Parents of the HS Class of 2018 (Part 1)

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
6401

@Melvin123 - yeah, you’re right. Do I keep pushing & wreck our relationship for years to come or for good, or do I back off & maybe watch her let opportunities pass her by because she just doesn’t have the experience to see them right in front of her.

Believe me I (and many, many of us) have been right at that point where you are now. But every kid and every situation is different. Yikes - I’m glad you responded to my post as I’d feel like crap if you just kept pushing and wound-up in a bad place with your D because of some crappy advice from me!!!

You know your own D better than anyone, so my (new) advice is to just listen to all of our stories and what we tried and then filter it all out & pick out the stuff that might make sense to try in your particular situation.

If you met my daughter, you’d think she’s the sweetest kid on earth. But, you wouldn’t believe the venom that came out of her during a crazy, stressful junior year of HS when she just took on too many classes, ECs, and other projects and then had me bugging her about taking SATs, ACTs, Subject Tests, etc. Something had to give & she unleashed all of her fury on me. Of course, as the parent, I’m thinking “I’m doing all of this for you, and you’re treating me like this!!”

So yeah, for us too it was a lot of backing-off at this time, a little nudging at another time, and almost just saying the hell with it and giving-up at other times. Quite the roller coaster ride and huge parental challenge that I didn’t feel qualified for. Will she wind-up hating me because I pushed too hard? Do I just give-up? Do I just let her fail? Do I hang-in there and keep plugging? Do I? Do I? Do I? Unfortunately, there’s no parental manual to give us the exact advice we need to get us though these trying challenges of guiding teenagers who are going through their own issues we may not even be aware of.

I’m sure I’ve somewhat hit on parts of your story while telling you my experience. I’ve tried any and all of the different combinations mentioned above and somehow must have stumbled on the right combination or maybe my daughter just saw me trying so hard that she decided to take pity on my and just cooperate a little bit more.

That’s what I really meant to say to you last night when I was too tired to type all of this. Keep plugging really meant to keep trying to find the right combination that works for you guys.

I’m happy & relieved to say that our situation worked out & she still likes me (today anyway) and actually told me that she’s glad I stuck with her through all of the turbulence because (yes, she really did admit) that without my help, she wouldn’t be in the good position (filled with lots of opportunities) she’s in today.

Best of luck to you as you wind your way through this - and we’re all with you !!!

6402

Every case is different, but there is a lot of commonality. We all have many miles to travel together with our DSs & DDs. (This is our 3rd time through the gauntlet). As tough as it is, remember that it all ends up just fine by next September: no one cares about SATs/ACTs; essays, etc. It is all about roommates, new towels, shower caddys, etc… Keep breathing and LOVE that kid on the couch.

6403

@bearcatfan , Way to go on the apps! Sounds like a good start to the Labor Day weekend!

6404

Way to go @bearcatfan! You make me feel like D18 and I are slackers! Btw, UC is D18’s #1 choice.

6405

@vistajay That’s really interesting about the Rice application fee waiver. I too wonder how the flooding will affect their numbers.

6406

Oh congrats @bearcatfan on hitting all those submit buttons!! <:-P We are so far from that but I imagine it feels like a load is off your shoulders, even if there are now other loads to deal with. :wink:

@melvin123 I have been thinking about you and your troubles all night, and I think a lot of what I want to say has been said by others, but I will go ahead and say it anyway. I’ve had many, too many really, bad moments like this with my D this summer. Up to and including last weekend when she was working on her draft of her common app essay. I literally could not leave her alone to just work how she wanted to work. I was completely awful (in hindsight of course, at the time it all seemed very reasonable) and she was really mad, but got her essay done in spite of my interference. So I’ve done a lot of soul searching and thinking this week about how I could improve things, including reading over @gclsports very helpful thread. I’ve tried the “once a week” thing before and failed miserably, but I’m trying again. And this time, I’m including a stick. When I apologized to my daughter for my behavior over the weekend,and told her I was going to limit my own introduction of college-talk to Sundays (I have to give myself a whole day at this point, baby steps!) but she was free to ask questions at anytime, I also told her anytime I broke the rule I would put $1 into a “swear” jar for her. She laughed and said I could just put it right into her piggy bank. :wink: I read the idea here on CC and I think I just need that little incentive to remind me to stay back, she has this. Because she does. Your D does too.

So if it were me (and it has been), I would apologize to my D for my negativity. I would explain that it comes not from not believing in her abilities, but from a place of love, that same place that made you force her to wear a helmet when she rode her bike, or put on a seat belt when she rode in a car (laws notwithstanding). It’s about keeping her safe, because you’re her mom and no matter how old she gets that is always going to be the thing you are trying to do. So, for your peace of mind, so you can feel that she is “safe” and buckled in during this rollercoaster process, request that she add 1 or 2 safety schools to her list (2 if she wants guaranteed choice), offer to do the administrative tasks of filling out the apps if they are not common app schools. If she does that, tell her you will be her unconditional cheerleader throughout this process because you believe in her, and you will provide whatever support or help she feels she needs. And then just do that. Leave it up to her. Breathe.

