Excellent points. This was really his formula for HS too–lots of necessary discipline when it came to time management, making sports friends who also became study partners, and so on. So, knock on wood, it all works out the same way again.
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D24 is doing well - she has still not found her people, but I am so proud of her for putting herself in the places where she is more likely to find those people. She’s signed up for some clubs, will have a radio show, applied for a first year rep on one of the boards, and applied for a job. When she didn’t hear from the job, she spoke to her first year seminar teacher who works with the department and THAT teacher said she would ask in the department and if not that job, SHE would hire her. My biggest concern for my kid is that she is quiet and introverted (like her dad, while D28 and I are the extroverts) and I am so proud that she is pushing through her discomfort to make the most of her opportunity. Classes are going well, too - I have said all along her brain was made for college and not high school (semester long, deep immersion in fewer subjects) and I think she is finding that to be the case, too.
This is my “fought for a 3.0 and has a late dx of ADHD/slow processing” kid who got into her first choice after a deferral, but I really do think she found the right place to be, and while she is still working on finding good friends, she is also talking about the next four years and how she should structure all the things she wants to do there, NOT begging to move home in December. My folks will be visiting her this coming weekend, and we will be down the weekend after that, and she is excited for visitors.
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As someone who did not truly find my people until sophomore year, this sounds great! It will eventually work, it just happens faster for some people than others.
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Absolutely. I have reminded her since the days of toddlerhood, before she could communicate, I was the one saying “give her a minute, she’s slow to warm” and that’s held true through the years. She also has the experience of starting high school knowing no one, making some friends in the first few weeks but then not finding her BEST friend until Christmas break of freshman year… and has even been counseling little sister on “the friends you make in freshman year are prob not going to be your same friends senior year…” so that experience certainly helps her know her own personality.
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That sort of self-awareness is priceless, and she is lucky to have found it at such an early age!
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My D24 hasn’t found her people yet, either, but she’s purposely putting herself in situations where she’s meeting people. It takes time.
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Same. It sounds like D24 has a couple close friends and many friend-ish acquaintances but hasn’t yet found her group. She’s mostly enjoying college, but she said last night that it wasn’t what she expected (I’m not sure what she expected) and that it’s harder to make friends than she anticipated. But I think she’s literally joined about 10 clubs—from political advocacy to gardening to weight lifting to ballroom dancing—so I’m not too concerned.
On the other hand, she sent a chill down my spine the other day when she mentioned that she’s considering trying out for the mock trial team, which is a gateway drug to law school. Poly Sci is also currently her favorite class. I’m hoping she sticks with studio art, but I’m glad she chose a liberal arts college over an art college like RISD.
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My art history/studio major is taking her first poli sci class as a senior. Her lawyer dad is hoping it will turn her head towards law school, LOL.
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Block 1 winding down and on to Block Break soon. We’ve been FaceTiming on Sundays and just had a phone call where I got some updates. D24 is very, very happy. She seems to have figured out how to get most of her work done during daylight hours and has time for a social life. She loved her class, lots and lots of reading, discussion and writing, and it was an engaging first seminar to begin college. She has figured out how to balance eating in the dining hall with cooking in her dorm kitchen, has discovered a massive and awesome thrift store, and has been to parties, on bike rides, gone to a bluegrass concert, and probably more I haven’t heard about. She seems to already have a close group of 5+ friends from all over the U.S., and will be headed to the mountains to camp, hike and climb for the next 4 days, along with watching a friend’s band in Boulder over the weekend. She weathered her first cold and even mild food poisoning (from undercooked chicken?) and hopefully not feeling well seems to have passed. It’s seems to have been stellar first month of freshman year.
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A day of firsts for D24! After several days of sickness, she texted my spouse at 3 am to say she was too congested to sleep. We didn’t get the text until 7 am. She then came to the conclusion that she had a sinus infection. Here are things this serious introvert who hates interacting with unknown adults did today. Looked up the college clinic, tried to make a portal appointment and found they were booked up. (Then I sent her a link to an Urgent Care). Booked an Uber and rode it to the Urgent Care. Did not freak when health insurance was glitchy. Explained all her symptoms properly to nurse, then doctor. Ubered back to campus. Caught bus to university pharmacy where script was waiting. Got meds. Went to lunch at 11 and took meds. Went to afternoon class due to important lecture 
I’m really proud!
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That is first time I’ve heard of a lawyer encouraging their child to go to law school! I will literally have an honest conversation with anyone about why there are better uses of one’s time and money in this legal market.
If anyone says: “You can do so many things with a law degree!” My stock answer is that if you are doing anything other than practicing law, you could also do that thing without a law degree.
