<p>Oldfort-so very sorry for your loss. It is never easy…</p>
<p>Creekland-I would wait until I knew more and then try to tell them all around the approximate same time so no one felt like they got left out. Really hoping for the best possible news you can get since “good” is off the table.</p>
<p>GeminiMom-the RA is willing and S is willing I just think RM is inconsiderate and pretty clueless. They just all need to sit down and get the expectations on paper. RM never seems to have a complaint unless my S brings something up first. It’s all pretty minor stuff. Like agreeing what the thermostat should be set at. RM seems to like it at 50 degrees…Brrr… Just a side note on the cluelessness-RM didn’t know what a roommate agreement was so S had to explain it to him. :-)</p>
<p>Hoping for a week that goes well for those who are struggling…</p>
<p>Creekland, my sympathy for your situation. I would wait until you have more definite information. I once shared some bad news that seemed almost certain and then later turned out to be ok, so I wished I had waited. Uncertainty is often more difficult to deal with than bad news. That is, I would wait when it comes to telling the kids, but I do recommend having someone to confide in and share the journey with (a spouse, ideally, or other friend or family). I hope you have the same lucky outcome that I did!</p>
<p>Creekland:
Sorry for your bad news. I have also had to deliver the not good, but hopefully not terrible health news to my children. My advice is to wait until you can be strong and calm, and until you are ready to deal with the ongoing questions that will inevitably follow. I found having to update people with progress notes very stressful, delivering the same news over and over again, and was glad there was a small circle who knew. </p>
<p>Although we do it to protect them children never seem to feel protected when we do not share bad news. Often they feel betrayed, or not trusted. So I do suggest telling them as soon as you are ready.</p>
<p>I think the how you tell them is more important than the when, particularly since they are not together in the same place. You want them to hear the news in a place they feel safe, and when there are not outside distractions so they can focus on what you are saying, and have the time to ask questions. You also want to tell them as close together as possible, so they can talk to each other and nobody feels left out of the loop.</p>
<p>Good luck to you. In the end when navigating medical messes you have to go a bit with your gut. What feels right for you and your family. Sending wished and prayers for the best possible outcome.</p>
<p>Thanks all. I think I am leaning toward Fall Break. We will be together and any/all questions can be answered (not like I have many answers, but…). It also won’t be long afterward until we have answers. I plan to put a positive spin on things, but that’s also because I think the positive spin is (hopefully) true. There is a plausibility to it and good reason to rule out “worst” (vs “very bad”).</p>
<p>I’m back to work today and all seems/feels normal, so that’s good. The shock of Choice C being selected when I only thought we were finding out between Choice A and Choice B has worn off. We have this stretch for a month +/- and then we’ll see where we go from there. I suspect there are a dozen or more possible paths at this point, so we’ve only superficially speculated and sorted into “bad” or “not so bad.” “Good” is eliminated (definitely) and I honestly think “worst” is unlikely too.</p>
<p>Today I was able to share with a good friend at work. That helps.</p>
<p>I suppose it sounds weird, but I care more about not disrupting my guys lives than I do about what it might do to my own. Hence - the biggest question I really have (internally) is this one about when to tell them and not mess up classes/life, but also not to have them feeling left out of important family things.</p>
<p>Oldfort – my thoughts are with you and your family as you work thorough your loss. Encourage your D to let her profs and RAs know, so they can cut her some slack if she needs it. Her sorority sisters will hopefully provide sympathy and/or positive distraction. Also remind her that she can avail herself of her college’s excellent counseling services.</p>
<p>Creekland – I’m glad you are back at work and feeling normal. The normalcy will help you get through the next month of waiting and wondering. W.R.T telling your kids, if you can all be together at fall break, that would seem to be a good opportunity to share whatever you know by that point. If you’re concerned about them feeling left out, you can specifically say “I wanted to tell you in person.” Seeing you face-to-face will help to allay their fears, which always seem to spin out worse than reality. However, once you break the news to them, you must then keep them updated and “in the loop.” They will worry more if they find out that you’re hiding things or sugarcoating. I agree with other posters that have said that it’s important for you to have a confidants as you sort through the news.</p>
<p>Creekland- I can’t imagine what choice you are facing with your kids, but I think I would be the same way, of not wanting to disrupt their lives. My family didn’t tell me when an uncle passed away when I was in college, I know not the same thing, I wish they had told me but I think they made the right choice. When my D1 was a freshman in college we did tell her and flew her home at her request for my grandmother’s funeral. I know these are not the same as you are closer being the mother and it isn’t a past event but uncertainty and concern going forward. You will make the right choice and they will be at your side. I’m glad you have your friend to talk to.</p>
<p>And oldfort, I am sorry for your dad also and the sadness for your D2. And the transition for her from having a single to living with a not so compatible girl in her house. I hope she works her way through these challenges with support from you, your H and your D1. My D has a single in a suite this year and has said she may have the option to move into her house in the spring, but might choose not to as it would be a double. She has a while to decide.</p>
<p>Other news from D- she went shopping for an outfit for a career fair in a few weeks. It is unclear to me if it is companies looking for permanent hires, summer interns, or coops which is what she would do. It might be just a good experience for her. She will be working on her resume soon. She has a few more commitments from her summer job. Classes seem to be going well so far, five STEM classes. Her older sister has not started yet, but will start before her birthday in October.</p>
