Parents of the HS Class of 2024 (Part 2)

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
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I talked to my daughter today and she is doing really well. She has 4 full classes and 2 1-credit classes. One of the 1-credits ends in a month too. She added one of them during orientation. It’s a discussion about the election and voter turnout. She says it is fun and interesting. She also says she is amazed how easy it feels to keep caught up on homework! She gets it done during the day between classes for the most part. She says there is so much open time, unlike high school. She strives for her evenings to be mostly free time. Hopefully she keeps that up as I know she really needs time for herself and hobbies to feel relaxed and balanced.

She’s tried out a lot of the dining options and is finding plenty of things she likes. She’s a pretty picky eater, so I’m happy to hear that.

Grocery shopping here is weird. I know after S22 left, I made changes, but with both gone, it’s a very different shopping experience. She texts a lot, and I don’t miss her often because of that, but it hits me during grocery shopping that she’s not here, lol.

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Two weeks in and things seem to be going about as well as I was expecting at this point for D24. Not amazing, but I don’t think she (or we) expected amazing, certainly not at this point.

She is taking 5 classes, plus a lab and a 1 credit transitioning to college class. The way her classes are scheduled, she doesn’t have a lot of free time during the day, which is better for her (she’s a procrastinator). She’s feeling ok about her classes, though she said her Calc instructor does not seem very good, and “If I hadn’t already taken calc and had to actually learn it for the first time, I’d be in trouble.” Just some extra validation that forgoing the AP credit and repeating Calc 1 was the right choice. Overall, she said the work for each class doesn’t seem like it will be overwhelming, but it all adds up to a lot.

Socially, things are…ok. She is meeting people and going out a bit (went to her first frat parties), but said that in general, it is not easy to connect, as “there are just a lot of really socially-awkward people here.” Again, this is not a surprise, and something she had picked up on when she went to the admitted student day event (and why I thought she was going to choose a different school). She does get along with her roommates, and mentioned spending time with two girls from her orientation group. She enjoyed 2 of the 3 parties she has been to. When we spoke to her (Sunday), her roommate and one of the girls she has been spending time with had both gone home for the weekend, so I think it was probably an especially lonely moment. We just encouraged her to join, join, join in on clubs and activities, as the best way to really get to know people. I’m not sure if she’s going to take that to heart. Those that followed my posts over the years know that I could not get her to do any school-based xtra currics throughout high school. I even encouraged her to go to the panhellenic recruitment info session this week…thinking that even if she didn’t opt to pledge, just going through rush might giver her opportunity to meet people. Again, she was non-committal. She has been hitting the gym regularly (that’s her big hobby at home) and although she’s “not interested” in joining the women in lifting club (I don’t know why), she’s starting to see some of the same people there often, and I think she’ll start to make some friendly connections there. :pray:

She is also struggling a bit with not having a car. There is a weekend shuttle that runs from campus to all of the big retail areas located in town. She is just not used to having to plan ahead, so I did get a “can I Uber to x store to pick up y, which is need for class tomorrow?” text.

I should note that in spite of how negative that all sounds, she doesn’t seem unhappy. I think she recognizes that it is ok to feel uncomfortable right now, and she really did choose the school knowing that the social aspect was going to be very different than the places her HS friends were headed to. When we asked her “what’s been the hardest thing so far?”, she said it was getting used to waking up early for classes again, and taking the stairs to the 4th floor for one of her classes when the elevator is too busy :laughing: . So, I think she’s taking the other things (being away from home and friends) in stride.

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It’s a huge adjustment. They’re sleeping in a different place. Sharing a bedroom with somebody they just met. Sharing a bathroom with multiple people they don’t know very well yet. Not having parents nag and remind them about this or that all the time. And as the director of student life put it during parent orientation, “One student said, ‘You don’t understand! I have to go to a whole different building JUST TO EAT!’” :slight_smile:

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sbinaz–so true. We dropped off D24 at her campus yesterday after she came home for the weekend. It really hit me what a great shift she’s made when I used the restroom on her dorm floor. It’s very nice–real doors on the toilets–but it’s still a public restroom. She has 3/4 of her own bathroom at home! In other news, she seems to be hitting her stride in her fourth week. But for you guys whose kids are still feeling uncomfortable and lonely–once they get over it in a couple of weeks, you’ll be on to the next stage: “is my child getting too distracted by social life?” :smile: Really, I think those of us who worry (most of us) will never be free of the slight anxiety that things might go pear-shaped while we aren’t there to see it.

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Ha! I am at the point that I am so excited S24 is having a social life, hoping i am not irritated by that in a few weeks

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Yes, I’ve actually been in this stage (worrying about the distractions of social life) since the end of orientation week. She’s definitely having a good time at college. For someone with a tiny HS friend group of highly academic, very serious kids who seemed to rarely have fun, it’s probably about time for this. I’m hoping that she remembers my pep talks (lectures?) before she left about how schoolwork is most important, as well as finding a good life balance which includes adequate sleep, eating well and exercise. This is another side of letting go, I suppose.

