group and those people have become her lifelong friends.</p>
<p>Since we’re sharing things we can do nothing about, Sunday’s conversation:</p>
<p>Son: I watched my suitemates play beer pong last night.
Me: All of them?
Son: Yeah, and the kids from the next suite over, too.<br>
Me: Imagine if you had gone to a party school.
Son: Mom, this IS a party school.</p>
<p>Oh, noooooo! And how many ways can one interpret the word “watching?”</p>
<p>^^ haha scoutsmom</p>
<p>I know, right! Not a party school yet alcohol can be had…
“watching”…hmmm</p>
<p>Highhead, thanks for the tip. Like you, not much conversation directly about kiddo–mostly pm via fb about classes etc. The advising system seems to be quite strong. Haven’t yet figured out whether kiddo is getting any AP credit, ie a credit on transcript, or just put up levels in math/physics/chem etc…I think kiddo deferred dealing with a WR req til next yr…opt’d for foreign language</p>
<p>D said there was lots of drinking while they were locked in for the hurricane, and since all the buildings along her side of the quad connect, they were able to attend a party all the way down at the other corner of Old Campus without going outside. She said she mostly hung out with a couple of her suite mates who don’t drink, and was amazed at how much alcohol people had been able to smuggle in at move-in. But she also told me that she had found the perfect place to hide a bottle of gin once she figures out the inspection schedule, so who knows. She’s never been a drinker/partied before so I am not too worried; I think this is part of her new independent personsa.</p>
<p>Email I got from my young friend (early 30’s) this morning. She is Scottish but a ESL teacher in Korea and a lot of her peers are from the US. </p>
<p>“Glad to hear it! Hope he’s beer ponged out of his skull.”</p>
<p>**The next new student move-in is Northwestern University move-in on September 12th - 1 Week to go!
Move-in day is in 7 days!<br>
Today is Labor Day. Summer is unofficially over. :eek: :(</p>
<p>[ul][<em>]Dartmouth College move-in on September 14th is just 9 days to go.
[</em>]University of Chicago move-in on September 18th is just 13 days to go.
[<em>]Stanford University move-in on September 20th is just 15 days to go.
[</em>]The last new student move-ins are the University of Oregon and the University of Southern Oregon on September 22nd which is 17 days to go. </p>
<p>The LAST Move-in day is in 17 days. Countdowns are winding down. The launching season is nearly complete.[/ul]</p>
<p>The link to the Move-in Date Thread is <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1141579-hs-class-2011-college-class-2015-move-dates-5.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1141579-hs-class-2011-college-class-2015-move-dates-5.html</a></p>
<p>If you son’s or daughter’s move-in dates and schools are not listed please add them to the list.**</p>
<p>Hi All!</p>
<p>Finally back on the grid for good I hope!</p>
<p>No contact with my son was probably a good thing for his first week-and I had no control over it. :)</p>
<p>Everyday I get a little more used to the new normal around here. It certainly is less crazy. I did get to Skype with him yesterday and he looked great! He is very tired though and can’t wait for classes to start-which is Wednesday. He has been up there since last Saturday and he completed the program he went up early to participate in. He loves it but he also misses home-I am OK with that.</p>
<p>I had three major tear events! Sunday night, all day Monday, and this Saturday when I was talking to him and he got his point across that he had met a lot of upperclassmen through that program so all the things I was telling him to do he already knew from them. I asked if we needed to cut those apron springs some more and he said yes. Of course as soon as I got off the phone I had my cry-he really doesn’t need me like he used to. This is wonderful and yet I hate it at the same time. </p>
<p>He is socializing a lot and I am sure there is some activity going on I may not like but he already went through that here and we have had some wonderful talks about it-I trust him not to do anything stupid but as far as I am concerned every college is to some extent a “party school” and he needs to figure out what kind of college experience he wants to have. Don’t lose faith yet in your kids-trust that when the chips are down they will make good choices. We sent them off as ready as we could-it’s up to them now, right?</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing all the stories. Kinder, I hope your D’s ankle feels better soon. Hollie, Sorry about the worries about D’s friends. I hope that she has the sense not to follow if you’re right.</p>
