We are extremely excited and very much looking forward to this next phase, but geez louise, I wish we didn’t feel pressure to attend the earliest orientation session we possibly can. Instead of the (preferred) one at the end of June, I just changed it to the second one in the middle of June, in order to ensure that there will be availability to register for the more popular freshman course+professor scenarios. And yes, I don’t even know what/which those are yet! But the people at the school said, oh for sure, yes indeed, the concern that she’ll have fewer choices/options if she waits until the later orientation sessions (to register for classes) is a valid concern.
Ruh-roh.
Great. No downtime for my kiddo. She has to hurry and finish up IB exams, etc. so that she can turn around and complete the 3 readings that are required for college orientation in order to hurry up and register for classes in order to start this next adventure.
Stop the insanity! Let the poor kid take a breath.
I hear you re: early orientation for registration purposes. We’re doing orientation immediately after Memorial Day so S has the best chance at getting his classes. He’ll be missing 4 days of school, too.
Graduation is May 25 but functionally S is done with school tomorrow. His teacher for dual credit English is giving them their final exam tomorrow rather than during finals week (a good thing, according to S and his classmates). His four AP teachers won’t do anything new or give any graded homework during the two AP exam week. He may have a project or two for his level digital art and animation class but if so the work will be straightforward and probably not take much time. Then finals week for seniors begins May 21, and seniors in good standing don’t have to take finals although they aren’t actually excused from school even if they don’t have any exams to take.
S has just one AP exam next week, and three the following week. He’s always tested well and doesn’t have any test anxiety, so he’s just cruising to the finish.
He is also, unfortunately, being “aggressively lazy” about finding a job or other activity for the summer. He was rejected by the UTD Clark summer research program and has done almost nothing to find a job, volunteer position, unpaid internship, or any other constructive use of his summer time, and he’s ready with a snotty comeback every time I ask him what he’s done to find an activity. At the moment I’m pretty sure he’s hoping I will change my mind and decide that it has become acceptable for him to spend the summer staying up all night, sleeping all day, and play video games and/or Dungeons & Dragons to the exclusion of all else. Um, no my son…no, that will not suddenly become acceptable to your father and me. He’s really being a martyr about the whole thing too, as if we’re expecting him to work full-time and never have any down time with his friends instead of the reality that we just want him to get a part time job. Sigh. He’s been super cranky about other things lately too, definitely in full-on “soil the nest” mode. Now that makes ME really disappointed that he wasn’t chosen for Clark, because it means I’ll have a moody grouchy night owl hanging around until mid August ~X(
We tried to get orientation right after memorial day too, to get that over with without breaking into summer, but it was full, do to waiting until 11pm on May 1st to make a decision…phew! So now it’s in July. Oh well. I started to suggest he take an early enrollment class online (since he plans to dual major, it would get one in a sequence out of the way) but thought like you @icbihtsu that he may need a break. I may still mention it, haha. They said it’s allowed after senior year and is discounted by 25% for OOS.
DD flies off to Orientation on 5/18- Her Honors College has the 1st slot and its the 19th/20th which I thought was really early but when I saw the summer schedule, they are booked back to back to back so I guess they need all the time they can get. Technically, she could register now for her classes and then attend the orientation that is the two days before move in (this is because of the distance she has to travel - there is an out for 750+ or more miles away) but she wants to sit with an adviser and plot her course since she is undeclared. HC is allowed to enroll online prior to orientation.
@traveler98 We are coming off of DD’s Nap and Gap year
Couple of observations from comments she has made:
Our kids are tired, they have been going at full steam to have the magic combo of grades, test scores and EC’s for 4-6 years. They are TIRED, really, they are in many ways worn out. DD had her summer job and that ended in late July - she didn’t get another job until December. She stayed up all night and slept all day - really, other than her bank account, no harm was done. I didn’t fill the account so when things got dire and she had the needs for coins to add to her account, then she got off the couch and found a job.
There is a lot going on - we parents talk about how the Whirlpool commercial makes us cry, well they are in the same boat but worse, their whole lives are changing and while we parents know it will be OK our kids don’t know that and they are terrified in their own ways.
They look like grown-ups, they want to be treated like grown-ups but they are still kids.
@traveler98; “aggressively lazy,” I like that one! Doesn’t want to find a summer job or internship, wants to play video games all day & hang-out with friends, moody, lots of talk-back when asked about doing something productive. Yup, you’ve just described my S15’s “lost summer” after high school.
