Yes @RelocatedYankee - I have never been more anxious to sign a check! This has been almost constant stress since junior year and I want to get off the rollercoaster.
I know he will be fine at either place - just tell me which sweatshirt and bumper sticker to buy!
Wow @lovespink. Congrats to your S for getting 6 acceptances at schools he likes! We were at 3 but one fell out of favor only recently.
@MinnieFan - Chiming in for Option C also, for what it’s worth.
If we choose the (more) affordable in-state option, it will break her heart and it will break my heart. The good news is that the money that would otherwise have gone to the costlier OOS option can then be used for antidepressants! (shaking my head in sadness-mixed-with-resignation/acceptance of reality… disillusionment sucks … but so does living in a fantasy that could ruin both of us in the long run)
@crepes - I am ashamed for feeling grief over this (“this” = choosing a lower ranked school for my kiddo), when there is true grief in the world. And I feel weird saying thank you for your post, but I do thank you. It has underscored the need to focus on fundamental truths, such as the fact that there are much worse things than not going to a higher ranked school. Shame on myself, for being so upset about what could be argued to be really an ego thing on my part. Although it feels less like ego and more like mother-bird-wanting-the-best-for-D. Anyway, your post helps put my struggle into a more basic perspective and reminds me that there is strength in humility.
@MinnieFan another vote for Option C
I find that when I push the limits (drive too long, not sleep enough) that the destination loses a lot of its shine.
@glido Congrats on the Air Force Academy - I didn’t even know we had any kids here pursuing an Academy - that is quite an honor. I wanted my DS to go Coast Guard but he was not the least bit interested, he didn’t like the commitment on the back end. I have a friend whose son went to West Point, academies seem to have an extremely high return value.
I am very glad we are not waffling - a long anticipated offer from Howard came in last week and while it was substantial, it wasn’t what DD wanted and she blew it off without much thought.
Today is shots day, we have an appt. with DD’s Dr. to get her vaccinations up to date. We had had an appt a few weeks ago but she was sick, so we rescheduled.
We’ve been to the bank and gotten her account sorted out - she is on the same network as the credit union on campus so we don’t need to switch but I wanted to be able to get money to her quickly if needed so we linked her account to ours. I don’t want to see her account or the activity, I just want to be able to transfer her $$ instantly if needed. Our CU rep got us all sorted out.
@icbihtsu - I’m sorry if I missed it but what is your in-state option? We’ve been on lots of state school campuses, and honestly, they are great! There are many bright, motivated kids at state schools as well as plenty of organizations to get involved in. I know the disappointment hurts, but maybe you and your daughter could make a list of all the pros of the state school to help get her more excited about it. Honestly, when I went to college, I just went to the nearest state school and loved it.
We have one more to hear from, and then maybe MAYBE S18 will be ready to consider options. So far, all 7 acceptances seem to be still at least vaguely under consideration.
@chercheur - I will pm you, only because I’m simply not up for a public discussion weighing the in-state and OOS particulars. As petty and trite as it is, I really am grieving and I kinda don’t want to talk about it. But I don’t mind answering your question.
@icbihtsu - No problem at all! It’s really none of my business - just wanted to see if it’s one we’d been to.
@icbihtsu I’m sorry. When we came to realize that the school DD really wanted and that we really wanted for her was just not going to happen unless we were willing to sacrifice all of our financial future, it hurt. It hurt a lot, I understand your grief. I felt like we dangled an unobtainable carrot under her nose and then yanked it away.
When my son was Jr in college and my hubby was laid off after 20 years, I remember sitting in our financial planners office and her first words were, “you must stop contributing to your son’s college expense”. I cried, I just couldn’t do that, I just couldn’t. We didn’t but it did/does have an impact that we still feel 7 years later, thus we knew that jumping off a financial cliff wasn’t something we were willing to do with DD.
I understand the feelings of broken heart and grief, they are real. I am sorry y’all are going thru this. The system of acceptances sucks, the ability to pay for college sucks and the fact that our kids have spent the better part of 18 years being told, work hard and you can go to any college you desire, sucks.