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That’s a whole lot of adulting right there! Good for her!
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So, I’m a lawyer, married to a lawyer. I have found my law degree has given me a great deal of flexibility and a happy life. I did the big corporate thing pre-kids, then took a part time in house job for a while. I had a great opportunity to join a law school faculty and did that for about 7 years, then got a great job managing a title company. So, I have done lots of things with a law degree, and I have been fortunate that it also has opened doors that have allowed me to find a good work-family balance. I find this is not unique to me and have many attorney friends who have found a balance that works for them. (I don’t deny I also have friends who have suffered burn out … it’s not ideal for everyone)
Not dissimilarly, my husband has a law degree, started as a public defender, moved into defense, and has run his own business for nearly 15 years . He has workoholic tendencies, but also has a home office and opportunities for remote work that provide a little balance
Yes, there are law careers that are brutal, that I would not recommend. Yes, there are legal practice areas that don’t provide an income sufficient to support average law student debt levels. But law school also can be a great intellectual expansion that can support a wide variety of opportunities. So, if your kid is interested, it would be great to introduce them to attorneys, maybe find shadow or intern opportunities, and help them learn about potential pros and cons.
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First rejection in college - S24 got cut off from the first tryout session for a club sport. I’m sure it astonished him to the core. He was a League MVP and one of the best players in the state in HS and so it was humbling for sure. He was sick on that day but he thought it would be a cinch.
He’s stoic and will get over it soon hopefully. The criteria for the cut off was a bit strange since they didnt even play any matches. An older kid who he had beat in matches made the first cut off so it’s just speculation at this point as to whether they give the older kids a chance first.
It’s painful and surprising, but without rejection there is no growth or introspection.
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I’m so sorry for your son’s disappointment. I hope he bounces back soon and finds other opportunities to participate in his sport. As to rejection - sadly it is part of life and learning to accept and deal with it is part of growing up. Still, that doesn’t take away the sting in the moment.
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Add my D24 to the list of kids learning some adulting skills via their first illness away from home.
Last week D24 came down with strep. Figured out how to schedule an appt at the health center and filled a rx. Feeling right as rain within a day.
Yesterday she had a telehealth appt with her at-home dermatologist (she’s been on Accutane and is required to be monitored monthly and to take a pregnancy test). I had forgotten entirely about the appointment, so I was pleasantly surprised when she texted me in the morning and asked if she should go buy a pg test before the appointment. There ended up being a snafu with the logging in to the meeting link (she’s never done telehealth before) and my girl phoned the office and got it sorted out.
I love seeing her do these things and get more confident in her ability to take care of herself.
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Good news from D24. She went to health center today and got a flu AND a COVID vaccine. Woo!
AND she got a B+ on her chemistry test. Awesome!
And she asked last night for money because she wants to go to Planet Fitness regularly w/her roommate. 
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Heading up for S24’s parents weekend tomorrow and we got a VRBO so we are going to make him some home cooked meals. It’s been interesting that he is checking in with us more now than he did the first couple of weeks. I think, initially, he was trying to be so independent, and maybe now he’s realizing we aren’t trying to get in his business and smother him, so he’s opening up more? Whatever the reason, I’m glad for more calls
S24 also is finding fraternity rush exhausted. He loves the guys and there are fun parts, but they have shifts working as designated drivers that keep him out late. Fortunately the frat has mandatory study hours and also mandatory gym hours, so the balance isn’t terrible
D24 is in week three, so all is well, but dealing with predictable dips. Smith is academically intense, and she LOVES her classes, but it’s a lot of work. She called yesterday after meeting up with someone she really liked for lunch, and today she texted a picture of a beautiful sunset she enjoyed on her way for her first meeting with the fencing club. So, great moments!
Thank you to everyone who continues to post here. I so love hearing about how all our kids are finding their way, and how all of us are finding our new normal, too.
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LOL, mandatory gym hours! That frat can rush my house any day! 
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Trigger warning. I’m going to discuss tasty food 
Heading south from NJ to UMD parents weekend on Friday. We paid more to get a parking spot much closer to the stadium after we parked at The End of the Earth for the first home game of the year.
For the first home game, we grilled sausage & peppers, burgers, dogs, and (reheated…) chicken cutlets. This week is again a noon game, but we are getting in early and are going all in with breakfast on the portable grill/griddle : pancakes, eggs, bacon, etc. A poor man’s McGriddle sandwich.
Really looking forward to having the whole team in attendance. It’s so hard to get the adult children’s schedules to line up: S16 from DC, S18 from PGH, S24 of course. Plus, another family of UMD alums we know.
Now we just have to make restaurant resos
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