My daughter finished her CNA class in early June and won’t take her certification exam until early next month- so I’m a little jealous. But she’s making money working at the restaurant and made friends in the CNA class that she still hangs out with so that’s something. My other daughter got very lucky and scored a placement in pediatrics in the Children’s Hospital. She comes home telling me about the cute babies she gets to take care of.
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D24 isn’t employed anywhere yet, but has been applying at lots of places. She’s focusing a bit more on per diem options since in about 5-6 weeks, she has to be back at college. There’s a lot of senior communities in our area, so I’m hoping that she can get a per diem sort of gig somewhere so she can earn some spare change and hopefully be able to pick up shifts when she’s home on breaks.
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I just got back from a quick weekend trip to visit my daughter in DC where she is interning this summer. It was a great visit and she seems to be really happy and enjoying the city. I loved having her show me where she is living, where she works, and some of her favorite spots. I also enjoyed going grocery shopping and filling her fridge with healthy foods and going to a bookstore and treating her so several books and a puzzle. Discussing books has always been a connection of ours. Her internships are going well and she definitely is learning a lot, but there have been ups and downs and growing pains. Working 9-5 every day with a 45 minute commute on the metro also has been a been shift and introduction to the world of adulting! I am proud, and excited she will have two weeks at home to unwind before heading back to school.
Son is moving into his apartment in just under 3 weeks, so we are starting to pack and prep for that as well. He has struggled with some “college withdrawal” this summer, but I have found him to be a pleasure at home and am proud of how well he is doing in his internship, too. He might even be able to work a 10 hour per week remote continuation of the internship, and I am really hoping that works out for him.
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D24 Decided not to go back for her sophomore year. She didn’t enjoy the college or the major. Did well in her classes which means she should have some options but is paralyzed with indecision.
Anyone have suggestions of resources that might help clear some of the fog for her?
TIA
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Does she have a job - preferably full time? I think being exposed to the world - just lets you see things from a different perspective.
Maybe it helps to stop thinking about school - and then life will take its way - she will learn about the real world - and it might give her motivation for school or work.
I don’t think there’s a magic pill to - let’s pick another college. Even going to a local community won’t help that.
I’d put school on the back burner - have her get a job - grocery store Home Depot - wherever.
Some parents might charge rent too. I wouldn’t. She needs love. But also not a woe is me life. She needs to experience life.
Sorry for her experience.
I was curious the where and program so found it on another post. You noted when the decision was made there was no excitement, etc. it almost seemed apathetic.
Could it be that school isn’t for her in general or she is burned out for now ? The lack of excitement might have been telling.
So another reason for a job or something different ?
How about travel overseas ? One interesting thing some study abroad are internships. So yes it’s school but could it be something like that give her something to look forward to ?
Working season jobs in national parks or beach / ski towns ?
Just thinking of things.
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First things first, it sounds like your daughter is incredibly rare as someone who can decide something isn’t right for them, even if they do it very well. That will serve her well going forward and I hope she is getting that message. 
It may help her to talk to a therapist. Doesn’t necessarily have to be a psychologist or psychiatrist, there are plenty of LCSW who provide therapy. It may help for her to have an impartial person who can listen to her thoughts while giving some structure to the exercise.
Maybe your daughter doesn’t want to do school right now. Maybe the first school wasn’t the right one and she needs to figure out what the ‘right’ school would offer that is different. Maybe your daughter wants to spend some time in the workforce, maybe she wants to volunteer. Again, a good therapist can help her explore those questions (and many others) and give suggestions as to how your daughter can process her thoughts and feelings most productively.
I think it can be a great idea to keep busy with some sort of structure as she figures out her next steps, but wouldn’t necessarily push a full time job unless it is financially or emotionally necessary. It might be nice for her to explore volunteering, or look into options abroad (volunteer, study, language learning, etc).
It might also be a good idea to reach out to her high school counselor to see if they have resources that would be helpful. She isn’t the first student to decide her first college/first choices outside of high school need to be re-thought…and the high school may already have resources prepared.
Logistically, it may also help to have her take a leave of absence from her current school to give her the option to return (she may well change her mind). If that isn’t something she is interested in, I would definitely make sure she speaks with her advisor to see what other options are available, and how stuff like transcripts/letters of recommendation are held at the school for students who withdraw (and how to best access those if she decides to transfer).
Good luck to her as she figures out her next steps. It is really brave to say, “This isn’t working” and make that decision without knowing your exact plan. It also happens much more often than I think we know of because not everyone is open about it/willing to share. What she is going through is perfectly normal, and I’m sure something awesome is going to come through. 
