<p>Elka, good luck with the RM situation - it sounds like DS is handling a bad situation very well.</p>
<p>Mom2jl, one of my favorite CC sayings is “pass the drama to the mama”. I think DCs are more likely to worry out loud to M&D, it is a safe place to verbalize stress. Then they go off and feel better and we are left holding the bag of stress until we speak to them next. My D2 is very good at doing this, and I have learned over the years to take it with a grain of salt.</p>
<p>D2 also has organizational issues. For her it is more keeping track of assignments. She is struggling a bit in her Spanish class - reading the wrong assignment, studying the wrong material for a quiz, etc. I am encouraging office hours, and finding a study buddy to check in on assignments with. As much as she tries to write things down in class it never seems to work for her - never did in HS, never will in college. I think it is a little bit of executive function disorder.</p>
<p>1012 - my son does that as well. You’d think the self imposed consequence would cause them to find a way that works. </p>
<p>We also have been sharing calls and just this week we stopped. We were both so eager to hear from him, and we know he doesn’t want to repeat everything that we were talking on speaker phone. Then I started sending little texts here and there just to keep our connection. Then we moved towards separate conversations and we just share anything interesting. </p>
<p>elka - I’d be absolutely bonkers waiting for this to resolve itself. What’s with the college waiting and hemming and hawing while he’s essentially homeless? The safest thing may be for your child to move, I’d be worried that roomie would come back and harrass him. And I’d be on the phone today if it isn’t resolved this morning. The fact that he’s the one who needed the escort speaks volumes.</p>
<p>Creek - my son actually really likes the kids on the hall. He’s one of these who notices things and comments, but doesn’t judge and can separate the kid from the weekend frat party behavior. He’s just 60. It’s more, those crazy kids… why back in my day… lol</p>
<p>Can’t wait to see him Friday night. I have a junior and she and I are super tight, she will still sit on my lap and I hear everything going on in her life. I’m super aware of the clock ticking.</p>
<p>Lilypad, I agree with mimk…be sure you get the word to the school if there’s a mental health aspect–waaay better to be safe than sorry. </p>
<p>And Elka-- your son is handling this so well. If it’s not resolved today though-- time to go further. The RM is going to be a problem wherever he is, but he shouldn’t be your son’s problem. </p>
<p>Congrats, PN!! Central heating is one of the great inventions!</p>
<p>Sorry for all the roommate drama. Ugh. Sounds like Elkason is handing the situation well, but I hope this all goes away soon for his sake. </p>
<p>Organizational issues: DD13 just got DH’s hand me down iphone 4s. I am trying to convince her to use the calander ap as much as possible. DS12 says he uses it all the time and it really is so helpful. He doesn’t have “organizational issues” like DD13, but everyone needs to organize stuff! Trying to “train” her this year to enter everything as soon as she knows it in hopes that she will have this down pat by college next year. Maybe a smart phone would help 1012mom?</p>
<p>Sorry for all the roommate drama. Ugh. Sounds like Elkason is handing the situation well, but I hope this all goes away soon for his sake. </p>
<p>Organizational issues: DD13 just got DH’s hand me down iphone 4s. I am trying to convince her to use the calander ap as much as possible. DS12 says he uses it all the time and it really is so helpful. He doesn’t have “organizational issues” like DD13, but everyone needs to organize stuff! Trying to “train” her this year to enter everything as soon as she knows it in hopes that she will have this down pat by college next year. Maybe a smart phone would help 1012mom?</p>
<p>On the good news front, DS has done well in all tests except one “C”. He just didn’t use his time correctly and thinks he can get a B in the class now that he knows to budget time more wisely. He said he knew the info, it was just the timing. His remaining classes are all in the “A” range. Happy mom here.</p>
<p>My thinking with lilypad’s son’s roomie is that it’s something medically trivial but anxiety related-- chest pain/palpitations, GI distress or hyperventilation. Not necessarily a psychiatric safety issue, but one that should be communicated to the family and hopefully dealt with by counselling/health center support. I could be wrong but that’s what I’m thinking and what I see commonly, reading between the lines. </p>
<p>My daughter’s still loving her roomie and girls on her floor (and the guys on the floor above. Sigh. She’s up there almost as much as she’s in her own room). She wanted I think to have a best friend as roomie and I cautioned her about it, but so far so good. I hope her disappointment will be tempered if it doesn’t continue by having other good friends on the dorm floor.</p>
<p>@geogirl
DD has a smartphone. It does not seem to help with anything except the most basic appointments. It is interesting that her problem is not remembering to write things down. More it is that she writes down the wrong thing (date or assignment), misses some essential piece (eg turn in a rough draft first), or cannot interpret what she has written once she gets out of the classroom. It is a really weird phenomenon in an otherwise bright kid who can memorize entire scripts in two readings. It is something about memory in time, and paying attention in the moment. She was also the one who never, ever remembered to “call when you get there”, and always forgets where she is supposed to meet people, and what she had for lunch yesterday.</p>