Unlike you, we gave-in and let him have what he said he needed to unwind and get ready for college. All that really accomplished was that he developed even worse habits and he eventually became a pampered & lazy house guest. I did have him do yard work for me, but each time I had to go through all of the whining and complaining of how he was missing this special time with his friends. It was the longest summer of my life!!
So what were the results of this “lost summer?” Well, it turned into the “lost fall semester” because he continued this behavior in college and was on academic probation after his first semester.
My advice to you based on my experience: stick to your guns & make him do something productive this summer!
I don’t mind if S takes time to recuperate from an incredibly rigorous four years and crazy busy senior year. Part of me would like him to take the summer off rather than getting up early during the summer to work. On the other hand, work builds character and responsibility, right? We know several families whose kids are taking a gap year to avoid burn out. Seems like somewhere in between lies a healthy balance of rest, fun, and work during the summer after senior year, before freshman year of college begins.
Can you tell that I’m still smarting from the summer of 2015? ~X( Everyone’s kid is different though. I’m all for doing some unwinding & relaxing or traveling with family or a number of other things; however, my son’s summer as a bon vivant just didn’t work out for him & (of course) as a parent I’ve been second guessing myself ever since for not intervening.
I like @Nomorelurker’s take on it: somewhere in between - a healthy balance of rest, fun, and then something productive mixed-in.
My kids are going to do about the same as last summer. Rec league swim team and a job. D is going to Japan for 11 days immediately after graduation in June but that’s it. Since neither one starts school until mid-September I think we’ll do a family vacation around Labor Day when the airfares drop. She’s not so enthused about working all summer but she needs to do it to earn cash. I don’t think she realizes how much cash she’ll need. I’m avoiding the pressure to have them do an online cc course ‘to get ahead of their GEs’ because I do think they need a break.
S18 will work some at my office but he is in one community theatre musical and will direct another musical for a charity organization he helped found locally. So his summer will be busy enough.
I want my kiddo to work this summer, unfortunately I have come to the conclusion that it is really not feasible. The first week of June is filled with graduation and visiting family. Followed by A&M orientation. Then we are off on our family graduation trip for two weeks. She has been invited on her BF’s birthday trip for a few days over July 4th. Then later in the July she is spending a week at the Frio with friends. Throw in A&M Fish Camp in August and the summer is essentially gone and move in is something like August 17th. I don’t know any employers that would willingly work around the schedule. I suppose I could force her to give up a few adventures, but I have resigned myself to this being her last hoorah. I am hoping a campus job is in her future. So different from her sister who worked from the time she was 16.
DD found herself a roommate, which was a surprise to me.
My daughter is a nanny for two kids Tuesday - Friday through the summer (second year doing this) and will also have 4-6 kids that she is tutoring in various subjects and the ACT weekly over the summer (1-2 hours per kid, per week). All money earned will be used as her spending money over the school year. This allows her to not worry about working while in college, which is preferable to her, and us as parents.
@LMHS73 and @traveler98 save some room on that couch for my son. I could have written some of the exact same things about my son. He won’t discuss a job or plans with me either. Not interested, not discussing, not going to happen. He has “plans” for things he wants to do. That’s as much as I know. ugh.
I can see the friction already, because I’m not going to let him sleep till noon everyday (after the first week off). So its going to be a battle. If he doesn’t work, I want him to get into a regular exercise rutine. He is in pretty poor physical shape (more of a mathlete).
As soon as APs are over, I think I need to make up a list of req’s for this summer so that we aren’t fighting daily. What are some things I can put on that list to help avoid conflict?
-not to sleep past 9am?
-must exercise X number of times per week?
-if not working must do own laundry, take out trash, walk dog
that’s not enough to give shape to a day. what else do people have for my list? I need to come up with more
I am enjoying and I am learning a lot from this conversation about possible ways they’ll spend their post-graduation (or post-coursework requirement) time.
I know my kiddo needs a break - although in some respects, she has had one foot off-the-clock since around mid-February, it seems to me - but I also know that anything longer than three or four days straight without structure or goals or devoid of a daily routine (a healthy one, not the night owl version) would lead to depression. And plus it would tick me off, which would just lead to us fussing at each other all the time.
So, to give her the break, the chance to decompress that she needs, I gave in and arranged to go to Disney in early June for her 18th birthday. That makes me feel better about the current state of things (the current state of things can be summed up by the fact that, in order to keep myself mentally in check and able to provide a positive home environment for her, I have to keep humming “I’m still standing” by Elton John!). I know that the thought of this trip is indeed helping her to keep standing, too, as she has flat out told me, repeatedly, “Just thinking about Disney really helps, mom. Thank you.”
