Thanks for the advice @carolinamom2boys I know she is a first generation college student so her parents don’t have any experience in this situation
https://www.sage.edu/student-life/residence-life/living-at-sca/
@readingclaygirl, there is so much wrong with this situation.
The overnight guest policy says that first year students are not allowed overnight guests in the first two weeks, and that the roommate has to agree, and that overnight guests are limited to five times a month.
Since that girl is in violation with the policy, the other RA should be able to do something.
I agree @mommdc . She’s choosing not to.
Another 2016 dropoff in the books! D left at Princeton yesterday. We made a family vacation of it, arriving 6 days early and bringing along the older and younger sister. Lots of fun. The actual day was quite a whirlwind, but well organized. I would have enjoyed more opportunity to chat with other parents…such a diverse group! My husband, however, was thrilled that there was little opportunity to chat with other parents
@mommdc @carolinamom2boys at the urging of an upperclasswoman she called public safety to take care of it because it is a code violation. So if a guy shows up and she lets public safety know by calling them, they can come up, make the guy leave, potentially ban him from campus, and get the roommate in trouble too.
@GoodGrief16 What is it with men and women :)) My hubby was the same way. I suspect he was attempting to keep his emotions in check. Yeah right! That didn’t last at all :)) Me on the other hand was chatting it up with all the parents.
DS called!!! He sounds like he has had a little fun, a lot of homework and is looking forward to a meal at home in a few weeks. It was so good hear his voice. 
You’ve likely heard of roommate contracts or agreements. But have you ever heard of parents-student agreements?
I think we’re going to need one. D16, in an effort to “be independent,” did something today that we had instructed her not to do (and we have very few “rules” in our family). It put her personal safety at risk, and now we’re left trying to figure out what we could have said as parents to make her understand this was a non-negotiable condition for her going away to college. I’m thinking we really need to list our expectations and compare them with her list of expectations, and figure out if we can get to a consensus on “rights and responsibilities.”.
But, where does one even begin with the parents’ possible expectations for a freshman? It seems it’d be easier to draw a roommate agreement. That seems to have more typical categories for consideration (housekeeping, noise, visitors, paper-goods costs, etc.).
Ultimately, I’m wondering what type of conditions might parents put on a freshman before pulling college funding if those conditions aren’t met (we’re nowhere near that nuclear option…yet). I’ve seen funding pulled over grades and substance abuse, even choice of major (but we’re not worried on those fronts for D16).
My DH says we should be thankful to have had this wake-up call so early in D16’s college career (which is only in its 9th day as of today). It really broadsided us.
Found possible fodder, which we’d have to tailor: http://collegemanual.blogspot.com/p/parent-student-college-contract.html?m=1
^^^What did she do?
I feel sorry for this generation because they cannot get away with anything. I think we have too much ability to surveille. Not saying this about diyu13’s daughter so much as my own. I wouldn’t know he’d been mountain climbing without Facebook.
@readingclaygirl , the girl with the bad roommate…are the guys spending the night or is your friend uncomfortable with the mere presence of guys in her room? You did well to call the police on the passed out girl. So much could have been wrong. My son seemed shocked when he told me he has seen his first drunk person. I guess he’s a little sheltered. As a college freshman I took a long weekend trip to NYC without telling my parents. I was shocked to see a female passed out on the sidewalk. She was homeless, I think, before they called them homeless. In those days they were winos.
Now when our kids spend their first days on campus it is very difficult for us to learn how to trust they make right choices with this newly found freedom. I guess the most important thing at this point is to keep open line of communication with them, because if we forbid something and they really want to do it, they will do it anyway without telling us. As I am writing this my own daughter is running somewhere around campus and it is past 1am where she is at. But she texts me her location every half an hour and she is with a large group of friends. Am I comfortable? No. Will I tell her go to her dorm now? No again.
I think I need more information before I could offer any concrete advice, @dyiu13 . Your non-negotiable might be someone else’s “Eh, whatever” or a third parent’s “It’s not my thing, but she’s 18, and it was legal.”
