<p>PetraElise: I am sure the young man is grateful that you cared enough to provide for him. Last year my older son graduated from college. I had seen a post on CC from a mom whose daughter’s boyfriend was planning to attend the same school. He had little or no support from his folks but needed lots of things. My son made contact with this mom whose daughter came and picked up his foldable bookcase (it was in great condition) and some other items he no longer needed. At least they went to a good home and will be very much used over the next four years.</p>
<p>We try to send Son '14 with some additional money whenever he goes to an away track meet. Not that we are wealthy, but some parents forget or just do not give their kids enough money to buy dinner on the way home, and away track meets usually mean that our son returns home very late at night. He must have gotten the hint from us, because earlier this year, he came to me and said he was giving a brand new pair of running shoes to his friend, because his were all but falling apart. My son told me that I had made a mistake and ordered the wrong size (I did not remember this), and the shoes would fit his friend perfectly. He wanted no money for them. Besides, the young man did not have any money to give. Son '14 just did not want his friend to get hurt. The friend later qualified for the indoor state meet with my son as a member of the relay team. Son '14 also has been trying to give life lessons to his teammates when they go to a sit-down restaurant following a meet. He tells each runner to leave a tip for the waitress. Many kids do not do this, he said, and it really annoys him. These people needs tips to make ends meet. </p>
<p>@ momreads…what a sweet young man you have. You have raised such a leader. I feel the same way about tipping. I have always taught my kids that if you can’t afford to tip, then don’t go out to eat. Plain and simple. </p>
<p>This morning’s email contained something from IDOC asking for documentation for one of son’s schools. The due date was March 5 and it is for a school he hasnt been accepted to yet and may not be - I feel it is a reach. Does this mean he was accepted? If I file the docs, will the school consider it? Should I go ahead and file? </p>
<p>@momreads @petraelise@overtheedge It is so heartwarming to see these stories of supporting those in need. May we (and our offspring!) all do our best to help when we can.</p>
<p>@spritle It can’t hurt to file – go for it!</p>
<p>@collegetime18 My advice is to trust your S’s judgement – if he wants to you to check and tell him by phone that means he values prompt news over exactly how it arrives (and trusts you to be there for him whatever the decision!). </p>
<p>NewHavenCTmom and glido, many thanks! My husband said that he was prouder of Son '14 for remembering to tip at a restaurant than helping his relay team qualify for the state indoor track meet. Me, too.</p>
<p>@Mrspepper - Congratulations to your DS on his Bowdoin acceptance! My D’14 and I also visited Bowdoin a couple of times last year. Felt very much at home on the campus, and loved the town! It is a small campus in a wonderful setting, with sandwich and ice cream shoppe an easy walk away. As I’m sure you’ve seen, rated very high for happiest students and best food on US News college ratings. After visiting several small colleges, my D’14 decided though that she really preferred a medium-sized university with close access to a city (e.g., Tufts, WashU, UVA, etc). Bowdoin has a very low
acceptance rate, so huge accomplishment to get in. For someone looking at small LAC’s in a small town setting, it could be perfect.</p>
<p>It is heartwarming to see the acts of kindness given to financially strapped students, and student to student aid. Also students thinking about the waitresses.</p>
<p>My DD at college is much more grateful with what she has and the support we have been able to give her, because she is with some students that are at school with no financial help from home. She is also a giving person and does see the need of those around her. She sometimes has been able to help at a soup kitchen as she is in a big city and not far off campus.</p>
<p>Long story, but there are gifted students from financially challenged family circumstances that do not have mentoring during elementary/middle/HS. My DH has had to opportunity to help with an activity and mentor a few kids that have great potential; facilitated by a gifted teacher that through circumstances became guardian to a young fellow (had the financial means, is like adopted parent) that would have had to drop out after 8th grade to work! Students’ mother and step-father (mother and son undocumented, but have been in states long enough that son was able to get legal status with guardian’s help); now as an adult in college and working has taken the guardian’s last name as the last step in this process. This fellow is continuing to mentor students as well.</p>
