We were surprised to realize D23’s school has customized Lulu gear, specifically her favorite dance jacket; D21 nope. Nothing Lulu (but tons of Nike). D21 is trying to figure out who to talk to that could make it happen before she graduates.
Does lulu have some sort of stranglehold on dance jackets? D23 had them in high school and now again in college. 
1 Like
It’s spirit week at school since it’s the seniors’ last week all together on campus before senior projects start next week. Today is “dress your heritage” day. We don’t have any clothing that’s traditional to our heritage, so D24 decided to dress like a cowboy in honor of the 12 years that we lived in Tucson before relocating to the Phoenix area. 
(to put things into context, Tucson-area schools get 2-3 days off of school in February for Rodeo Days, but they don’t get President’s Day off…there’s a week-long series of rodeo events, a big parade, etc.)
So after school yesterday, with HER OWN MONEY (yay!), she bought herself a pair of boots to wear with her cowboy outfit. A friend is loaning her his cowboy hat. I was asked to braid her hair this morning. I think she looks adorable, but I’m biased.
10 Likes
I love this. It is also one of our spirit weeks and it’s a mixed bag. Yesterday was groutfit (wear all grey). Today is spirit day because there are two big basketball games tonight. Tomorrow is jersey day, so it will mostly look like another spirit day. Thursday is drip day. And Friday is a green out for a basketball event (benefit) that we have that night.
1 Like
A little late to the game but my take on the ‘dream school’ thing is that the problem boils down to the all or nothing weight some kids (and/or parents) put on that one school. They treat it as if a rejection is a disaster that’s going to ruin their lives. And of course the issue is that it’s a binary outcome that actually has odds more along the lines of 5%/95%.
It’s just a terrible idea on all dimensions to operate with this sort of framework.
12 Likes
This reminds me of my S24 saying “who wants to surrounded by corn fields anyway” when he got rejected from UIUC 
I think its a great when the kids can move on and be ok about it.
9 Likes
S24 finally got his financial aid package from RPI. (It was good!) This is the first private school he has gotten into. Does anyone know if the “NYS Shopping List” form is something NYS requires private or all schools to publish? I love it and wish all schools did.
(I know this is a terrible picture—took it using my phone of what was in my son’s computer screen, sorry)
In particular I like how it shows what (they calculate) our expected contribution should be according to FAFSA & CSS methodology.
A couple of interesting notes—
(1) The SAI S24 got in his email after filling out the new form was ~$40K, much lower than I thought it would be (EFC was ~$72K for S23 last year). When I tried to calculate our SAI by hand using the form someone has posted I got something in the $70-80K range. RPI got still a third number for our FAFSA based expected contribution. (I know the SAI is not expected contribution, but basically it sort of is.)
(2) Our CSS EFC here is a little higher than I got when I ran NPCs for most schools in the fall, but not that much higher. It is also significantly lower than our FAFSA calculated number. I assume that is because we have 2 kids in college and the CSS methodology still takes that into account.
(3) I wonder if this says anything about what the other private colleges he applied to that use the CSS will expect us to pay? I didn’t think RPI was a meets need school, but maybe it is. I don’t think any of the other privates he has applied to are meets need, so it might not matter at all.
14 Likes
Congrats.
RPI has been very generous to a bunch of DS2022’s friends.
Guessing, I wouldn’t expect RPI’s financials to be similar to other private colleges, depending on which colleges. Particularly, RPI is more generous than WPI.
Have you toured RPI?
Will PM you.
1 Like
Help please, curious on thoughts on this.
S24 has a scholarship weekend coming up and can submit a piece of work up to 5 pages. He has a research paper done this year that totally fits his varied interests and he would absolutely love to speak on it during the interview. Problem, it is 9 pages, 2 are references and lots of graphics and charts so looks longer than it really is.
The person emailing seems super approachable and kind. Should he ask? Should he submit and acknowledge it’s over? Just don’t want this to be a “can you read the instructions” situation. Seems weird to just cut off at 5 pages? What has anyone else done in this scenario?
Have him email them, describe the situation, and ask. Worst thing they’ll say is no.
6 Likes
Maybe include just the paper with a link at end to charts and citations to get it within the limit?
2 Likes
Interesting development here. Just received an email from a private college (Florida Southern) asking for SAI amount so they could put together Financial Aid package quicker. Wish other colleges would do this!
6 Likes
I really like this. Very clear and understandable.
So how did they get FAFSA info already?
2 Likes
They use the CSS Profile, so I assume they took the information off the Profile and plugged it into the published calculations for the SAI.
3 Likes
Today is 2/7. Graduation day is 5/16 for our kiddo. There’s already graduation drama with a couple of our relatives. I don’t have any spoons left right now to deal with stubborn & foolish people, so I’m complaining about it here since pretty soon, ALL of us HS Class of 2024 parents will end up having to corral a herd of relatives for the big ceremonies coming up.
STORY TIME!
