Yes, there was a student on CC a year or two ago who was experiencing mental health issues as a result of feeling she had the responsibility to get a high paid job in finance and support her parents after college (despite that not being her desired career path) and thinking she was failing at that (due to lack of prestigious internships etc).
I think this may be more common amongst students who are from a low SES background and feel that they must use the opportunity of going to a prestigious college to raise up their entire family.
And of course I know it is a real benefit, not to be taken for granted, that we are in a position to tell our kids that they just have to worry about themselves (and their own future families), because we have taken care of ourselves.
The good news is there are in fact more paths than those kids sometimes realize to a future that will work for themselves AND their extended families as relevant. But as with so much, this can be more of a showing than telling sort of thing. Like I think they may need to see other kids actually following those paths before they can seriously consider such paths for themselves. And that is OK.
The whole āsend a daily photo of the pets to the kidā plan is working well so far. Gives us proof of life from the kid. Need to have her confirm w/Student Affairs dept that they show sheās filled out the FERPA form allowing the school to give us her grades info.
canāt remember if Iāve mentioned this yet, but D24ās roommate said to D24 & DH that she cheated during all of her Spanish classes in high school, so she didnāt learn anything. Roommate was glad that D24 is taking French next semester because sheās hoping D24 can help her with French. When I was a college freshman, admitting to my roommateās parents that I cheated so much in HS that I didnāt remember a dang thing from the class is NOT something I would have chosen to share. So while Roommate seems to be a nice person, when it comes to common sense, she might not be the brightest bulb in the box. Pretty sure that D24 was thinking, āOMG, why did you just say that to my DAD?!ā
Start of the school year convocation is this evening. Classes start tomorrow.
Hilarious! My hippie, spiritual, tarot and horoscope reading aunt announced when she held baby D27 āThis child is going to rule the world and she is here to use your family as practiceā
lol, I always wondered if that then skewed our perception of her
Good luck to us all!
I send my Wordle results to D24 every day, and then she responds back with hers, and usually adds another text or two about how sheās doing.
I also get a word of the day email and will forward it if I think sheād be interested. Sheās my 790 EBRW SAT kid, so this kind of unobtrusive engagement is right up her alley.
Back after dropping S24 in College. we helped he get organized and did a trip to Ikea and Target to get a desk chair, Storage containers and some snacks for him. The Move-in part itslef was very stress free and was impressed with how well organized UMD was. S24 seems to be settling in and exploring the campus. So far he has said that food as been good but he is still getting used to the timing as he missed the dinner timeslot both Saturday and Sunday because he was participating in some welcome events and could not go in time. He needs to start planning this better.
First day of his class today and its popular class so the class had about 250 students. He said the Prof seemed good. His bust days are Tuesdays and Thursdays so we will see how he does tomorrow with 3 classes.
It felt weird to be home yesterday with out him and it will take getting used to being a empty nester.
Spouse and S24 left early, it was a rough evening. D25 was in despair and watching just gutted me. Upside, thankful for their very close relationship. Teary morning as they left super early, but nice it wasnāt drawn out for anyoneās sake.
Going to miss him like crazy and just loved having a front row seat watching what a force he is. I know heāll be okay, heās ready, just never dreamed weād be this far apart at the outset. Still donāt even know if weāll be in states for winter break or heāll fly to London.
He called me from airport, scanners down at Heathrow, his bag was flagged for his EMT supply pouch he carries but all was good. He actually helped a lady on the streets while here and helped a 90yo man that went unconscious at a restaurant he waited tables at before we moved. It was quite the stir and they did a write up on him. The familyās wife and adult kids kept coming in after to sit in his section which was sweet.
D25 is absolutely loving her school, thankful for that. Makes me sad we didnāt switch her sooner. Only thing worse than him leaving would have been her miserable at her old school on top.
S24 is still seeing people keep their doors closed so itās hard to meet people. Heās going to other floors and dorms and going to sign up for several clubs. Also, finding some study partners for Intro Stats.
Itās been a while, but wanted to chime in that we dropped the droids in Ann Arbor last week. Their move-ins were staggered and we also had to book hotels etc. prior to when we knew the exact timeframes. So letās just say we were there for a bit. Man do I love Ann Arbor.
