<p>@staceyneil - So happy your daughter has found her place! And @Overtheedge - I really hope your daughter doesn’t have mono!</p>
<p>I’m so excited to pick up DD and bring her home tomorrow! Even if it only ends up being for one day. I guess I should be grateful that she’s loving her school so much and doesn’t want to miss out on anything that she doesn’t want to spend too much time at home! But most of her gang is coming home at least for Saturday night so the kids are all getting together downstairs at a friends house and the parents upstairs! That way we parents can see all the other girls as well as our own. Of course, she mostly wants to come home to see the dog :)</p>
<p>Unfortunately DS’11 isn’t coming home as he’s feeling sick and has a big project to do. I’d rather he spend the hours sleeping and getting better than trying to drive home - and not infect us! But he wants to see the dog too so maybe he’ll come home another weekend before Thanksgiving. </p>
<p>So S is asserting his independence. He sent me a link asking if I liked the studs he picked out to get his ears pierced. I don’t really mind pierced ears for young men (tattoos are another matter) but his dad won’t be happy! </p>
<p>D is home for break and is enjoying the time away from school. Today she visited with her two young nieces (3 year old and an 8 month old). The 3 year year old has been quite puzzled by her absence and was very excited to see her today. She even asked if she could take her to her pre-school class tomorrow. </p>
<p>In addition to her visit today, she baked cookies and spent 3 hours working on biology homework. Tomorrow she is visitng her HS and taking the cookies to her college counselor and a couple of her favorite teachers. She seems to have the entire week scheduled. </p>
<p>My d comes home tonight for the long weekend. We just saw her a couple of weeks ago and we’re going next weekend to her school for her sorority’s parents weekend. I always new she was really high maintenance, but not until she was gone did I realize it was nice to be able to focus on something else besides her. Is that terrible to say out loud? She’s going to see the boyfriend on Friday and Saturday at his school. I already threw out the conversation to her that the life he’s choosing being a military officer will pretty much mean she’ll spend 20 years following him around and moving every 2 - 3 years. So that means her dreams will take a back seat for 20 years. And I’m not anti-military at all, my husband was in the army. But I think I’m going to take the conversation a little further while she’s home, which is she will never again live with so many kids her age. If she chooses to date him and then decide in a year or two or more he isn’t the one, she spent years not getting to know other people. And I say this because I know she really likes this kid, they are really quite different in a very fundamental way. Nothing wrong with dating him, they just want very different things out of life. By no means am I saying break up with him, but it’s worth thinking about. And I always tell her, it’s your life, your choice and I support whatever you decide. </p>
<p>DS is flying home late tonight. I am so excited and have been buying all kinds of groceries. For the next four days with DS home, we will be serving Salmon, steak, BBQ ribs, and my special chicken dish. I suppose that love is expressed through food in this house.</p>
<p>@4beardolls – I focused on the cooking also during my son’s recent fall break, but that was mostly to attempt to feed him some more healthy than burgers & pizza! I found myself in the grocery store daily as I was no longer able to properly estimate quantities/consumption. </p>
<p>Now I’m sad that we haven’t got any visits planned until Thanksgiving! HIs younger brother tried to get him to come home next weekend for his birthday, but alas, too late and too difficult – it is homecoming weekend and we are supposed to visit him, not the other way around!</p>
<p>@minnymom that’s really kind of funny! Our son is not likely to ever go for piercings or tattoos but he has announced that he thinks he need some “wheels” and is thinking of inline skates. I sent him his helmet and suggested he start thinking about a campus job next term.</p>
<p>I haven’t been on in a while because things are going very well, knock wood. We’re getting hour-long Skype calls weekly and I’m getting texts in between. For one of our Skype calls all of his posse showed up and he introduced his friends to us. He definitely picked the right school.</p>
<p>For us the other shoe to drop will be the big research paper still due and the one still ungraded (in a class where he has no idea what his grade is yet). Research papers and essays are a big weakness – and he’s on his own now. Gulp.</p>
<p>Parents Weekend coming up for us. My kid pulled back after responding to texts for a month, but seems very happy that I will be there, especially since she is in the snow belt of upstate NY and didn’t bring any winter jackets. The ones I will bring are grossly inadequate for the quarter-mile walk from dorm to class in my very humble opinion, but what do I know, I’m just an old mom. Tomorrow I am off to Chinatown and Soho to purchase the requested street-cart chow fun with fish balls and, from the most ridiculous restaurant imaginable (to me), a giant bowl of specialty rice pudding. The things we do for love! I am definitely looking forward to the visit–August 19, the last day I saw her, is a long time ago!</p>
<p>So nice to read everyone’s posts! This thread has been quiet lately. </p>
<p>@eyemamom - When D and her BF went off to separate schools, I too was concerned that she would miss out on things. Sort of “one foot in, and one foot out.” They broke up shortly after school started. Now she has a new BF and I’m concerned that she may be spending too much time with him and not enough time developing other friendships. I guess it was too much to hope for no BF - lol. </p>
<p>@AvonHSDad - Aww:). Your D sounds so sweet! </p>
<p>@4beardolls - May I come for dinner too? </p>
<p>H and I are heading to Sewanee in the am for Parents Weekend. I need to curtail my CC addiction so I can find something to wear and start packing! </p>
<p>Driving up this afternoon to Boston with DH and DS for parents weekend. I’m so excited and DD Is too. And I spent last night baking my extra special Christmas cookies that I never make before thanksgiving but are the only cookie DD would eat until recently just to surprise her. Roommates parents have been up since Tuesday. Can you do that? Lol </p>
