<p>Lots of stuff happening here- and, as always, great advice and encouragement.</p>
<p>We had a Send Off party for S last night. It was a lot of fun. S doesn’t leave til Sept. 14th but my work schedule ramps up next week, so this was the best time for our party. </p>
<p>Wisdom teeth surgery is behind us. S healed so fast! Now he and dad need to shop for laptop. It is our grad gift to him .</p>
<p>He needs to buy backpack, new shoes, books with “send off” gift money.</p>
<p>@2016BarnardMom - thank you for the link to the flashlight. I ordered one for ds!</p>
<p>@oldmom4896 how big is it? D and I got a 2.7 cu ft one last week at Target, and it was harder to handle than I expected. The Target worker put it in a regular shopping cart, so we had to lift it out and I just about shoved D and the cart into the van along with the fridge.It’s been in the van ever since. Going to let the strapping young RIT students get it up to the room. I hope it goes smoothly for you. </p>
<p>12dandelion, it’s this one:
<a href=“http://www.walmart.com/ip/Haier-3.3-cu.-ft.-2-Door-Refrigerator-Black/35032888”>http://www.walmart.com/ip/Haier-3.3-cu.-ft.-2-Door-Refrigerator-Black/35032888</a></p>
<p>At least we won’t have to schlep it from Brooklyn.</p>
<p>Looks like a nice one, oldmom. I hope there’s a luggage cart around to help you getting it into the dorm on Wednesday. Maybe it will be easier on Wed. than in the chaos of Tuesday.</p>
<p>@calla1 sorry to hear that your introverted son is having trouble coping with all the social togetherness during his first week. I think you have some good plans for him, and as others have suggested, finding a couple of good quiet hiding places to study or just recharge those introvert batteries should be helpful. Many libraries have small “group study” rooms for 4-5 students that he may be able to book alone. He may also want to approach the disability services department at school – even without a documented disability, they will be happy to provide advice if he goes in and says “I’m an introvert who gets overwhelmed in crowds – do you have some suggestions of quiet places on campus to study or unwind?” Also… I think the “rabid friendliness” will die down a bit as classes start and people settle into new friendships and activities. That first week everyone (but especially the extroverts) is desperately seeking new friends. </p>
<p>My S is also an introvert who doesn’t deal well with crowds, but didn’t have the option of a single room, so like @onlyonemom’s son, he will have a roommate to deal with. I think finding quiet places to unwind outside the dorm may be important. Although I worry somewhat, I also know he has coped with living in a bunk with ~15 other boys for 3.5 weeks every summer since he was 9, so I’m hopeful that he’ll find ways to cope. </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.uvm.edu/~chwb/livingwell/relaxationroom.html”>http://www.uvm.edu/~chwb/livingwell/relaxationroom.html</a> – I suspect most schools have spaces like this these days, so that is another type of option to seek out. </p>
<p>The only thing I want to add is that even though they need their introvert recharging time, try to make sure they join <em>something</em> during those initial days when all the clubs and such are looking for new members. They will need to find “their people” and cultivate those few close friends that everyone, even introverts, need to survive.</p>
<p>Well I am back from dropping off d! It ended up being a 2 day 14 hour trek. She started having some major anxiety over having too much stuff and having a huge meltdown over it. However we went out to dinner with the roommate and their family the night before and it clicked a switch for her. Move in went nice and smoothly and we got her room all set up and organized. D has a major organization thing, she can’t feel settled until everything is all put away. We ended up returning some things, picking up extra things, so it was good we stayed the extra night. She started rush this morning and she’s been texting all day about her thoughts and opinions on everything. She pretty much loves it all, and even the ‘awkward’ group made her laugh. She is the definition of extrovert</p>
<p>@calla1 - while I may have an extrovert in D, my son has had sensory issues, got therapy for it as a kid, and is also very introverted. He was the kid playing basketball and he’d see the ref hold up the whistle and put his hands over his ears, even if he was holding the ball - lol Those were all great suggestions and I will tell you first semester freshman year is the loudest and craziest. He will have to figure out how to acclimate and how to find his people. </p>
<p>@calla1 , my son has also had some issues with sensory integration over the years. It is not debilitating, and he is quite social most of the time, but he needs his space and, sometimes needs silence. Unfortunately, his first year of school, he had a roommate with whom he never really connected, though he is very close to everyone else on his hallway. So, if he was in his room, his roommate was usually there. And, if he was outside of his room, he was surrounded by friends. He LOVED the social aspect of dorm life, but there were times (mostly around mid-terms and finals) when he needed ZERO stimuli, and couldn’t find peace. We don’t have a lot of money to be tossing about, but I decided that since I live 2000 miles away and couldn’t bring him home for the weekend, I COULD rent him a room at a bed and breakfast down the street from his dorm for a night. So, I did. </p>