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+1 on everything @beebee3 said
Are there any interests she’s especially keen on these days? I saw in previous posts of yours that she’s had a variety of interests in the past, including horses, rock climbing, search+rescue, maker-lab-adjacent stuff, and outdoorsy things. Are any of those areas she wants to spend more time, or sees a future for herself? Or anything that she’s realized is not an area where she wants to focus in the future?
Is she thinking that she wants to continue with college, or take some time / work / think about things? I have a couple of random ideas that could maybe be helpful, but might just be noise if they’re moving in the wrong direction.
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Taking a semester or 2 off isn’t a bad idea. A lot of students do this. Most people just don’t talk about it.
If it were my kid, I’d be telling D24 that she’d need to be working somewhere at least 30 hr/week. There’s often something about having to work in a lower paid service industry type of job that will get people some motivation. Kind of like having a taste of what life will be like if you don’t figure stuff out.
Also ask your kid (when the time is right) what specifically was it about the college that they didn’t like. Was it the people? The professors? A specific vibe on campus?
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On the subject of not everything is coming up roses, I posted ~ 2 months ago about D24’s challenges at college freshman year. Low GPA, failed 2nd semester chemistry, only left her room all year for class, choir practice, and to get food ‘to go’ from the dining hall on campus. Learned once she got home that she’s been horribly depressed for a lot of the school year, has been very sad about no success in the dating department, etc. 
Fast forward to now…
Things are, I hope/think, starting to turn around a little bit:
- she took & passed a 3-week certified nursing assistant course
- got her state certification as a CNA a couple of days ago
- applied for some jobs and just got a call today for a position, has an in-person interview w/a local company next Tuesday afternoon. It’s for home health type of work and she’s pitching herself as somebody who would do ‘fill in’/per diem type of work and has mentioned that she’d be available to help out when she’s home on breaks.
- my sister took her to go shopping & boost her wardrobe & confidence a bit
- sister also took her to get her eyebrows waxed for the 1st time last weekend (D24 has always been very resistant to change about anything ever involving clothing, grooming, etc.). My sister is the ‘cool aunt’ and has way more leeway than I do with this sort of thing, so she kindly told my kid, “Hey, if you want to improve your odds in the dating department, you need to up your game a bit.”
- before I drive D24 back to college next month, I’m going to take her to my hair stylist, who is going to give her a hair makeover fit for a college woman
- D24 will be taking the min. # of credits to be full time next semester. So lighter course load. No science lab classes. I think she’s going to switch from bio major to public health.
- 18 days ago today, she had an appointment with a psychiatric nurse practitioner. Based on what the NP prescribed, I think the NP diagnosed her w/seasonal affective disorder, but D24 won’t tell me and I’m not asking in order to respect her privacy. It’s been about a week and a half since the medication started and things seem/feel a little…better.
- she also had 1 talk therapy session, was frustrated afterwards about that, but I think it was good for her to do it anyway. 24-48 hr after that, she started randomly coming up with small revelations re: some of our extended family members & stuff, so I think maybe she’s been processing some stuff with that…and that’s been helpful from my mom point of view. Her mood seems more centered, lighter.
Will things turn around for her academically this next semester? I have no idea. I AM thrilled that she passed the CNA exam with flying colors because she really needed a confidence boost with that.
Not everybody’s path is a straight line. And there’s more than 1 way to reach your goal/destination. 
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My D24 had an up and down first year, but is going back next month (and kept her financial aid which would be the deal breaker.) She is hoping that year two will go better now that she knows the lay of the land and what college is, I hope so too.
She is a counselor at an almost off-grid summer camp (no cell service, slow wifi she can only access at certain times, the only electricity is solar in the common buildings and she’s sleeping in a canvas tent under mosquito netting) but seems to be having a great summer! It’s a camp she went to as a kid, and she lost her ‘last year’ to covid so is glad to be back. SHe had to pass several certification tests - wilderness first aid, boating, archery etc- and seems to be enjoying the experience! She was out of the woods for a night at our house and she enjoyed her favorite dinner, a long hot shower, and a night in her own bed, and she’ll be back in two weeks until school starts - catching up on medical appointments, etc. (Which, reminder - waive the school insurance! I almost passed out when I looked at the bill until I realized health insurance was on there…)
Her school - like just about every school in existence - is dealing with the current uncertainty in higher ed, and parent page reflects a lot of feelings about that - as someone who works in higher ed, just sharing that it’s almost a universal thing for any school right now, and just know that the staff and faculty and admin are doing what they can to make it through. I absolutely hate that my kids are launching into this chaotic climate, but we (my family, not school!) are just going to keep going forward until we can’t. So far, we can still keep going…
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D24 learned today that she actually needs to move in 3 days earlier than we had expected because all the choir kids have to move in on 8/22, not 8/25.
so it’s a good thing we’re driving, not flying. Good thing that my boss is pretty flexible and ok’d changing my time off around. And good thing I was able to move around the rental car and hotel reservations.
