Hi, all. Got back home a couple of days ago and have been catching up. I am already missing the warm weather and sunshine as I sit here watching the snow fall. How many more days until Spring Break???
Anyway, I think DH and I would have been happy wherever DS chose to go, primarily because he had a carefully crafted list of schools to which he applied. The key was to make sure DS was happy with his choice and he is. It combined almost everything he wanted out of college – strong engineering program, the opportunity to play his sport, and a medium sized student body. The only thing different is the nature of the campus, which is more urban than his ideal, but he says that it still has a campus feel so he is ok with that.
He gets along really well with his roommate, likes his classes, and has a good group of friends. DH and I are happy that he got a good merit scholarship and will have a nice amount of money socked away when he graduates using the leftover funds.
Like many of you, I am gradually turning my attention to a younger child. DD is class of 2018 so I’ve got a bit of time but she tagged along on many college visits so has some idea of what she wants. We will be visiting a completely different set of schools for her, I think!
I catch myself thinking “what if we sent him to an Ivy” sometimes. But whenever college sends bill, I am reaffirmed that DS made the best decision - picking the highest ranking school (also best fit) that gave highest merit scholarship. I am also grateful that DS loves his school!
I think that for some of us, myself included, by our very natures we will second doubt decisions…my H calls me a Monday morning quarterback.
My S2 had an odd college process relative to his brother. His scores and grades were lopsided, with his relative weakness in math. We weren’t sure how his acceptances would go, so his list was longer than his older brother’s and wider. He ended up applying ED2 to a school that offers no merit, but a week before he heard from them he was accepted to USC as a trustee finalist…$180,000 merit money, and the day he was accepted ED2 he was also accepted to WUSTL as a finalist for a merit award of $12,000. We were shocked bc his GPA was an outlier for merit, and for WUSTL, even for acceptance. Earlier he had won a $120,000 merit award from Tulane but it wasn’t among his favorite schools & wasn’t the best fit for him, so we lost no sleep over that one. But I still lose sleep over the USC and WUSTL $. And also over giving up on his ED school that deferred him and that he had to withdraw from when he was accepted ED2.
The week he heard from USC was a tough one…lots of conversation about whether he should convert his ED2 App to RD, but his GC discouraged him from doing that. And my son also got cold feet about moving across country. I remember going to bed the night the USC award letter arrived and asking my H what we should do, that’s such a huge amount of $ and an excellent school. He said we didn’t make it about the $ for our first child, how could we for the second. Well, it means that we’ll sacrifice and also retire later. We started saving for these kids’ college tuition 8 years before they were born. We lived on one salary and banked the other. We’ve always lived beneath our means. Lived in a one bedroom apt until our first kid was 3 and moved into our home a week before giving birth to S2. Drive our cars for close to 15 years or more, shop sparingly for clothing, cook most of our meals from scratch…eat out about twice a month. We’ve spent some money on travel and on home furnishings, but that’s it. Still, I wouldn’t mind that $180,000 windfall, lol. So yes, occasionally I second guess these decisions. But son just made the dean’s list for first semester, had two really tough, extraordinary profs, loves his roommate and has made some very good friends. There’s always a silver lining
Yes^^^^… we just had a family conference call about applying for RA positions. Both my girls applied and made it to the first interview. However, we now understand that an RA position will severely limit the amount of extracurricular time they have for their minor - theater. My husband said “This is why we worked so hard and saved; to allow our kids to experience all that college has to offer.” We still expect our kids to contribute financially, but the RA position might be a bit extreme in terms of cmtmt. And so… it doesn’t always come down to money, if you have enough to spare.
Oh and that Ivy statement - Ditto here. Should we have just bit the $$ bullet? Oh well, there’s always grad/med school.
@2014novamom, our criteria was almost the same except she wanted small to mid-size schools and she happy where she is at
You are right, we can afford her school, we do not have to take loans and she is happy and is using the opportunities the school presents. I can’t help but think “what if she was closer” when I miss her though. It is a great experience for her to be able to be on her own, I would have sheltered her if she was closer. Missing her so much!
The being closer is a good thing. Bringing my D home tonight for an emergency dental appointment tomorrow (Friday). Then its back on the train before dawn Saturday morning to be on campus for an 11:30 meeting. Close is good.
^^^I agree, especially when “close” also means your kiddo is going to school with kids from all over the country. That was my dream for my son, but it just wasn’t viable. The local schools that fit that bill weren’t interested in him.
I agree with the close too. Next Friday DD has a doctor’s appointment to try to figure out why she’s suddenly experiencing vertigo. Couldn’t get to the specialist during the time she was home so it will be a quick pick up and drop off in one afternoon. I’m hoping they can figure things out and she will again be able to use an elevator - it’s made getting to some of the floors in the library she likes to use difficult! And her BFF and her mom went to visit her for a quick visit today before the BFF goes back to school so that was nice!
We’ve been having the RA talk too. It’s something she wants to do but there are some other things that she’s learned about recently that would conflict so she’s going to apply to both I think and figure it out more. Hopefully I’ll learn more during next week’s car ride.