<p>Well here we are in waiting mode. Both S2 and I are off for a week (I work in a school too) for spring break. His friends who are a bit wealthier all went for a ski vacation to Colorado. I know S2 wanted to go, but we didn’t have the money to give him, and he had to spend his tax return on buying a new door for his friend’s truck - he backed into it one night in front of our house. He was mad at first that I wasn’t letting him slide on paying for the door, but I reminded him that I will be coming up with money for his upcoming visit to Tulane for honors weekend, so he accepted it. He is spending the week working at his job - “to build my college fund up” - and hanging out with the surprising number of other friends who are not going away on expensive vacations either. It is also SXSW in nearby Austin this week, so he’ll be able to go hear a lot of great music for free or near-free. We discussed the fact that, as a scholarship kid, he is going to be dealing with 4 years of college friends who have a lot more expendable income than he does, and if he truly wants to be at Tulane, he is going to have to find a way of sometimes gracefully saying no without feeling like a have-not. His brother went through this, and ended up thriving at Tulane - about to graduate Law School there this May. Having seen a lot of young people in varying financial circumstances over the years, via my job and my own kids, I’ve come to the conclusion that whether one is wealthy or not, raising your kids to be financially responsible and to contribute to their own pursuits as much as possible produces a much better outcome, character-wise. </p>
<p>He was accepted at Tulane in November and desperately wants to go as his #1 choice - brother is an alum and currently in law school there, and family ancestor was one of the founders - but there is a gap in funding of about $10K a year, according to the school’s NPC. I don’t want him to accrue extra loans, so he agreed to 1) apply to a couple other schools that offer no-loans after EFC or less loans and 2) apply for every scholarship we could find. I went on collegegreenlight dot com and spent an afternoon a couple months back picking through the scholarships to find good ones. The best are scholarships that offer recurring money every year. We also looked at everything local from his school and area groups, merchants and utilities. He has applied for 4 so far, and has about 5 more to go. It’s a lot of essay writing for him and a lot of financial information inputting for me, but if he can scrape together another $5-$10K a year, itl will be worth it. We will know everything by April 1. He also ended up with a very strong application to Pomona, and I have pointed out that being accepted there would mean having one of the best #2 options anyone could have. He is kind of fixated on Tulane, which I know is sort of silly, but then again I remember being 18 and fixated on things that don’t seem all that important now. The Tulane family connection means a lot to him, and I guess that isn’t so silly afterward. Overall he is a very good kid, so I can’t complain. I’ve noticed that he doesn’t seem to understand friends who have no plans for next year or who seem to underachieve. I reminded him that everyone comes to their own destination in their own time, and his friends have their own paths to take. </p>
<p>Reading all the wonderful stories of parents and kids helping others reminds me of what a great group of parents we have here and how thankful I am to have found this thread.</p>
<p>@spritle - I’d say definitely go ahead and file docs with IDOC. I don’t think it necessarily means your son’s been accepted, but be good to have the docs
there for the school to access for FA consideration. I think I’d call the school’s FA office too, to let them
know you just found out the docs were required and have submitted them. I called IDOC yesterday when my D’14 received notice from Tufts that W-2’s and tax returns were overdue. USPS tracking showed docs delivered last Tuesday. IDOC rep said it takes about 5 business days for docs to be processed, and they should show up as received any day now. He further stated not to worry, as school IDOC deadlines are soft deadlines set as a guideline by schools. Called Tufts FAO right afterwards and explained the situation, and was informed, “You’re fine then.”</p>
<p>@3tallblonds - I agree with SOSConcern that it’s a wise call by your Ds to try and not choose favorites now until all the cards are on the table. I’d hate to choose a favorite only to find out later that you were wait listed or redirected from your favorite, or simply received an offer from another school too good to pass on.</p>
<p>@moonmaid, I can totally understand why your DS being fixated on Tulane. Hey, they should give him a special scholarship for being in the family of one of the founders. </p>
<p>Heading out to Tulane this weekend for Honors admitted students days…ironically, just after a regional Tulane admitted student evening event last night with regional admissions counselor, local adult alumni, and local student home on spring break from Tulane.