<p>I do think that all colleges have a large amount of partying. I’ve tried be realistic when discussing things with my daughters, and focusing on the importance of moderation and always staying with friends when they go out.</p>
<p>H and I went back to Boston for BU’s parent convocation and freshman matriculation ceremony yesterday. Drop off was very rushed, so it was nice to see my D settled in and get a better feel for the campus. My daughter seems very happy. It was great to see how many friends she’s already made. She was happy to see us, but ready for us to leave after the programs so she go head off with her friends. Classes start tomorrow and she’s looking forward to settling into a routine. Flying was certainly faster than driving. We made it door to door in 3 hours. The biggest problem was getting a taxi around time that the Red Sox game finished.</p>
<p>Holliesue - Hard to have radio silence and not imagine the worst. (((hugs))) to you. I think I probably tried on a couple personas in my frosh yr so I have that as reference if ds becomes something he is not for a time. For the life of me, looking back, I think I was just living to shock my parents, God bless them, they just took it in stride (perhaps freaking out when I wasn’t within earshot). I went from their environmentalist (move-in) to a punk-rocker (shaved 1/2 head) by Thanksgiving…by Christmas almost all my friends were gay or lesbian. I hope the stoners go their own way and the beer-pong runs its course and becomes “old.” Maybe if we all tell them how we played beer-pong in the 80s it will lose its cache??</p>
<p>holliesue: Hugs to you. What makes you think that her new friends are all “stoners”? I’m hoping she’s given you the wrong impression and that all is well.</p>
<p>It’s so hard to know who they’re friendly with now or what they’re doing. We rely on them to fill us in and, if they’re like my son, report that they’re all “great kids”. Hmmmm. I know he’s worried about me judging his friends, but really, how can they all be “great kids”? Surely there’s someone you’ve met who you don’t click with. I wonder who he’s hanging out with. I worry a bit because I don’t know. And there’s not a thing I can do about it. I think this is hard. (Yes, I know they need to make their own mistakes and find their own way. But honestly, though I think I did the best I could before he left, I still worry.)</p>
<p>Missy: Glad your D made it back safely.</p>
<p>Scoutsmom: Ha ha! Wouldn’t you like for them to define “watching”?</p>
<p>“watching”…
You watch me drink, I watch you! :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Our student is part of a team which has a “house” “off campus”…was invited to a party the first night of move in–and we know there was a bbq yesterday…
Kiddo has said everyone is terrific…I know kiddo has faced a heavy drinking party when visiting another school a few years back, and had faced it the last 2 summers etc…
Don’t know how it will go down if the team is partying…kind of like being party of an instant sorority/fraternity already…</p>
<p>Holliesue: Hang in there and hold on to the knowledge that you raised her well. I agree that sometimes first friends in college are friends of convenience and she’ll find her way. It’s so hard not be in the know about every minute of their life.</p>
<p>DS reports no drinking on the dorm floor yet but plenty of kids coming home under the influence–and tackling non-drunk floormates for fun. One night, his suitemate was a designated driver for his band friends. Another night the suitemate he was partying. DS2 said suitemate’s “drunken phone calls were hilarious.” Older bandmember made sure he got home okay.</p>
<p>Any of you follow your students on Twitter? My sons have encouraged me to do that. But I turn off tweet text notices at night. This is what I found when I woke up this morning. “Teaching my suitemate to ride a bike at 3 a.m. I love #college life.” </p>
<p>The suitemate who is a military kid never learned to ride a bike, even though he was quite the athlete at his little high school. He shared that with us at dinner on Saturday. Apparently, that void is his life is now filled!</p>
<p>I think we’ll all be riding these curves for a while … good luck to everyone. I’m glad to be taking the trip with you.</p>
