<p>My son doesn’t do anything close to 5-7 hours a night. I think he does 15 minutes - 2 hours, usually closer to 15 minutes. In fact, we just had a talk today that he needs to step that up a bit and put in 2 hours a day until he gets on more solid ground with his grades. He gets everything done, but doesn’t impose very high standards on himself as far as quality of work, and I don’t think he knows how to study right. I can’t imagine him ever filling 5-7 hours every night though. Or having the mental stamina to.</p>
<p>My older daughter was not like this. If I did not witness my younger one in action I would never believe it. She sits in the kitchen for 7 hours doing work without any breaks, except to eat something for 10 minutes.</p>
<p>Some kids are more efficient than others, some get work done in odd “down times” while others might just goof off, and some need more study time (for tests, as opposed to completing assignments) than others. That makes it really hard to compare or come up with a “right amount” of study time. The kids with more going on extra-curricularly tend to be more efficient than those who don’t, but that’s both self-selection and lack of choice. Also some kids read faster than others, or retain more/less. That’s really relevant when kids start taking rigorous, advanced classes. </p>
<p>I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here.</p>
<p>No right or wrong. My daughter works a lot due to her intensity, perfectionism, and anxiety. Her sister did not. Sometimes I wish I can mix them together and get something in the middle lol.</p>
<p>I wanted to add that her friends do the same… So maybe she feels the need to do it too.</p>
<p>Welcome BunHeadMom! Sorry your D has had such a rough go, but I’m glad things seem to be going much better for her.</p>
<p>As for homework, I agree there is no right or wrong. My D is much like PinotNoir’s S - I don’t see a whole lot of homework being done - maybe 2hrs max/day. She was complaining today that she has “like 4 hours of homework” which is indeed a lot for her.</p>
<p>Anybody have big spring break plans? My D is visiting her dad in Cali, so it’s a nice break for me and she’ll tour a couple of schools to start to get a feel for things.</p>
<p>BunHeadMom, welcome aboard. It sounds like your daughter has gone through a pretty hard time but also that things are looking up for her…and that you’re doing a great job of helping her do that. Bless you both. </p>
<p>Maxwelleq, congrats to your daughter. That’s impressive! Is she going to be able to do band at school next year? I’m sure the band director is missing her!</p>
<p>@IJustDrive - Couldn’t agree with you more - no right or wrong answer. Every child is SO different it’s hard to make apples-to-apple comparison. Personally, I think 2hr/day is good amount.</p>
<p>@suzy100 - S1 goes to grad school in Bay area. Beautiful area with good schools. Enjoy!</p>
<p>Homework…I’m actually feeling like D might be a slacker in comparison to some of your kids. I’d say she does about 2-4 hours of homework each evening and another 6-8 over the weekend. More, of course, when she’s preparing for big tests and LOTS more during finals. </p>
<p>I’m not sure when she’d be able to do more during the week without cutting something out—she usually leaves for school about 7:30am for ECs that meet in the morning and isn’t done until 4:30pm most afternoons because that’s when they work on the yearbook and literary mag. Then she has dance two nights a week for 1-2 hours plus additional rehearsals for duets and small group performances from October-through-November and February-through-April. Dance show, V-show, recital, and dance competitions have rehearsal and performance demands, too. Plus, her ECs involve a lot of half-time responsibilities during Friday night football and basketball games because school clubs run the concession stands and she also choreographs the special ed pep squad (one of her favorite ECs). </p>
<p>Oh, and she has to keep up with “Project Runway” and “Dance Moms,” on top of that. ;)</p>
<p>Even with that relatively loose schedule and less-than-active social life, I worry about her getting burnt out. And I’ll admit that we’re sort of sticklers about family dinner—it’s something that we try to make sure we do together every evening.</p>
<p>Spring break—road trip time! We’re going to visit JHU, UNC, and Duke. And see my 23-year-old niece who lives in VA. </p>
<p>I have to admit that D and I love to get in the car and drive. When we’re not singing along to oldies or discussing important things like the meaning of life and why there aren’t any good vintage clothing stores in the 'burbs, I listen to my books on tape while she reads. It’s surprisingly relaxing. :)</p>
