<p>I am working today Idinct, we don’t get any days off between New Years and Memorial Day. :(</p>
<p>Sorry to read about your S. My S is in a similar situation grade wise, and he only needs a 2.0! He does make it to class, but he didn’t do the work last semester. He claims he is dong better this semester, actually he tells me he is doing “fine.” um, OK. Only midterm and final grades are posted at his school so I have no way of checking anything else. Good luck and I hope we both have good news to report in May.</p>
<p>ld - I find myself wondering if it’s college or THE college? It might be good to talk sooner rather than later, since I believe many schools have March transfer deadlines (but many are April, or rolling).</p>
<p>Having been through the pre-med and med process with my H, I do believe it is true that it is grades and scores that make all the difference, not the intensity or prestige of the UG school. Maybe your S needs to be somewhere he can relax and work to his strengths?</p>
<p>I feel for you. It is awful to be worrying about your kid when there’s not much you can do.</p>
<p>I would think the only way he could have chosen a school that would have been easier for him is one that maybe didn’t require attendance, but not sure if there are any of those left. If money was no option I think he would have went to USC & I think he would have had as many issues. He is at a state flagship and that is part of my concern. My older 2 had mediocre grades from ivy’s and have done quite well career-wise. I don’t think mediocre grades from a state flagship are going to cut it. </p>
<p>Yes, it is always “fine”. Fortunately or unfortunately, I can see his grades on a daily basis and what classes he’s missed for some of his classes. He has given me access although I bet he’s not too happy about it now.</p>
<p>It’s too bad that the decisions you make at 17/18 affect your life so profoundly. It amazes me that there are kids out there(the majority of whose parents are on CC) that have it so together that they can decide what they want to do, go to college, get fantastic grades & go to med or grad school. What would I have had to do to make that happen? He likes to make it difficult. I am assuming he will be on probation after this semester and will live life on the edge for the rest.</p>
<p>That must have been what jr colleges were for back in the day. You took a bunch of classes, figured out what you liked and were good at and then went on to a regular college. No time for that now. In his graduating class of 75 everyone went away to school.</p>
<p>Add me to the list of those who don’t get Presidents day off! We only get one day off between New Years and Memorial day and that is MLK day. That too, has only been the case for the last couple of years.</p>
<p>But, D doesn’t have Presidents day off either. Neither does she have Good Friday off - it seems the college schedule is more restrictive of these holidays than the public schools.</p>
<p>ldinct - sorry to hear about your S. I might have missed some posts earlier, but is his problem one where he can’t get up in time for the morning classes? </p>
<p>H was with D this past weekend and her update on fb says she had a great weekend with dad. Good to hear. H reported that she is doing fine, but a bit homesick and needy. Her schedule is crazy this semester with classes, her part time job and sports - so I suspect she has less time to hang out with friends and de-stress. Texted her yesterday and she said she will be fine - she will miss dad once he leaves today, but she will be ok. I sure hope so!</p>
<p>S is still in limbo on his high school choice. Any boarding school parents out there? Care to chime in (or send me a PM) on your opinion of boarding school life at this age?</p>
<p>You have some really good points, ld. I grew up in a higher pressure place than I live now - actually lots of the kids here don’t go to college, for better or for worse, and of those that do, the majority go to public schools or junior colleges. I’m not sure the pressure is so high, but I know that in other places it is. There are downsides to where I live, but I’ve kind of been glad that my kids probably got motivated as much by the lack of gumption among their classmates as by anything else.</p>
<p>I do wonder if a smaller school might nurture him more. We have a huge flagship here, where kids absolutely get lost and leave without anyone noticing. Some of our smaller publics have really supportive environments where kids are much more encouraged to grow and learn. He also could start over at a CC. </p>
<p>I do believe life is long, a lot longer, as you say, than the message people give these kids. And having so many nieces, nephews, friends of my kids, kids of my friends - I think there are a lot more stories and different paths than we are all given to believe. Good luck to you and to your son in whatever he decides.</p>
<p>ldinct, you’ve probably thought about this and others have probably suggested it, but even now, perhaps a leave of absence and a gap year would be a good idea. Some people take longer to mature and time off might really help. Could he even take this semester and next semester off and restart in a year?</p>
<p>ld – or not everyone is meant to go to college – some people benefit more from a more practical approach: learn this skill to get this job. I heard of a man making $200k/year as a court stenographer. He went to school for it (and he didn’t go to a 4 year LAC or state university), got his training, got his speed up, and now he’s doing just fine. Another man I heard of is making $110k/year as an Otis elevator repairman. I think there are many careers where college is not required (but other education is) and where our kids may find they can get a decent job and be self-sufficient. We all get so locked into this college machine – it’s tough to step back and ask ourselves if it’s really right for every child.</p>
<p>@Yalemom: D’s favorite non-requested/personal gifts recently have been things like those cute button-back fingerless gloves (which, if they have angora or whatever, can be pretty high-end) or anything retro. If you have an old (not too worn) Coach handbag from the '80’s (when they were leather and actually made in NYC), or foam jewelry, or anything like that, it will totally win over a recently manufactured gift.</p>