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My kid is doing well but I’m very sad — feels like I lost part of myself. Any suggestions?

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I feel similarly, and the feelings come and go in waves. For me, a routine helps. Along with exercise and planning events/fun stuff for me and my spouse, like trying a new restaurant or going to a concert or a day or overnight trip somewhere. Or something as simple as a walk outside. Outside time always helps. I also remind myself regularly that I want my kids to be independent and out in the world. It was always an option for them to live at home and commute to our state flagship, and we encouraged them to go further flung and try new things, live away from home. So remembering that now it’s time for them to explore and live their own lives, not merely continue to be part of mine, helps. But it’s hard.

Also this, from Khalil Gibran, which I’ve been reading and re-reading since they were small but which seems particularly apt right now

https://images.app.■■■■■■/J5kcNmuPuFE9jXhf6

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While I love watching my kids soar, I feel sad too and am trying to build a new routine. It’s hard and takes more effort than I expected. I think shawk has some great suggestions!

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D24 is our eldest child, so this is all new to us and we are figuring it out as we go along.

I spent a few hours outside each day all weekend this past weekend doing yard work and piddling around. I think that all of the vitamin D and fresh air helped. DH has resumed playing DND w/some buddies one evening a week and he’s decided to start exercising more.

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Sounds like you went to one of my favorite bars near Smith. Congrats to your D24! I desperately want my D26 to consider Smith, which means…I can’t say a word about it. Smith? What’s that? :wink:

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Yep. Right there with you in the “(very) distracting social life” phase. And on the public bathroom life. The silver lining there is I did receive a call I loved: “uh, mom…yeah. You might have been right that a bathrobe is a good idea…” Once in a blue plaid moon do I hear “you were right…” :rofl:

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Beautifully said! I remind myself so often of this quote from Kahlil Gibran.
We found ourselves walking around his old haunts near the school yesterday. Hard to describe the feeling - happiness that he had so many great memories in these places. Nostalgic sadness about the change. There is a word to describe this and I am trying to find out what it is.
On another note how awesome is it that this group is still very active even though the kids have left for college!

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Tunnel Bar?? Yes, it is so cool! And we loved the whole surrounding area with the restaurants and outside tables with live music! We really enjoyed exploring Northampton and think our D24 is going to love the area.

My D24 initially wouldn’t consider Smith either, mostly because she thought she wanted co-ed. But, after touring about 10 other schools, including a second visit at Amherst (she desperately wanted to love Amherst, and yet she just didn’t) I suggested that we just hop over to see Smith and she fell in love and decided to apply ED. The college journey is so interesting and full of surprises.

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Try The Green Room on Center Street for cocktails next! You might like it even more. Hmmmm…maybe I should bring D26 to Amherst. Time to start strategizing. My high school BF went to Smith and I am constantly in awe of the alum network.

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Lucked out with a quick phone call with D24. Things are going well, said her general chemistry class is easy so far, thinks that all of the chemistry she had in middle & high school prepped her well. Loves her sci fi literature class. Yesterday’s lecture was a discussion all about Star Wars, which is right up my kid’s alley. Kid said the class is full of nerdy people just like her and even the English professor is nerdy, too. If I were to look into my crystal ball, I’d say that she’s starting to find some of ‘her people.’ I’m glad that the faculty advisor she met with over the summer suggested this class to her.

She said that she’s wondering if she’ll have to take Calculus. I suggested that she go talk to the pre-health advisors, mention to them that she’s interested in PA school, and see what they recommend. Told her that she’ll probably have to take a statistics class, but to ask her faculty advisor and pre-health advisors.

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S24 is kind of like that now. Still adjusting to new environment at W&L. He did tell us that he is meeting people, but still has not make many friends, so kind of feeling lonely.

Told him not to stay in his room and just gaming too much and go out to meet people, because he just likes to play game all day if he could.

He said school starts tomorrow so will see how it goes. he thinks he might make more connections with kids from classes. We hope he will understand that its ok to feel alone first, as it is indeed a huge change from high school life.

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C24 just told me they’ve been cast in a show at school! Their biggest concern in going to college was whether they were good enough to compete for roles among the other theater majors, so they’re very happy and I’m very relieved!

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awesome!!

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S is at his first orchestra rehearsal right now! First week of classes seems to be going okay, although he’s had some “everyone here is better/smarter than me” moments. I think it probably helps that they all got a lot of official pep talks during orientation about how everyone is feeling like that and “we didn’t admit anyone by accident.” I can tell him that all day, and he won’t believe it, but maybe he trusts the authority of the college president. He sure does have a full schedule of music for having picked the non-music school! 2 1/2 hour orchestra rehearsals twice a week, horn choir once a week, lesson once a week (plus two actual music classes). Thanks to find my iPhone I know that he’s almost never in his dorm, and he told me the other day, “I haven’t had to eat by myself at all yet.” He’s not going to get bored at college anyway!

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