<p>Twogirls, I always said that I wished I could blend my girls and come up with the perfect mix of temperament! My eldest never seemed to do much work. Never. When you asked her if she had any work, she’d shrug and say, “Oh I did it at school during my free period.” My middle daughter was much more nervous about homework but she was not unbalanced and while she worked hard, it didn’t seem excessive.</p>
<p>Youngest D works too hard and is too serious. She takes assignments that are meant to be small and easy assignments and turns them into something over the top. I actually smile when she suggests that she’ll leave something for the next day to be completed during a free period.</p>
<p>D, on average, has about 2 hours of homework per night, including Fridays, plus studying an additional 30 minutes to an hour for any up & coming tests for the following week and an additional 2-3 hours on Sundays. D finds she earns A’s with the current # of hours she puts in, and does not study a minute more, as feels it does not equate to a higher grade.</p>
<p>Spring Break coincides with Passover, so will only visit local schools: Carleton, St. Olaf, Macalester, U of St. Thomas, and U of MN to get a feel of small, medium, large, and XL campuses along with student “vibe”. The only school of interest to D is Macalester, which is her HMFR school based on current stats. D does not want to be more than 12 hours drive away from home, so limits us greatly in our college search since there is not much within 12 hours of MN that has D’s major of interest.</p>
<p>3girls yes I understand what you are saying and I agree. I guess what I really mean is that I want a school that does not feel so intense to her, if such a school even exists. For example, my nephew did not like Cornell or Hopkins because he felt they were too intense. He goes to UNC-CH and loves it, although there are intense kids there as well. I need to find a good match for her personality.</p>
<p>Wow, ElleMom, I wish my D provided 1/2 as many schools as your D. I’m impressed that your D is so involved in the process as a sophomore, which makes your job as “adviser” a lot easier than some of us who must pull teeth to obtain a list of 3 schools.</p>
<p>3girls your youngest sounds like my youngest. It’s very draining, isn’t it? I have to say that the relaxation techniques seem to be working, thank goodness. I will be searching for a school that is not overly intense for her, that matches her personality, that offers support services if needed, and that has kids for her to hang with that are in her comfort zone. Campus visits and re-visits will be important. It’s like having another job!</p>
<p>Right now we are definitely in the information gathering stage rather than the decision-making stage, so we’ve let D cast her net wide. We just weren’t expecting it to be quite as wide as it is. We hadn’t thought of Wellesley, but I’ll mention it. (Not that she needs more schools, but she wants to “keep an open mind” at this point.)</p>
<p>I agree about factoring in the intensity level to figure out a good match, but it can be very subjective. JHU and Tufts look almost the same on paper—tuition, size, admission stats—but they seem to have a very different vibe. Of course we want to get a sense of that ourselves, but, by reputation, JHU seems pretty intense and focused while Tufts presents an image that is a little quirkier and less driven (and it has the dance collective, which is a big plus for D). Now, we’ll see if that holds true once we talk to more people and actually visit the campuses. I love the idea of lunch with a student.</p>
<p>Agree, twogirls, that’s my mission too for my D. I worry a lot about her being in a place where she will feel too much stress and be surrounded by “go-getters” who will mow over her. To some extent this already goes on in high school. She is the shy one who does all the work but doesn’t enjoy the limelight. </p>
<p>UNC-CH is supposed to be a fantastic place because while there are lots of intense, highly motivated bright kids, it’s not the primary vibe of the place. My eldest visited there when she was considering an MFA program and loved it–lamented for weeks after that she hadn’t considered it as an undergrad.</p>
<p>BunHeadMom, the schools you are visiting are schools I love, especially St. Olaf (music!), Macalester, and Carleton, even with the cold that goes with them. </p>
<p>I haven’t yet decided whether to visit schools with D over her spring break. I remember doing this with my older girls and the sheer number of other people visiting was staggering. This will add more stress to an already stressed kid who already thinks she doesn’t have what it takes to get in to most schools.</p>
<p>Yes I also heard about the " quirkiness" at Tufts. I totally get what you are saying about how two schools can look similar yet have a different vibe, as we experienced that with our older one. And yes, intensity is very subjective. I guess the best thing we can do is visit the schools- and keep the list under 45 LOL!!</p>
<p>3girls it is really working!! She has learned to write out a schedule and cross things off, plan scheduled breaks, etc. The other day she was stressed so I grabbed her and we started running around the house singing the ABCs!! So silly but it worked!!</p>