<p>@Arisamp: neither of my kids went to boarding school, although we offered it to both of them. I guess life at home is too easy. But, back in the day, I did board and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have lots of friends with boys in boarding schools now, mostly in New England and the Mid-Atlantic, and S attended a Jr. Boarding School before his current day school. I think boarding school works really well for several kinds of kids: the ones who know they need some distance from family/community so they can concentrate on their studies and on growing up; the ones who need more focused attention than their families can provide; and the ones who just want more autonomy. It can also work for normal, balanced, happy kids, but they don’t need it the way the others do. It doesn’t sound like your S needs it, but at boarding school he will meet lots of kids who do, and you should all be prepared for that. Just my two cents; don’t mean to rant.</p>
<p>@Idinct. Oh, dear. It does sound like your son needs some time off to figure out why he is in college - beyond it being the expected next step. Can you talk to your H about signing on for a leave or gap year or something similar?</p>
<p>Classof2015, there is an elevator repairman in my neighborhood (I think for Otis). I met his wife while walking my dog and she was outside with her daughter. We both needed someone to talk to it turned out. My problem was probably related to S2 (I forget.) Her problem made me see how silly mine was.</p>
<p>Her problem, they had just gotten home from the doctor. Days earlier her husband had lost several fingers from his hand while at work as an elevator repairman…not a job I’ll suggest for my kids! Very nice people, I’ve met the husband too. </p>
<p>Idinct, I laughed when you said an easier school would be one where they didn’t require attendance. Mine DOES make it to class, I think it’s the actual reading of the textbooks that he abhores, so he needs a school with attendance required and tests optional. I THINK my son is doing better, but I’m afraid to check! He claims to have received 2 B+'s on 2 history papers. There aren’t tests in the course, just about 8 of these papers. Hopefully the B+ continues (or improves!). He didn’t mention his other courses. I’m afraid to look because I don’t know what to do if it’s not good.</p>
<p>He did say that if he can’t play football (back injury-still getting info–dr. tomorrow) that he wants to get real good grades and transfer to somewhere in FL. He’s always loved the idea of school in FL. I didn’t respond. That’s a bridge I’ll cross if we get there. Meanwhile if he want to get real good grades with that goal, I’ll take it!</p>
<p>It is indeed a small world. GSMomma and I do work for same company and used to be in same dept. Now if only my S had the motivation and drive her D does.</p>
<p>We aren’t ready to throw in the towel on the merit scholarship yet. He will be a technical JR after this semester, so we will see if he can hold on. He does have a 3.0 so he’s not flunking out, but he is teetering on the edge of losing it.
Maybe the summer will bring some wisdom. Plus we’ve already rented an apt for next year, yay!
If he could just get up & out everyday that will be a big improvement and will help.</p>
<p>Idinct, Sorry you are having such a stressful semester. Although potential failure seems like a lifetime sentence. I know quite a few very successful professionals including Dr’s who took a long time to “get there” Best friends brother, flunked out of college freshman year, came home went to Community College then local State school (commuted) for the last two years. Got degree, worked locally for a few years then decided to go to Med School at 29. Was waitlisted but got in, ended up President of his Medical Class, and now is an Internationally respected Surgeon. Lots of other stories like that. Hopefully your son will pull it together, but if not, maybe he would benefit from a gap year, to grow and become responsible. </p>
<p>I think that I sometimes did so much for my kids that they didn’t have to suffer the consequences of their mistakes. Not the best thing I could have done, sometimes kids need to learn the hard way, its just hard for us to let them!</p>
<p>Yalemom2015, Highhead has some good ideas, I would go to TJMaxx or Marshalls and see if you can find some cute higher end gift at a bargain price! I have mixed feelings about spending more than you normally would just to impress some kids. My kids all have some friends who come from families who make A LOT more than we do and I think there is nothing wrong with getting something, small, tasteful and within your budget.</p>
<p>Fogfog, I am with everyone else, switch to cold when you want hot and vice versa, don’t waste money on repair if it still works.</p>
<p>Mamom and gsmommoa, I am jealous that you at least sort of know each other in real life. (do you really know each other or is it such a big company that maybe you don’t?)</p>
<p>D has pictures of herself enjoying mardi gras on her FB page. Thankfully none with red solo cups in hand, just food and beads and fully clothed. This was a hurdle I hadn’t thought of when we sent her to NOLA last fall and I am glad it appears she passed at least one test (ie don’t post incriminating photos on FB and hopefully passed other tests, as well)</p>
<p>bajamm- Despite the fact that mamom and I work in a very large company, we really do know each other. We used to work in the same department several years ago, and now work in the same location. In fact, yesterday morning, we saw each other in the cafeteria getting coffee, before we knew about the CC connection.</p>
<p>Thanks for the ideas mamom, HH and EAO! I will enjoy shopping because with all the men in my family (extended as well) I rarely get to shop for girls. :D</p>
<p>gs and mamom- small world!! How funny that you’ve ‘found’ each other!</p>
<p>Id and others struggling, offering sympathy but not much to add to the great advice you’ve been getting here.</p>
<p>arisamp: HH makes some great points, esp. about the population you might find at these schools, they will be among your son’s closest friends.</p>
<p>Idinct, Big hugs for what you are going through with your son. I don’t think it’s uncommon for a freshman to have poor grades but a real bummer if one is intending to do med school and hard to make up. Ugh! Hope he does what he can to rescue this semester.</p>