I have a friend whose son nearly got kicked out of college after accidentally stabbing his roommate with a replica 16th century Japanese short sword. Today it would have made local news as an assault, back then (15 years ago) it got labeled what it was, boys showing off martial arts they barely understand, with stupid results. Nobody pressed charges, the roommate got a ‘dueling scar’, both kids finished college and I think the stabber is an accountant nowadays.
I have a friend whose son nearly got kicked out of college after accidentally stabbing his roommate with a replica 16th century Japanese short sword. Today it would have made local news as an assault, back then (15 years ago) it got labeled what it was, boys showing off martial arts they barely understand, with stupid results. Nobody pressed charges, the roommate got a ‘dueling scar’, both kids finished college and I think the stabber is an accountant nowadays.
@MAandMEmom I loved that your son asked what a fraternity was at Bucknell! I am often reminded how little experience D19 and her friends have with the whole college world, especially if they are the oldest or only child.
D and I had a beautiful day at Connecticut College on Saturday, and she said something about it being a religious school. I said no, they’ve never had a religious affiliation, and I wondered what made her think that. She says, “There’s a church.” Come to find out, D figured every college with a steeple/chapel is religious 
. We had a good talk about the enormous variety to be found in colleges regarding religion and the difference between offering religious studies and spiritual organizations and being religiously affiliated etc.
@Kona2012 - Thanks for sharing your college impressions based on all your tours and interesting @homerdog to hear about some things you’ve learned about Wake Forest. I had thought about that as an option for S but don’t think he’ll apply. I’m dealing with a big uncommunicative phase from my son and he’s wanting very little conversation with me. He was reluctant to go on the couple of tours we have been on close to home and didn’t want to do any over spring break so I’m feeling behind.
I was also feeling very bummed last week because I found out that S19 is not able to run for class president for the upcoming school year. He is president of his class now and he felt confident that he could win. I don’t know the full story because we haven’t really discussed much, but I believe he missed some kind of deadline to turn in some paperwork. I have been upset with him but we haven’t really talked about it. I know it is HIS thing and should have been more responsible, but I feel he really wanted to do it and to get to make a speech at graduation (he does very well with those kinds of things). I guess I was also sort of counting on that to be his main leadership thing on his college application, and since this whole process is overwhelming, it was making me think he really messed up some chances. His academic schedule is so intense and he plays two varsity sports, so he doesn’t have much time for other ECs. At the same time that I was feeling very disappointed and worried, I was also angry with myself for dwelling on something so stupid. In the big scheme of life and thinking about parents who have much bigger worries about their kids, I know this is not important. Ultimately, it is a life lesson and I hope he learns from it.
We also talked a little yesterday about how to put a positive spin on things. S was actually was sort of frustrated about student government and the faculty in charge, feeling that he was rarely able to put any of ideas into action. Also, he has been talking to his IB Spanish teacher this year about starting a club and program to interact more with the native Spanish-speaking students and help with various issues (very high Hispanic population at his school). Since that has been a big interest for him this year (he has been a mentor to one of the non-English speaking kids), I think it could be a way to do something more meaningful rather than just having a title to put on his applications.
Sorry for the rant.
I’m flashing back to when I used to post on Babycenter in 2000 about pregnancy and infancy. Sigh. Childhood is so short!
Someone asked about UBC? We have close friends whose daughter is a sophomore there and they can’t say enough good things about it. It’s a beautiful coastal setting and they feel like she’s getting a solid international experience with classmates from all over the world. However it’s a big school and housing is not readily available on campus after the first year. I do know they were stressing out about finding her an apartment up until the last minute last summer. But their communication about it is always positive and they’ve encouraged us to look into it for our kids.
For D19, I find that my interest level in college hunting at this point is significantly higher than hers. Other parents feeling this? She’s a very conscientious kid, a sweet homebody with a generous and creative mindset. But getting her engaged in the college process has been harder than I might’ve predicted. She definitely does not research schools or come up with ideas on her own. In the past several months I’ve bought a Fiske Guide and the USNWR book and she has not touched either one. She’s got her hands full with academic stress, what feels like endless SAT prep, volunteer work, and day to day life as a teenager. We have toured a handful of campuses, and those campus visits seem to be the only way she will chime in with an opinion about a school. I think she’s wary about the looming possible rejection, given what we’re hearing about the competition being so intense across the board.
