I told DD she couldn’t come home for a while, but we are planning to visit for 1 night over Labor Day weekend…with the dog.
My D will likely just come home for Christmas and maybe Spring Break - we are in Socal and she will be at Bama so out of weekend range. Kind of jealous of those with kids close by as I’d love to see her more often. Anyways, she got a football package that includes the “Iron Bowl” game against Auburn over Thanksgiving and apparently tons of kids stay - sounds like a party.
Got a laugh today when she shared that she applied for a campus job as an attendant for University Laundry - works out of a UPS-like van and takes in student laundry bags and gives out cleaned laundry bags. Pays well and she gets free laundry service! We’ll see if she gets an interview. Why oh why was I not smart enough to start this business!
@my2caligirls I live in AL and the whole state celebrates the Iron Bowl, seriously. Your D is going to have a blast!
I thought it was so interesting what everyone had to say about credit hours. I really didn’t like what @labegg said about how that school was putting kids on a 5 year path. I know a lot of kids who take a summer class or two the summer between freshman and sophomore years so they can have a lighter load during a particularly difficult semester, but more than that, I’m really not cool with. College is simply too expensive to add extra time, and my D knows she’s got to really plan out her time at school so she finishes on time.
@my2caligirls
Same here going from AZ to Alabama. Not going to be frequent trips.
Let us know about that job interview. That laundry service is expensive for the students, but I am concerned about whether DP Jr is really going to do his laundry there …
Thanks to all for your well wishes.
My DD was required to sign up for 15 credits so that if for any reason she needed to drop a class she will still have 12 credits which the minimum for a full time student and merit scholarship. She signed up for 16 which included a chorus credit.
Central TX to Huntsville, AL
“Making” DD stay at school wouldn’t be a problem even if she were down the road. She is currently a little over an hour away at Girl Scout Camp where she is on staff for her 3rd summer in row. She came home last weekend, first time in 3 weeks and it was only because she missed her cat.
I’ve already booked the Christmas airfare home - that is the only trip home she will be making.
We are attending parent weekend in October and that sucked up the remaining travel funds for her Freshman year.
I’ve had friends that had to enforce a stay away rule and others who had to bribe their kids to see them. It really depends on the kid. I would play it by ear.
As for mandating no boyfriend @labegg, I have no idea how you would enforce. When my DS went to college, his GF was still in high school (she was a Sr) as much as I didn’t want her as a distraction there was no way I could mandate anything in regards to what they did, when they saw each other etc. IMO that is just asking for rebellion and trouble.
@labegg - Did she interpret it as a punishment or see how it could be valuable? I think my son could view it as reasonable but also he is a bit delusional at the moment.
@SnowflakeDogMom - Good point about asking for rebellion. How did things turn out for your DS and that GF? We are in the same situation (she’s a Sr) and we feel the same way about not wanting the distraction. We are on one end of the spectrum, and GF parents are on the other (inviting him on vacation, etc) which is a big point of contention.
We’ll go for the 6 weeks away, being mindful about potential rebellion. This is not fun.
S18’s scholarship requires 15 credits. He is signed up for 16 in the fall, which consists of 4 three credit course, and 4 single credit courses.
I guess I’m on the opposite side of the BF/GF visit thing. DS’s GF is the same age but a year ahead because she skipped a grade, last year she was freshman at Stanford. He didn’t travel to visit her because it was his senior year and he didn’t have the time or the money. They did spend lots of time together where she was home on Christmas and Spring break. Unfortunately his summer program and her summer break don’t over lap. Her parents and I both feel badly for them because they really want to see each other this summer.
I will be driving DS20 up to Dallas for computer camp next month so I’ve invited GF along and will stay the weekend so GF and DS18 can have some time together. I can hang out with DS20 for a few days before his camp starts. Later this summer her mom will visit a friend in the Dallas area and will take the her with her so she can see DS again before she heads back to school.
Thankfully both families get along well and are in full support of this relationship. The kids are very supportive of each other and have always put academics first. When DS first asked GF to “go out” she replied that she was too busy with school and robotics to think of adding a relationship to her plate but to ask her later. He waited, asked her again and they’ve been together ever since.
@1399HdJ My son went to school 8 miles from our home, he did live in a dorm and I know he spent more time with the GF than I liked at the time but there really was nothing I could do. It makes no sense to me for a parent to dictate to an adult child what they can and cannot do (I’m speaking of things that are perfectly acceptable in general) especially in regards to a significant other.
They broke up the spring of his Freshman year - thank goodness LOL but I would never have said you are not to see SO for X number of weeks, I mean really, what is the point? If SO or your kid can figure out how to get together, they are going to do so. Would I enable it via a ride or other transportation/accomodation? No, but I would not forbid it either.