<p>I worked it out for him to have early check-in at 2 PM on Saturday and late check-out at 1 PM on Sunday. He was able to take a shower in a CLEAN bathroom (one of his favorite parts of the stay), lay on his bed with his noise-cancelling headphones on without feeling guilty or anti-social, work on a paper or study in peace, watch whatever he wanted to watch on TV, and sleep half the day away on Sunday. He was in heaven. He just picked up something to eat for dinner from one of the campus cafe’s on his way to the B&B, then slept in until almost time to leave the next day. It was $100/night and I did it four times–before mid-terms and finals in the fall and spring. It really recharged him. If you live close enough, to bring your son home some weekends, that’s great. But if that’s not feasible, you might think about just getting him a room somewhere on occasion. It was $400 well spent for DS last year. Fortunately, he has a single room this year, though he’s in a rooming group with five guys from his hall last year, and they are living in a house (dorm) with a notoriously rowdy fraternity. So, we will see how it goes. He may be spending a few nights at the B&B this year, too.</p>
<p>I agree with everything @2016BarnardMom said, too. My son had Christmas lights, too, as did most of the other students on their hall. Much more soothing than the bright overheads. Good luck to your son. I hope this year is a great one for him!</p>
<p>@mathmomvt - thanks for the link! I didn’t know such a place existed at UVM. I will show it to my son. I also decided to tell S about Cala1 S’s-experience - not the whole story but just enough for him to think about strategies for coping. He did like the idea of getting noise-canceling headphones. He said he always wanted a pair but thought they were too expensive - who knew!
@eyemamon - I am glad things went well with the move -in!
@happykidsmom - I like the idea about the Christmas lights and will mention it to my son. The B& B is also a nice idea but I hope he doesn’t need it. </p>
<p>I had a great day today - I didn’t get much accomplished but just hanging out chatting with my son felt good. I had 3 different conversation with S…mostly about his required reading, Cooked by Michael Pollen. He has to pick something he disagrees with and write about it but he agrees with the author…I am sure he will figure it out. It was nice to just chat on and off through out the day…I will miss him but I am feeling better about him leaving. I think it will be good for him to go on the Trek week and come back relaxed. He will be too tired to be anxious…We will be there when he gets back to help him unpack and get settled and maybe take him out to dinner. He will have a day to relax before the big move in day! I was also thinking about inviting him to stay at the cottage the first night he gets back but I am not sure. It would be nice to spend one last night with him before we head home…we’ll just see how it goes…maybe he won’t want to…that would be a good sign! </p>
<p>I forgot to ask - any recommendation for noise canceling headphones that are reasonably priced? </p>
<p>My son has informed me that after he gets back from his Florida vacation with his dad, it will be “Bro Week”. The boys have plans for every day that week before they start moving out. S is one of the last to go so maybe I’ll get time with him right before he leaves. </p>
<p>@oldmom4896 That is the refrigerator that BarnardGirl has. We schlepped it from Detroit to Barnard. It helped to take it out of the box. We took it out of the box and packed stuff inside of it. But if you’re only transporting that one thing, it shouldn’t be so bad. It wasn’t that heavy, just bulky. They had used some heavy duty strapping tape to tape it shut at the manufacturer. To get the adhesive off, I used olive oil. It was the only thing that worked but it worked great. You might want to take a little olive oil with you- or pick up a small bottle at Walmart when you pick up the fridge. Goo Gone might work too. </p>
<p>@happykidsmom I love the idea of getting your S a room off campus a couple of times per year. I’ll keep it in mind if mine is going crazy in the dorm. (We can bring him home too, if needed, but sometimes a room near campus might make more sense.)</p>
<p>^ Agree that’s a great idea. @calla1 - I’m sorry it was a tough week for you and your S. It’s stressful worrying about our kids. Thank you for sharing. You’ve helped many of us by reminding us to talk to our kids about these issues and devise some coping strategies beforehand. My D doesn’t come across as an introvert, yet she requires a lot of alone time. She is easily frazzled by too much noise, too many people, and no privacy. In the past, she has had problems with friends feeling slighted when she declines invitations. We have talked about her being more candid with people so they don’t think she doesn’t like them or doesn’t want to hang out with them. Thinking of you and hoping your S has a better week ahead! </p>
<p>@eyemamom - glad to hear that the move-in went well. Keep us posted on rush!</p>
<p>So D and the BF did well this summer, until this week. The drama has begun. D is sad. I am sad. She has been so excited about college and happier this summer than I’ve seen her in awhile. Her health has been good (it’s always better with plenty of rest and no stress), she liked her job, etc. I hate to see her sad and embroiled in drama these last 2 weeks before launch:(. </p>
