Yeah, the 3 for this month are probably the ones we’re choosing from and then the 2 we’ve already heard from(if January’s 3 don’t include any acceptances). All the RDs expected by April were reachy reach ones just to ‘shoot his shot’ so he wouldn’t regret NOT trying. The 3 this month include his top choices I believe, so the waiting is so stressful. But at least it’s over in 2 weeks and then we’ll know what he has to choose from unless he gets lucky with his reaches.
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When D19 was admitted ED, there was something in the letter about letting them know of any proposed schedule change. Whether or not you have this specifically, it’s always a good idea to tell them, though I can’t see it being an issue for something out of their control.
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Happy that our D25 got in all 3 of her safe schools, one is a state flagship that we want her to go to but she doesnt. Now to see if she gets in any of her reach schools.
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Ok, after a serious conversation with S25 tonight at dinner (and after a little ugliness on another topic on CC), I actually have a fairly serious question tonight. Hoping my forum buddies here can offer helpful advice.
We are getting ready for admissions decisions to come down from UNC Chapel Hill and NC State, both of which are pretty competitive and quite beloved by many in our area. S25 goes to a well-regarded high school in a well-resourced county and lots of alumni (many especially well-off) in the parent/grandparent/family groups.
That being said, I anticipate a lot of talk after the decisions come out about why those who got in got in, and why those who didn’t didn’t. I know feelings are going to be hurt with the decisions, and I anticipate those hurt feelings are going to turn into some ugly and mean-spirited comments. Maybe some from my kid or his friends, maybe some directed at my kid or his friends. They’re human, I know this is going to hurt. (Honestly, I’m trying to brace myself for the hurt, too. But I’m honing in on 50, so I have a little more perspective than these kids who will think they have nothing else to talk about after decision day.)
So my question is, is there anything I can say (or tell S25 to say, or to think) that will help validate those feeling but move any hurtful comments into something more constructive? “Yeah, I wish I could have been in the room to know what the admissions people were thinking” or “That must have been some amazing application XYZ put together” or…I don’t know what.
Anyone with older kids who has been through this before have anything to offer?
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In my daughter’s class (2023) the valedictorian was rejected from an excellent school that another girl with lower grades, rigor, etc etc. was accepted into. The valedictorian’s MOTHER said something nasty to the accepted girl and lines were drawn in the sand. It got a little ugly there for a minute.
Just to praise the valedictorian for a sec - she disavowed the entire argument and congratulated the girl.
So what to say. I think you say that college admissions isn’t a predictable game. That schools admit kids or don’t admit kids for all kinds of reasons and we will never know what those reasons are. What’s most important is to win or “lose” with grace and maturity. No one’s life is determined by where they attend college and it’s a stupid reason to endanger friendships or your own integrity. Situations like these give us the opportunity to be good people, so be one kiddo 
and give grace to those who aren’t.
Good luck, it’s not easy this stuff!
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I wish I had a good answer for you. My d had some very hurtful things said her way after decisions released. I told her not to take it personally, that those friends were upset over their admissions results and were just lashing out. She was very careful about what she shared and didn’t talk to people much unless directly asked. She was supportive of friends who were upset about their results but I’m not really sure what she said other than giving them an ear and shoulder. Hope it goes better than expected!
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Exactly! My heart breaks that there are adults like the one you mentioned who feel it necessary to make cutting remarks. I like to think that won’t be me, but who knows? And I hope my kid won’t validate any ugly remarks, but I can’t be sure.
This is why I’m asking, because if anyone has a good answer, I can trust the people here to share!
The conversation with S25 tonight included some helpful reflection on his part, for at least right now he’s saying that he won’t take it personally if some kids get in where he wants and he doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean that he’ll feel and act that way in a couple of weeks.
And it felt helpful to tell him to expect it. Maybe he’ll be prepared in a way I don’t anticipate yet.
This stuph is so hard, tho. Grateful I have this community tonight.
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oof that is hard. I do think thinking about what might happen, or what you might say, in advance so that you are all prepared is fantastic…not saying it will make it all go smoothly, but I do think may soften any blows?
Our state flagship releases EA soon, and about 1/2 the students apply. It actually will be released just before a big concert (or possibly during!) which adds another dynamic of kids checking on phones w/ each other..
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I overheard some ugly adults in the grocery store of all places a few years ago. They were sure that the in state public school in question had an unfair bias towards the public school kids who got in when their private school kids didn’t because they were sure that those kids couldn’t have had the same rigor or high test scores as their children. They were blocking my access to the yogurt so I stood there for a few minutes while they talked down the public school kids in a very condescending way. It was not cool and made me think that if their kids were such privileged close minded people as their parents, maybe that’s why they didn’t get in.
