D24 is in the post reading period transtion, though, not quite sure how much reading is happening based on the photos of formals and performances and shenanigans she has been sending us. Her exams are next week, with one Monday and the other on Friday afternoon, with papers in between. We’re arriving on Thursday - will meet up with some friends and then be around to help her pack Friday night and move out Saturday morning.
But first, tomorrow, we will have the joy of watching our first born graduate! He’s in a 5 year combined BS/MS program, so he’ll be back at it in the fall.
Excited to have them both home for the summer very soon!
So they broke up when he went to college last fall. Honestly I think in the end they were just not the best match to begin with, and S24 instinctually wanted to go into college focused on just making the most of college–which I think proved wise.
We only briefly met NiceFarLessParticularGirlfriend before they were an item (she was part of a friend group that came to a tournament we attended), but I will say that in terms of appearance–I think S24 might have a type. But much more importantly, from what S24 was describing on the car ride home, they are just much more on the same page in terms of expectations for a relationship, how to spend their time together when they have it, and so on.
Although this is a little rough, it was privately somewhat telling that as we were packing up S24’s dorm room, we kept coming across notes from the former girlfriend attached to various unused things she had sent to him, basically as part of the last-stage campaign to persuade him to reconsider breaking up. I feel bad because I know she really liked him and she wanted to try to make it work, but I think to him that was all just more of a burden than an inducement, hence the “back of the closet” treatment.
Oh, and we sorta killed ourselves to get the Speakeasy ready for the big reveal, plus also the Belvedere. I just searched this topic for “belvedere” and strangely came up with no results. But by way of background, this involved putting a new structure into the backyard to facillate summer night hangouts, which we do as a family but also S24’s friends like to do that too.
Some people might call it a “gazebo”, but current-aspiring-architectural engineer D30 objected that it lacked critical components of a traditional gazebo. “Pavilion” is maybe more structurally accurate, but NiceUnparticularMom nixed that because to her a pavilion is something you rent in the park for birthday parties. Unkind people might call it a glorified “carport” repurposed for outdoor living, but no one was THAT unparticular.
So after much thesaurus work, some deep dives into architectural history, and possibly a boost from the fact NiceUnparticularMom is taking Italian lessons, “belvedere” emerged as the final winner. And for those who know their English-appropriation-of-Italian terms, they will recognize that means something like “beautiful view”, and it does have a pretty nice view. Which was really BARELY blocked by the speakers and fan I mounted . . . .
Anyway, long digression aside, even though we were all dead tired by the time we got back, S24 did in fact wake up and get very excited about all this. I think he could just see all the thinking we did about him and us, but also him and his friends, really enjoying times together this summer. So that was nice.
I can never quote properly on phone, but this part was really sweet…I think he could just see all the thinking we did about him and us, but also him and his friends, really enjoying times together this summer.
…aaaaaaand D24 is home! Miraculously, she was packed and ready to go at the agreed upon time, and even more miraculously, everything fit in my sedan.
I got to meet her BF, who is (IMO) adorable and seems very kind and smart. Fun fact that I have not uttered to her, but he looks A LOT like my H/her dad did at the same age. Is that weird? I’m sure that’s why I have warm and fuzzy feelings after only meeting him for an hour
Anyway, she slept the entire 6 hour drive home, ate dinner with us and then went back to bed for another couple of hours, before getting up and going out to meet friends at 10:30pm. I have a feeling that’s how the summer is going to go. Thankfully, she starts working next week, so that will at least get her on somewhat of a diurnal schedule.
D24 called on her walk back to her dorm after her bio final exam, said that part of the test involved having to do an amino acid translation thingy, which ended up spelling out “May the force be with you.” She thought that was pretty great.
DH arrived there tomorrow. 2 more final exams + move out on Monday + flying back home.
S24 is currently sitting at the ATL airport trying to fly standby on a 9 am flight home. He waited too late to book his shuttle to get from school to the airport so the only available shuttle was a 4:30 am pickup for his 1 pm flight I guess we will see what happens. He is exhausted after exams, packing, moving out, etc. The weather here is awful- non stop rain, wind, etc. but supposed to clear up just in time for Mother’s Day. I will be glad to have him home but he will be super busy- taking 3 online summer classes, jury duty next week, two part time jobs. I think after this summer he will appreciate that when he is at school he gets to “just do school” and does not have any other responsibilities.
