When my older son was in preschool he/I were the basis of a DCUrbanMoms thread - it was an experience. (Something really not good happened at his daycare, to him. People went apesh** over it. I stumbled onto the thread and commented to let them know the actual details and to try to stop the drama. That was stupid of me. Instead, everyone piled on me.) They are one bunch of crazy people.
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I think a solid 50-60% of the horrible things said are from the same 6 people who are ■■■■■■■■. If not it makes me weep for humanity! The DC area can be brutal in terms of the moms, in my advanced age I’ve learned early on how to weed them out and now I’m about to be an empty nester it’s so much easier!
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I actually have a friend in metro DC and her family is considering relocating as the family doesn’t like the parenting vibe in her community….I thought she might be exaggerating but maybe not 
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I mean I’ve lived here my entire existence and there are great people everywhere. But, for example, when we switched my youngest to a higher end preschool after I was walking out a group of moms called me over and said they were talking about their plastic surgeons and if I had one. I mean it’s obvious I don’t let’s just say that, but I ran a hand down my side and said “Clearly I don’t have one” and they looked at me in horror. Cried the whole damn way home, but found a few diamonds in the rough there I’m still friends with to this day. You just gotta look a little harder for them.
Since my kids went to Catholic schools it was a mixed bag there, so it wasn’t as hard to find my people.
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We refer to some circles as those who compete in the “competitive mothering Olympics” lol. It’s a full time training regimen here.
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So I went on DCUM to try to find the thread about older son and looks like it’s not there anymore (there were some solid search terms to use, it would’ve shown up and, well, that was 15-16 years ago now, so not that surprising.)
But in my searching, I came across this one… which features me posting AGAIN, about my OTHER son, and crap that went down. First, I can’t believe I forgot about this. And second, I can’t believe I was stupid enough to try to argue with the DCUM people again. (See page 2, the post at 7/29/2011 9:22 - “this is my son”. That was me, talking about my now S25.)
This thread wasn’t as parent nasty as the other - it mostly was about how crap our daycare became. But a few pages later there are people actively chiming in arguing that the parents of mistreated children were at fault for not calling licensing directly. It was like, who are you? No one’s kid deserves to be mistreated, don’t be blaming the parents.
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It can really, REALLY, depend on the neighborhood. We’ve got great neighbors, and have found some great low key non-drama families. But those people are out there, and likely in higher concentrations than some other areas. It’s painfully competitive for the kids, but I suspect that’s (sadly) getting more and more common.
I will tell you, neither of my children want to move back to the DC area once they graduate - they don’t like the success at all costs pace of life that you find the closer you get to the city (it seems better further away from the city where more people are more normal).
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that sounds about right.
that was how my friend described it - and a lot of status-seeking at all costs and a very narrow definition of success..
Of course I know a number of people who live in metro DC with kids who aren’t like this too!
DCUM (dcurbanmom.com) folks are the meanest! I used to live in DC so I still follow some of the boards, and it’s batsh!t over there. I think the fact that it’s completely anonymous lends itself to absolutely horrible behavior.
I did have one good experience (in addition to CC!) when it came to message boards. A million years ago when I was pregnant with S25 I was on the BabyCenter boards and joined the group for March 2007 due dates. I connected with a group of working moms, and we ended up starting a private FB group with about 15 of us. We are still friends 18 years later. We’ve met up individually over the years when we’ve been in each other’s towns, and overall it’s been a really supportive, kind group of friends.
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Same! I have a group of moms from June 2003 I’m still friends with to this day! I’ve met a fair few of them in person too. Crazy our kids are mostly graduating college in a few months!
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I am the vice president of my school board. One of the Assistant Principal’s at my son’s high school told one of his teachers that I’m only on the board to benefit him…I thought that was hilarious since he is #1 in his class and is pretty much more mature than me. He never needed me for anything other than to support him. I also think its funny because I spend close to 10 hours a week doing school board things…and most are definitely not benefiting him.
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S23 kept his ACT score and acceptances super private. School wanted to announce it but he refused. He hates the competition. He had the “being jealous is mid, i hope they have fun” type of response.
Had a great conversation with D25 last night while she colored in her stress reducing color book. Went thru all her acceptances and listed pros and cons. She commented on how many options she had and acknowledged I put in a lot of work to cultivate a varied list (her exact words were that she was lucky she had a mom who loved her enough and knew about this stuff because she knows many others dont).
She is fortunate that she will have free tuition offers at several schools (she has 4 already) and knows budget is a top factor but not the only factor. She shared again that diversity matters to her and shes undecided about dance but that both of those also strongly factor in.
She also said she saw a random tiktok about one of her top schools and she knows theres an algorithm but also felt it was a sign she should go there because of the content of the video and timing (we were just talking about xyz place, etc). And I do think she will end up at this non TE non tuition free school. I think it will end up costing about 5-6k more a year but we told her thats doable.
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Our oldest S22 somehow got into every school he applied to which made for more stress for our D25 because she does not have the grades that he did. However, we have told her that you never know what schools are looking for - they could have a limit for a certain major, they could be looking for kids from specific states to be able to brag that they have students representing all 50 states, you just never know what exactly the decision is based upon and it could be something that has nothing to do with you or your grades/test scores.
Also shame on anyone who insults or shames someone for getting into or not getting into a certain school. We tell both our kids that college is what YOU make of it, so regardless of where you go YOU have the ability to take advantage of the resources and make your time meaningful and fun or boring and unpleasant.
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I haven’t been a great model for my kids of a healthy work-life balance for a lot of years and, in the last two or three, I’ve really been trying to change that. I’ve taken not one but two jobs that are, prestige-wise, steps backwards. The job is less high profile, less “important”, I’m responsible for a smaller universe of things. But I’m a lot happier, and I’ve got a life outside of my job now. I think the boys saw a lot of what wasn’t a healthy balance for a long time, and decided nope, this isn’t what they want. Sure, everyone is going to have to put in extra hours or have something stressful happen at work sometimes, but it shouldn’t be all the time. And “success” shouldn’t be measured by how much you work and how “important” you are at work.
A lot of work stuff has just been unhealthy for me, but I’m glad that, if nothing else, it’s helped my kids to see what they don’t want and what’s important to them when it comes time to find jobs, partners, places to live etc.
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Update: My D25 was accepted to Hofstra!!! She’s over the moon excited and we are so proud. Her grades aren’t the best but I think the interview got her over the top. She’s a go-getter and works really hard for what she wants. The acceptance letter even had a sticky note at the top from her interviewer, hand-written, welcoming and congratulating her. Just the sweetest! Now we can breathe a sigh of relief and just enjoy the rest of the process. Any other acceptances will be icing on the cake but it would have to be an incredible financial aid package to get her away from Hofstra at this point.
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love that!!
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Congrats! That’s so great.
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BabyCenter way back when was a lifeline of friendship and support for me as somebody without family nearby. I was there a LOT when I was a new mom with S23 (a December 2004 baby) and through early time with D25 (also a March 2027 baby).
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Yes, I’m not like this at all. Mine are not and never were superstar athletes, or NMS nor have a 5.0 GPA (is that possible?), we just ended in the area by default from a job transfer. I think it depends on neighborhoods and the career, amount of money. Probably the usual things that go along with competition. I suspect lots of major metropolitan areas have pockets of uber (now that doesn’t sound fun to say anymore I think of catching one) but competitive groups.
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