<p>Pamayawaa - I would think D2’s residence in S. America and then Africa will definitely work in her favor. Makes for such an interesting background and, I would think, some fascinating material on which to draw for essays, which will make her stand out. What great opportunities you’ve provided her!</p>
<p>Qaugmiro – thank you – that’s exactly what I was looking for. I thought there was a right and wrong answer here – I’ll instruct S to waive his rights. </p>
<p>Day 4 of no response to my email to GC. I tried to call him; he doesn’t have voicemail. :(</p>
<p>Congrats, to all the parents whose children have gotten acceptance letters already!</p>
<p>I would like to hear the opinion from other parents on this topic. My D is a senior and going through the college process. She doesnt want to talk to family and friends about the specificity of the college process the schools she is applying to and the schools she is applying early. How do we handle questions from friends/family in a nice way and not give out the specifics? </p>
<p>So far, she/we have been saying she is thinking of variety of schools and still deciding on where she will be applying early. </p>
<p>Little background When her brother went through this process 4 years ago, we were naïve and talked freely to our friends and families. There was a lot of well-intended college advice from them. On top of it, he got rejected from his EA. It was harder on him as it was his dream school and he had to deal with answering friends and family when the EA decision came out.</p>
<p>She doesnt want to go through it. Without sounding rude, how do we answer when people ask us where she is applying early? </p>
<p>Thanks for any suggestions!</p>
<p>jasmineRose – I had heard from other moms not to say anything, and I used their advice with my D, so I was very vague when people asked where she was applying. “She has so many schools on her list” or “it’s tough narrowing it down” or “she really wants to be in the northeast” or “she’s not really sure yet.” If people pushed for a name, I’d say “she really likes Wesleyan” (she hated Wesleyan). I don’t like to lie, but I didn’t want to give people the list for all the reasons you mentioned and some people (well meaning nice people I’m sure) just wouldn’t let up until they heard a name or two.</p>
<p>jasmineRose, I would follow Classof2015’s advice to just be vague, but if people push for specifics, instead of making something up, I’d just go straightforward with “I’m sorry, but she asked us not to say.” For her, she might just say something like “Sorry, but I’ve decided not to tell until I know where I’ve gotten in or not.”</p>
<p>So far, DS has been telling freely to friends who asked about his college list. As a result, I also do since many of my friends are parents of his friends. Maybe I should hold back?
Do most people tell their college list or not?</p>
<p>We’ve been telling. DS11 did not have a top choice, so we told people that honestly as well. DS14 does currently have a favorite, and we’ve been telling people that we believe he will most likely get in but may not get enough money to make it practical, which is also true. </p>
<p>Neither applied/will apply anywhere ED. DS11 did, and I expect DS14 will, apply EA everywhere that that is an unrestricted option. When DS11’s acceptances did start rolling in, we did tell, if asked, but maintained that we were waiting for all acceptances and financial offers before making any decisions.</p>
<p>My son requested that I not discuss where he’s applying, his scores, etc. He especially dislikes the assumptions made by well-meaning people who assume that a good score/grades/etc. will guarantee entry to his reach/unpredictable schools. As we know, there are no guarantees beyond death and taxes; admission to a reach isn’t even near the list.</p>
<p>I got surprised by a very direct question by a parent and gave out my son’s SAT score. I’ve since been rationalizing that there is no overlap between my son’s life and this particular parent, but to be honest, I’m really bothered that I caved so easily (it was a very generic discussion, and the sudden “if you don’t mind my asking, what did your son get on his SAT” just came out of the blue). It won’t happen again.</p>
<p>I can get very ambivalent about any of these discussions. There is a part of me that, for example, when a discussion among parents whether a rigorous schedule that might not result in all As is a better idea than an easier schedule with expected straight As, I want to chime in because I think they’ll give poor guidance to their children if they just don’t know. OTOH, the likelihood of misunderstandings and bruised ego/feelings is so great that maybe I should just keep my yap shut.</p>