<p>@onlyonemom - we paid $260+tax for Boze headphones at Best Buy. So they were pretty expensive. Small potatoes though when thinking about the potential benefit. One thing to note: they don’t cancel out ALL noise, which surprised me. They mainly cancel out the lower frequencies. But combined with slow, soft instrumental music, I think they will work great. I do recommend your son try them in the store to see how he likes them. My son was pleased.</p>
<p>And I just got an email from him, which I will quote verbatim: </p>
<p>“Good news! The decoy iPod is working very well”</p>
<p>Lol - this is the turned-off iPod combined with headphones which also act as earplugs. He’s pretending the music is so loud he’s in his own world! This is more socially acceptable than just ignoring people. :)</p>
<p>@happykidsmom, what a great idea to do the bed and breakfast! He must feel so pampered. I totally get it. </p>
<p>@mathmomvt, I do know what you mean about the importance of getting involved in something. Your point is well taken. He will have more options in the fall, when he is living with other people in his (small) program. This is a summer freshman start program, which gets the students used to college life and classes. He plans to be involved in several groups then. I think we are working out the kinks at this point. </p>
<p>@calla1 Do you have a pointer to the earplug/headphones you got? I think something like that may come in handy for my DS as well (though I will hold off on buying either those or the noise-cancelling headphones until he gets a better idea of what he needs). It’s that’s great that this is “just” a summer start program (I had forgotten that detail), and he’ll have all the “usual” opportunities to join things once the fall quarter starts, so he’s not missing any major opportunities while he’s getting acclimated. </p>
<p>For freshmen just starting in the fall semester, some need a push for whatever reason, and IME it’s worth being pushy about. My DS1 got sick during freshman welcome week and I had to push him to go join things because he just wanted to stay in bed. But what turned out to be his most “important” (to him) activity, his engineering project team, where he has made close friends and built great resume skills, had a fixed “application period” and he would have missed it if I had not pushed. He has continued doing that through his entire time at school. So, we’re both glad I pushed. (I also pushed him to try out for a play, and he got a part, and enjoyed that too, but found doing a play with practices every night, with an engineering course load, was not practical, so he hasn’t done that again since.)</p>
<p>My DS2 plans to join the fencing club and do some rock climbing – I’m pretty sure he’ll join the former right away but may have challenges finding belay partners for climbing at first (being shy as well as introverted). I hope he’ll also join an engineering project team – it seems right up his alley to get to start building something real right away. </p>
<p>@mathmomvt, here is a link to the earbud/earplugs. They are only about $10. We found them at Walmart but I’m sure they are available in many places. They come in several colors. They also come with several sizes of earpieces, so you can get the best fit. </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.walmart.com/ip/22254932?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedItemId=22254940&adid=22222222227000000000&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=41833582510&wl4=&wl5=pla&wl6=19880599990&veh=sem”>http://www.walmart.com/ip/22254932?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedItemId=22254940&adid=22222222227000000000&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=41833582510&wl4=&wl5=pla&wl6=19880599990&veh=sem</a></p>
<p>JVC also makes ‘marshmallow’ earbuds, where instead of rubber the earbud is made of memory foam. Very occlusive in terms of blocking out noise, and very comfortable. You might want to check them out also:
<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/JVC-HAFX32B-Marshmallow-Earbuds-Black/dp/B00DVH265G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407734837&sr=8-1&keywords=jvc+marshmallow”>http://www.amazon.com/JVC-HAFX32B-Marshmallow-Earbuds-Black/dp/B00DVH265G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407734837&sr=8-1&keywords=jvc+marshmallow</a></p>
<p>Thanks for the pointers @calla1 and @AsleepAtTheWheel !</p>
<p>Happykidsmom: The hotel idea is a good one. Sometimes you need a break from everything. During my older son’s freshman year, my husband drove from VA to Alabama to spend a few days with him. One day I called him, only to find that my son was sound to sleep. My husband was reading and watching football alone! Apparently our son slept 12 hours and then went back to bed for a nap. He was that tired. I am prepared for the sleeping kid when parents weekend rolls around for Son #2. I figured that he will want to take a three- or four-hour nap, in addition to spending the evening with me, I won’t complain at all.</p>
<p>Hey guys this is a funny one that you might want to consider…my D has stomach troubles so she was a bit apprehensive about using the hall bath room. But we found this spray called poopouri at the hallmark store which you spray in the bowl before you go and it minimizes any odors…it really works lol! We now use it in out downstairs guest bath. There are small bottles of 2 oz version and also even smaller sprays which both fit in purse. You can get then at hallmark but I have seen it at drugstore.com and Amazon. LOL D is happy about bringing it. If anything it will give the bathroom a bit of fragrance!</p>