D24 has 1 living grandparent left. FIL died a couple of months before she was born. My mother died when D24 was 4. MIL died at the beginning of Sept of last year. That leaves my dad, who we’ll refer to as GF (grandfather).
A year after my mother died, GF remarried. To one of my dead mother’s friends. The woman is an awful person. One of the most negative, passive-aggressive, toxic, mean-spirited, envious people I’ve ever encountered. We’ve tried many times in the past 12 yr to build bridges, but nothing ever sticks. I sent out email invitations to D24’s graduation. GF replied that he’d be attending with his wife (let’s call her Karen).
Are GF & Karen flying here to the Phoenix area for the event? Will they be staying in a hotel? Renting their own car or will they expect to be chauffeured around? No idea. I’ve asked and receive radio silence in response.
Is it a money thing? like…maybe GF can’t afford it? No. It’s not a money thing. GF lives a very comfortable retirement and can afford the travel expenses for a short trip like this.
Could he stay at our house? No. Guest bedroom has already been designated for friends of ours who basically have become an adopted aunt & uncle to my 2 kids. We’ve done family vacations w/this couple & they really are like family. They have dibs on the guest bedroom.
Last time we saw GF was Aug 2023 (1st visit in 8 years…yes, you read that right, he hadn’t seen his grandchildren in 8 years; that was his choice). GF should walk with a cane, but like my deceased MIL, refuses. When he gets up out of a seated position, he looks like he’s going to fall over. Even walks all bent over to 1 side and you can tell that there’s some arthritis or something going on.
GF is also a drama queen and attention seeker. Pouts when people aren’t making a big deal about him. He’s very self-absorbed. GF is VERY asthmatic, has had bad asthma for 25+ years, but is a stubborn old fool and has refused for years to use maintenance inhalers and stuff like that, thus permanently scarring his lungs ages ago due to his foolishness (“Doctors just want all my money. Screw them! I’m not taking that prescription”). 
On the August trip, we learned afterwards that he had a bad enough asthma attack on the plane flying here that the flight attendants had to get out the O2 for him.
Would it be better for him if he didn’t come? YES. Honestly, he’s never been good at travel. When my mother was alive, she handled all that stuff and he would just be along for the ride and never paid attention to details. Should he just NOT come, especially given his physical limitations? Probably yes.
Does he probably need a travel companion to babysit him/go with him if he DOES come? Yes. Will Karen still come? Maybe, maybe not.
Does he probably want to back out? YES.
Will he actually TELL us that he’s not coming? No. Because he’s a coward.
He’s done this before. Way back when D24 was, like 6 or 7 years old. We were to meet up with him in San Diego at the San Diego Zoo (some of DH’s relatives live in the San Diego area, we were in San Diego at the same time that GF was going to be in San Diego for something else). I made the mistake at the time of actually telling my kids that GF was going to go to the zoo with us. They were over the moon excited.
GF went total radio silence, didn’t answer my calls or return my messages, and never showed up. He told me 6 WEEKS LATER that the reason he didn’t go is because Karen’s dog had died 3 weeks prior to that. So the wife’s dog rated higher than your only grandchildren. Ok.
D24 had already stated that she would just prefer if he didn’t come “because he’s weird, Mama, and he hasn’t been very nice to us.” Will he probably just not show up? Yes.
If my mom was still alive, you better believe that he & my mom would be there for graduation day.
Let’s go next to DH’s sister (SIL). SIL, her problematic H (long tale for a different day), and their 2 kids live in San Diego metro area. At first, SIL said she wasn’t going to come. Why? “I don’t take my kids out of school for anything.”
Oh, huh, ok, well, you took them out of school for a day last fall to go to Disneyland.
Couldn’t just SHE herself come? Drive here on Wed after work, stay at our house, go to ceremony on Thurs, drive home Fri morning? “I guess. I’ll think about it.” Now she’s decided that she will actually come. But SIL is one of the flakiest people we know. Won’t know for sure that she’ll actually come until she’s actually AT our house.
D24 really wants Niece & Nephew to come to her graduation. My kids and their 2 cousins get along really well (huge blessing given all of the nonsense in our extended family). But Niece & Nephew won’t be coming.
2 yr from now when it comes time for Niece to graduate from HS, you better believe that we will be there for the ceremony.
Then there’s Aunt & Uncle. Uncle is FIL’s brother. When MIL died, Aunt & Uncle came here and turned things into a 3 ring circus all about themselves. Some of the most rude out of line, clueless behavior I’ve seen from anybody in a really long time. Sleeping in my MIL’s bed, scolding us for how there were dust bunnies in the corner near MIL’s bed (when MIL hadn’t actually been at home to sleep in that bed for the 6 weeks prior to that), demanding that my DH go buy groceries for them, scolding us for MIL not having any food in the fridge for them to eat, etc., etc.
