<p>@oldmom4896, you have certainly been through some rough times. I’m sorry for the loss of your father, and I hope you will now have an opportunity to do some things for yourself this fall.</p>
<p>Welcome back @oldmom4896 !</p>
<p>I added your daughter to the list.</p>
<p>8/01 Calla1’s S – UCSB
8/08 Beadymom’s S — UAlabama (early move-in Honors program)
8/08 Maryjay60’s S — UAlabama (early move-in Honors program)
8/09 Eyemamom’s D — Auburn
8/11 go2mom’s D – Vanderbilt
8/13 Classof2015’s S — College of Charleston
8/12 2014 Novamom’s S – Case Western (early move in for varsity sport)
8/13 Momreads’s S – U. of Alabama in Huntsville (early move in for varsity sport)
8/15 Gertrude McFuzz’s D — Temple
8/15 Onlyonemom’s S — UVM - Honors college (Trek program - actually move in August 22)
8/16 lab317’s D – Willamette University (early move-in outdoor program- actual 8/21)
8/16 4beardolls’s S – Vanderbilt
8/16 jrmama496’s S — Vanderbilt
8/16 yellowgranite56’s D — Vanderbilt
8/17 austinareadad’s S – Rice
8/17 Ordinarylives’s D – Simpson College
8/18 Dave_N’s S – University of Pittsburgh
8/18 3Tallblonds D1 - USC
8/18 oldmom4896’s D - Rochester Institute of Technology
8/19 1dilecon’s D — Pepperdine University
8/19 12dandelion’s D – Rochester Institute of Technology
8/19 AvonHSDad’s D - Villanova
8/20 Bestfriendsgirl’s S - Marshall University
8/20 Cakeisgreat’s D – Quinnipiac honors
8/20 Momfromme’s S - Columbia (before outdoor trip)
8/20 3Tallblonds D2 - USC
8/21 Ovrseasmom’s S – University of Pennsylvania
8/21 Vandyeyes – Tulane
8/21 RenaissanceMom’s S – Tufts (public service pre-orientation program; orientation begins on 8/27)
8/22 2018dad’s D — Cornell
8/22 CT1417’s S – Cornell
8/22 mdcmom’s D – Cornell
8/22 mathmomvt’s S – UVM - Honors college
8/22 tperry1982 D – Yale
8/23 Overtheedge’s D — Sewanee
8/23 AsleepattheWheel’s S – Emory (outdoor trip for three days starting 8/19 – then we move him in)
8/23 1mississippi’s S – Mississippi College
8/25 My2sonsfromca’s S — Emerson
8/25 collegetime18 S — UC Berkeley
8/27 staceyneil’s D — Mount Holyoke
8/28 BarnardMom’s S — UMichigan
8/29 Bisouu’s D — Drew University
8/29 smakl70’s S - Rose-Hulman Institute of Tech.
8/30 akmom124’s D — Brown
8/31 Sweetbeet’s S – University of Denver
9/21 toots13’s S - University of Chicago</p>
<p>Hello all…just wanted to pop in to say hello. I’ve missed almost 1,000 posts since my last visit. Congrats to everyone for surviving the past four years & the college dorm stuff. Have a wonderful weekend!</p>
<p>HI @oldmom4896, I remember seeing you here, but also on the ‘parents caring for the parents’ thread. </p>
<p>I have the same feeling about my sandwich falling apart. My daughter will also be at RIT, and my mom seems a little more ‘gone’ with each phone call. At least mom is in a care facility that should have things under control while I’m away for 2 nights.
Our complication is that my FIL passed away a few weeks ago, and the memorial service in a distant state is the same weekend as we’d be packing up for RIT. So my husband, perhaps grieving but hiding it well, and my S’17 will be flying out on Friday morning, and just D14 and I will be driving to Rochester. In some ways I am glad for one last experience with just the 2 of us. She’s been quite pleasant this summer, which wasn’t the case most of senior year. </p>
<p>Maybe we’ll cross paths on 8/19 at RIT. Will you be wearing a “Hi, I’m OldMom” nametag? 
