@NiceUnparticularMan We got wonderful news this evening. My D24 just got word that she has been selected as a finalist for the Gabelli Global Scholars program at BC and has been accepted to the class of 2028. The support of this community has been unbelievable and much appreciated. She decided at the last minute to not switch her application to ED2 and send the AO a nice message telling him that she could not because of the cost of the school. He responded and 2 days later there was a portal update.
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Thatās wonderful news! Congrats!
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I hope heās a good communicator with you.
ā
While Iām not my kidsā ābest friendā (that tight with my kids), I didnāt expect the VERY difficult first ~5months while DS2022 was at college (June-October).
I think I received 3 texts total in the first 2 weeks he was at college (started in summer program), generic texts like āwhereās my swim trunksā or āadd DiningDollars pleaseā.
The whole process was made more miserable because all my friendsā children were GIRLS who called and texts their moms at least once a day (the twins would FaceTime Mom about 10times a day), so in comparison, I had NO connection with my son.
The stark contrast from being attached at the hips (during college application process) to this complete shut-out was painful. I held it together because I knew heās experiencing all new experiences and has a lot on his plate, and I didnāt want to crimp on this exciting new time of his life, but it was a very sad time of my life.
Things have improved a bit,
but the thing Iāve learned is to NOT compare my relationship with my son to my friends and their daughters.
Suggestion to new parents launching their 1st child:
==>==> have some form of communication agreement before child leaves for college, so that both of you are on the same page
I thought he would share more (while I was giving him space);
He thought he was sharing enough.
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My daughter was this way! My friends were telling me every detail they were hearing from their kids and my daughterās texts were very similar to your sons. Honestly, I think she was having too good a time those first few weeks.
She did get better after a month or so and when we went to visit parentās weekend, we stayed up all night chatting. Christmas was also good. Now sheāll call and tell me more about her life but sheās still very independent. Weāve said she has to call us once a week.
I take solace that she is well-adjusted and self-sufficient and having a great time 
But I miss her!
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Thanks for sharing your suggestion/tip on discussing and agreeing to something before he leaves for college.
I have heard a friend with a son in college tell me that it was really hard on her as her son does not communicate much even now 3rd year in college.
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When I was in college, there was one phone, in the dorm hallway. Maybe someone would answer it. Maybe you would actually be around. I think I talked to my family maybe once or twice the first semester. I wonder how my parents felt, because it seems crazy looking back on it.
D24 runs hot and cold with communication. Compared to her (male) cousins, it seems she tells me more about her day to day. However, she often seems annoyed when she has allotted 30 seconds for a quick information transfer and I delay her schedule by trying to have a conversation.
Conversation from todayā¦
Me: I need you to fill out your part of the FAFSA and invite me to see if we can finally get this working. It should only take 5 minutes.
Her: I only have 15 minutes to finish this homework so I can go to so and soās party.
Me: 
Her: 
I am very curious to see how things will pan out in college. I suspect I will hear from her mostly when she needs to vent. She is not great about texting (due to the sheer volume of texting in the group chats, she often just puts her phone away or means to reply later but then too much time has passed). I like the idea of a once a week check in.
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That is how I think most kids are in this iPhone age. They have so many friends to connect to and parents, just to vent!
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Congrats!
This is such good advice. Thank you for sharing @huango.
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I donāt often hear from my son unless he needs something either. We did agree that I will text what I want, and he can answer if he wants, but if I say he needs to respond, he HAS to. I rarely do that, but have a couple times.
We talk on the phone every few weeks or so. And when he is home, he is quite chatty. I get a lot of info in the car on the ride from the airport
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It was Ecs! Autocorrect changed it!!
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It was Ecs! not Ecstatics as it was mentioned. Autocorrect changed it!!
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I just saw this message after a month and I had a good laugh about it!
D23 only calls when she is having a bad day, but then will stay in phone for hours, and eventually say āletās watch a show togetherā inevitably itās in the middle of the workday, but Iāll take what I can get.
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I can tell you how my parents handled it (not well). We had phones in our rooms, but hadnāt established any kind of schedule or expectations.
My parents would call security. The first time it happened was the day after they dropped me off; they must have called when I was at dinner or something and I didnāt answer. Later that evening, security knocked on my door to tell me to call my mom.
After that, my mom got it into her head that she could control my social life over the phone. Sheād call my room at random times starting at 10 or 11 on a weekend night, and wouldnāt stop calling until I answered.
I mention this because (in hindsight) itās funny and as a reminder of how much easier it is on everyone now that people have cell phones.
Popping in to share what worked for us with our D - we play wordle and connections as a family and send each other our scores every morning. Itās an easy āproof of lifeā ; ). We also had a weekly FaceTime which really helped me (also have an only child).
I had a phone in my dorm room but long distance calls were so expensive that I only spoke to my parents once/week on Sundays. We had a set time so we wouldnāt miss each other. And yes, it seems absolutely crazy now!
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One thing I have done everyday since DS started BS is to send a good morning text. Just simple have a great day, love you. Itās an avenue for him to respond or not. Iāll often ask how his day was the end of the academic day. I generally get anything from great, good or solid. But if something is bother him, itās an opportunity for him to reach out if he so chooses. Clearly, once heās off to college next year, no more how his day was texts but Iāll still send the good morning texts. It allows me to tell him I love him everyday.
This morning in addition to his standard thanks love you response, he added can you send more razor blades? Theyāre like Popās. I was like yes but you do know you can order them yourself from Amazon. I ordered them anyway and sent some Reese peanut butter hearts as a surprise as well. 
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I had a downer of an evening last night because I started thinking about the impending empty nest. Iām better nowābut I do wonder if this discussion thread is going to turn into Lonely Parents Central! 
Probably youāll all be having the time of your lives going off to wine tours and Lollapaloozaāand many of you have younger kids to keep you busy.
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I went to college with someone whose mom made her call at 11pm every weekend night to make sure she was in by curfew. 
It became kind of a game trying to find a quiet phone for Rachel at frat parties etc. Not to mention that phone calls were expensive back then!
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Luckily we have tracking on the phones nowš¤£
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