I invited them to the graduation, too. Well, in September on Labor Day weekend, the day after MIL died, Uncle declared, “Well, we’d love to come to the graduation, but there’s just no way we can because it’ll be way too hot here (AZ) in May. You know, Aunt could die from the heat.”
…saying this, literally, the day after D24’s grandmother died. Don’t get me started on how they spent that entire weekend talking about all of the ways they think they’re going to die, how they brought Aunt’s cat with them even though we specifically said not to, and then claimed that MIL’s cat “tried to kill” their cat while they were at MIL’s house.
So it’s kind of a relief that those 2 monkeys in the Extended Family Circus won’t be there.
But through all of this, I’m sad, mad, and disappointed in our extended family. This is a really big & important event. They should at least pretend to give a rip!
I hope that Karen (GF’s wife) doesn’t come. She spews hatred & negative things all day long and I guarantee you, she will say something horrible about my dead mother on the graduation day. If the planets all align, then Karen won’t be coming. But I’ve already warned my sister (who is an amazing aunt to my kids) that Karen better pray to her deity of choice because if Karen says anything negative or mean-spirited or passive-aggressive about me, my kids, my family, or my mother in my presence while she is here, I will unleash the fury of the mama bear with the intensity of 1000 suns and she will rue the day that she descended on her broom to the great state of Arizona.
If she’s a wise person, then she will remain at GF’s lair instead.
So maybe it’ll be a small group of 9 of us to celebrate D24’s graduation, maybe it’ll be a little bigger than that thanks to some extended family circus monkeys. I don’t know. It’s Seniors Week at the HS this week and this graduation stuff has been bugging the heck out of me.
Thank you for this therapy session. I’m open to ideas or suggestions on how all of you herd cats with your extended crews.
4 Likes
Hugs to you.
We live quite some distance from all extended family…which means it is usually nuclear family only for stuff like high school graduations.
For better or worse, those started with D20 (obviously not in person anyways, thank Covid). In some ways, that made it easier for the younger kids to see that while we, their grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc, are proud of their accomplishment - it doesn’t necessarily mean that we will be getting together in person to celebrate.
So the high school celebration around here are a nice meal (usually not even on graduation day because those are held in the evening). The kids invite some of the friends/friend’s family and we take a group out. Graduation weekend is a huge deal - packs of kids travel together from grad party to grad party…can’t say I’m sorry not to have hosted one of those. Happy to send my kiddos out with graduation gifts from us as they party hop for two days.
Hadn’t thought of how much drama we were missing but am now properly grateful.
3 Likes
To be honest, I literally had not thought about it. I think I was just assuming no one would travel (everyone is long distance), and frankly our surviving grandparent-level relatives probably should not. I am close with my siblings, and they are close with the kids, so I guess I should let them know and invite them, but it seriously had not occurred to me until now.
5 Likes
This sounds so stressful. Maybe not relevant to your school, but do you know how many “seats” you get for your graduate? For our kids’ school there is a limit of 6 or 7 (i forget) and the rest have to watch it on a screen in a different part of the school. The only ones who get more (10) are the speakers(Valedictorian, Class president etc), which means the Val doesnt know that they have those extra seats until 2 weeks before! Unclear limits that extend so close to the date can be very tough, when family comes from out of state. We did hear of non-speaker families that begged for 1-2 extra and got them but it was not a sure thing. So ask your HS now if you don’t already know about such rules.
2 Likes
This is suddenly feeling like my realization my S24 might be looking at ED2 and I had to scramble to add some visits. There is a whole bunch of stuff I really have not thought about at all . . . .
3 Likes
Omg, I love the spoon reference. My kiddos introduced me to that concept a few years ago and I use it on repeat. Can you take some me time? Massage? Facial? Nails? or just sit in a quiet room with a good book? Self-care is what 2024 is all about (at least in my house).
We only get 4 seats at graduation, which is fine by me. They live-stream it as well (since Covid), which is how the remaining living grandparents and aunts/uncles will watch it. My kids don’t like to be the center of attention anyway. We did a party with close family and friends in our backyard for our C21 about a week after graduation, which was fun, but we’re traveling with DH’s family to Europe the day after graduation/grad night, which means no party this year. DH’s family will watch the live-stream from Europe or catch the video later.
Does your kid’s school live-stream the event? That would be the simplest thing to do. Then no one has to travel. Since Covid, as well as recent health issues, my parents don’t really travel much any more, which is again, fine by me. When they were going to come for Thanksgiving, I insisted on the caregiver coming as well, and of course, they were going to stay in a hotel (house is too small to handle overnight guests), but alas, the trip was canceled a few days prior due to a fall. When we visit them, we stay in a hotel so that we have some distance and can retreat at our leisure. Just too much drama to deal with anymore; I’ve chosen to limit the in-person interactions to those which I can control. Post-covid, I feel that life is just too short to be around the unhappy and narcissistic people in my life. Phone calls/zoom calls are sufficient. Kids understand, and I feel are better for it.
Good luck and take care.
6 Likes