<p>My DS is frustrated by not knowing how the curve will turn out. He feels like he has very little idea of how his final grades will look based on the grades he has so far. His profs (maybe college policy, dunno) do not curve individual assignments or midterms, they just curve the whole grade at the very end. So even though the curve will help, he’s frustrated by it being a very “black box” situation. </p>
<p>He has his last exam tonight and will come home tomorrow. :)</p>
<p>2education: Yes, the curve can help. He’s really frustrated because he doesn’t know how the curve will turn out. He feels as if he has little idea where he stands in two of his classes. One of his classes won’t curved, but his science/math classes will. He knows that he should do well in his organic chemistry class as long as he does well on the final because he has consistently had among the highest grades in the class on each test. He doesn’t know about his other classes and that bothers him. Like mathmomvt’s son, he doesn’t like the “black box” situation.</p>
<p>D is home and is skipping around the house chasing after the puppy. It is nice to have her home with the pressure lifted. D has always been one that has had to work for her grades so I think that helped her academically last semester. I believe she did better well this semester - better than Ok but less than fabulous which is just fine with us.</p>
<p>In terms of money, we have learned that it does cost a lot more than expected to live in the city than expected, late night cab rides and just the overall cost of getting a pizza is more than if she attended a more rural school. Her spending money is money she has earned herself and we have not given her a clothes fund or extra for incidentals. She is getting a part time job next semester and we may supplement if necessary…but we are going to make her sweat it a bit. She has some work lined up over the holidays so that should replenish her funds a little.</p>
<p>Happy: Welcome back. I’m glad to hear that things are going well for your family.</p>
<p>Amanda: Thanks for the laugh. I think that you’ll need to pay the ransom. Your D’s might miss their brother if he doesn’t make it home for Christmas. My D2 is a lot like your S. She would have been better off at a rural school far from good shopping. I was pleased to hear that she was eating in the dining hall instead of the student union because she has plenty of meals left, but few dining dollars.</p>
<p>I am jealous of you people with your industrious children who have work lined up to pad their pockets over the break…ds is one of those politician types, very smooth talking, and I’m all up for tough love but then dh slips him some cash over Thanksgiving. He only has 2 wks off and his past job is downsizing staff yet again (tough tough economy for painting pottery places, I tell you) so…I really doubt he will be able to do anything. But we are going to have a talk and a budget and then he will have to sink or swim in the spring because Momma don’t got no moooolah (because I ripped the bumper off my car on a fence post at a Christmas tree lot and now I have to pay the $500 deductible - e.g. body shop ransom.)</p>
<p>My DS does not have work lined up at home over the break, but he did apply for a job at school for the spring. He did not have one for the fall. He spent virtually no money on himself all semester. He got birthday cash from both sets of grandparents and I think he spent less than that total all semester (mostly on video games). The main drain on his savings was just his textbooks for the first semester.</p>
<p>Amanda…funny you said that about the deductible. Last year I was hit by someone without insurance and when I picked my car up from the body shop I paid my $500, but wrote “hostage fee” in the memo. Guess we think alike on that one.</p>
<p>My s spent about $1000 from his savings on most of the textbooks, sports, organization fees and eating out the fall semester. He still has some money left but it won’t be enough to cover everything for the spring semester. I would like him to find a job on campus in the spring but he is hesitant because he is not sure about his course load. His previous employer did not return emails/calls. I keep my fingers crossed that he can find something this break.</p>
<p>Spent the afternoon preparing for The Arrival - replaced wastebasket and hangers and then cleaned, cleaned. Am hoping DS will appreciate the cleanliness enough to take care of things himself when he returns to school 
His room is nasty, and the bathrooms (not his responsibility but still…) - he may end up off campus next year so time for practice! Tomorrow some welcome home baking. So much happier this year than same time last year.</p>
<p>D’s ticket home on MegaBus is costing her $1, less than it will cost me to drive over to the station to pick her up. I don’t think she has spent much this semester beyond books, but she did say she needs to buy clothes over vacation as she didn’t take many (wanted to figure out college style before investing) and the nasty washers/dryers have eaten most of what she had. Oh, we’ll, it’s her clothing allowance.</p>
<p>S2 is now home along with S1. I’ve been a happy cook and the dinner table is suddenly so full! H is very happy to have the boys back together, and I know I’m lucky to have a hilarious, everyone gets along family at this stage. My college senior is actually proud (!) of his freshman brother, which makes this mom’s heart sing. S2 is very funny, and having him among us is really a lift. Lots of stories and happy plans for the break–but no job, of course. </p>
