I would add:
- Those without a ticket in hand (and may have been rejected some combination of REA, ED1, and/or ED2), and have not diligently constructed a reliable safety strategy, and who are now rightly in full blown panic.
Don’t be #4 kids!
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I have a #4 - waiting on two top picks (as an extremely average not-high-stats kid) and finances (she is eligibile for CIC-TEP waiver, but I fear her not-high-stats means she won’t get an offer)and I’ve made her register for accepted students day at the residential CC she’s been accepted to, and trying to encourage looking at the state school options. (Plan D is she could enroll at my home institution the day before classes start but we both would like for her to have some distance. The first year dorm looks directly into my office! And I’m long-term enough that everyone will know she’s mine, some remember her being a baby! which can be a pro, but for a fledgling, also a con…)
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I know you referenced finances, but maybe some schools with rolling admissions?
- Those who have an acceptance that they’re happy to attend, but want to see the financial aid #s before putting down an enrollment deposit.
- Those who have their hearts set on 1 particular school, are heartbroken at receiving their results, are probably angry, too, and don’t know what to do next. This is a hard category to be in.
If one is in category/group # 5, please just realize that if you say stuff out loud claiming that the only reason your kid didn’t get in is because of race, 1st gen status, or the fact that you (the parents) are college educated but you think the students who did get accepted are in some special other category, say it out loud to people you know in person.
And then see what people’s in person reactions are.
A few months ago, 1 of D24’s classmates stupidly was humble-bragging about how she (the classmate) ONLY got a 1580 on the SAT and oh my gosh, what is she going to DO if she doesn’t get into a Top 20 school? her life will be over. Then she blurted out loud in class to everybody, “Oh, look at Male_Classmate over there. He’s black, so he’s sure to get in if he applies to Harvard since he’s poor and he’s a minority.”
The entire class was stone silent.
That kid came across as sounding and looking like an ignorant, racist butthead.
If your kid gets rejected to their top pick, give them a hug and help them lick their wounds, but don’t be a butthead.
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Does this include students who have a handful of great acceptances but ‘still’ haven’t started to care where they go to school next year? Reluctantly looked at a few online videos of campus, took a cursory look at class options but hasn’t even started to dig in…
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My very own very close friend said to our mutual friend that she was very upset that my DS2022 used the “Latino-card” that got him into Northeastern, taking her white son’s spot (Northeastern was her son’s #1 choice).
She was even more upset when DS2022 did not choose Northeastern; so why did my son use up an acceptance by applying to Northeastern?
This is us in almost every acceptance. Between waiting for FAFSA and TE argh!
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Unreal what people think and say. That comment would end the friendship for me.
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I’d like to introduce option #6
The kid that thought they were done and asked you to put down a deposit, to only wake up one day in a panic realizing this was the next 4 years of their life and should start really digging into what each school offers. Add on top of that all the schools they now wish they applied to (some of which you mentioned as a parent and they said no) and checking to see where they can still apply even though they have 10 acceptances with merit.
Hopefully after a few accepted students days we will have a final decision. Ironically she is having the best year of HS academically (even in semester 2).
I am putting good vibes out to the universe for all of us!
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My experience with S24 and his peers is that while probably the #3 kids are all going to be just as fine as the #2 kids, the #3 kids may not always FEEL that way. And if you actually have a #2 kid who nonetheless hangs out with some #3 kids, they might apply to too many RD schools thanks to the transitive property of peer anxiety . . . .
So it has been remarked many times here before, but I really think just for the sheer reduction in collective anxiety during this period of time, a lot more kids should try to be in the #2 than the #3 category. Like, find SOME affordable, interesting, likely early school to get you an offer in hand. Even if you are 99.9% sure you will not use it, just having it seems so psychologically beneficial to me it is worth the additional app fee (or if not, find a free or waiver school, whatever it takes).
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Patrick Swayze was great in that. It’s one of my favorites! (I last rewatched it during Covid)
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Dang. That’s horrible!
There was a really good segment on a fairly recent “Your College Bound Kid” podcast in which they talked about parents & students who do this sort of thing…blurt out something like that when they’re mad because they/their kid didn’t get accepted somewhere. The main idea I got out of that podcast segment was “Don’t assume that a student got accepted just because of grades, test scores, and/or ethnic status/special interest group status. You don’t know all of the other factors in their application.”
…stuff like letters of rec, essay/personal statement submissions, other institutional priorities, etc.
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Most don’t offer what she is looking for (my own included) - art education - so she isn’t pursuing those. She was admitted late last fall to Lesley but it’s not her favorite and unlikely that she will get the waiver, and after that probably unaffordable. SHE is very confident one of her top two will work out, I am less so. It’s been a year of walking the line of realistic and supportive.
If she was a little more general -psych or business - there would probably be more pathways!
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If they had a standardized test for emotional intelligence, this kid would score well below the equivalent of a 1580/1600.
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That ignorant girl better hope the teacher didn’t overhear and subsequently mention it in the girl’s recommendation letter….
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I do think that kids that are kind, collaborative, level headed (high EQ) do get noticed by College counselors and teachers, and that the kids that are the opposite could get not so great recommendation letters even with perfect stats and incredible extracurriculars. My son and his peers saw the latter happen with a senior last year.
Kindness does matter.
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While I agree with the above “don’t assume” advice, I also think your statement “don’t be a butthead” is even better and straight to the point. I liked it! Don’t be a butthead (or at least not in public) is pretty basic advice, but a surprising number of adults don’t seem to follow it and thus they end up modeling poor behavior and a general lack of graciousness to their children. Sometimes I wonder why. Is it entitlement? Lack of empathy? Inability to consider the impact of their behavior/words? I know that we all want to comfort our kids when they face disappointment, but my goal is to find a way to lift up my children’s spirits without deflating someone else’s.
Plus, I’ve found that my kids almost always get over their bitterness and the sting of disappointment faster than I do. So the more I linger and obsess on the unfairness of some issue, the worse I actually make it for them in the long run.
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I truly hope this is the case as my D has very high EQ ( i think) and she feels that she is getting lost in the “perfect stats and incredible extracurriculars” crowd at her school as she is not as loud/vocal and always level headed for a typical teenager 
.
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Any suggestions on which college to pick? I know my D24 has to make the final selection but any pros and cons of each school? All are state schools so far, still waiting on few more decisions.
UMass Ahmrest - Economics , no Honors, 12K scholarship
OSU - Columbus, OH - Economics, no Honors
Temple University - Economics - 17K scholarship
UPitt - Economics - no scholarship yet, still waiting as she applied too late. Just received the packet yesterday.
I don’t want to mention my in-state school for a reason. We can ideally afford all these schools. Based on the location, school reputation and the opportunities - which one is a better school for a student actually interested in Govt/Law in the future but starting with an Economics major. I appreciate your guidance with this.
Totally. D24 said that everybody in the class audibly gasped when the other student said that.
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