</p>
<p>12Dandelion, I feel your pain. I hope you have a wonderful trip to Rochester, and I hope we do too! We are leaving home on the 18th and I’ll go home on the 20th to my empty apartment. Well, I do have a cat but he’s not the brightest bulb in the chandelier! I am a little melancholy after the memorial. It went very well, just as I planned, and I am so grateful to my friends who helped me put it together. I don’t want to think about that long drive home from Rochester. Not tonight.</p>
<p>I understand oldmom. I considered driving home (about 4 hours) on the 19th, but then it would just be me and 2 dim bulb cats in this big house, and I have to go back in the same direction on the 20th to pick the guys up at the airport anyway. So I’ll stay in a hotel on 8/19 - and won’t that be hard? - and do a few morning orientation sessions before heading out for the airport and then home.</p>
<p>We planned an extended weekend trip for the first weekend she’s at college, and now I’m thinking what the heck did I do that for? Well, it’s because we’ve stayed home all summer so she could work,but now I’m having ‘but what if she neeeeeeeeeeeeds me’ worries. We never stop worrying. I know that from my poor demented mother. She often doesn’t know my name, but she knows to worry if I’m driving in bad weather. </p>
<p>I’m grateful to all of you for all the advice and suggestions here. Good luck everyone.</p>
<p><em>hugs</em> to both of you @oldmom4896 and @12dandelion – perhaps you could plan to meet a friend when you get back (or the next day) so you won’t be so alone.</p>
<p>Week 1 report:</p>
<p>Since DS was first in the launch queue, I figure I’ll do a week 1 report. And since this is a very supportive group, I’ll be honest.</p>
<p>His first week was hard. Very hard. But I think we have a plan. And if anyone else has ideas, please chime in!!!</p>
<p>Everyone is very nice, and very friendly. Many people talk to him and try to be his friend. They greet him in the hallway and in the bathroom and in the dining room. Everyone is excited to be there, and all the students are loud, cheerful, and bubbly. All the time. ALL the time. </p>
<p>I should have seen this coming. <forehead slap=""> </forehead></p>
<p>This intense social interaction is my highly introverted son’s definition of hell.</p>
<p>It was fine in high school, when he could come home and unwind. But he hasn’t had strategies to get away from the friendly people, who keep trying to talk to him. Even though he has a single, the walls aren’t very thick and he hears conversations from two rooms down. </p>
<p>So, we brought him home this weekend. We gave him a very silent atmosphere yesterday, and only began to talk about it today. We did some problem-solving around the issue of how he can lower the stimulation level.</p>
<p>Our plan: we are buying him noise-canceling headphones for in his bedroom. And we got him some earbuds that also have foam (so they act as earplugs) that he can wear around campus. He’ll have an ipod with him, but turned off, so it will just look like he’s listening to music. (He can’t even stand the input of music right now). He’ll wear this in the dining room to cut down on the loud noise there. If someone says hi and he just feels like it’s too much to answer, they will (hopefully) think he didn’t hear them. He feels good about the plan.</p>
<p>Honestly, I think part of this is just the adjustment to school. When other things aren’t so new for him, I think he’ll be less sensitive to noise and interpersonal interaction. </p>
<p>Anyone else have a very introverted child? Any other ideas?</p>
<p>@Eyemamom, I’m thinking of you today as you launch your D!</p>
<p>@Hoggirl I got this one from Amazon. It had the most features and I like that it can be solar powered. I bought one for me also and I’m just store it on a windowsill so it stays charged via solar power. I’ve thought about getting one to keep in the car also. Or maybe I’ll just put this one in the car if I go on a longer trip. It can also charge via USB.