The evening was effective in continuing to get DS jazzed (pun intended) on Tulane. I will try to report back on the upcoming Scholars weekend in Nola…</p>
<p>Unfortunately, I see a lot of kids (and grown ups) who don’t seem to care about common courtesy, let alone reaching out to help others – so it is really nice to hear other examples of families who are instilling these virtues in their kids. Over the years, I have sometimes found it challenging to teach my kids to wait their turn, for example, while other kids push to the front and just snatch whatever, paying no attention to the fact that others were waiting first. I try to teach that respect on the one hand, but on the other hand also teach them that it is ok to politely stand up for oneself. I sometimes think that all of our technical advances have had a very poor effect on our basic courtesy. We have almost instant access to so much, that many don’t have any patience these days.</p>
<p>We don’t have a lot, and sometimes my kids feel slightly deprived (as in no smart phones, and my youngest has no phone even though she is in middle school, no ipad or computer, etc.) but I see them recognizing what they do have – a close, supportive family that cares about things that actually matter. When D14 first started dating her BF, it really hit home for her how fortunate she is in her family life. And including him in our family has made her a more thoughtful person. She is seeing how much it means to him to be welcomed and made to feel a part of our family. </p>
<p>My DD1 (HS 2012 graduate) did not have a phone until 17 and a senior, when she got her driver’s license and had a car to drive to school (yes I know some households have to have phones with kids sooner, but DD did not need a phone). I had to hold firm against MIL (who also tried to influence her S) who wanted to give one to DD. Felt like the extra year of student driving made DD a better driver at 17.</p>
<p>DD2’14 was driving at 16 to school (older DD away at college) so had a phone then. Was a better driver earlier.</p>
<p>BTW, DD1 insisted on taking the phone to hotel pool when I told her not to, and sure enough, it got saturated - knocked off a table into the pool. Fortunately we had an older phone for her to have/use, and it actually is now preferred because it holds up to her wear/tear.</p>
<p>We avoided the super texting phenomenon and addiction and big time spent on texting.</p>
<p>@1dilecon Thanks! I think he should feel great that he got accepted to Bowdoin. Around here most people haven’t heard of it, so I appreciate hearing your thoughts. Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about what the experience of going to a really small school would be like, especially one that is not near a larger city. I went to a large university so there were always new people around but it was overwhelming at first and I was pretty much on my o</p>
<p>oops it cut me off… I was pretty much on my own to figure out everything. So it appeals to me to have a tighter knit community with maybe more advising. If anyone has gone to a really small school and has any insight I’d love to hear it. Please reserve me a cabin on the cruise…and plenty of tropical cocktails, too.</p>
<p>Moonmaid… since you do have the family connection( which seems pretty substantial in my book), can you contact Tulane and tell them your story… that your S REALLY wants to attend Tulane because f the family connection, and the fit, but you need a little additional aid to make it work? You never know.</p>
<p>My d started her backtracking this afternoon on her I’m 100% certain, paid the deposit and bought the t-shirts. Sometimes you just have to know d and when to push, when to hear it through. I just said - here is why you loved the school and listed all the things. Her comment was - I’ve seen so many I kind of forgot what it looked like. I just told her, trust me, you loved it. And that seems to have worked! </p>
<p>@momreads - Having put myself through the first year of grad school waiting tables at night, and having kids who have waited tables (great life experience), it’s fabulous that you have taught your S the importance of tipping; and that he has passed this lesson along!</p>
<p>@moonmaid - I hope you find a way to make Tulane affordable. It sounds like you have a great S with solid reasons for choosing Tulane. Maybe you will see Vandyeyes there! </p>
<p>Does anyone else find it strange that we could one another in a dorm hallway or at a reception and not even know it?</p>
<p>@Mrspepper - Bowdoin is the type of school that appeals to my D. If it were closer to home, I’m sure it would have topped her list. My D is coming from a HS twice that size so I have questioned whether such a small and remote environment may become claustrophobic after awhile. But, the close knit community, personal attention and picturesque setting are hard to resist. Also, my D has some chronic health issues so I like the idea of her being in a small school. </p>
It is also SXSW in nearby Austin this week, so he’ll be able to go hear a lot of great music for free or near-free. We discussed the fact that, as a scholarship kid, he is going to be dealing with 4 years of college friends who have a lot more expendable income than he does, and if he truly wants to be at Tulane, he is going to have to find a way of sometimes gracefully saying no without feeling like a have-not. His brother went through this, and ended up thriving at Tulane - about to graduate Law School there this May. Having seen a lot of young people in varying financial circumstances over the years, via my job and my own kids, I’ve come to the conclusion that whether one is wealthy or not, raising your kids to be financially responsible and to contribute to their own pursuits as much as possible produces a much better outcome, character-wise. </p>