My fantasy therefore as the mom is for D to choose a match school and apply early and be done. The problem with Mom’s Fantasy is two-fold: D’s hypothetical top choices at this point are either highly selective (such as Notre Dame), or LACs, and those LACs all tend to have ED, not EA. Then my husband is generally opposed to ED in theory, as he wants us to be able to shop around financially. We will not qualify for need-based aid but of course everyone would like some discount off those hard-to-justify $70K sticker prices (and we’ll have TEN STRAIGHT YEARS of tuition with our three kids, D19, S21, and D25, so it’ gets to be a stretch to pay full price for each of them). I guess we’re in the same camp as lots of people with the “Do we try ED or not?” question. I tend to be optimistic (or naive?) and believe a school will still offer some merit money to an ED applicant, even though they don’t have to lure you. Anyone have any first-hand knowledge of merit aid during the ED cycle? I’m thinking of a national LAC not in the top 20, but in the next 40 or so (acknowledging that USNWR ratings have their flaws). It does seem like merit aid is on the rare side at more selective schools. Money Magazine’s ratings have percentages of those receiving merit aid and they are quite low in general, but I’m wondering if that’s somewhat misleading because of the large percentage of students who are getting need-based aid. Are those two pots separate? In other words, do those with need get need-based aid and not merit aid, thus leaving the merit aid for the smaller pool of students without FAFSA-evidenced need? So if, say, 60% of the school gets need-based financial aid, and the percent receiving merit aid is listed as 15%, is it safe to think of that 15% as being nearly 4 in 10 of the remaining pool of students not in the FAFSA pool? There’s probably some flaw in my reasoning. I’m just trying to figure out if we want to make decisions based on hoping for merit aid, if that merit aid is a long shot anyway. D has very good, but not spectacular stats (3.91 UW/4.15W, 1390 SAT on the first try with plans for a second, above-average long-term interest-relevant ECs, below-average leadership, no sports, interested in education and religious studies).
Also, is it true that you can apply non-restrictive EA to as many schools as you want, and also apply to one ED per ED cycle? ED doesn’t prohibit you from applying to other schools in non-binding arrangements? Or does it? Again, my wishful-thinking scenario is to put in some EA applications at the earliest opportunity to both get an acceptance and thus ease the stress level, and to get a feel for whether D is going to attract merit offers, ahead of having to make the ED decision, at least for ED2.
Thanks for any insights! I keep saying I have a love/hate relationship with this college process…!
See also a number of older public colleges (e.g., my undergrad alma mater, UMCP) with prominently placed chapels on their campuses.
IKR @3SailAway to ask that question at arguably one of the most greek small schools on the east coast! And, on recruitment day of all times.
In a monsoon this morning, we toured and attended an information session at Lafayette. Did an interview too. A beautiful campus no doubt but it was hard to really get a feel because of the rain. During the info session, the AO continued to nail home the selective, small LAC along with their holistic admission process. All in all very nice and engineering is a focus program there. Asking S19 afterward to compare or rank Lafayette and Bucknell, he placed Bucknell over Lafayette because of the campus feel. DD22 along for the ride also had the same impression. We head to Villanova tonight, which will seem vastly different my guess. Our filter is a bit different than most as we attempt to identify good fit schools in the Tuition Exchange program (hubby works at a private).
Pitt has a lovely non-denominational chapel on campus.
Awwwwwww, @SDCounty3Mom . I was on the Babycenter boards back in 2000 too. And here we are now. ;
@SDCounty3Mom you aren’t the only parent on here that has kids that do not have interest in researching schools on their own. I don’t think that that’s uncommon. Senior year, the kids seem to start chatting with their peers more about possible choices, and panic sets in for them
Had one of the worst days ever for a college tour. It was brutal, howling winds, sleet, driving rain, mud etc. Son19 was a good sport about it and laughed and still enjoyed his visit. He said if you go to school around here you just need to man up sometimes and deal with this crap. Proud dad moment.