<p>S2’s dining dollars expire at the end of the semester and somehow he still had over one hundred dollars left with 1 week to go. I suggested he buy some cases of water, other nonperishables for next semester. Um. How about going out to eat at the most expensive eateries on campus? Yes! And he came home with only $1.28 left. Gee. S1 shared a story about a guy in the class he TA’s who had over $600 left in dining dollars and the boy bought a dozen gourmet cakes from the campus caterer and brought them to his last classes. (Looking for a grade boost perhaps?) S2 hadn’t heard about gourmet cheesecakes available from campus catering, but his eyes did light up. So end of next semester, I think this insider knowledge is going to be used. </p>
<p>Our kids went to one of those very rigorous (killer) prep schools and they were sort of promised that college would be “no problem” after HS, where they never had graded homework, extra credit, or even many quizzes to help lift grades. They had lots of writing and are used to brutal grading and very competitive peers, which did not make for a relaxing 4 years, but did toughen them up. So, after that, S2 reports college seems about the same in terms of workload/grade difficulty, but he appreciates that many of his classes are in subjects he’s actually going to use and really cares about. </p>
<p>I’m with Arisamp, trying to remind my very hard on himself guy not to stress himself out too much about grades, and I was startled and delighted that he’s just begun to see the light and changed his attitude right in the middle of his finals week. I think it’s incredible that he’s getting more realistic and philosophical about tests (!!!) and that is such a good thing! So wow.</p>
<p>So great to have them home!</p>
<p>Ah, The Arrival. Room is clean, but there is little in the frig. I am finding that he runs out a lot to meet friends for lunch, coffee, pinkberry, etc.</p>
<p>He has spent a ton of $$ this semester. But we did tell him if he followed the $$ our money would follow- ha ha. He just has to maintain his scholarship. He is surprised at how much effort that is taking though, particularly at a Public U, but it is very competitive, the hard majors are the hard majors. He is not working over the break since he is home less than 3 weeks. H&S are heading back 2 days early to go to NOLA for the BCS championship game. H really wanted to go, a once in a lifetime thing. The fraternity costs were somewhat unplanned and a there were a lot of extras. But we were able to cancel his mealplan so that helped.</p>
<p>One thing that has really pleased me is how much closer my HS daughter has become with her brother now that he is off to college. He is only an hour away so he has come home a couple of times and the girl who was counting the days to when he would leave to go to college because he was so “annoying” started counting the days to when he would be coming home. I think some of you may remember this-she was trying to convince me at one point to knock a hole through the closet in her room to make his room part of hers-she told me it would help the resale value of the house and he could sleep on the pullout coach when he came to visit.</p>
<p>Fast forward to this year. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. There have been some really nice moments between those two since he left.</p>
<p>The best yet was Saturday. My daughter and her cousin-both HS freshman and very close-more like brother sister really-went up on the train to spend the day in the city with my son. Nothing like finals weekend, huh? </p>
<p>They had quite the day and when the train was coming into the stop to pick them up she started crying and told him she didn’t want to go home because he wouldn’t be there!</p>
<p>He told me this and said I guess she really does love me like you told me all these years? Yes buddy, she really does love you!</p>
<p>I am one happy mother today. :)</p>
<p>Pepper ^^^ this made my day!</p>
<p>D flying home today. Yay. Favorite foods are stocked, but I skimped on the cleaning (oops, I have been busy!)
14 year old frosh bro had a ton of homework last night, is stressed about a Spanish test, working hard to keep up in math, and tired (he is finally hitting the beginning of his growth spurt and I really believe it is physically tiring him out). Just when the one kid can finally relax, the other one needs some extra support.<br>
So nice to hear from our fellow parents that have been off the grid for a while!<br>
Strong finishes, safe travels, and happy reunions to all.</p>
<p>Pepper, that is lovely!</p>
<p>Updates from D about papers, tests. She’s worried about her GPA (because of the scholarship), and all I can say is just to do her best. Fortunately we are in a situation that if she were to lose it, she could still attend. I know that she would be mortified, though.</p>
<p>D won’t be “working” over break. She has a month off, but we are taking a vacation with the 2 girls in the middle of it. However she has several theatre projects to pick up here at home - coaching kids at the HS for Forensics, and helping to plan and design a couple of summer shows. In future years I imagine she’ll take the 3-week January term at school. She has spent money this semester - on budget, and as I’ve mentioned, pretty much all on theatre tickets - but she has a $1000 scholarship coming, so she’s covered for another semester at least (in our town, the local scholarships are distributed after 1 semester of passing college work, and we’re giving this one to her because she did earn so much merit aid from her school).</p>
<p>D1 is moving into her next phase, looking for a long-term job that can keep her in the area she has been living for the past few months. Probably grad school in another year. She’s got good contacts and mentors, and she’s tenacious about these kinds of projects. It’s still scary, but also exciting. She has an amazing ability to embrace life and its challenges.</p>
<p>Pepper: So, so sweet. It warms a mother’s heart to see her kids get along so well. What a great job you’ve done to foster this kind of relationship!</p>