<p>D1 arrived safely from Puerto Rico, and one thing she told me was that she and D2 were texting over the weekend a lot, with the frequent theme from D2 about how she hates that there is “so much” drinking there. D1 was probably the right person for her to talk to, who could remind her that it is true everywhere and that it’s just a matter of finding people to do things you like to do with people like yourself. This first weekend was rough, especially with fewer responsibilities, and the extra day, and with more people gone home. </p>
<p>I FBed a little with D2, who didn’t mention any of this, so I let it lie. I know soon she’ll figure out how to fit in, and also she will be MUCH busier. I think one big change for the non-drinking kids who go to college is that in HS it was very easier to avoid the partying kids, even pretend it didn’t exist, but on campus it is very much in your face. Again, just something to learn to live with, live around, or confront if you need to.</p>
<p>hollie - thank you for mentioning something that will be on all of our minds as the kids find their friends and find themselves. We do have to be prepared for anything, even if it’s temporary, even if the chances are low. I’ve asked myself, what if D does start to drink, or smoke? She’s always been so militant, but I’ve heard lots of stories of these changes. I’m trying to prepare myself without worrying … it’s a real trick. I guess I went through this with D1 (who was a lot like hollie’s D and always “forgot” to have contact with us her first semester), but there are no tricks to it. It’s just something to live through. Kind of for the rest of their lives, though …</p>
<p>Reporting on a successful launch here. Saturday move-in; we arrived early Friday evening as planned. Beautiful weather - we walked around campus (S had never been there, and I had only been there when it was too cold to stroll). Decided to check out where D’s dorm was and peeked in. Several students at the front desk asked if they could help us and I said D was moving in tomorrow and we just wanted to get a quick look at her dorm. They asked if we wanted to see her room and/or move in some of her stuff; even thought official move in wasn’t until Saturday am, they said if students called in advance or travelled a long way, they were flexible about that. I said we had driven all the way from Chicago … and we decided to just move a few things in (since we knew there would be students helping carry stuff in the morning). Made up D’s bed and put stuff in her closet. Left a note for her roommate who already moved in (internationals arrived early) so she wouldn’t be weirded out when she saw D’s stuff. Great dinner in town (awesome Indian restaurant), then up the next morning for the official move in. Went very smoothly, got lots of help. Her dorm was just refurbished - new windows, carpet in rooms and new tile in hallways (which I understand were really needed) and it was nicer than I expected it would be. Bathrooms are awful, but after 6 weeks in rural Paraguay, D wasn’t fazed.
Her roommate stopped by to introduce herself, then said she had to be off to a bunch of meetings. She seemed very nice, so I am happy about that. Busy day for us as well, lots of parent/student activities until the send-off ceremony at 4:00. Short program with faculty processional in full academic regalia, short speeches (very nicely done). I only lost it once - a hymn sung by parents and students was in the program, sung to a common tune so everyone could easily participate, and the parents verses included something about whether you’re a musician, a scholar or a graceful dancer, use your gifts for service, and your uniqueness to well for others. Well my voice started cracking and I had to mouth the words. S looked over at me and patted me on the back. So I really had to regain my composure as things wrapped up. D was pretty emotional too. As we were saying our goodbyes (students go out through one door and parents through another) she turned away, said she had to steady herself, then turned back to us with a big smile. Hugs and promises to keep in touch, and we were off.
Got a text from D late that night - great time at picnic with advisors and other kids in her program, went to an “awkard dance” that she said lived up to its name and was very entertaining, and was going to sing in the volunteer choir at church services the next day (choir auditions are this week).
Hadn’t realized this post was so long. But happy to share a positive launch story. The adventure continues.</p>
<p>My response to my friend in Korea re beer pong:</p>
<p>“I’m hoping he is having fun but not that much fun!”</p>
<p>Her response to me a few minutes ago:</p>
<p>“Ah, perfectly normal part of uni life. Better to do it in freshers week than the night before finals! LOL”</p>
<p>Good to keep this in mind.</p>