<p>Creekland: I just wanted to add something that I, and my DH, found very helpful. DH started sending out email updates on me and my progress. He did this, because at certain stages I couldn’t and at other times, it just made it easier for both of us not to have to field calls and answer the same questions over and over again from friends and family who loved and cared about us. The emails helped us not answer the phone when we didn’t want to (we always were available to our children) and allowed us to have “regular” and “normal” conversations with our family and friends that didn’t always revolve around “how I was doing and what stage of treatment was I in and what did it all mean and when would we know”. This was especially true of my DH who was working, juggling 3 kids and had a wife who was not capable of doing all the things I usually do. </p>
<p>Again, I wish you much peace and inner strength as you begin this journay. We are always here for support. (((Hugs)))</p>
<p>Been away from the board a few weeks so just catching up.</p>
<p>Creekland- my thoughts are with you, I can’t imagine how difficult this must be.</p>
<p>Oldfort- condolences on the sudden loss of your father. </p>
<p>To all with roommate issues, I hope they get resolved and aren’t too much of an issue. </p>
<p>My D is doing pretty well, loves living in the sorority house and having a great time with her roommate. She was a little bummed out this week, she interviewed for a group in the Business college and did not get selected. First rounds of tests are starting this week and next week so she is feeling a little stress right now. The first two classes in her major have test next Monday and Tuesday so I know by Sunday she will be freaking out and have a small meltdown, but will be okay overall.</p>
<p>Car issues! This is a less serious problem than many others, but son’s 18-year-old car is on its last leg (wheel?) and I am not sure how much more money I should pour into it. He needs it to get to work (good paid internship in his field, they have been renewing it so it is ongoing). The car has very low mileage even though it is so old, and now it needs a new transmission. So… fix very old car with low mileage, buy another used car which will probably have its own set of issues, or spring for a new car? Thoughts and experiences?</p>
<p>It depends upon how old is old. Our cars are 2002, 1997, 1992 (youngest drives the '92) and all are still working well even though they’ve needed repairs over the years. It’s far nicer having a “paid for” car than payments. If you can get a newer one without payments, I might go that route, but not if it means paying for a car for years.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice. It’s a '95 car that has been in our family since it was new and has only 68 k miles on it. But a new transmission will run $2700 and it also needs new tires and brake pads.</p>
<p>So, I suppose the question on the car is, can you find anything else you’d trust as much for 3 - 4K? Or is getting a new (or newer) car financially feasible without a ton of debt? Does your mechanic have any thoughts? (We trust ours with advice with our older cars…) 68K miles is quite low. One wonders why the transmission went at that low mileage…</p>
<p>Creekland-been thinking about you…hoping you are doing ok…</p>
<p>On another note. S and RM finally had their RM agreement meeting. Was supposed to happen friday but RM didn’t show up. So yesterday S & RM went to RA’s room and immediately RM sat down and turned on RA’s tv. Needless to say, RA told him to turn it off and focus on why they were there. (These agreements are done for everyone-not just those having problems).</p>
<p>S seems to think it all went ok although he forgot to mention one of his biggest concerns. Common courtesy really but “don’t wake others up when they are sleeping”. RM seems to be half inconsiderate and half clueless. He has been eating S’s food without any concern that maybe he should ask first. In the beginning my S probably would have shared, but now he’s just mad the kid doesn’t ask, he isn’t so much in the saying yes mood anymore.</p>
<p>S will be home for his birthday this weekend. Hard to believe I won’t have a teenager anymore. I think I have a grown adult. Luckily he still very much wants and sometimes needs my guidance. (For now).</p>
<p>I have been tied up for the last few weeks and am just checking in. Sorry for your loss Oldfort. I have lost both my parents, and one in law, and I know it is hard for you and your family. Creekland, I hope your health issue is not too bad. It seems tough to wait so long to find out what is going on. Last winter I had a scary issue, which in the end, was not a serious problem. I did not tell my D at all, but I did not have to. My own mom was the kind of person who kept bad news to herself. Sometimes, it bothered me to find out later, rather than sooner. You know your kids, and what they have to deal with, so you will make the right decision.</p>
<p>My own D has had quite a difficult adjustment this fall so far. In keeping with her desire to not have any real specifics on the internet, all I can say is that they involve a number of the issues that others of you have discussed above - living situation, health, personal relationships, academic workload. I keep hoping it will all settle down to a dull roar, but I guess I just have to put on my seatbelt and settle in for the roller coaster ride that this semester has become.</p>
<p>I hope all the kids can work it out and come out better for the experience (life lessons and all…). I’m really hoping inconsiderate roommates can mature as that will (likely) make them better employees and citizens IMO.</p>
<p>With regards to my health… it’s difficult to think anything can be seriously wrong when I end up feeling fine most days (aside from the conditions that inspired the check up in the first place - those are still there). On the “not so feeling fine” days I get a little concerned, but I remind myself that I want to be “in the dark” until after our upcoming trip so I can definitely enjoy the trip. The scary thing is when I start counting down the weeks until the actual appt. That day ought to be a stress test in itself, but I’m hoping for reasonably decent results.</p>
<p>ps It’s not br. c. I actually feel “better” about it now… so for those curious, it’s some sort of mass/obstruction/who knows what in my head significantly affecting my left eye’s ability to move the way it should. The eye, itself, is perfectly fine. The speculation had been muscle issues in the eye that needed repair. Those are fine. What it is is only speculation at this point. (Keep it on this thread only please - even though I also am on the 2014 threads - those have a wider audience - I feel more “family” with those of us still here.)</p>
<p>Creekland - I hope that you enjoy your trip away with great abundance and that the vacation is all that you wanted it to be. Then, I hope you come home to good news. :)</p>
<p>I haven’t checked in here in quite a while but wanted to say how very much I’m hoping for good news for you, Creekland! Enjoy your trip and come home to good news!</p>
<p>Oldfort - I’m so sorry about your loss also. I hope your D’s are doing OK with the sad news. hugs to you.</p>
<p>In general, my 2016 guy is loving school. Not much more that I could hope for there! I’m gearing up with my HS junior. I’m sure I have one more round of college apps in me, right?</p>