<p>EmmyBet, you were talking earlier about grades. ShawSon, now a junior worked incredibly hard to get good grades his freshman year in colleges (A average with a couple of A+'s and a couple of A-'s). I think it is part of his self-narrative to prove himself by triumphing over adversity (in his case, learning disabilities). But, he is also strategic. Oon the way home, he asked, “I know why I worked to get all A’s in HS. But, do I care about that for college grades. What do they matter for?” I said</p>
<ul>
<li> If you are looking to go to graduate school for a PhD, grad departments will only care about your grades in the courses in your field and related ones (e.g., econ departments would care about your grades in econ, math, stats) but would not care much if at all about your grades in art or music or French. Most important there will be research that you have done and are doing and the recommendations of credible professors who can talk both about your intellectual strength and your likely capacity to be able to do research at a high level.<br></li>
<li> If you are applying to law school, they look primarily at your GPA and your LSATs, so you care. Similarly, with perhaps a little less direct correlation for med school.<br></li>
<li> I don’t actually know how business schools generally evaluate grades versus other parts of an application.<br></li>
<li> If you are looking for a job, just doing well will be fine in most fields.<br></li>
<li> If you want to go work for McKinsey or its ilk, high grades at a good school will probably be a minimum threshold to get an interview, but at that point grades don’t matter.<br></li>
<li> If you want a fellowship like Rhodes or Gates, they’ll probably look at the totality of your academic record. Grades per se are not what is important – different criteria for different fellowships – but professors, likely in different fields, probably need to say that you have walked on water regularly, or at least show great potential for being able to do so.<br></li>
</ul>
<p>Does that sound right to you guys?</p>
<p>He is still getting A’s, but has allocated effort making sure that he has several professors who will say he’s great.</p>
<p>We have fully funded our kids’ college education. So, we don’t anticipate any need for them to get jobs during the school year. ShawD was thinking of teaching yoga and I discouraged it for the first semester freshman year, so that she could get a handle on her workload. ShawSon has taken on two research jobs for two of his professors, but both will likely lead to publications. It would be worth it for him to do them for free, but even better if the research and he are funded. I had that kind of job when I was in college.</p>
<p>Pepper, we’ve seen the same thing. Our kids have also become much closer over time. It started when ShawD was in HS but accelerated after ShawSon left for college.</p>
<p>I love how the parental happiness is just oozing off this board! Enjoying my own happiness with both boys back and vicariously absorbing more from everybody’s posts. Got the brotherly love flowing here as well, so great to see them relating to each other with respect, admiration and the kind of emotional bonds that are rooted in 18 years of fraternity.</p>
<p>One year ago today we got S2’s SCEA acceptance. The tension in the house was palpable as the minutes dragged on, but the moment he walked into the kitchen (where the rest of us were pacing back and forth like caged animals) with his fists raised high in the air and the largest grin I’ve ever seen on his face…a top 10 lifetime moment was etched indelibly in our memories forever. </p>
<p>Fast forward to today’s reality of 1st semester finals, grades, money expenditures, ah the mundane things we now get to think about compared to the drama and surrealism of last year. But all is well, hard work paid off (so far, most but not all grades are in), and an on campus job has made the spending proclivities of S2 less painful to him.</p>
<p>Happy Holidays everyone!!!
Prayers to Avonhsdad’s wife and family, I love the support everyone on this board has given you, people everywhere are really wonderful.</p>
<p>DS is beyond frugal. He doesn’t want to spend money on anything. This is amazing considering that he is “rich” as far as I’m concerned (and compared to many college students). His scholarship pays tuition, fees, books. He also gets a stipend of $300 per month. We also allocated him $100 per month from one of the other scholarships he earned, since he has the full tuition scholarship. His job is his scholarship, since ROTC requires extra time for physical training (3x week at 6am :eek: ) and classes and training, sometimes all weekend long. All this money and when I just peeked at his bank account, he last “spent” money in the middle of November when he took $40 out of his account. Maybe being so busy leaves him no time to spend it??? </p>
<p>I’m with Pepper on the brotherly love thing. DS2 was talking like he wouldn’t even miss DS1 when he went off to school (this was last may/june timeframe). Fast forward to the college dropoff and everyone was very stoic until DS2 started tearing up because he missed his brother (minutes after saying goodbye). Then it shifted to talk about how excited he was to spend the night in the dorm with DS1. Then shift to "when can I take the train by myself to visit DS1). He’s excited about DS coming home tomorrow and I believe we will be taking the metro to the train station to meet DS1 because DS2 is really excited to meet him at the station. It’s great to see, since they are such different people and have spent a lot of time fighting or ignoring one another.</p>
<p>I’m in the company of those where the house isn’t that clean, but hopefully I can spruce it up enough before DS1’s arrival that maybe he will be encouraged to clean his room (ha,ha). Actually I plan to help him do so after the holidays! It’s time for action! </p>
<p>Still sending healing thoughts to Avonhsdad’s wife. I know she will be fine so he can return to his fun countdowns and put the scary ones behind them!</p>