<p>1012mom - must be very frustrating. I always look for patterns to instill or habits to develop that fill in my DD’s “holes”. Not sure how to help what you are describing. Pulling some of my hair out in support. What about checking prof’s websites everyday to make sure DD understands the assignment? Finding a friend in every class to check her assignment dates? College has so many fewer assignments, she might be able to double check with the TA every day/week? Good luck.</p>
<p>This is OT, and I hope I’m not breaking any rules, but I feel like this little girl needs all the prayers/good vibes/positive wishes of the universe that she can get:
Some of you may remember that last year I began helping a neighbor who was caring for a little girl who’d been abused/abandoned by her parents. This little girl is also my DD’s very good friend. She was having extreme anxiety leaving the house and going to school. I was going over there every morning (and did until the last day of the school year) to help her get dressed and get to school. This year she started at a new school for kids with emotional disabilities(she’s 11 yrs old), and although I still go over every morning, she’s been doing really well getting herself ready and having great days at school. Something changed this weekend - we may never know what the exact trigger was. Her dad has been re-granted unsupervised visits (Don’t even get me started…) She was with him on Saturday. On Sunday the little girl was at my house playing with DD - and really seemed okay although drinking lots of water.(She’s always had a water bottle with her - it’s a kind of “comfort” and psych and counselor have been aware and talk with her about it.) She seemed okay. I was there Monday morning when she went to school with little problem. Mid-afternoon, she walked out of school (uncharacteristically) and wandered about the business/industrial park. Someone called the school and by the time they got there, she was very sick. They rushed her to the hospital and she was diagnosed with hyponatremia (water intoxication.) She must have continued drinking copious amounts of water during the school day. She is in critical condition in the ICU with severe swelling around the brain. My neighbor is distraught, my DD is really scared and sad, and the worst is, since she is in intensive care, I can’t go visit her (because I’m not immediate family) but her “parents” CAN!!! although-right now, they don’t really want to be bothered. The “dad” said he had to go to work, and the “mom” claims she doesn’t want to drive two hours by herself to get to the hospital. I guess I’m at least grateful that the little girl won’t have the stress of seeing her bio parents in her hospital room.
I’m angry, upset, scared and frustrated that I can’t be more help and that these sorry excuses for parents keep getting more and more chances to ruin this child’s life. </p>
<p>Thank you…for letting me vent and for your prayers/positive thoughts for this little girl, if you’re so inclined.</p>
<p>Oh hsmom2dncrs, this breaks my heart. I can’t imagine how sad and frustrated you must feel. Positive healing thoughts going out to this poor girl. Please keep us updated.</p>
<p>hsmom2dncrs – I remember your telling us about this girl. I’m not sure anything that concerns a parent of a kid in the college class of '16 is off topic. No harm, no foul. :)</p>
<p>Is there a local person who’s an authority on “how to play the system” that can be an advocate for the girl once her immediate crisis is over? It’s terrible something like this happened but perhaps it can be an eye-opener for a family law judge.</p>
<p>SteveC-Her case has been heard in family court as recently as mid-June (that’s how the father gained unsupervised visits!)-during that court time, my neighbor was granted physical custody of the child, but NOT legal custody - that is still retained by her bios. Prior to that court date, the neighbor and I contacted disability rights advocates, local mental health advocates, and some family lawyers. Biggest problem is that without legal custody, (and especially before she had physical custody), my neighbor did not have any “legal standing.” The one worker assigned by the county mental health system is so overwhelmed, she barely sees the girl as often as she is supposed to. Plus Lawyers all cost money, which my neighbor has very little of - she’s an older woman (in her 60’s) who has been trying to go back to work to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table, but it has been difficult since she has often had to take time/days off due to the needs of this little girl.
The whole situation is just thoroughly frustrating and I can see that this girl is falling through all the cracks.</p>
<p>My thoughts are with you and the little girl, hsmom2dncrs. Are they allowing your neighbor to be with her in the hospital? If the abuse was at the hands of her father, it makes sense that she would become self-destructive. If the judge could be told about the girl’s condition and the parent’s lack of concern, perhaps an emergency hearing could take place to give her legal custody for a limited time.</p>
<p>hsmom2dncrs- I am so sorry for this girl, as well as you and your friend. Definitely make sure the judge is aware of this latest information. Adding all of you to my prayers.</p>
<p>My thoughts and prayers are with her. Hopefully someone can help a judge or advocate to see that someone she loves and trusts should be with her.</p>
<p>I hope it gets better hsmom. What a sad situation for this girl and it sounds like someone should definitely take another look at the custody issue in view of this crisis.</p>