Her and I are just starting to reconnect after a tough teenage period.
There’s this chorus of a song that I sing, usually while cleaning the kitchen or cooking,
I’d sing: “Would you be… …”
Then DD (since she was very young, 7yrs old?), usually from another room/dining room/studying, would chime in the next line in a high pitch "would you BEEEEEEEEE…?
And I’d continue “…good for me too”
So yesterday, I was cleaning the kitchen and I was singing this song and I got to this part, and DD didn’t sing her part (she’s in the next room, no headphones on, so she must have heard me sing),
so I walked into the room and re-sang my line,
and she sang her line,
and I finished.
If someone in my family starts off saying, “OK . . .,” and then pauses, there is a pretty good chance I will interrupt with, " . . . here’s the situation/My parents went away on a week’s vacation and/They left the keys to the brand new Porsche/Would they mind?/Hmm, well, of course not . . . ."
If they are “lucky”, I will get all the way through the end of Parents Just Don’t Understand.
OK, so last night I am trying to cheer myself up binging Parks and Rec, and I completely forgot this happens in one of the cold opens! Ron says to Leslie, “OK, here’s the situation . . . ,” and she then does the whole last verse!
S24 is unavailable, so I drag D30 up from the basement and make her watch it with me.
My point? D30 is definitely catching emotional strays.
I am feeling pretty good about The Departure, my husband has been a wreck about it! Our kids bicker CONSTANTLY so I am realllly looking forward to the quiet, D28 is completely OVER all the college talk, and she will start high school the week after drop off, so I imagine our conversations will shift rapidly. It reminds me a little of going back to work when they were babies, and the advice I give to other new parents when they first return from leave - some days will be hard, and you will miss them, but there will be a LOT of days where you enjoy the quiet of an office an uninterrupted conversation, and new parents should never feel guilty about that latter emotion (since the default is people EXPECT the former emotions.) This is amazing! She’s going right where she should go at 18 and this time of her life, how could I not be excited to see her go?
Can sympathise with that @NiceUnparticularMan, certainly with the sleeping bit. Last night I took S24 out for dinner and a couple of drinks (UK based, so it’s legal…), just a boys’ night out, me retelling old war stories of my times travelling and studying abroad, him opening up a more about his hopes and dreams for the next few years. He’s definitely ready to go, and he’s also the second one who will be spending 4 years (or longer) across the Pond. But the suitcases are building, the Target pickup order has been made- we leave in less than 3 days, and my Italian soul is shedding a tear in pride, joy and a little sorrow. Watching Serie A soccer is not going to be quite the same…
MumAlfaBeta is apperently doing well, but I know she’ll struggle when the dorm room is all sorted out and we wander off leaving S24 to the pleasures of international orientation. Well, winter holidays come along quickly, don’t they?
Love to all 2024 parents, same boats, different oars!
I am truly not sure how I am going to handle it, we’ve been so insanely busy that I haven’t had time to focus on it. Up until now seeing his excitement for the next stage is what has carried me, I’m just so happy for him.
We managed shipping all his college boxes (with air tags which was nice peace of mind) before leaving the country and now searching for our long-term rental since arriving last week. We got our daughter’s visa 4 days before our flights so a real nail biter and our current Airbnb is no bueno so trying to get out as fast as possible. D25 has a couple welcome events this week and then starts school next week. Her former school started today which has been weird to see photos.
We’ll have one week with S24 before spouse flies out to move him in. He’s been an enormous help here and so glad for the time together, but it’s been so task focused. Told him to pick a few things to squeeze in before we go hopefully!
This made me laugh, S24’s friends have been teasing him asking him if “mr. rule follower” was planning to have a beer in a pub since it’s legal before he goes.
I don’t quite know how I’m going to feel with D24 gone. I change my mind several times a day, depending on her mood
As it turns out, my D20 will be coming to visit for a a week (actually arriving the day we leave in order to take care of our dogs), before she starts her new job. So, I’ll have a little bit of a buffer before the actual empty nest feeling sets in. It will be nice not returning to an empty home after drop-off.
We drive S24 up for move in and I’ve had a couple of teary days, some grouchy days, and some excited days. So, general hot mess. I know S24 is nervous, so that doesn’t help. He will be great, and is happy with his choice, but the mixed feelings are, I think, normal and yet still hard. My husband kind of can’t wait. S24 has given us some challenges in his push for independence, so husband looks forward to some quiet. The thing I am maybe most looking forward to as a change to my life is removing the relentless pressure I have felt to have some fabulous, exciting dinner on the table every night. Can we now have cheese and crackers and an apple for dinner? I sincerely hopeful that, on occasion, yes!
