<p>When the day comes that D is going to share a bedroom with a significant other under our roof (probably when she is 40 or so, right?), I am pretty sure my H will have a hard time of it. She will always be his baby. He could surprise me though. Stranger things have happened.</p>
<p>We are lucky that the BF lives in the same town as we do, so I don’t have to worry about the sleepovers at our house yet. I had to pick up D1 from school on a Sunday morning once. I told her that I would meet her in front of her dorm. She asked “Can you pick me up at the BF’s apartment instead…?” I never told DH, since I am sure he would have not approved.</p>
<p>My H is unhappy that my D even HAS a boyfriend.</p>
<p>Since DS1 hasn’t even had a girlfriend yet, I think the rooming question is moot for us at this point. Fine with me to put that one off a bit longer! ;)</p>
<p>I got the pleasure of accompanying DS2 (HS freshman) on a field trip to Gallaudet University today for his ASL class. It was really interesting and eye opening. They have a wonderful program there and a nice campus. I really felt like I need to take some ASL so I’m not totally unable to communicate! DS2 is really enjoying ASL and is picking it up quickly. I think it would be nice if I could learn some of the language!</p>
<p>DS1 finally got his advent calendar yesterday. I know it arrived on campus on Friday. On Saturday he said he hadn’t gotten the email notification that a package was waiting. He finally picked it up Monday. I would like to know if they are slow processing the packages on campus or just slow in sending the emails. In other words, would he be able to pick up the package when USPS says it’s been delivered or does he have to wait for the email??? It will make a big difference if I want to send anything that might have a short shelf life (food).</p>
<p>^^^^^ha ha ha, momjr!</p>
<p>VAMom: I have experienced a similar thing with S2’s mail system at school. The post office told me that a package would arrive in 2 days if I paid for 1st class, but twice it has taken 10 days until S2 got the email from school. I’m not sure if the delay is with the USPS or in the university mailroom. I sent him a Halloween package with homemade cookies in it and it arrived some time in November. He said that the cookies were “not too dry” and they ate them. 
I sent him a package last week and it took 4 days, so I’m not sure how to plan.</p>
<p>EmmyBet, no offense taken. I also think it is a bit odd, though (heading to biology) one naturally has a deeper concern about one’s own offspring. And, the costs of a problem (pregnancy) are typically born primarily by the girl, so sexual relationships may be tougher for parents when the daughter is the one involved. But, not for everyone.</p>
<p>fogfog, I grew up in a relatively religious household and the thing that was funny to me was that I shared with everyone what was going on. I didn’t pretend that GF and I weren’t sleeping together. So, it seemed rather artificial to me to in a sense to create the fiction that we weren’t by having us sleep separately when we visited my parents. [ShawWife’s parents did not maintain the fiction]. Maintaining the fiction did not, of course, mean that we weren’t engaging in sexual activity; we were tiptoeing around after people went to sleep. I’m a pretty direct person; thus the pretend games always troubled me. But they may work for other folks.</p>
<p>As for the sharing a room issue, I have always used the rule that one does what makes the hosts comfortable in their home. Therefore, if the GF’s or BF’s parents or grandparents (etc) were not comfortable with them sharing a room, they should oblige. They aren’t staying forever and can sleep in separate rooms temporarily if it makes the hosts comfortable. Personally, I think it’s good manners to honor the host’s wishes.</p>
<p>We haven’t crossed that bridge with our own children yet.</p>
<p>We were quiet in here until we started the s*x talk! We have not crossed that bridge at home yet (although it may be happening at school). I am not naive, but I don’t want room sharing at my house. I think every family should make the decision they are comfortable with. We are on the conservative end of the spectrum with our expectations (for religious, health, and emotional self preservation reasons).</p>
<p>I sure hope my kids wait longer and are more conservative than I was at their age (it was the early 80s, lol)! “Do as I say, not as I did…”</p>
<p>At our end, D seems shocked enough to be going to SCHOOL with boys (both middle and high school were all-girls), so I don’t think she is looking for a BF (nor a GF!) just yet. I could be wrong. But the mind boggles at two people, for any reason, trying to fit into her twin bed. One of them would probably try to roll over and accidentally fall out the window.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Take away an “e” (from borne) and you still get a true statement. 