Anyway, to your question (particularly relevant as we are waiting on UNC too) we just talk about how you never know what’s in someone’s application or what the admissions people are looking for. We talk about how so many candidates that are qualified and would be successful apply that you simply can’t accept them all and that not getting in doesn’t mean not qualified, it just means that something about their peer caught the eye of admissions. That we should tell people congratulations if they are happy, offer a listening ear if people need to vent, but if people start down talking someone else to try to pivot the conversation away with a “I know you are upset, but let’s talk about what options you do have and what looks good about those - no reason to waste energy on this school, it’s their loss.”
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You don’t know what the school or world as a whole will do, but hopefully your child and their friends can be there for one another. We went through this with my D23. My D did not get into her ED Ivy, and one of her best friends got into a different Ivy ED. That friend wrote her one of the nicest notes about what a wonderful person and friend my D is and my daughter still has that note in her bedroom.
When others in their friend group got rejected from multiple schools on one night (ugh - March is a tough month) my D drove over there instead of studying for a test to just be with her. This is a time when you need to be with your friends for the good and the bad.
Fast forward 2 years, all the kids are happy wherever they ended up and can’t imagine being anywhere else. They’re resilient and these are happy years in life - keeping your friends and the high road is so much more important than whatever school anyone gets into.
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This group gives my aching heart a hug tonight. Y’all are just what I need.
THANK YOU.
And now we return to our regularly scheduled updates on mice and quail eggs and auditions. Not necessarily in that order.
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I have heard some awful things about my kid when he was deferred. I’m a pretty huge mama bear so my response is typically on the order of several expletives magnitude.
BUT after mama bear retracts her claws I told him the world is full of people who feel the need to tear you down to make themselves feel bigger. They aren’t worth your time, your love, or your energy.
I now refuse to tell most people where he’s even applied. Only my closest few friends know. I don’t need to hear comments about how giddy they are my 18 year old son didn’t get into X school second hand. I just play coy with their questions and dance around. They’ll find out when he enrolls.
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Those are not good people. I can understand (not be ok with, but understand) when someone cuts down somebody who gets in to a school when a kid doesn’t, but what mega a-hole celebrates when a kid doesn’t get in somewhere?
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Switching topics… I feel bad for D25 tonight. She has the stomach flu and had to miss one of her last high school soccer games. 
As the center d she is the anchor for the defense and the game didn’t go well without her there. Only consolation is that the other team is in for a big surprise when we play them again in the second half of league.
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And fast forward 5 years, everyone is gainfully employed or in grad school in their chosen field, regardless of where they went to school! (Including those that “only” got into their safety school).
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OMG that is awful…25 is my oldest and I honestly can’t imagine having that happen..
I also don’t tell many where kid has applied - even relatives mainly know where '25 visited and some of the schools…tell them that they have a lot of good choices already, and more to come - etc. Luckily are pretty chill about it.
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We had a good night of college news, which was needed since the kid is super stressed about finals and papers this week. He received one decision earlier than expected (accepted!), one of his earlier SUNY acceptances sent him a letter saying he is getting some sort of President’s Art Scholarship, and another accepted school upped his merit award. At least he was cheerful as he headed off to study for the night.
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It’s not fellow students, its the moms, which I’m like you are an adult! I’d prob understand a kid saying something because of the whole prefrontal cortex thing.
My kid won a lot of awards his middle school year and some of the moms still hold a grudge even though their kids didn’t even go to the same HS, I don’t get it. Then they run their mouths to one of my friends and they tell me. This happened when he was deferred and the things they said were awful, even my friend was like “you realize you are talking about a child, right? you should be ashamed” and then they backed down covering with “guess he’s not winning all the awards this time”. i mean it’s so childish. The moms here it’s like a bloodsport at times, you should see the garbage on DCUrbanMoms
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Wow, that’s is awful, I’m so glad I have very few adults in my life like that maybe they are snarkier behind backs, but that’s extreme!
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D25 won the scholarship she competed for last week. They told the kids they’d hear in 2 weeks. She heard in 3 days! She is happy that she got the scholarship but now feels guilty as she is leaning towards the other or her top 2 schools.
We told her that she shouldn’t just choose a school because she feels guilty that she got a scholarship and would have to turn it down. She doesn’t like that the next person down the list will know that they were the runner up. I’m hoping that this might actually speed her decision along and the next person would hear within the 2 weeks they originally told the kids. We shall see.
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