After we move S24 in, we have 10 more days with D24. She has been away at boarding school, so her transition seems like it should be easier. We have navigated her being away and seen how it has created many positives in our relationship. We’ve figured out how to communicate well and stay reasonably in touch without smothering and trust her to take responsibility for herself…things we haven’t had to do in the same way with S24. So, her transition to college will have its own highs and lows, but won’t be quite the shock to the system.
I’m glad we can talk about all these things in our wonderful group. I worry kids are under so much pressure to be EXCITED that it crowds out their very real fear/anxiety/second thoughts, and parents are almost pressured to be so sad that it can be hard to acknowledge the sense of relief and curiosity about the upsides of having an empty nest
D24 has 3 of her friends over right now. They’ve been here for about 4 hr so far while DH & I have been hiding in other parts of the house while working from home. It was really nice hearing lots of loud laughter from all of them when they were in the family room earlier. They spent a couple of hours today at our community neighborhood pool. And now they’re watching Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland.” Am really really happy that D24 is getting some quality time with her best buds before all of them start college later this month.
Very well said! They try so hard to be brave for everyone and themselves.
And parents also are either pressured to feel sad or to try to show how happy they are to move on to the next phase of life.
On another note - Dear H and I tried out (gasp!) an Old Fashioned from a can. The brand is called Tip Top and it’s not half bad! @NiceUnparticularMan I know this kills a lot of creativity
D24 spent time this week with her best friend since toddler days and some elementary school friends that she hasn’t spent as much time with as she would have liked during high school. She says it has “filled her cup” and made her realize that some people will always be in her life and cheering her on even when they don’t see each other every day. Has made my momma heart happy and a little bit weepy too.
Don’t worry, I’m not a snob! One of our favorite “house drinks” is to put Fresca in a wine we don’t like, and call it “sangria”. NiceUnparticularMom likes it so much we now have to buy cheap wine for use as “sangria” wine.
D24’s friends just left. I gave them hugs and now feel a little weepy & emotional. 2 of D24’s friends who came over are transgender/non-binary…1 of them decided to attend college in a blue state. I think that’s a really good fit for them. This particular kid is having to hide their trans status to their parents…the parents finding out would result in being disowned and kicked out of the house. I’ve been hoping that they’d have the opportunity to attend college out of state so they could spread their wings a little bit. SO THRILLED that this is working out for that kid.
D27 just got mail from S24’s college with a tshirt in it essentially saying, thanks for putting up with the college activities from the last year. Pretty funny since she’s over it too. LOL
We leave Thursday and move in is on Saturday. Lots of emotions these past few days with saying good bye to friends, realizing college is about to happen and even getting misty about not seeing me and her dad every day (she is not a hugger but I have gotten several over past few days which I have loved).
I am sure I will be in tears on the flight home. Thankfully D22 will be at home waiting for us. She’s off to Spain for semester abroad so we’ll spend the week getting her ready. She will only bring one suitcase and a carry on but she’s a minimalist (unlike her sister) so I think it should be manageable. I kind of feel like she’s going off for the first time too because she’ll be so far away and in a different country.
I will have a tough few weeks once she is gone. It is going to be a big adjustment being an empty nest nester!
We leave Friday and move-in is on Monday. A little extra time before move-in will allow D24 and my husband to go white water rafting for the day (something they love doing together) and just explore the area a little bit, we’ll find a short hike to do in addition to a Target trip.
My sleep is definitely disrupted and I feel close to tears a lot of the time. D24 is pretty much packed already and I think we all feel like now we’re just waiting for our flight on Friday. Gilmore Girls binge-watching has become a thing again. Even though I’ve been through college move-in before, it’s not really much easier the second time around. I’m a bit of a wreck but trying to keep it together.
She and I are very close and I’ll miss her terribly, she’s a big personality who’s presence is really felt in our home - music, funny stories, silly and serious conversations, lots of hanging out — and I can’t imagine how quiet it will be with an empty nest. It will help that D21 will be home in September for several days before leaving for her fall quarter in Australia and I can help her prep for that trip and it will also be nice to spend a few days with her here.
I’ve taken up a new workout routine, and will probably work my part time job a little more during the first few weeks after move-in, just to keep my mind occupied. I anticipate it’s going to be a tough transition for me.
Yes to this! I have already told my husband that once D24 leaves, expect lots of girl dinner nights. In all fairness, he does the majority of the actual cooking, but I’m the one who menu plans and shops and figures out what we’re serving every night. Soooooo looking forward to dropping that responsibility.
We do have a specific preference for the grapefruity sodas (if Fresca is not available we will use Squirt). But after doing some quick research it appears that would still be considered a Tinto de Verano.