:D</p>
<p>Both D’s have lofted beds at home. Maybe we should unloft them before someone gets hurt. :D</p>
<p>Differences in attitudes are why I said that what works for me won’t necessarily work for others, but I would think about the impact that the communication of parents’ discomfort (often handled indirectly – they don’t say why they are uncomfortable). In my case, as a college / grad student, I read it my mother’s rules/discomfort as some combination of silliness and hypocrisy. And, it certainly reduced my willingness to share information or seek advice from her. I’m projecting based upon my own experience (usually a dangerous thing) But, I think there is a distinction between those who think it is a moral issue (in which case they should communicate clearly that they think premarital sex is immoral) and those who feel some discomfort (they don’t feel premarital sex is immoral but for some reason they don’t like it?). In the latter case, the message the kids take away may be very different than those one intends.</p>
<p>Good catch SlitheyTove.</p>
<p>Oh let the kids sneak around to sleep with each other, adds to the excitement! LOL</p>
<p>But seriously, not a prude, not especially conservative but as a mom of 3 daughters (and one son) would appreciate if parents having my daughters spend the night with their sons would provide separate bedrooms regardless of what the kids wanted. Realize they are “doing it” at school but feel that its no appropriate at a parents home. Personal preference and difference in attitude as you say. If they are engaged then that would be a different story.</p>
<p>You can always do what my parents did. When my DH and I would stay at their place before we were married, we slept on the sofabed in the living room. NO privacy. Now mind you… I was 38 and my DH was 48 and had been married previously for 22 years.</p>
<p>^^^^^lol FlMM!!!</p>
<p>FLMM: That is too funny!!!</p>
<p>FLmathmom, Love it, Did they have a guest room or did they do that on purpose. My 75 year old mom lives with her boyfriend, wonder if I should offer them the pull out sofa just for grins!</p>
<p>Hi everybody, funny I should come back to this thread during this discussion :)</p>
<p>My S, who has been dating his GF since sophomore yr in HS, came home for a weekend in Oct (high school homecoming weekend) b/c his GF, who’s in Chicago (he’s in Providence), and many of his friends were coming back as well. During HS his GF slept over a few times while her parents were away but was placed in the guest room. Her parents transferred to the UK this fall for work but their house was not yet rented out in Oct. (They live a few streets away.) Our S told us that he was coming back for the weekend but was going to stay w/ GF in her empty house. He didn’t ask us, simply told us. We were fine w/ that bc frankly, now that he’s in college, he could be sleeping w/ anyone at school and we’d be none the wiser. At 18, I believe this is their business. All we said was, “be responsible.”</p>
<p>Have lots to fill you in on. Haven’t been on the forum much b/c i’ve spent a lot of time this fall volunteering w/ a URM doing college process & applications – hours and hours. I’ve even taken her to look at schools. I’ve fallen in love w/ this girl – she’s delightful, poised and hard-working – and truly hope that she hears good news. I’m anxious this week b/c she should be hearing back from her EA and ED schools, which are a reach. I honestly feel like I’m in the throes of this process to the same degree as I was last year w/ my S1. In some ways it’s worse b/c I hope I steered this girl well…I’m not a college counselor, just a mom who learned a lot during the last few years. I’ve also been spending more time w/ my younger S, whom I neglected more last year during the college process for S1, and my mom, who is experiencing a difficult health issue.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, here’s some background on our experience w/ S1: He worked really hard all summer in a research lab at a U in NYC, and then we finally were able to go visit my mom, who lives in italy 6months a year, for the first time in 3 years. His U had an online chem course and exam which anyone interested in placing into a more advanced chem class for fall must take and submit before arriving in sept. Well, we were up in the mountains w/ little internet service. He studied some but not much. He studied more when we got back but he didn’t have much time, just a few days. On the day we had to drive to his school, the last day he could take the exam, he studied for the exam, took it, and passed. his father and brother drove up ahead of us and I had to wait for him while he did this. Let’s just say it was nerve-wracking. </p>