<p>Yes although I did not see it, the movie was shown in our school district. My friend who saw the movie said it was quite powerful. I do not push my daughter to do anything- this all comes from her ( and from the school, I suppose). She is in the top 2% and grasps concepts easily so on some level I can’t blame the school for recommending these classes, however her health and happiness always come first. Thankfully she is very happy despite being busy. I tell her on a daily basis that she needs to have fun ( hates tv, does not love going to the movies, but loves to bake and ice skate). I also tell her everyday that it’s perfectly ok and acceptable do poorly on a test- but it’s not her nature to let that happen. I am waiting for the day when she comes home with a 60 so I can say " yippee.!" I have two kids- one is a strong average student who is happy- go - lucky. She studies, but does not make herself crazy ( although this is changing now that she is in college), and I have another one who is a high achiever, was in the gifted program since 3rd grade, and is a perfectionist taking the advanced classes. Both of my kids grew up in the same house and went to the same high school. I have to assume that genes play into this as well because my older one is not like this.</p>
<p>On some level I do think that personality factors into this, at least partly. My mother has a neighbor who is 40 years old, graduated from Hopkins, and does medical research. My mother was telling her about my daughter, and the neighbor told her that she was the same way in HS and continues to be that way now. I would imagine that her HS experience was not quite as intense as today’s, but who knows.</p>
<p>One last thought before I am late for work- when the school year begins in September I tell my daughter that she has my permission and total support to go to guidance at any time and drop down in a class. If she feels stressed, overworked, etc… Just walk into guidance and drop down. She has not done it- no interest.</p>
<p>EllieMom: *Spring break—road trip time! We’re going to visit JHU, UNC, and Duke. And see my 23-year-old niece who lives in VA.</p>
<p>I have to admit that D and I love to get in the car and drive. When we’re not singing along to oldies or discussing important things like the meaning of life and why there aren’t any good vintage clothing stores in the 'burbs, I listen to my books on tape while she reads. It’s surprisingly relaxing.*</p>
<p>EllieMom, we will probably be looking at the same schools at some point, but probably later when we get a feel for what her scores will really look like. She’s going to need merit, and they each give some I think (not sure about Duke) so I’m leery of her falling in love with a place that we ultimately can’t send her to even if she get in.</p>
<p>Jealous that you and your D get along so well! Going through a rough patch right now with my D. I just want my sweet kid back.</p>
<p>And here’s the eyeroll for you! :rolleyes:</p>
<p>We have a huge college fair at the school tomorrow night. Are these even worth it? It seems like it will just be a big cattle call, but I’ll definitely go if my D wants to.</p>
<p>Be careful of the dates on these scholarship applications. D1 applied to both schools and was accepted. Our deal was I would help her look for scholarships. I looked at this one and noted the application deadline on our spreadsheet. The only problem was I looked at the deadline for first year students- not incoming students. By the time d pulled up the application the deadline had expired. Did I feel bad. D1 applied to 10 schools with their associated scholarships- too many. We were not surprised that one fell through the crack.</p>
<p>I definitely will create a spreadsheet as you did when the time comes & check & double check due dates. </p>
<p>Did the spreadsheet, outside of the one mishap, make keeping up with the schools easier than a paper file? I might have to do both.</p>
<p>My D15 already knows the type of campus environment and student body she seeks. We just have to find that magic school, which is off the table until the end of next school year. We already discussed financial safeties as far as public institutions go, and have a nice list of 6 schools with student populations under 20K that do not require high stats or test scores. Each has the major and in most cases, the minor D15 wants. So, we’ll apply to them early senior year in order to “hold” D15’s place just in case. </p>
<p>We, too, will seek out schools that will not break the spirit of learning and definitely will stay away from grade deflation institutions, as D wants a rigorous school environment that also affords her the ability to socialize and time to participate in clubs and organizations. We plan to visit a number of the CTCL institutions, as many appear on paper to be exactly what D wants. </p>
<p>She prefers LACs, as do I, so we’ll have to sit back and wait to see how this college lottery turns out in roughly 20-24 months.</p>
<p>I agree that there’s no right amount of studying. But there are some wrong amounts - like 15 minutes or less per night and disappointing grades. ;)</p>
<p>I love my spreadsheets. I can’t keep a lot of paper organize, but for some reason I’m really good at filing things on the computer, so I keep it all electronically. Plus, I find the process of creating the spreadsheet really valuable in sorting everything out in my mind.</p>
<p>S has no idea what kind of school he wants (or what to major in), although he did mention the other day that he likes the idea of going somewhere where he’ll see some of his high school classmates. This is completely the opposite of what my oldest was looking for!</p>