<p>Okay, CC friends, please help me with some input here. Know this was discussed somewhat a few months ago, but what do you feel is a reasonable allowance for spending money each month? D is a college athlete, so we told her we’d provide her spending money her first year (although we expect her to save enough through summer jobs to cover the rest of her 4 years). We increased the amount once already to what I felt was very generous (at least for where we live), but she says it’s not enough. She lives on campus and is on the mealplan. She is in a high cost of living area, being in Malibu, however, I told her she needs to try and budget to stay within her allowance, as there is a limit to how much we can give her. Any thoughts and input, especially from those of you with insight into cost-of-living in CA, is greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>You know, @1dilecon, it really depends on what things cost on campus. My d is also a college athlete, on a mealplan, but most on-campus entertainment things are free or very low cost. We don’t give her spending money as she’s always had a summer job, but I do watch her bank account (I’m on it, so it pops up when I log into mine). She’s averaging under $20 a week, BUT most campus activities are free/low cost. If she had to pay a lot for every CAB sponsored movie or had to pay to go to an athletic event, she’d spend more.</p>
<p>I don’t want her to be a stick in the mud, but college students don’t need to be flush with cash. I’ll stock her with supplies (shampoo, soap, laundry products, etc.) when she comes home. She has a meal plan, so other she shouldn’t need to be purchasing food regularly (I know she buys a lot of cereal for snacks). If 4 kids order a pizza, the cost isn’t great. I know she’ll want a college logo item or two, but she doesn’t need a whole wardrobe of them. And let’s face it, alcohol? Not a justifiable expense for the under 21 crowd. Doesn’t need to be hanging out in bars. </p>
<p>I think you’re going to have to ask just what she’s spending the money on and make a determination. As parents, we give up a lot to pay their college bills. I think we can reasonably expect them to live within our means, too. </p>
<p>My kids provide their own spending money. I pay all costs of attendance - tuition, room, board, sorority dues. I also loaded her up with toiletries and we went shopping before school for clothes. She earmarked $1,000 per semester. She spends about $40/wk. I’m guessing mostly on food off the meal plan and sorority tshirts. </p>
<p>@1dilecon I would ask for some details about where her money is going before determining whether she really needs more. I find Amazon Prime is an easy way to send things like shampoo and other hygiene items if she needs that kind of stuff. </p>
<p>Really appreciate everyone’s input, and we will make sure it’s definitely clear that after this year, her spending will be limited to what she can earn in the summer. I’ll definitely have to check into Amazon Prime for toiletries - never occurred to me she could use it for that. I do think the fact that she’s buying those items from CVS and snacks from the local grocery mart is probably costing her so much more than they would from Target, Amazon Prime, etc.</p>
<p>We pay for all costs of attendance (tuition, room and board, books, fraternity dues, and other fees). We also provide spending money. We deposited $1,000 into DS’s account at the beginning of the semester but I really don’t know how much of it he’s spent. I know he bought himself 2 pairs of pants and a sweatshirt but only because he mentioned it. He spent about $150 to travel to Ann Arbor a couple of weeks ago, and then whatever he spent there for game tickets and meals. </p>
<p>He is on a meal plan, plus has $150 “Case Cash” to use at campus eateries, such as Chipotle, and at local grocery and drug stores. He is also an athlete and gets team meals on some days and he eats twice a week at his fraternity.</p>
<p>We will just replenish his account when he needs more money but given his rate of spending I expect that money to last partway through the second semester. </p>
<p>Having said that, a big part of why he hasn’t spent much money is because we still do supplement his provisions. DH takes him to Target whenever he is on town, which is about every other week during the athletic season. The first time they went DH said he bought about $200 of supplies and snacks. A couple of weeks ago he bought him more snacks and a rug for his room. I send school supplies and random toiletries in the care packages I sent. I have fulfilled requests for socks, sweat pants, and other clothing items that would be more difficult for him to get (these were for specific items that he would have to find at a sporting goods store). I also send a gift card for Chipotle, Visa, etc. every once in a while. Small amounts ($25) but nevertheless a supplement to what money he does have.</p>
<p>His summer earnings are for him to keep (he does pay for his own car insurance and gas money but right now his car is just sitting at home).</p>
<p>@1dilecon - D earned her spending money over the summer, so it’s not coming out of my pocket. Her budget is $100 per week and she spends it all! Some of it goes to food. D has an unlimited meal plan, but usually eats breakfast in her room because of 8 am classes. She buys oatmeal, cereal, milk, coffee, fruit, veggies and snacks to keep in her room. There are also the occasional meals off campus and coffee shop visits. The rest is entertainment, gas, personal maintenance (she’s managed to find a pedi place in rural TN), and what not. </p>
<p>@1dilecon, my D also goes to school in Southern California (but not in beautiful Malibu). I think it is the culture of the school that determines how much a student spends. She and her friends don’t go off campus too much because there are tons of activities when they’re not studying. And the off campus school sponsored events are very inexpensive, a trip to see the play “Jersey Boys” in Hollywood for $20, including transportation?! What a deal! Well, my tuition dollars are partly funding that.</p>
<p>Anyway, I’m guessing it’s not the toiletries and other sundries that are costing a lot. If she goes off campus to eat out a lot, that gets expensive very quickly. My D and some of her friends visited the Pacific Ocean before fall break (because all of them said they couldn’t go back home, out of state, and tell their family they didn’t see the ocean) and had lunch at a burger joint for about $20. She can’t afford to do that very often. As others mentioned, find out where her money is going, and put her on a budget. College is a time to be frugal, for all of us!</p>
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