Anyways, tour and info session was good. Son enjoyed it. He had been on campus once before, but today we got to visit the engineering facilities and we met a coach who showed us around the athletic facilities which were pretty nice. Son liked the coach, coach liked son, so it seems like a pretty good fit. Son had nothing bad to say, and so I’ll take that as a win for today. Will be added to the “definite” list for sure.
My d19 has very little interest in college stuff. Every once in awhile she will mention something. More along the lines of the touring broadway shows she will be able to see while at college, or the decorative choices. She did have a bit of enthusiasm after the last tour though. She’s an introverted homebody with a pretty tough course load, so I’m just happy there are even flashes of interest.
My d22 keeps finding college tours on YouTube for colleges SHE is interested though. I will enjoy seeing if that interest holds out as the reality gets closer for her as well.
Also, Babyzone had the best message boards!
@mom2twogirls I think I was on Babyzone back then too. :))
I was on babycenter, back in the day.
My S has not visited any schools yet. We are planning a trip in late August before school starts. We will drive D16 out to school in Pittsburgh, visit Pitt and Duquesne, then swing through Philadelphia on the way home to see Temple and St. Joseph’s. Pitt is a reach. The other three are matches, maybe Temple is a high match. I’m thinking maybe Iona for a safety. It’s a little smaller than he wants but I’m hoping the location near NYC will help him overlook that. We’ll try to hit that on the way home.
S has clarified his thinking on schools more - basically he doesn’t care where he goes, but he wants 1) a large student body so he doesn’t see the same people all the time, he says bigger than 5,000; 2) in a city so he isn’t always tied to the school for activities; and 3) good recreation facilities so he can play basketball and work out in his spare time. He will likely major in either history or political science which all schools have so academics won’t be a deciding factor.
We’re heading back home after a visit to University of Central Arkansas! DD loved it. We had a great visit with a pastor who leads a youth group in our denomination on Sunday. Today we did the tour and it was so pretty there. Better weather than Iowa too… Took some aesthetic pictures at the lake before we left and DD was completely satisfied with everything. Academic scholarships should make it affordable, it’s just the distance that isn’t so fun.
@SDCounty3Mom A few resources for starting the merit aid search.
Many threads on CC. Here’s one I’m following at the moment. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/52133-schools-known-for-good-merit-aid.html#latest
Look at the 3.0-3.4 thread from 2017 and go back to where all the admits are listed and it usually shows the merit aid that the student got. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1871275-parents-of-the-hs-class-of-2017-3-0-to-3-4-gpa.html#latest
Here’s a table I made last year with a bunch of the LACs with percent students that get merit aid and average size of award. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/19801988/#Comment_19801988
The thread has lots of other tables with STEM info on LACs if your D’s are in that direction.
@RightCoaster S19 and I biked into Boston yesterday along the marathon course. We got to the finish just as the moment of silence was announced. Our friends thought we were crazy to head out in cold and flurries, but it wasn’t raining so seemed good to me. I thought S19 would like seeing the city as he’d never been to Boston before, but I am slowly appreciating the degree to which he is not a city boy. He lasted about 5 min in the center of town before begging to head to the Charles River to get of of the hustle and bustle. Hmm, I think ‘proximity to a city’ is very low on his needs. In fact, I seriously doubt that he would ever leave campus to go into the city if he goes to school near one.
@liska21 Thank you so much! This is so helpful! I feel like there’s so much to educate myself about – I could spend hours and hours on all this! I really appreciate those resources – thanks again.
That sounds like fun @liska21 ! Well now you know that city life is non essential for your son, so you can focus on other more important factors now. That’s a great result. It’s good you rode yesterday and not today, today was brutal.
I’m not a city boy either, I despise traffic and usually want to avoid crowded places. My kids like it, and my wife loves city life. I could spend the rest of my in the mountains and never see a city again and be perfectly happy. They like the hustle and bustle and all of the action and things to do. I just think it’s a big pain in the you know what, ha. But I deal with it.
@me29034 sounds you like have a solid plan, yay!!!