<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CZDT30S/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1”>http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CZDT30S/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1</a></p>
<p>The fall that Barnardgirl started at Barnard was also when Hurricane Sandy hit there. You’d think she would realize how convenient this would be as she was one of the few in her dorm who actually had a flashlight and said at the time she was glad she had it. I think the fact that they didn’t lose power then made her feel complacent. </p>
<p>@oldmom4896 I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. I hope there are friends you can surround yourself with while you transition to this new phase of life. </p>
<p>I go from excited to sad. I find myself feeling resentful about having to cook dinner or run errands or do things for the adult child who is acting like an adult in how late he stays out but acting like a child in how well he is meeting his responsibilities. I know he’s getting in his last times with his buddies before they all start to separate but I’m also getting annoyed by it. Like when he realizes Friday evening he needs to pack to go to Florida with his dad but his clothes are all dirty and he has to leave for work. So I have to start his laundry. He shows up back at home shortly after leaving for work. He didn’t have to work- he wasn’t on the schedule- he hadn’t checked the schedule. I’m just finding myself annoyed by these things. </p>
<p>The sad is the reality that I will be living alone- possibly for the rest of my life. I like living alone a lot of the time. I enjoy my space. But I like having someone to talk to when I want to also. I like having someone to eat dinner with each night. I’m thinking a lot about how I’m going to handle meals when he’s gone. I could trend to eating in a very unhealthy way and I’m going to have to make an effort to make sure that doesn’t happen. </p>
<p>Oops, I read your post too late to edit above so I’m double posting:</p>
<p>@calla1 It sounds like a little more than introversion and perhaps some difficulty with getting overstimulated easily. When I worked as an Occupational Therapist with kids, I did a lot of sensory integrative therapy. Things that help calm the central nervous system: bean bag chairs (pressure over a large part of the body at once), low lighting (maybe a string of Christmas lights to reduce the glare of a big flourescent room light), quiet noise- if not calm, instrumental music, then maybe something like ocean waves sounds. The key with the music is the beat should be lower than the heart rate to be calming. Rocking is also good but fitting any kind of chair that rocks is probably tough in a dorm room. Let us know how he adjusts. </p>
<p>I used to tell parents to think of things that they did to calm their children as babies and try to set up similar environments. With babies we rock them, swaddle them, hum or sing soft lullabies, keep lighting low, etc. Same concepts. </p>
<p>@2016Barnardmom, thanks for the great ideas. He has had sensory integration issues in the past, though I hadn’t thought of him as still needing intervention in that area. I think you are right. Thank you so much for you comment.</p>
<p>Brushing helped when he was younger: maybe I can send a corn silk brush with him so he can do his arms and legs. He does like calming instrumental music, and listens to those types of channels on Pandora. (I got a subscription so no commercial interruptions.)</p>
<p>He is very tactile and has a blanket he wraps himself up in. </p>
<p>I’ve wondered if a weighted blanket would be helpful, but it seems like it would be hot, and he hates to be hot.</p>
<p>@2016BarnardMom – I can’t remember if it was on this thread or another thread that I brought up the movie “Boyhood”, which is currently in theaters. It’s a remarkable piece of work. The movie follows the son of a (largely) single mom as he grows up. The film was shot over a twelve year period, with the same cast throughout. As they age in the movie they are aging in real life. Anyway, the last couple of paragraphs in your note above are very reminiscent of the mom’s feelings as her son is getting ready to take flight. You might really like the film. Just make sure to bring some kleenex. </p>
<p>@AsleepAtTheWheel I did see your post about the movie and am on the fence whether it would be wise to watch it right now…lol. There is a part of me that is excited- I was afraid I would get too sad if I saw that movie. </p>
<p><em>hugs</em> from me too to @oldmom4896 and @12dandelion --having a friend to have dinner with is a good idea.</p>
<p>@callla - I am so sorry your son had a hard first week, I worry that my S will have a similar experience and he has a roommate! ( forehead slap!) . Barnard has good advice that I hope works for your son. Another thought I had was to advise my S to go to the library and find a good spot to hang out in/study/ relax. I can still remember my favorite spot. This could be his go to place when he is feeling over stimulated or even go there before it gets to that point. You or he may want to reach out to the counseling service on campus. This way, he could have an adult on campus that he could reach out to as needed…Thank you for sharing your S’s experience- it has reminded me to put some things in place to help with my S’s transition. I really hope your S’s second week is a better experience for him ( and you).</p>
<p>@bardnardmom- I am right there with you…my emotions are all over the place…now that I quit my job! I don’t know what life will be like in September!..I hope to take it one day at a time - hard for a planner…
My major focus this week is to get all the loose ends tied up at work, buy the last minute items and packing! I will feel a little calmer once we are on the road on Friday… Saturday will be an experience. Apparently, S signs in for Trek between 7-9am- once his backpack is “approved” - we have about an hour to unload his stuff in his room. He doesn’t set up his room until he gets back the following Thursday. DH and I rented a cottage on Lake Champlain for a week and will go back to UVM when he returns and help him unpack…when I am finally back in Maine or maybe on the drive home …that’s when it will hit me …</p>