To address an earlier post, a home equity is a great way to go, IMO, I looked at a lot of options and if I were willing to incur the debt, the HELOC is much more attractive than the Parent Plus.
@glido Congrats to your son. My DH would have loved for DS to consider Air Force Academy. Unfortunately he thinks it would be too rigid of a schedule for him (wake up, lunch, etc scheduled to the minute). The academics there are second to none and beyond the academics they teach a discipline, honor, and respect that creates fine young men and women. It’s very hard to get accepted and that speaks very highly of your son.
@icbihtsu Just want to send a virtual hug and let you know that we can empathize. Any parent just wants what they think might be best for their kids, especially when we’ve seen them work so hard for so long. I’m not sure what your in-state option is, but most would say you can make the best of any opportunities anywhere and do well. I’m trying to convince myself of the same thing 
Bottom line, it’s ok for you to mourn what has turned out to be a disappointment.
We have had to decline offers that were NFW even though they were S18 top choices (and ours too). Now we are deciding between 4 more “affordable” options that range in cost from under $10k per year to around $20K per year and trying to determine if that one school is worth double the cost. In rankings, YES. In increased potential for future opportunities, YES. In the measure of added stress for all of us over the next 4-6 years (I have a D20 too), hmmmm that’s where it gets hard. To some people a difference of $40K over 4 years is not a big deal, but for our family it would be. We are holding out for some private scholarships to see if we can make up some of the difference there. We are also waiting on S18 to give us some indication of how badly he prefers that school (ie. how much is he willing to contribute? is he up for holding down a part-time job during school to help with costs - he has had a job his senior year and plans to work in the summers). Is going to school B or C or D really going to make that much of a difference?
@Icbihtsu sending you a hug, too. Goodness knows we put so much energy, time, attention and love into our kids. We watch them work so hard, take the toughest courses, achieve so much. And then when it comes time for all of that hard work to finally pay off for them, they wind up going to a less selective school than you had envisioned for them. It’s a hard pill to swallow…
Give yourself a day or two and when you feel up to it, look at the website of the school that your daughter will be attending. You might be surprised at all of the fun opportunities that will be available to her as a student. You also might discover that having her a little closer to home won’t be such a bad thing, either.
@icbihtsu I’m feeling the same way and it is grief.
I’m questioning whether I somehow screwed up everything.
She has friends getting in some big name colleges right now and she’s comparable or in some cases a better candidate.
Even her teachers think the colleges she applied to are below her.
For the first time she’s questioning if she will go to a “good” college.
It’s just no fun.
And then I think of all those kids out there who can’t afford college at all or even those forced to leave their homes because bombs were dropping around them or who are too ill or disabled.
And quite frankly, if we lived in some towns a short drive from here and D went to the local public school, everyone would be cheering and slapping her on the back for the scholarship she got to our instate college.
I’ve been lurking mostly (sick sick sick, but getting better!) and I’m cheering many of you and also sympathizing with those struggling with not great news and cost issues. Here’s my advice for what it’s worth: run your own race. Do what’s best for you, your kids (as best you can determine), and your family. This decision belongs to you and no one else. It’s the only way to stay sane.
DD18 got fantastic news last week and accepted her appointment to the US Naval Academy! next up is an OV for Track and then she ships out to start Plebe Summer on June 28th. Her last summer just got a lot shorter and she couldn’t be happier!
@txsparty - Congrats! A classmate of my D’s will be there, too! Very exciting. Proud of them.