<p>Congratulations to the kids of Missypie and Cake and fogfog and jeannemar and everyone else for being so far along (and it’s only September). D is not even close to hitting the submit button, but I’m taking notes about the FERPA rights waiver and the occasional glitch during the payment part of the CA. I truly appreciate y’all trailblazing the process!</p>
<p>4beardolls, we’re in the same boat. I’m reminded of when I was pregnant and folks would ask what names we were considering. At first I would mention a few, but then came the comments like: oh, that’s the name of my horrible, hateful boss; or my cheating ex-wife was called…YIKES! Folks do like to give their opinions about the colleges (no matter how tangental or irrelevant). So, I think I’m going to start holding back and talk to my D about the potential difficulties when the decisions roll in.</p>
<p>D14 prefers to talk as little as possible about specifics related to the application process. Nobody else at her school has as long of a list (~10) and few will apply outside the county, let alone the state. However, her GC felt free to share some classmates’ reaches with D14, so I’m pretty sure that nothing is truly private.</p>
<p>I’ve been telling friends that it’s quite likely she will end up at her safety, but that she’s applying to a bunch to see if any money comes her way. Not too many people ask for specifics after that.</p>
<p>Definitely a tricky business…talking about “the list”. Our GC point blank told the Senior parents to resist the temptation of cocktail talk, and especially with other parents. Also she related that Thanksgiving for Sr. students is the worst…any Early apps are in the hopper and conversation over turkey always turns to “the list”.</p>
<p>For us, we have adopted the philosophy (for the entire college process) of not creating a ranking list, but rather a list of “I think I can be happy and thrive there”. We visited ALOT (over 20!) schools (several short jaunts or trips tied into vacations over the past couple years), and after each visit, and the requisite “hashing out” session in the car driving to the next stop, DS gave either a thumbs up or thumbs down, based on various (sometimes idiosyncratic) rationales (eg girl threw up on the tour at Cornell)(or just didn’t feel the mojo at Vanderbilt…that one hurt…see screenname).</p>
<p>Most critical was to find and settle on 3 Safety schools (by admission statistics and acknowledged as such by son’s GC) that he truly “felt the love”.<br>
So, if in a pinch, one of us is ever pushed to discuss “the list” we all have agreed it is fine to talk about the 3 safety schools. We have dear friends whose child was a Merit finalist and mult-sport varsity athlete who unfortunately after creating a “rank list”, was rejected by all his Matches and Reaches, then had to “settle” for his Safety. It was an unsatisfying end to an ugly process.<br>
At the end of the day, we all want our children to feel a sense of achievement and excitement for where ever they end up attending. I believe it can and will happen, but sure does seem to require a lot of effort.</p>
<p>classof2015 - thankfully I had nothing in my mouth when I read your comment (i’m also in a “training bra” of acceptances) As much as it would be nice to have the answer, next year it won’t matter if we knew in September or April.</p>
<p>My family knows where my d is applying, I haven’t noticed most other people care. She’ll throw out a school or two when asked. I just say we’re doing a wide range and decide after she sees where she’s accepted.</p>
<p>I suggested a school last year that was my d’s friend to a good friend for her son. He is there this year as a freshman. She was really quite forceful about my d applying when I told her it dropped off the list. It dropped off because it turns out her scores did not end up being even in the ballpark. My friend just wouldn’t let it go - people who know my d adore her and know how great she is - but we all know that really doesn’t mean a hill of beans to big state schools. It’s all about the numbers only. I finally just had to say - she doesn’t have a prayer of getting in and I don’t want to get her hopes up nor do I want her going somewhere she’d struggle to keep up.</p>
<p>vandy - I could strangle some people who have made disparaging comments about my d’s two safeties. To me, should it all fall apart she should have two choices where she’d be happy. Her Latin teacher was aghast at her safeties, I think the woman doesn’t understand the definition of ‘safety school’. </p>
<p>It was harder for us to find the safeties than the matches/reaches! </p>
<p>My d couldn’t tell you her top choice, it keeps changing and now she gets she just needs to wait and see. Trust me, come April we may be in a tough spot.</p>
<p>I always say, “He has several he is thinking about (name a few always starting with state flagship), but he really won’t know anything until the spring.”</p>
<p>Looks like a great time to check in!</p>
<p>Big congratulations to missypie, fog, momreads on the acceptances!! So exciting to be one and done missypie! </p>