<p>I honestly thought before drop-off that I’d be a mess and would come home feeling very blue, especially in the car ride home alone. Surprisingly, the opposite happened. He was so elated to be there and clearly ready for this. His school has a 2 day orientation w/ parents, and then it continues for another week, while classes start, just for the kids. It seemed like he was biting at the bit the second day, ready to be on his own. What I underestimated, or perhaps didn’t recognize at all, is that dropping off a child at a school which is a perfect fit, that he clearly loves, has got to be one of life’s greatest pleasures. His buoyancy became my own. And we had a blast during the orientation. The 3 of us had wonderful discussions w/ the chaplain of the university (her predecessor married me 26 years ago on that very campus!), the Dean of the College, and the dept of neuroscience advisor, my S’s intended concentration. I left feeling like I left him in wonderful, caring hands.</p>
<p>The first semester has certainly been an adjustment for him, with mostly ups but some downs too. He lucked out w/ his roommate. They are compatible in every way, and since his roommate is a neat freak, my S has actually been neater than he was at home. I’ve been to their dorm 3 times during the semester -once b/c I took the girl I’m helping to see the school, another time for parents’ weekend and then at thanksgiving. The beds are made, the laundry is done each week, and the roommate takes out the trash while my S vacuums. Let’s just say, I’m astonished.</p>
<p>His biggest challenge has been time management – he bit off more than he could chew. In the first week of school he tried out for a part in a Shakespeare play and got it. Then he decided to try out for a spot on a varsity athletic team (div 1, ranked 13th in nation). His HS coach had told us that he was good enough to be recruited but after my H and I discussed it w/ him, we all decided it would be best if he didn’t go that route bc he wouldn’t feel obligated to continue w/ the team if his interests diverged, and b/c he had too many other time-consuming ECs he was interested in (he was a 1st chair in orchestra, an actor, and did science research). Well, after several weeks of spending 27 hours in rehearsals and the team try-out, he made the team but, not surprisingly, got behind in his work. He was elated to get the recognition for his athletic ability, particularly b/c he thought many of the kids trying out were incredibly good, but he realized he couldn’t make a commitment to doing both ECs. For a few days, he wasn’t sure which to pick and my advice was to choose the group of people he’d preferred hanging with since he was going to be spending a lot of time w/them. When he told the coach that he had to bow out b/c he couldn’t handle both the play and practice, he was told that they’d wait for him since the play was ending in a few weeks. At that point, he realized he really wanted to spend more time on campus; the team would take him off campus 3 out of 4 weekends a month through March, as far away as Texas, Ohio and NH. It was a tough decision to make but I think he did the right thing. Unfortunately, he suffered the consequences of this time-sink w/ 2 of his exams. He did, however, get the only A on a paper in a first -year seminar and has thankfully done well on subsequent exams. It was a big learning experience for him. He’s since been in another play and applied for the board of the acting troupe, and was selected. All good stuff. And my H and I watched him perform in the first play during parents’ weekend on the steps of the University chapel where we were married. That’s something I will never forget! So, I do think he’s experienced a lot of growth this semester and most importantly, remains very happy with his choice of school.</p>
<p>Sorry for the very long post but wanted to fill you in w/ my news. I’ve periodically lurked here in the last few months while checking out threads that were beneficial to my advisee, but just didn’t have the time or energy to write here.</p>
<p>EA - Love this! Oh let the kids sneak around to sleep with each other, adds to the excitement! </p>
<p>My philosophy is to make them work for it :)</p>
<p>DH is old school and is having hard time letting go…when he gets on a roll, there is only one thing to do - laugh. Sometimes I feel bad for my girls because he tortures them about their dates/boyfriend. He just doesn’t want to accept the fact that they are growing up.</p>
<p>But they have come back with some zingers…he was giving D1 a hard time about going out one night with BF and she turned around and said “I like boys but would you rather I like girls?” </p>
<p>After he composed himself, his response, “Have a good time.” </p>
<p>Needless to say, there will be no sharing of beds at our house in the foreseeable future.</p>
<p>Was writing my long post and didn’t see FIMM’s and EAo’s posts until now – both very funny. Realize that mine didn’t really address the sleeping in parents’ house issue. I’m not sure how I’d feel if he asked me if they could sleep together here, in part b/c I also have a 15 yr old at home and I don’t want him to think he’d have the same privileges at his age. Still, I have to agree w/shawbridge, it would seem hypocritical of me if I’m accepting that they sleep together but I don’t allow them to do it here. thankfully, it didn’t come up when they were last home bc they had use of her empty house!</p>