So great to watch them transform into such capable and confident people, isn’t it? Glad to hear your D24 is having a wonderful experience.
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D24 called this evening. Her classes are going well this semester. She shared that her roommate is really struggling. At suggestion of her mentor (not sure if it was peer mentor or faculty mentor), roommate met w/a therapist in the college’s counseling center. Therapist urged roommate to see a psychiatrist, is pretty sure that roommate might have bipolar disorder. D24 shared w/me some of the symptoms she’s observed and D24 agrees w/the therapist.
D24 also said that some of this was going on last school year, too, but this school year it’s gotten worse. Roommate will sleep from like 11 pm-3 or 4 pm the next day, struggles to get out of bed for days at a time, misses a lot of class. Roommate is talking about dropping out. Roommate’s mom wants roommate to stay at least until end of semester.
I told D24 I’m proud of the solidly excellent advice she gave her friend:
- seek medical advice from a psychiatrist (not the PCP the roommate saw over the summer who diagnosed her with something else)
- talk to people at the college about a medical withdrawal
- talk to the psychiatrist about the learning disability roommate suspects she has, figure out if she’s eligible for accommodations through the disabled students office on campus
- consider taking a semester or 2 off but don’t drop out. Don’t give up on getting a college education.
- even when you start to feel better, don’t stop taking your bipolar meds (once you’re on something)
This is, honestly, an issue where D24’s college does an amazing job of surrounding students with a support network so nobody falls through the cracks. Roommate’s professors noticed that it’s been awhile since she’s been in class. Professors reached out to roommate’s faculty advisor/mentor. That professor then reaches out to the student. Faculty advisor also reaches out to Director of Student Life, who engages help of the RA to also check on the student to find out if everything’s ok, does the student need help with something, are they sick and need a ride to the ER or urgent care, etc.
It’s a lot of Big Adult Problems, to be honest.
I do suspect that if the roommate doesn’t withdraw before the end of the semester, she probably won’t be returning after winter break.
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Random aside: we have half a college singing group staying in our house. A HS friend of S24 is in the group, he persuaded them to come here to do a concert series, and he asked us if we could co-host. They actually sang at D30’s K-8, she told her friends they were staying with us, and her friends asked if she could get autographs! Very fun.
Anyway, had a nice catchup with S24. Lots of exams are coming all at once so he is a little stressed, but seems to be keeping it together overall.
The big news is he is part of a group looking to move off campus together next year. These are all boys in his year in one of his club sports, some already among his closest friends, and they would be in both parts of a duplex with a yard.
Sounds like a ton of fun, and significantly less expensive than the dorms (doesn’t hurt). The car we are swapping with him is a plug-in hybrid, so having a whole building should work well for that too.
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D24 just came back from the Fall National Media convention in DC. She came in 3rd in her category for her school newspaper article last year.
She had a blast as all the top newspapers were there and they had great insightful workshops on journalism and even tips on cover letters and resume writing.
She’s still not telling us when finals will be over because we need to buy her tickets for winter break.
Our dachshund cant wait til she gets back. Or maybe that’s just what D24 is thinking when in reality, our dog is just happy to get chicken treats from her other pack members including D26.
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Fun talk with S24 last night but also a bit more confirmation he has perhaps stretched the boundaries of what is really possible to balance. Over the weekend he had a club sport travel tournament–this club lost a lot of key players from last year and it looks like S24 and some of his fellow sophomores will get to play much bigger roles this year.
But as a result he was completely wiped and not a little scraped up by the time he finally got back to St Louis on Sunday. Then he had a big Orgo test on Monday (in the midst of a bunch of other tests), probably didn’t get enough studying in, definitely had some trouble sleeping Sunday, and is concerned the test wasn’t up to his normal standards.
You can never tell with tough classes that are curved–apparently not many people were thrilled with how they felt like they did. But we talked about how he might need to make sure other activities are not taking too much from academics.
Meanwhile D30 continues to sound very serious about possibly doing boarding school, and we have progressed to the inquiry form stage and will need to start scheduling visits/interviews. Balancing all that with all the things she is doing (like she was also traveling for a club sport tournament this last weekend) is going to be a familiar challenge.
But it will be pretty crazy if we are actually empty-nesters by next fall! Although it feels more like the family will just be constantly traveling around and occasionally intersecting . . . .
