This was 100% my D22 in high school. She would go away for summer programs and I would only hear when she needed something sent to her. She did not really want to talk to us in general, even when we were in the same house. But she went off to college … and returned for the first break as a really lovely person!
When she was away before college, her time was jam packed with fun stuff and other people, but college has more down time. She called a bit those first few weeks, when she didn’t yet have many friends. And then we settled into a routine where she calls when she is doing laundry or cleaning–basically when she is stuck in her room anyway. During her sport season we hear from her less because she travels on weekends, instead of doing laundry. But sometimes her meets are televised, so I can watch her and her friends. Luckily she’s a winter sport, so she comes home for break in the middle of the season.
I was really worried that when she went off to college, we wouldn’t see her very much, but I was wrong. She came home 3 times during the year (fall break, winter break, spring break) and we went out for parents weekend in the fall. On top of that, my husband visited once on a work trip. And then she was home all summer. I am quite sure I have spent more time talking with her this year than I did any year in high school!
Turns out it was just normal adolesent growth, pushing parents away. Sucked while it was happening though!
If a kid is pushing back and asserting independence as a senior it’s sign they are ready to go! My junior in college is a delight when he is home now - much more appreciative of everything and genuinely interested in talking to us. Much different kid than when he left the nest.
I actually told D, based on experience with her in the car: And if you see someone smoking a cigarette while pumping gas just go somewhere else or come back later.
D24 attended the Iowa Young Writer’s Studio a couple of years ago and we rarely heard from her other than to text back when we texted her.
The best thing about the entire experience was it helped her understand what type of college environment she wanted.
She thought she wanted a cute little college town.
After 2 weeks, she was tired of the limited food choices and wanted a city with a ton of great restaurants and not just a few quaint brunch places and coffee shops. That got old fast and although it seemed ok during a quick visit, she couldn’t imagine living in a fish bowl for 4 years.
It’s nice to read this because it’s what I keep trying to remind myself. My D22 and I butted heads all.the.time. her senior year and now she FaceTimes me every day, even just walking to class. My S24 is pushing away so much it’s almost funny. Silly things like telling me he doesn’t like a snack I bought from Costco. So I gave the box of said snack to my daughter when she left to drive back to school. He walked in yesterday from basketball practice and asked where the box of snacks were. I said “You didn’t like them so I gave them to your sister.” He then spouts back that he was tired of hearing me say they were yummy, so he told me he didn’t like them so I would stop. He’s ready to skedaddle.
Happy New Year! I could not read all messages but I hope that everyone is doing well.
D21 initially would only call when she wanted to vent, complain or was feeling sad. I was the “emotional garbage can” but I learned to be happy about it since meant that I was the one she trusted with the information.
Now she has learned to share happy news regularly too and is great with communication overall. She is on an app called BeReal where contacts post a picture every day at the same time. I got on that app and she is my only contact (she knows this!) but I get to see a picture of her every day and that makes me happy.
Hey, do y’all want to help me overthink something?
C24 and I each got an email from American, to which they’ve applied RD, giving them the opportunity to switch their application to ED2. The email mentioned that chances of admission would be higher in ED2.
Practically speaking, this doesn’t change anything for my kid. They really like American, but they didn’t choose to ED to any school and their reasoning hasn’t changed – they’re applying to both BA and BFA programs, and still aren’t entirely sure which one they prefer. If that means their chances of admission at this school (or any other) are lower than they might have been, that’s the consequence of their choice and it’s fine.
But the nerdy part of me is fascinated by the email and by what it means: Are most applicants at American sent this email (I know demonstrated interest is really important to the school)? Will C24 be more likely to be rejected in RD if they say no to ED2? Is this a situation where the school is kind of saying they want my kid, but only if C wants them back? The whole thing is interesting.