But as a result, D26 is going to miss 3 days of school instead of 2. Meh, oh well, can’t do anything about that.
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H, D24, & I put together D24’s new bike today. It’s a tricycle and it comes with this cool basket on the back of it. And you can detach the basket and drag it on the ground (because it has wheels/casters on it + a handle) behind you.
D24’s college has, like, NO bike theft. So with a couple of Kryptonite locks, it won’t go anywhere. She’s going to buy herself a helmet & a front headlight + a rear flashing light to use if she rides at dusk somewhere.
with the basket, she’ll be able to even bike to the local grocery store or even Walmart and bring her groceries back with her. The one she bought is in white instead of blue.
An electric scooter would have been ideal, but her school doesn’t allow electric scooters or electric bikes at all inside any campus buildings, so those options were out.
After this next school year, we’ll just have her store the bike in a storage unit for the summer like she’s stored the bulk of her stuff this summer.
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Our Southern-based university kids go back to school in a week. Two at most! I hope you’re as excited as I am! This house will be so clean and spacious. D24’s packing up her hoard now, and has her last possible workday on Monday. Hang in there, everybody. They’ll miss us when they’re gone. 
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S24 starts classes in 2 weeks, but I just got back from helping him move into his apartment next year and it was wonderful to see him and his roommate working together to get set up and their excitement about their new space! Sure is a lot nicer than any apartment I ever had as a student, but I am really happy for them. It’s funny to listing to the boys talk about their plans for what they intend to cook. My son has some very ambitious ideas about gourmet meals he wants to try making (he has NEVER made much more than scrambled eggs, hamburgers, or a grilled steak at home). The roommate, on the other hand, thinks the best idea is to make a big batch of burritos on Sunday and then eat burritos all week, every week. It was also funny working with roommate’s mom to get them set up and stock the pantry. We agreed on a lot of basics, but roommate’s mom wanted to buy all kinds of fresh vegetables and things for them to make salads every night. I WISH they would eat salads every day, but I do think it is rather unlikely. Whatever. They will figure it out
D24 has her last week of her DC internship this week and she is very excited that she has been asked to stay on staff part time and to contribute 2 articles per month! I’m excited that she received this positive feedback about her work. I’m also excited for her to come home this weekend and be with us for two weeks before she heads back to school.
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We hit the road in 2 1/2 weeks to drive D24 back to TX for sophomore year. A summer job did not pan out at all, so that was disappointing.
My kid is struggling a little bit and raging against the machine known as “How to deal with healthcare in America as an adult.” She’s learning what a royal pain in the butt it is.
consider this:
- today, I spent an hour on the phone on 2 separate phone calls in order to get a ‘dependent pharmacy override’ set up for her 2 maintenance medications. The 1st 30 min phone call ended with me being on hold and then the call was disconnected. 2nd phone call was also 30 min long, involved being on hold multiple times, and at the end of it all, learned that it’ll be another 3 days for the pharmacy override to get approved.
- And if you get a new maintenance prescription that can’t be filled from the home delivery pharmacy that’s in our home state, you have to call the insurance company’s ‘member services’ phone line again in order to get the new prescription added to an override request.
- So you basically need a week or more of wiggle room before you actually need the prescription.
- our regular mail order/home delivery pharmacy in our home state takes 2 wk to send out refills of maintenance meds.
- back in Feb, D24 didn’t listen to any of my prior instructions on any of this and took a medication to a local retail in-network pharmacy near her college and they couldn’t refill it. This resulted in it taking almost a week of back & forth with the provider, the pharmacy & multiple phone calls.
- So now, for 1 of her maintenance meds, she has <1 month’s supply left. We leave for TX in 2.5 wk. On the pill container, it said there was 1 refill left good through 7/29/25. Did she call in that refill order? NO.
- Was that prescription the same one from Feb? NO. That one was issued by a different provider. Does she still have THAT pill container w/the prescription #? NO.
- What did she try to do? Call the provider. Did she look it up on the provider’s website? NO. Ended up getting transferred somewhere and then the phone call disconnected. OMG child.