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D24’s second year continues to go well, with ONE minor hiccup - the Friday night start of fall break, she fell and fractured her radius and ulna. (And was not intoxicated, she is pretty uninterested in substances, but knew when she told me the story it would SOUND like maybe she was under the influence, so started the call with “I AM NOT INEBRIATED JUST DUMB and I think I broke my arm so don’t panic if you see me at the ER on find my” (which I appreciated all of that info before I did see her on find my!) Her house had found a big tire on the side of the road that they were going to make into a tire swing, but before they did that they were taking turns balancing on it (in the upright tire position, like a circus seal) “and I was doing really great on two feet and decided to try one foot and did not do as well!” Her housemates were fantastic, helped her wash her hair in the kitchen sink, got her to the ER and CVS and then to her surgeon’s appointment, but when she was booked for a Friday surgery she called and asked if I would come down. Surgery was Friday, she has 100% more titanium in her than ever before, and her HS bestie came down that night and stayed with us in the hotel. She hadn’t seen her since before school started, and when the door opened and she saw E, she burst into tears. The next morning I got her sorted with some pump hygiene bottles and a cast cover and starbucks, and left her and E at her campus house. She’s thankful it’s her left arm, and we both appreciated her college location - it’s far enough away that she is spreading her wings, but close enough for us to be there pretty quickly when she broke one. (about a 5 hr drive.) Our motto is “make good choices, take good risks” and honestly, I think it was a good risk to take - you don’t break your arm doomscrolling or bedrotting alone in your room, you know? (The anesthesiologist, upon hearing how it happened, said “I gotta tell you, I normally hear stories like this from 19 yo boys!” LOL.)
I am also adding that this kid is my AAK - Awesomely Average Kid - that I posted in the 3.0 groups about a lot, she barely had a 3.0 and that was propped up by taking more than one yoga class for PE credit - even with this issue, she only missed two classes and it was the first two classes she missed all year, she was in immediate contact with her professor who was understanding, and when she went back to that class (It just happened that her appts all landed on a MWF morning course) a classmate said “OMG, where have you been! I thought you were dead!” - which may seem silly, but I pointed out to her, that means you’ve become such a reliable attendee that it is wildly out of character for you to NOT be there… which might not have been the case last year.” I like to add that in case any 3.0’ers are looking for “how things worked out after the acceptance” (like I did when I first jointed) and are looking for that info.
And finally, I had TOTALLY forgotten that I’d signed up for “accident insurance” at work this year. I’ve never taken the supplementals like that, but had the thought that she is now riding in other people’s cars a lot, probably taking risks I don’t know about, and maybe it was worth the $135 this year to try it out, and I have filed a claim already, but am already thinking it was a good move.
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The big discussion on our end is study abroad. Does he do it? How does it work for a double stem major? Is it practical? We are going to parents weekend this weekend, more to whisk him away from the chaos than to participate in the activities…
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I’ve been sitting on this news since it was scheduled two weeks ago, but . . . TEE HEE! D24 has an interview with a major NY modeling agency today. This is totally unexpected because she was scouted. No expectations, but pretty bizarre, and a confidence boost for her, for sure! 
Clarification–this all actually happened 8 days ago, after I posted last. Sure feels like 2 weeks!
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That is definitely going to be a great story, probably for multiple kids. Best wishes on the recovery!
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It is looking like the NiceUnparticularParents’ dream of visiting S24 during a study abroad experience is largely dead. Between two club sports and becoming a premed, he just didn’t think he could make it work.
These kids, always prioritizing their educations and experiences over OUR needs . . . .
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ha, he is considering applying for the year at oxford, both exciting and terrifying
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We’re having the same study abroad discussion. Originally he was hot on it but now is cooling - maybe because he’s planning to finish in 3 years and doesn’t want to miss part of his last year. We shall see. Parents will be disappointed if he doesn’t since that will ruin OUR travel plans . . .
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Both posts above about study abroad made me laugh. I was so relieved when D24 reiterated a few days ago that she is absolutely planning on it. I loved visiting D22 last year in Madrid and have been counting on going back to Europe when D24 goes. All kidding aside, study abroad was one of the best decisions I made in college and D22 would same the same for her. I realize it doesn’t work for everyone but, if it does, it’s so worth doing.
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Studying abroad seems so awesome but D24 hasnt talked about it yet. Is it tough, logistically if you’re doing a double major?
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That is our concern. Double major in math and physics means he can’t just go and have fun.
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A very initial look, it seemed like you can get 9 hours of transferrable? credit. Also, Im not sure how rigorous these schools are. Is it basically a vaction?
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My D couldn’t fit in a whole semester abroad with her co-op but she was able to do a 4 week “Maymester” in Italy. Similarly a friend did a January term study abroad at a school that was on trimesters. Her school even had programs over winter break.
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Lots of schools also offer summer trek programs, if a student wants to study abroad but can’t fit it into their academic year schedules.
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This is tough for business majors because they need to get summer internships to build their resumes.
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Also, if any student has been studying a foreign language, or is interested in studying a foreign language - the Critical Language Scholarship program exists to fund summer study of strategic languages.
Some languages, like Persian and Swahili, require no prior study. Applications are open now.
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