Some on CC believe “My money, my rules,” period. But It would really take something life-altering for me to pull my part in her college funding. However, we do ask for basic common sense and respect. For the most part, though, I think most of us have to trust our kids, and recognize that they’re going to do things differently than we might at times. As said above, keep the lines of communication open. I think it would be very, very hard to insist on a contract when your child is 18 and living away from home, other than asking them to meet the terms of any scholarships and not getting written up for illegal choices or those that violate the school codes.
I agree with @OspreyCV22 . We were not able to be tracked, contacted and monitored 24/7 when we were in school, and our experiences by definition, were very different from today’s college students. I’m not sure I SHOULD know what D is up to every minute. Otherwise she isn’t getting the chance to learn to make more of her own decisions. But I understand that not everyone agrees with this.
@Cheeringsection I cried with joy ready your post! I’m so glad he’s enjoying his time 
We started letting our sweet girl have more freedom in her freshman year of high school. I thought I was doing well with it by allowing her to do overnight summer camps and sleepovers in middle school :)) Well then she asked to attend her first concert as a 9th grader called the SnakePit. It’s a concert which occurs on turn 3 during the Indianapolis 500! She loved all the music and had a great time but my hair almost fell out!
http://www.indystar.com/story/entertainment/2016/05/29/live-indy-500-snake-pit/84992762/
Since going the first time as a high school freshmen, she’s attended the SnakePit concert two more times, studied abroad twice, attended numerous other concerts and summer camps at four different colleges.
While allowing her to attend those initial concerts gave me heart palpitations, she said she saw people drunk and girls half dressed and was shocked. On the other hand she said she learned that you don’t have to get drunk and loose your mind to have fun. In our situation, letting go and allowing that freedom in high school set the stage for her to comfortably allow us access in college. I’m sure we will have our white knuckle moments but I remind her, on occasion, of the “Three C’s”.
As a recruiter for my agency I give presentations to college students. In those presentations I always discuss the “Three C’s”. Those are Credit, Character and Criminal History. I remind them that they are adults now and what’s done in the dark will come to light.
@dyiu13 I can understand your hesitance to post what your D did, but I can’t imagine anything that would rise to the level you describe. My first thought was that she must have gotten drunk at a frat party, but then later you say it didn’t have anything to do with substance abuse. I just don’t know.
The whole point of them going away is that they learn to be adults and make their own decisions. Some if those decisions may not be good ones, but that’s how you learn. When I think back to my teens and early twenties I just shake my head at some of the things I did. I can’t imagine having a contract with my adult child about what type of behavior is acceptable. At this point, as long as she is going to classes, studying, and making adequate progress toward a degree, we will continue to pay the bill.
Well surprise surprise…
http://www.businessinsider.com/college-text-book-prices-are-getting-out-of-control-2016-9
Thanks @HappyFace2018 ! It really made my weekend to hear from him. I have been resisting a strong urge to drive up for the holiday weekend knowing he would not have much time for us. The call made it clear I made the right choice.
@Cheeringsection when I read your post I was in the basement cleaning and yelled up to my hubby “CHEERINGSECTION’S SON CALLED!” As I ran upstairs ai noticed a tear in his eye! This is what I love about this thread! We are all pulling for each other [-O<
@dyiu13 tell us what happened so we can help. No judgement because we know how hard this is. :x
@OspreyCV22 They were definitely spending the night and/or participating in certain recreational activities. I was definitely very shocked to see a (most likely) drunk person as well. @dyiu13 I hope everything works out.
Our S16 called S16 around midnight and also talked to wife for a little while. A lot of people had gone home, so he was a little lonely. He’s planning on coming home for the weekend in a couple of weeks. First, there’s a film festival going on. Second, the associate minister at our church resigned and S wants to be there for his last service.
@dyiu13 - We have some things we have tried our best to let our two know that we would rather not have them do. Personal body issue things such as tattoos and additional piercings. However, I am fully prepared for it to happen. Is it something along those lines? I actually offered them a cash bonus if they can finish college without these things. But someone did point out to me that they will probably user that cash to get a happy graduation tattoo or piercing. Can’t win!!!