I hear you on the taking on vacation etc. We put our foot down on that one when DS was in high school/college. I wasn’t going to figure out how to handle those dynamics plus DS’s GF did not like me, I was way to powerful and she knew better than to mess with me so her game was to isolate DS as much as possible, have him come to her house, go on events with her family etc. When they were still in high school we implemented a “curfew” at my DS’s request because she wanted him at her house all the time and he wanted to be home. Should have been a clue to him but he’s a boy and a bit thick when it comes to the female persuasion 
@1399hdj. I think DD is fully cognizant of the benefits of bonding with those on campus and not being distracted by or relying overly heavily on prior relationships and conceptually in agreement, right now, IMO, they are being semi-resistant out of fear, which is completely understandable.
I certainly don’t think I can mandate anything, but, as a parent, it is my responsibility to suggest a prudent guideline, provide information to support my position and hope that my kiddo agrees. Of course she is an adult, as is her 1 year ahead at a uni near home BF, they are free to make up their own minds on how to spend their time and manage their relationship and life. It’s not about rebellion, it’s about being reasonable and making sound decisions. Both my DD and her BF have modeled sound decisions making over the past two years, I don’t expect that to change…all I can do is suggest and hope for compliance. However, I think if I really wanted to be a harda** about it, if I pulled BF aside and asked that he refrain from visiting for 4 weeks he would comply out of respect for my wishes; I won’t, it’s not my life, nor my relationship. BF just went with us on vacation to Europe and DD is going with his family on a holiday in a few weeks. I think we are all on the same page with the relationship. I certainly think the BF is a great kid and I have no objections to him remaining in the picture long term (nor do his parents that I am aware of), in fact I think it is likely. Frankly, if I am being truthful, my biggest concern is what the emotional wreckage will be if they break-up, in which case I should be encouraging frequent visiting, not trying to impede it, lol!
Looking for good (stylish) waterproof boots for D18 to wear in MA. She already has snow boots, but I’m thinking a less clunky pair that will keep her feet dry and warm. Any recommendations would be appreciated.
Thanks all for the GF/BF stories. It helps. I guess I feel guilty because we are not as “open” to the relationship as her parents, but that won’t change so…
I’m guessing our S will be coming home for Thanksgiving, since they have the whole week off. It’s a long bus ride, but probably worth it since it’s a whole week. He has a friend at Cornell, so maybe they can take the bus down together.
It looks like Ithaca has a mix of 3 and 4 hour classes in his major. With his AP credits he should be able to get away without taking more than 4 classes, with a few one hour PE and music classes mixed in.
THIS!!!
I know it can happen but I’m affraid I’ll be a basket case too! They are alreay talking about marriage after college graduation!
@1399HdJ I’m also a parent of a D, and it seems like I’m more supportive of my D’s relationship than her BF’s parents are. I think it’s interesting that from the responses here it seems like parents of sons are more leery. I like my D’s boyfriend because he’s respectful to her, he is a serious student and he and my D have motivated each other, and my D is happy and enjoys his company. My thought is this very positive first relationship can only be helpful in assessing other relationships in the future.
Like your S’s GF’s parents, I too invited my D’s BF on vacation. My D will be gone on multiple family vacations, so him joining us for a couple of days will mean they get to spend a total of 5 days together before college - not much time.
I’m actually happy that my D will be still dating this boy while she is in college. I don’t expect the relationship to last, simply because they will be too far away from each other and won’t get to spend that much time together. But starting off this way will mean that she’ll be more interested in making FRIENDS at college, and she won’t get a local boyfriend who will take up her time. I don’t want her to miss out on those first couple of months at school where everyone is open to and trying to make new friends.
I think the major point I’m trying to get across with my D is they should both commit to not breaking up near finals, and if they break up solely because of distance, I wouldn’t be surprised if they lived in the same city one day and you never know what the future brings, so try to have no drama and be gentle and kind about things. Not that you wouldn’t want no drama, gentle and kind regardless.
@Meddy Hunter boots
@3scoutsmom WOW! Talking about this now just puts so much more pressure on things if they break up in the future. I’m sure you’ve really tried this, but they need to live in the Present. The future will work itself out the way it is supposed to. They can be talking about marriage when they are college seniors and deciding what cities to look for jobs in. (And I know you meant that they won’t get married until after college, but they are still talking about it now. It just raises the stakes). And, this is coming from someone who thinks it is so nice if a HS romance can last because they have so much history and so many things in common.
Sorry, I tried to edit my post but I took too long. I’m sorry if it came across as preachy. I was just really surprised and worried for them and all the extra pressure they are putting on this relationship without even realizing it. I hope they can learn how to just enjoy today.
My DS’s high school GF was not my ideal choice, DS couldn’t see it, he had to learn on his own. She broke up with him in the spring of his Freshman year, he nose dived. He didn’t tell us until the day I was moving him out of his dorm. He actually failed one class, got a D in another and a few C’s with one B.
Between the discovery of alcohol and the break up, he had a dismal 2nd semester that year. He lost his state scholarship (for 1 semester, one can lose it once and earn it back, once) I was beyond furious but my DH, the voice of reason, reminded me that this was a life lesson and his one free pass.
He took a summer class for the next 3 summers and it took him an extra semester to actually graduate but he went onto be accepted to PT school and life went on.
“We send them to college for a lot of reasons, not for just what they learn in a book” the very wise words of my always calm DH.