Since you said you’ve had a great relationship with her up to now I think being open with her about how difficult this process is for you, will help her understand where you are coming from.

Then, once you have decided to banish the negative from your communication with her you can feel free to let it all out here! It’s what we’re here for. We should change our name to “say it here because if you say it to your kid he/she will never speak to you again” aka the Bloody Tongue Club :smiley:

Hugs to us all as we struggle through this! >:D<

6407

@ShrimpBurrito , actually it looks like Rice has been granting fee waivers for years. I bet Rice does not suffer much of a drop. Houston will be back quickly.

6408

I sure hope that’s the case, @vistajay For the record, D says she hasn’t gotten the app fee waiver email from Rice.

@1822mom Wise words, as always. :x

6409

@ShrimpBurrito it was a weird email, because it said he received it based on his SAT subject test scores. Those were by far his worst scores.

6410

Inserting a little thought-provoking levity into the mix:

This morning, D18 pulled this piece of paper from her backpack and presented it to me. It was a “Good Parent Award” rolled-up like a diploma.

It made me think of the wizard handing the scarecrow his diploma, so (trying to be funny) I blurted out “The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.”

Instead of laughing, D18 (a STEM kid) just said, “you know that’s incorrect, right?”

After thanking her for the thoughtful award, I immediately took pencil to paper and was amazed that (after watching this move at least 100 times during the course of my life) I never caught that mistake.

Did you?

6411

Really great posts by @melvin123, @LMHS73 and @1822mom. Lots of food for thought. I LOVE the swear jar idea.

6412

My S18 was accepted to Franciscan University at Steubenville today!

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@1822mom THANK YOU! For all the answers/advice. I’ll go back and crosscheck that we did it the right way. The education options for parent attending the school got my attention b/c some asked and some didn’t. But that makes sense that the info is elsewhere (but they’d have to go looking, so that gives me concern). I don’t think it is ultimately that big a deal b/c the local alum interviewer was in my husband’s class and knows him. I’m sure he’ll include that info in his report (or we can ask him to).

I spent a few hours today make a spreadsheet of all the stuff S18 needs to complete (short questions, essay 2, etc) and it is quite a bit. We are going to have to institute a 1-hour/day college prep session. I can hear the groaning now.

@melvin123 Is there any way you could get the GC on board? I find that my S listens to GC (or a teacher) when he doesn’t listen to me. Maybe GC could approach from a different angle?

6414

This thread is awesome. Welcome new folks! S18 has had an up and down week with getting confirmation on NMSF (yay) and not communicating about an F (boo) and then turning around and blowing the curve on the next exam (yay) and trying to weasel out of community service (boo) and not touching apps or other responsibilities (boo)… its been a little crazy. He is going a little crazy. We talked about mindfulness, which is my go to for keeping the crazy away and he said he didn’t like it because it was all about focusing on senses which made it feel too fake and new age. I made some salient counter points because i know the feeling, and I think he may give it a go. If anyone is stressing out, take some time to research mindfulness if you haven’t and make time to practice it. If not mindfulness, than just go for a walk. Really great way to cope. Stay sane!

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@LMHS73

Should be squares, not square roots. Also, should be a right triangle.

6416

Congrats @apraxiamom on Franciscan! <:-P

I am not even going to wade into that quagmire about triangles, I’ll probably just embarrass myself. :-B

On the subject of things I’m not speaking of… D had a few college-related tasks to accomplish at school this week. During my mea culpa, I gave her leeway to choose when she tackles a couple of them (so I doubt she did anything), but one, getting a copy of her transcript by today, was non-negotiable. So now here she sits, a few feet away from me, blissfully reading, while I ponder how to get the info out of her before Sunday without actually mentioning it (and owing her $1). :-? She gave me a full debrief of her day, but never mentioned the transcript. Though yesterday she mentioned a plan she had with a friend to go together to get them. So this is the first test of my new system… is this information worth $1 to me or can I just tough it out?

X_X

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@1822mom, it’s Friday afternoon. If she didn’t get it, there’s nothing to do about it until next week. Willpower!

6418

@melvin123 , I really like @contdes idea about having the GC do the dirty work and convey the message on the importance of safeties.

I also often feel my kids receive unwelcome information better from other adults because it’s somehow less emotionally charged.

6419

I agree. An authority figure can get S18 to do things that we parents can’t.

6420

@tandrsmom excellent point! Thank you! I will now return to deep breathing exercises and yes @NamePoster mindfulness, love it! I can do it! B-)