Both droids seem to be settling in well. Good roommate/suitemates, getting to know the lay of the land, etc. We had the first of what we hope will be a regular Sunday FaceTime with each.
Parting was bittersweet to be sure, and now poof the nest is empty.
Classes started yesterday, sports tryouts next week (not talking football here obv).
As far as regular contact, the droids have been trying since forever to get me to read One Piece, a seemingly endless manga that they adore. They promise that if I read it Iām allowed to contact them as much as I want. So now Iām reading One Piece.
Tomorrow we leave for drop-off. While it will be bittersweet, Iām excited for DD, who is thrilled to be starting college. She has instructed us that at 3pm Thursday, when the parent part of the day is over, we must immediately leave. (I know sheāll miss us a LITTLE bit, but she claims she wonāt ā only the dogs). The empty nest is almost here ā¦
Needing a little support here. S24 is struggling a bit. He has been there for two weeks, classes started last Monday. First day of classes was definitely overwhelming with the huge lectures, no interactions with anyone during classes, etc. He ended up dropping his MWF 8 am class that he was worried he would not be able to do. Fine, I was supportive and said do what you need to do.
Socially he seems to have connected with several kids in his fraternity pledge class, as well as some kids in his dorm. He has been going out and doing things so I know social he is doing well. I think now that āformalā rush is about to start he is getting very cold feet about it- scared about what he may be asked to do, hazing, etc. but also really likes the guys he has connected with in his pledge class and says āI know once rush is over I will be glad I did itā. We talked about how rushing is 100% a choice and he can drop out at any point- no one is making him rush/pledge.
He also got a 0 on an assignment because he did not submit it properly. So he is freaking out about that. I again reiterated office hours, reaching out to advisor, etc.
And his roommate is very sick with a fever and vomiting so he is scared to go in their tiny room and get sick. It is just a big fat āthis day sucksā sandwich. I have that awful pit in my stomach I get when I am worried for my kids, but also know he has to figure stuff out and ASK FOR HELP FROM THE MANY AVAILABLE RESOURCES AT HIS SCHOOL. For the love of all that is holy why donāt they ask for help!!! Other than asking Mom. I reminded him about the student success center, sent him the link for student counseling center and told him to goā¦it is a lot right now. I am feeling overwhelmed, he is too obviously. I know this is a blip in time but it is hard. And hard to be far away. I offered to book him two nights at the hotel on campus so he can be out of their room and away from the germs and he said no. Anyway, just a vent. Parenting is hard.
Doesnāt make it any easier, but for what it is worth it sure sounds to me like you are doing, thinking, and in fact feeling the right things under the circumstances.
I think thereās a period a few weeks to a month after the start of freshman year where suddenly itās not fun āget to know youā and āwow a frat party!ā but real life drudgery sets in. Totally normal.
My D23 had this happen a few times right at the beginning. I had to reiterate āgo to office hours!ā and she finally did and was even able to resubmit in one case.
I hope his roommate is better soon. Last year my daughter had Covid, Flu A, and tonsillitis. Dorm life is a cesspool.
I have told S24 to keep his door room door open when he is in the room but I donāt think he is doing it. I hope they start doing it. He is going to the Rec center every day and yesterday he said they he played pickup basket ball with some kids. So hoping he will make some new friends this way.
We came back home last Tuesday after dropping S24 off at Cornell. The move-in was very smooth and he ended up at a building with AC which was important for him.
Unfortunately, the UAW strike started right after he moved in. so itās been a pretty unusual week for everyone - toilet paper running out, frozen canned food, and boxed to-go lunches.
Other than asking us to ship some food, things are going well for S24, I think. He doesnāt call unless he needs something.
S24 is the last of his friendsā group to leave and he is more than ready to leave the nest now.
It hit me suddenly when yesterday he asked where I had put the IKEA dorm storage bags. I quietly showed him and then started bawling in my room.
My stoic son has always been polite about my cooking (Im not a great cook) so I was surprised when I asked him what he wanted to eat before leaving and he rattled off 5 items.
I am taking the next 3 days off to prepare for all of this. Earlier it was 2.
In my excitement I even promised to send him the homecooked food every weekend (He will be an hour way).
He politely said it was not necessary.
Need to have her confirm w/Student Affairs dept that they show sheās filled out the FERPA form allowing the school to give us her grades info.