<p>Road trip for us too!! Visiting schools in Pennsylvania and Boston. A little early but it’s nice to get away. My daughter is also busy with ECs- fundraising in the community, student council, yearbook, sports, tutoring etc. Boy- these kids are so so busy!!</p>
<p>Twogirls, where are you visiting in Boston? Tufts is currently D’s top choice reach school, and we’re planning a trip in June or July and would like to add some additional schools to our agenda. She just snorts when my husband suggests arranging a tour at Harvard or MIT, but there ARE other schools in the Boston area that I think she might be interested in. Any suggestions?</p>
<p>We are looking at Northeastern and Boston U just to get a sense of city schools. Decided against Tufts cause it’s very pricey and they do not give merit aid. In Pa we will visit Lehigh. During the winter break we saw the U of Rochester, Cornell ( no merit aid but NYS rates), SUNY Binghamton and Geneseo. Junior year we will go south and then start re- visiting and interviewing. It’s quite a process to say the least. In October there is always a huge college fair around here so I suppose we will attend and see what transpires.</p>
<p>Honestly I feel as though I just went through this process with my older daughter, and now it’s starting again.</p>
<p>I’ll be very interested in hearing your impressions of Boston U. I’ve suggested that as well as Northeastern and Brandeis, but BU sounds especially interesting because they have such a great public health department. D was a little put-out when the an admissions counselor was sort of curt in response to an e-mail she sent (compared to Tufts and JHU, who were extremely nice), but I told her that was one person and one person is not a reason to cross an excellent school off her list of “potentials.” </p>
<p>On the other hand, she did just email me a list with 45 schools that would be “acceptable” to her and that she would like to request info from. (I can’t find the eye-roll emoticon here…if I did, I’d use it!) She’s got the makings of a great researcher—she’s relentless when it comes to getting background information.</p>
<p>I know what you mean…we did this 8 years ago with our son. But he was such a different kid, so this time around everything is new to me. All the rules have changed!</p>
<p>My daughter is anxious ( getting therapy to learn relaxation techniques), and is an intense perfectionist. For her I think it would be best to attend a college where she is academically towards the top, to help reduce the stress a little. Even if she got into a crap shoot - top school my fear is that she would go off the deep end due to the intensity. She is also not much of a partier. She just told me that she wants an alcohol free dorm and she wants to sign one of those " no party" agreements that some schools offer. I’ll tell you… My older one is a good kid, but very different.</p>
<p>Elliemom- 45 schools… Wow!! I thought about Brandeis but I think she wants a bigger school. We may decide to take a look just in case- you never know. My older daughter is so relaxed and easygoing; she can be happy anywhere. Not this one !!</p>
<p>One of the schools we are visiting in Boston ( don’t remember which) includes lunch with a student. I will definitely keep you posted EllieMom!!</p>
<p>Elliemom, we also looked at colleges 8 years ago. I feel completely unequal to the task this time around. I feel like I don’t know the rules or how this kid fits in. As to Boston, would your D consider Wellesley? My middle D was dead set against women’s colleges until she visited one and fell in love. Your road trip to JHU, UNC and Duke sounds fun! </p>
<p>Twogirls, my D is an anxious one too and so far my contribution to this process has been protecting her from some of the nutsiness around her. We will probably look at schools this summer and then more in earnest next year. I have to say I’m kind of at a loss even in identifying schools to visit for this kid. I understand what you are saying about intensity and I completely agree but I have to caution you against weighing schools based on where you think your d will be at the top vs. at the bottom. My impression is that there isn’t as much variation between the schools we all look at and think of as the uber competitive schools and those that we think must be less intense. It really doesn’t work that way–my oldest D’s friends who were most relaxed in college were the Yalies followed by the WUSTL’s. I think there are personalities to schools and some generate intensity while others are more nurturing–but this doesn’t correspond neatly with acceptance rates. Look at some of the reach schools that appeal to your D but look to see which ones provide support and encouragement and emphasize this in their personality. </p>
<p>BunHeadMom, welcome! You have a strong and positive attitude and it’s nice to read that your D is feeling better after such a lot of trauma.</p>