You’re welcome, kiddo. And when we get back, you will resume your part-time job, you will go to the gym regularly, and you will help me purge the house of 18 years’ worth of old homework papers, lunch boxes, 7 backpacks, old phones, old clothes, etc. etc. etc. oh yes. We’ll throw a party at the end of the summer, and you, my darling child, will be the one who gets this place ready for it. It’s not the most impressive way to spend eight weeks, but it’ll suffice.
My older son also chose not to pursue a summer job after high school graduation, and really really needed the time to decompress. I was ok with it especially since his summer was going to be so short. Graduation was in the third week of June and then he left in early August to report for his fall sport. It was a short break for him after an intense 4 years of high school. It turned out fine but you can only judge your own kid.
I did make him “work” for me – household chores, errands, etc. but nothing too strenuous.
Writing from the UK and not sure I’ve got the handle on the AP courses. Doesn’t everyone sit them at the same time? Or there would be the chance of ‘cheating’?
S has four more weeks of school then a week off - spring bank every school is closed for a week. He should revise but is in London getting his visa. Then exams for the next three weeks taking him to 20th June. The whole country sit the exams at the same time. So someone in Newcastle sitting history will be sitting down at the exact same time as someone in Southampton.
Prom is 28th June and in the week before he is hoping to go camping with girlfriend.
2nd July orchestra leavers concert and then 3rd July he is in Poland for two weeks on a language camp - not learning Polish but teaching English.
Home 17th July for 10 days of which 3 are filled with a music festival, which is in home town so he will be ‘at home’ but won’t see much of him. A day and night at grandparents and then on my birthday 27th July he flies to Lisbon for 3 weeks. From Lisbon he flies directly to US for move-in day!
In between we are organising his jabs for his health form, dentist and optician. That he wants to spend most of his time with girlfriend before he goes means that we aren’t seeing a lot of him. But then when he’s in US we won’t be seeing anything of him so I suppose I must thank my lucky stars.
And to top it all tomorrow his is taking his driving test for the THIRD time!!!
I know my style is more hands off than some of you but…
Night owl is not unhealthy - I am 52 years old and am not, never have been nor do I think I ever will be a morning person. I will stay up all night and sleep to noon any chance I get. Maybe that is why having night owl kids does not bother me in the least. I was tortured by my Mother for years as she was a morning person and never understood my patterns were different.
My DD has expectations of what is to be done around the house, if she wants to clean her room at 3 am, I don’t care, as long as its done within the time given, same for laundry, dishes or toilets etc. She no longer gets an allowance, she has chores to do because she lives under our roof. We feed her, provide all needs, clothing, healthcare and cell phone. If she wants spending $$ she needs a job.
Following her 6 month hiatus of holding the couch down, she has been working a variety of jobs, often three at the same time, she does not plan to work her first year of school and if she wants spending $$ she needs to save it now, which she is doing.
And for what its worth, my DS has always been very disciplined. He started working summers at 14 as a lifeguard, he worked the summer before college and then he worked part time while in college. He went to class and didn’t sleep until noon. He did great his first semester freshman year and then 2nd semester his girlfriend dumped him and he discovered parties and alcohol. He darn near flunked out his second semester.
Wanting to lay around and hold the couch down IMO does not = college failure.
@3scoutsmom, he already did five weeks of computer camp at UTD last year, so I’m not sure how much he would get out of more coding camps. I’d love to see him get back into a regular exercise routine; once he left the cross country team his fitness activity became very haphazard.
I’ve got no problem with him sleeping in a bit, and spending plenty of time with friends, and playing some video games or D&D or watching anime or whatever, but I want him to have some structured activity as well, and I’d prefer he also exercise a bit in whatever fitness activity he enjoys.
@Whistlingal The AP exams are on different days for each course, spread over 2 weeks. Everyone takes the exam on the same day for a given course (with some allowances made for conflicts and time zones). Just like A levels but of course there are more of them to take.
What is very different in the US is that start and finish times for high schools and colleges vary hugely around the country - some high schools start in early August and finish in mid May, others start after Labor Day in September and finish in mid June, and everything in between. Likewise some colleges (usually those on a semester basis) start in mid August and finish in early May, others (usually those on a quarter basis, like UK terms) start in late September and finish in mid June.