C24 is back home. They enjoyed their first year at Michigan. IMO, I think the living learning community helped ease the transition of being at a big state school far from home. They also joined some clubs and found a strong friend group (and roommates) from being involved in one of the clubs. I was able to meet their friends and their families during move out and everyone seemed great. It puts my mind as ease knowing they aren’t alone. According to C24, we , the parents, were very mysterious and the friend group was excited to meet us because no one had met us before. I felt like a micro-celeb. Everyone else has family nearby or near where the club had traveled within the Midwest so they’ve met each other’s parents and siblings.
The only real hiccup in the first-year was finding an off campus place within budget to live next year. I was sweating it a bit when it was March and they didn’t have a place. I did help with the research and they were able to secure a place to live next year before the end of March. Overall the first year of college was less stressful than last year of high-school and the application process … at least for me!
C24 is finishing the year on a rough note, unfortunately. They found this semester challenging socially, emotionally and academically. For the first time in their life, they had a class that was both difficult and not interesting to them, so they’ve fallen behind on turning in assignments. I’m struggling to get them to understand that writer’s block is a normal part of the college experience and at some point they need to just buckle down and do the darned work whether or not it’s easy.
From afar, I’m frustrated. They seem far too okay with the prospect of failing a class than they should be. When I was their age, I was working full time, fitting classes in whenever I could, and I had no safety net at all except for what I built myself. Turning assignments in late was simply not an option and failing a class was absolutely unthinkable. I’ve worked hard for decades to ensure that my kids don’t have to go through what I went through, and it galls me to see my kid taking it all so lightly.
They have five days left to write 5 essays and a screenplay and to take two finals, in addition to packing up. They plan to start working tomorrow. I’m trying not to scream.
I have no great insights for you, and what you are describing would also be very stressful for me.
But I do want to thank you for sharing these issues. We’ve discussed this before here, but I think it is very obvious that happy news gets reported more reliably than unhappy news. For understandable reasons, perhaps. But what that means is any time someone reports unhappy news, very likely it helps a bunch of other people realize they are maybe less isolated in their own issues than they might otherwise have thought.
DH is in TX this weekend, helping D24 pack & move a bunch of her stuff to storage. She has 1 English paper due tomorrow & 2 in-person final exams tomorrow. Then fly home tomorrow evening.
DH has learned that:
D24 didn’t vacuum under her bed all year
D24 is really bad at throwing boxes away. Like, when somebody sends you a package in the mail. There was quite a collection under her bed.
D24 truly won the roommate lottery because Roommate doesn’t care how messy D24’s side of the room is. Heard this with my own ears out of the mouth of Roommate when D24 called me this weekend.
D24 needs a bed skirt. I’m going to buy one this summer. So Roommate doesn’t have to look at D24’s pile of stuff under her bed all year.
I hear ya. It’s really hard watching your kid struggle and you know that there’s nothing you can do about it. You can make suggestions but whether or not the kid actually listens is another story.
D24 is one who has had to learn through the school of hard knocks. There were a lot of such moments in middle and high school. Heck, even first semester of this school year? She got C’s in bio and chem…and she’s a pre-health student. Did she listen to me and go to the career center this semester? Of course not. Now it’s “Wah, I want to do job shadowing for Jan Term next year.” Well, get your butt over to the career center, kiddo. You know…like I told you to do back in Feb.
On the bright side of things, learning how to fail is actually a really useful skill.
Why?
Because as all of us seasoned parents know, life is full of ups and downs. Things are not always going to go how you had hoped or planned. Life will throw you a curveball and yeah, even though you might be the hardest worker in the department or whatever the ‘thing’ is, you didn’t get offered the promotion you were hoping for. In fact, they gave it to somebody else instead. Etc., etc.
Learning how to be resilient is only something, in my opinion, you really and truly learn by failing. By NOT succeeding every time.
Your kid will learn. Mine will too. And they’ll turn out to be more resilient adults because of it.
D24 had her first shift at the sushi restaurant today (training at lunchtime). She said everyone was really nice—especially the older woman server who was convinced D24 is too thin, and kept urging her to eat returned orders. LOL! luckily, she isn’t really too thin (these days), she’s just 5’9 and leggy. There’s a “boy” (my choice of word) a couple of years older. He does game design at his university—thus, I don’t expect sparks to kindle! But one never knows, I suppose. Meanwhile, I’ve been told I must wear orthotics all the time, even in my house. Old age happens!