<p>Timely discussion about who to talk to, how much to say, etc., on your child’s college list. S3 is applying to 11 schools…I know it sounds obnoxious, and it feels like so many compared to the 3 that S2 applied to! There is really a mix of instate safeties (both academic and financial), instate reaches (‘on paper’ they look like matches but in all reality these are reaches due to high competition), OOS public and private matches with guaranteed/good chance of/reach merit chances (so he could get the admit/deny on some). He has some really good schools he feels very good about and they all seem to make sense. He’s submitted three apps so far, all “non-conforming apps” (i.e. rebels that use their own). The CApp is complete as is one supplement. He has a series of essays that have been used, revised/morphed to use for several schools. He’s requested and given packets to both teachers for LORs (ours go snail mails so this includes quite a bit of paper/coordination on both ends). Many of the schools offer EA or have early dates for merit consideration. Because of this mix it’s easy to say he’s applying to a wide variety, no telling where he’ll end up. He’s more open, although I’ve cautioned him against being too specific. He doesn’t like to share his scores at school, although I was very surprised with his older brother how freely the kids talk about it.</p>
<p>I think the generic answers are great, but I know some people won’t stop asking if they want the information. How about a wry look and a wink and say “college choices are like birthday wishes - if you tell, they won’t come true!” You would be more cute than rude and only an idiot would keep pressing.</p>
<p>We have been getting lots of questions regarding where K2 is applying, the minute I tell them that we are trying to whittle the list of 15 down to 10 or 11, they move on. K2 has one app launched, but still waiting on the school to put together packets and receive the rec letters from teachers. Kids at this school gave selected recommenders their info last spring; although some may still be writing. The Common App has been completed for a while- just needs to be fine-tuned. Main essay is completed, but all of the supplemental essays still need to be done. Our school began in August, so the first quarter will be coming to an end in a few weeks. We’ve already experienced Senior Night for K2’s fall sport, so the year is just rolling along!</p>
<p>Hi all! I don’t post here very often, but I have been reading for a while. Congrats to the acceptances thus far, and I’m impressed at how on the ball everyone seems to be! My son hasn’t even touched his essay and he MIGHT be thinking about ED, so… </p>
<p>Regarding FERPA rights and waiving them, I have another son who is now a college freshman and last year, we accidentally said “no” to waiving the rights. It doesn’t mean that colleges won’t read your LOR’s and is really more a problem on the side of the teachers or counselor’s who may now think that the student doesn’t trust them. And our school uses Naviance to send them directly, so no student cannot see them ahead of time (unless the teacher decides to ask for editing help from the student, which happened to my son). The ability to read the LOR’s if rights were not waived is only available to enrolled students, so if a student is denied admission to a particular school, they cannot then view the letters to see if the recommendations were bad.</p>
<p>I haven’t posted in awhile…S is applying ED to his first choice and hopefully he will get in…about college discussion…we were advised by the GC not to discuss college choices,</p>
<p>Our family and a couple of close friend’s know S’s ED choice and that he is applying ED. When we are asked about schools , I just say that S would be happy at several schools we visited and is interested in small LAC. If pushed for specifics I might give a couple of safety schools. I am not sure what S is telling his friends…usually, the topic changes to what area of study S is interested in…that we do discuss …next week is senior parent night so I am sure the "where is S applying " will come up from parents of S’s friends…</p>
<p>It’s been interesting reading about the college talk… I’ll admit to never talking with parents about this unless they are very close friends. However, kids at school love to share their hopes, dreams, and predicted realities. They also tend to freely mention their scores or mention if their range is within a school’s range or not. I enjoy sharing with them. I love seeing where they end up going (even for those who aren’t college bound). ;)</p>
<p>Friends and family have asked us and we don’t mind being quite open with names and predicted chances, pros and cons. It’s never been a problem. We’re not in a competitive area, so maybe that makes a difference. Everyone roots for everyone else to get what they want.</p>