<p>@12dandelion and @oldmom4896 I am sorry for your losses. </p>
<p>Last year I lost mom and only brother within six months of each other. I feel that I let some things slip that I should have noticed with my introverted DD’14. She is starting Simmons in Boston soon. Move in is August 30. I think she will have some of the same social issues described by @calla1. We will not be able to bring her home for the weekend. We will start the talk about strategies for alone study time. I’ll save the calming strategies until we learn more about roommate and dorm situation. </p>
<p>I’m also worried about the DS’17 she is leaving behind. She is his best friend. </p>
<p>I’m hyperventilating </p>
<p>Coming back to an empty place? </p>
<p>I will not experience that immediately, as the older son is staying here until he goes to his place for law school, which is about 70 miles away. Then, there will not be anyone here. My husband travels a lot during the summer, because of his job. I have been thinking about all the things I can do to keep myself busy. Maybe I’ll clean a room at a time – there is lots of stuff to toss in the trash or give to charity. I promised the older son that I would cross stitch a tree skirt for a friend who is getting married in December – I charge him for the stitching and floss, because you cannot put a value on my time. There is a pile of books I want to read. My dad has his 80th birthday in November. I would love to attend the party once my mom schedules it. I already scheduled a flight, car and hotel for parents weekend – that will be a surprise for my son. My husband and I also plan to shop for flights to see him run in the conference championships in November – again, a surprise for him. </p>
<p>Last night, I suggested we pack up a majority of the rest of the clothing my son wants to take, and he readily agreed. As we were going through things, I asked if this were strange. He said yes, and then looked in his drawers. “So little stuff left,” he said. But he was all right about it. He knows there will be a clean out once he leaves, and the room does need it, too.</p>
<p>Thank you mathmomVT and onlyonemom. Thank you also @evergreen1929 and good luck to your D. Simmons was on my D14s short list, it is a great location. Good luck to your D, and I hope she can find some quiet spaces. </p>
<p>My D14 will be one of the always cheerful, always saying hi types. But her brother S17 definitely has sensory issues and needs his quiet time, so hopefully she’ll be understanding of others in the dorm that may seem ‘remote’ at times but are really just trying to cope. </p>
<p>I won’t have an empty house, in fact it may soon be more full than ever. We are almost done with renovating an attic space into a rec room for S17 and his friends to hang out. My H made sure it was well insulated so the gaming and the stereo won’t overwhelm the rest of the house. But with regards to being alone, my friend who was unexpectedly widowed at age 51 has been a model of the ‘keep moving forward’ mentality. She did move, not an option for everyone, but she also took up a new photography hobby, which lead to a daytrip hobby of going to places to take photos, which led to joining some social and travel groups. She uses ■■■■■■■■■■ to meet groups of people with potential similar interests, if it doesn’t turn out that way, she just moves on to another group. It’s now hard to find a night for us to have dinner together! </p>
<p>I plan to look into some social/volunteer groups myself, and I do still have S17 to get through HS, my poor mother in dementia care, and of course DH. I’ll miss D14 everyday, but I want to work hard to make sure that’s not the only emotion in my life from now on.</p>
<p>Thoughts and prayers to both of you, @oldmom4896 and @12dandelion. My paternal grandmother passed away on Friday. She was 104 and bedridden for the last few years so not a surprise at all but obviously still sad for all of us. Unfortunately, she had moved back to Asia after retirement (at 80!) so I cannot make the trip back given DS’s move in schedule.</p>
<p>She lived quite the life – widowed at 32 with two young kids, in the middle of WWII under a Japanese occupation. Later, she managed to send my dad to the US when he was 17, setting off all alone on a ship to cross the Pacific Ocean for a new life.</p>
<p>Whenever I get sad thinking about DS leaving home on Tuesday, I think about all the goodbyes and uncertainties that my relatives all faced, back in the day when the only communication available to them was old fashioned letters by slow boat (literally). In contrast, I have texting, Skype, email, Facetime, etc. and I can stalk on Twitter and Facebook! DH has already made plans to visit DS for the first home game in early September, I am going to visit for Parents’ Weekend in October, and we plan on driving to some away games that are between 3.5 and 4 hour drive. It will of course still be an adjustment not seeing him every day, but it will certainly be much easier than when my parents immigrated to the US. </p>
<p>Hi everyone! Hope you’re all well. I haven’t had an opportunity to catch up on the thread but I wanted to poke my head in and say hi. </p>
<p>We’ve had a very busy summer with Max on spy missions nearly every day and the rest of us going in a thousand different directions. Spygirl and I leave in 9 days on our road trip to campus. A day ago she had only a trash can and a desk lamp for college. Finally had a day to shop and we hit up B, B & B and after spending the equivalent of a small mortgage payment I think she’s just about set. </p>
<p>Ok, guys, I just ordered a dorm refrigerator from Walmart, to pick it up at the closest Walmart to RIT on the last day I will be in Rochester. What could go wrong? Hahahaha.</p>