D24 is now back home…after turning in 1 English paper and taking 2 in-person final exams AND doing a check-out-of-your-room thing with the RA AND doing a last minute drop of stuff at the storage unit 5 min drive from campus. At her request, we stopped for Rubio’s on the way home so she could get a shrimp burrito. And she’s been jones’ing for an otter pop for a couple of weeks, so there’s some of those in the freezer. She said, “Mmm, tastes like nostalgia.”
Other things we’ve learned:
Roommate has given D24 the knickname of “Sugar Mama 1st initial of D24’s name” because instead of D24 chipping in for gas sometimes, D24 buys Roommate food when they eat out (Roommate is the one with the car).
D24 introduced Roommate into the wonders of the cuisine at Panera Bread. She hadn’t ever eaten there before.
Roommate picked this school to attend because she didn’t want to go to UT-Austin or SMU and didn’t want to go super far away but also didn’t want to live at home for college either. Roommate apparently said that, like, half of her graduating class it seemed were going to UT-Austin or SMU.
Roommate’s family all now call D24 by the 1st initial of her 1st name.
D24 is making plans to find a “decent ramen place” somewhere in the area so she can introduce Roommate & Roommate’s family to real Japanese ramen, “not that Top Ramen nonsense.”
S24 finally made it home to the UK from across the pond! Semester went well, he said classes were not particularly hard (ended up with 3 As and an A-) and social life is continuing well (though we never, ever, ever get any dating info, sigh). He got over his soccer injury and a minor wrist one from excessive gym work - he’s gotten quite a bit more built up - but still navigated the US health system well, which as a foreigner is a relief. Also had a mini beach-week with friends in NC at the end of term that he really enjoyed!
Now next year will be harder- he’s taking 5 courses next term as he wants to double major (Business/Econ and Film), will need to get an on-campus job and then need to start to hustle for a summer internships in the US, as getting one at home from an overseas college is really hard, and the calendars don’t match as well…
Onwards and upwards , the hard work starts now but he’s really enjoying US college life, and he’s growing up really quickly, with having to do everything for himself (including a lost phone which, with all the 2-country banking apps, sims and stuff, is a lot more complicated to sort out than you’d think…). Hope everyone and cheir childs has a great summer, best!
Quick update–both the new Speakeasy and the new Belvedere/outdoors have been big hits with S24 and his friends, and it is great to have all that life in the house again.
However, while a friend spontaneously described the new basement room as a speakeasy, giving S24 comfort on that front, he refuses to call the outside structure a “belvedere”. Something about not wanting to be constantly mocked by his friends . . . .
It’s nice having D24 back home. She bought me Starbucks for breakfast this morning as a late Mother’s Day thing. That was pretty nice! She talked a lot about this one boy in choir who’s graduating this week. Also said that she doesn’t like getting hangovers so sticks to a 3-drink maximum. Oh and she hates the taste of beer and thinks it’s stupid that there’s gender stereotypes about how straight men aren’t supposed to like fruity cocktails. Random things out of The Child’s mouth early this morning.
She also brought this home for our fridge…because I have a thing for silly Buc-ee’s fridge magnets.
I guess we will see what happens. He is exhausted after exams, packing, moving out, etc. The weather here is awful- non stop rain, wind, etc. but supposed to clear up just in time for Mother’s Day. I will be glad to have him home but he will be super busy- taking 3 online summer classes, jury duty next week, two part time jobs. I think after this summer he will appreciate that when he is at school he gets to “just do school” and does not have any other responsibilities.
luckily, she isn’t really too thin (these days), she’s just 5’9 and leggy. There’s a “boy” (my choice of word) a couple of years older. He does game design at his university—thus, I don’t expect sparks to kindle! But one never knows, I suppose. Meanwhile, I’ve been told I must wear orthotics all the time, even in my house. Old age happens!
, the hard work starts now but he’s really enjoying US college life, and he’s growing up really quickly, with having to do everything for himself (including a lost phone which, with all the 2-country banking apps, sims and stuff, is a lot more complicated to sort out than you’d think…). Hope everyone and cheir childs has a great summer, best!