- 1 of her maintenance meds is a psychiatric medication. She keeps telling me that “it’s fine, I have refills until I see them again in November.” But that isn’t true and she keeps mixing up the details…and no, that isn’t a new symptom…she’s always mixed stuff up like this. Doesn’t pay attention, doesn’t remember stuff. And please don’t suggest that I suggest to her to get tested for ADHD. I’ve tried that and it went nowhere.
- So I made her COUNT the pills remaining of the psychiatric med. She has 6 wk supply left of it. On THAT pill bottle, it says no refills. Great, so you have a problem, kiddo. You need to contact THAT provider to request a new prescription and you need to do it, like TODAY. And have them send the prescription to our local RETAIL pharmacy. Because when you go cold turkey off of psychiatric meds, there are very unpleasant side effects and you don’t want to go through that if you can help it.
Does she know the prescription # of the other maintenance med? Like, the one from the pill container she threw away? NO.
Does she know how to find that out? NO. She was going to call that provider to ask. OMG, that’s the slowest way to find out.
So I told her to do this:
- Login to the patient portal for that provider’s office.
- Look up the list of medication(s) they have listed for you. Most recently issued one will be listed first. WRITE IT DOWN.
- Send a message to that provider THROUGH THE PATIENT PORTAL asking them to send in a refill order to a RETAIL PHARMACY so you can pick it up in person THIS WEEK because if it goes to our regular home delivery pharmacy, it won’t arrive in time before we have to leave for TX.
In the meantime, I’ve now spent almost 2 hr on this process and my kid keeps yelling at me, slamming doors, and all that. Oh and early this morning, she was apparently trying to arrange to meet up with a friend, but was waiting for the friend to get back to her re: when & where and oh here’s my last minute request, Mom & Dad, to use a car today. AND she thought that she’d use the car that D26 used today to go to & from school. Um no…your sister is using that car today.
And heads up, H, don’t use Car #2 because D24 will be using that. What did H do? Toddle off to the gym this morning in Car #2. 
Car #3 needs some work done on it and the kids & I refuse to drive it as a result & H refuses to take it to a mechanic. He claims “it’s fine,” but also won’t drive it. Huh, ok.
And hey D24, you still need to order your bike helmet & U-lock for your bike. “Yeah yeah, stop nagging me.”
Meanwhile, I’m going to end up missing D26’s very last “meet the teachers” night because that’s on 8/21 and we’ll be on the road headed to TX and I’m frustrated/sad about that.
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We’ve got a full house here, as D20 just moved back home and D24 is here until the 22nd. We have not had both of them under the same roof full time for more than a couple of days here and there in several years. It’s been an adjustment! Our house, which is perfectly sized for H and me, and adequately sized for the two of us + 1 extra adult, is really feeling too small for four grown ass adults! Setting aside the fact that the contents of D20’s Boston apartment are currently occupying a lot of my dining room (while she waits to move bedrooms after D24 leaves for school), which is making me feel twitchy, consider:
Someone is always cooking up a mess in the kitchen.
My drinking glasses have all disappeared again.
At all times, the washer, dryer and/or dishwasher seems to be running.
No matter what car I get into, it always seems to need gas.
D24 has essentially had her own private bathroom since 2020 and is not used to sharing.
D20 has not lived at home/needed to use the third car since D24 got her driver’s license, so she’s not used to sharing.
I work from home a couple of days a week and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been interrupted by a question/request/comment…
This is a level of chaos I have not felt in a long time.
I think it will improve, to an extent, when D24 goes back to school, though to be honest…she’s not really the one gumming up the works (we’ve been used to our routine with just her since her older sis left for college).
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Just don’t let your roommate leave a burrito outside the fridge for a very long time, then try to microwave it.
I learned that one the hard way, and really the microwave never smelled the same again after my roommate’s “science experiment”.
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Yes–insurance and doctor bureaucracy gets tougher every year. My husband failed at a task this summer to get D24 a prescription she needed. He tried to do it a semiofficial way that would have worked 3 years ago. I had to intervene and do all the “right” steps. It makes me so frustrated for people without significant education and resources. How are they supposed to navigate this new world? (Answer: it is supposed to defeat them).
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At D24’s request, got her a new bedspread to change things up a little bit in her room for this next school year. Lucked out and found a nice one discounted at TJ Maxx.
Also found her a small inexpensive hand-held blender/smoothie maker which you can charge with a USB cable. Instead of spending $6-7 a pop for strawberry acai lemonades, she’s planning on savings some money and making her own. She’s already tried this out at home successfully this summer.
2 weeks from today, we’ll be moving D24 back in on campus for sophomore year!
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Took D24 to my favorite hair stylist and she got an amazing new 'do for the start of the school year. We hit the road next Wed!
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