I want to echo what @suzy100 said. While it’s obviously exciting and inspiring to see kids going to tippy top schools, hypsm, top tier etc please keep in mind that FANTASTIC outcomes happen from all types of schools. Research opportunities, Rhodes Scholars, Fulbright Scholars, study abroad, published papers…you name it, they can and do happen at state colleges, small lesser known LLCs and of course big name schools. If your child is a hard worker, disciplined, and seeks out opportunities they will shine bright at any institution and you might find that being a big fish in a little pond affords them some wonderful exposure. My older daughter is at a small, little known LLC. She chose it because they loved her and offered her incredible scholarships and opportunities. She is thriving. She was recently accepted into a very competitive summer program in her field, competing with those from more well known programs. She is publishing her honors thesis in the fall. She has presented papers at university consortiums and she has meaningful friendships and professional relationships with multiple professors. She can get a letter of recommendation in a heartbeat, which might be the biggest benefit right now. She is applying to some very top notch grad programs next year (including Yale, Carnegie Melon and Rice to name a few)…I will know if this grand experiment has worked if she is accepted into a wonderful program, but every indication is that she’s a competitive candidate. I don’t say any of this to brag; just wanting to offer everyone a perspective of a very good student who chose to go somewhere financially viable who has thrived in the environment. Your child will too. I was in your shoes worrying that she was selling herself short and it would forever impact her career, I couldn’t have been more wrong. As Suzy100 said…run your own race. My younger daughter is choosing a state university as well and already sees a myriad of opportunities in front of her. I cheer for all these kids…prestige is wonderful but it can be found in many different ways, at many types of institutions. Best of luck to everyone…I know this is a big, emotional week. Virtual hugs ALL AROUND!
@txsparty and @glido Congrats on the academy appointments. A short year ago my daughter was absolutely certain she wanted to go to the Coast Guard Academy. Due to a number of reasons, one being she wouldn’t pass the eye exam, her journey changed but knowing what it takes to make into these institutions, up close and personal, I can say overwhelmingly what wonderful kids you have. And thanks to them for their service!
@suzy100, sorry you’ve been sick - hope you continue improving and are back to 100% soon.
First…I am heartbroken to read about the boy who passed away. Two communities near us each lost senior girls suddenly in the fall due to medical causes and hearing about this boy brought back how I felt then and I how I needed to refocus now…“this” college thing is not the focus of life and I have to get back to the priorities.
Congratulations to @glido and @txsparty! My friend’s son is just finishing his second year at the Naval Academy and it has been an incredible experience!! I am sure your daughters will be having the same life changing journey.
@suzy100 thank you! @AmyBeth68 I wish I could “love” your post instead of like it. I am copying it and bringing it this weekend to discuss with my daughter. It echoes what I was trying to tell her last night.
For all who voted thank you and yes Option C it is. After my post DD came home from school and opened up the email from school #3 of the final four she has been waiting for. It was a waitlist. So she is 2 strikes and 1 walk in this time at bat. This was one of her original top schools and this one hurt. I told her to look at the fridge where the letters from 7 schools that want her so much they have given money, made calls, offered special programs and more. It was her call about “mystery” school but I really want her to enjoy what is waiting for at our weekend destination school and if mystery school can not give her the time of day maybe it best she focus on those that can. Now that school 3(really school 11) was a WL if school 4 (12) came in we could get there for a one day around her rehearsal schedule in April if we had to.
This morning she had made her decision and option C it is. She is going to the full rehearsal tomorrow night and Thursday she, her dad and I will take a long leisurely drive to the accepted student event at one of her top three choices from those schools she has been admitted to.
Part of last night’s distress was the limbo and how she just wants to make her decision, be excited about her school and move into her future. My prediction is she will make a decision on the three in play right now after Friday’s visit. She will hear back from school #12 this weekend ( which will be a WL or denial). She will digest it all this weekend and be ready to make her announcement on Monday…4/2 which is the date I was hoping to have round one of decision making done. If it can be the whole decision even better!
Finances of the top three in consideration now are all in the same ball park. So while we have to figure out the details of how we are paying it will be the same amount pretty much in the end.
I just want my family to get our life back and move excitedly and confidently into the future.
@txsparty - congratulations to your DD for Annapolis! Our DD is having dinner tonight with two first-year cadets at Air Force who are home for Easter Break. I-Day is June 28th at Colorado Springs too!