I suppose close is all relative! DS isn’t close driving-wise, but he is only an hour flight away, which is easy for us. DH went to every home game in the fall and I visited twice. This semester I go out first week of February for a mother-son event at his fraternity, then DH goes at the end of that month for a father-son thing.
I agree if he had a medical issue that could only be treated by local doctors I wouldn’t consider necessarily consider Cleveland “close” although at only an hour flight, he could easily do an overnight or day trip. I’m pretty sure there are competent doctors and dentists at Case, though. In fact, I just got an email that the dental school would be giving free dental exams, cleanings, x-rays, and oral cancer screenings to students on Saturday.
@2014novamom – I would feel more comfortable with doctors at Case than I would with doctors in many college towns! (Says she who thinks nothing of running up to Yale or down to NYC, if needed for medical care.)
The four hour drive to my son’s campus means that our only visits will be drop-off in August, Freshman Parents’ Weekend, and pick-up in May. We could visit but he is home often enough that there isn’t a need. (No team sports participation.)
D hasn’t expressed any regrets. She loves her school, classes, has a BF and a good group of friends. This week she’s going through sorority rush. Saturday is bid day and I’m keeping my fingers crossed. At this point, she’d make the same decision again.
I, on the other hand, have second guessed the decision for a few reasons. Although D was prepared, the workload at her school is pretty intense. It’s definitely a “work hard, play hard” place which puts a lot of demands on a perfectionist girl with health limitations and anxiety issues. I don’t remember my S at state flagship having nearly as much work and I wonder if she might have been better served by a less rigorous school. She is going to counseling, and, so far, managing the stress, but I have my fears.
It would be easier too if she were closer to home. The 7 1/2 hour drive isn’t bad, but it’s not like she can just pop home to rest or for a doctor appt. Between travel time to airport, check-in, and indirect flights, it’s not much quicker- and more expensive - to fly.
Then there’s the cost. The in-state option would have been SO much cheaper. Money is tight.
Still, at the end of the day, I’m happy that she’s happy. I think there would’ve been more “what ifs” and second guessing if she had chosen a different school.
Both of my kids are at the right school for them. However, I firmly believe they’d make the best of almost everywhere. My son’s tuition is about 2x as much as my d’s. At the time he really wasn’t ready for a big state U, however he now says if he had gone to our state U - Univ of Maryland, he would have been fine. But he’s better off where he is, smaller, will live on campus all 4 years and just more academically rigorous and a certain type of kid.
D is at the right school for her. No regrets whatsoever.
Good think I don’t like nice things Our lives have focused on saving so neither will graduate with debt. Now I hate to say this for fear of sounding terrible - I sure hope neither marries someone with a ton of college debt.
My d is very happy with her choice. Her sister was happy with her choice as a freshman, too. By junior year and definitely now as a senior? She’d have looked for something different. You make the best choice you can at the time with the information you have in front of you. That’s what we all did. “What iffing” is wasted energy.
@eyemamom, I don’t think that’s terrible, it’s realistic. I had a “this is terrible, but realistic” conversation with my D about the possibility of her getting married, having a baby, and leaving the workforce at 25 or so, after we footed the bill for an expense college education. She was rightfully indignant, saying that I would never have this conversation with her brother.
And she’s right. As @ordinarylives wrote, “what iffing” is wasted energy. My sis reminded me that the college education she will receive will enrich and expand her life in whatever she ends up doing, whether it’s being a stay at home mom or being a CEO of a big company. I just wish it wasn’t so expensive, but that was our choice.
Being closer than 700 miles would be a good thing for my son right now. He went back to the student health center the other day, still complaining of this hacking cough. He knows he needs meds. He just cannot convince them! So they gave him an inhaler. That will not cure the infection that he knows that he has. He said that he knows if he were home, this all would be taken care of. Hopefully his track coach can get him into see the team doctor, and he will listen to my son. If not, I guess I am making more telephone calls to find him a doctor in his college town.
@LibbyT - My parents footed an expensive private school education for me. Then, I went to law school, got married at 24, had baby at 25, and became a stay at home mom. At the time, my parents were very disappointed.
Fast forward - Job losses and other issues with now ex-H, divorce, practically no child support - I returned to the workforce and have been the primary source of support for my kids. I put the oldest through college debt free and I’m now trying to do the same for D.
You never know where life may lead. Regardless of the path she chooses, her education will serve her well.
@akmom124 I also experience vertigo. I believe it is related to my automimmune disease. I hope your D’s isn’t too bad. Mine is just a mild annoyance, really, but then again I don’t play sports. Good luck.
My son was experiencing light-headedness and the doctor said it was fairly common for late teens. It seems to have gotten better on its own.
I had a bout of that vertigo, @felicita . The young doctor I went to told me which ear had the loose crystals (which helped) but admitted she had not successfully taken a patient through the maneuver. I then did the maneuver at home by watching YouTube videos. Next time I saw the doctor she told me she knew it was unacceptable to not be able to do it and so she learned how as a result of my case.
Our lives have focused on saving so neither will graduate with debt. Now I hate to say this for fear of sounding terrible - I sure hope neither marries someone with a ton of college debt.