And ultimately, there are thousands of colleges out there where kids can get an excellent education. Parents need to start the conversations earlier and help them filter the social media and rankings noise. While we can talk about how admissions can change, we have to start with what we can ultimately change and that is our viewpoints at home.
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I was the one quoted above about parents buying into school “brands” and just jumped on here because it was in my updates. I don’t usually follow this thread because I’m much more comfortable on the 3.0-3.5 threads where parents are focusing on fit and not “Twhatever” as a criteria. (Not to bash anyone on this thread, but many of the worries on this thread just aren’t my thing).
Here’s something that hit me today. We just had a death in the family this weekend. I’m also a teacher. In figuring out how to get my (now college) kids, who are studying for midterms, home to attend the funeral, I realized that it might affect their GPA. It shouldn’t, but it can and probably will. As I was mulling this over, I happened to be walking down a hall full of kids and couldn’t help but think that graduating at the top of your class (as S23 did and has a chance to do again) might not mean that you were the best student, but that you were lucky enough not to experience adversity, bad luck, a bad teacher, one bad assignment, or some other crisis at a crucial time. I work in a very competitive district and I was actually angry that kids, and very often parents (including myself in this instance), are so hyperfocused on numbers that may be out of their control. I’m ALL for holistic application review. I always try to practice the concept of “grace” as a teacher when dealing with kids as they are still learning not only academics but …everything. I feel like the holistic application process factors in “grace”.
I’m just sad that the students who took their lives might not have felt that they could give themselves that grace.
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Me tooooooooo.
If I believed holistic review factored in grace, I’d be all for it. In my experience, holistic review seems to be a way for schools to hide their admissions criteria so that it would be exceedingly difficult for an outside party to make sense of it (whether that party is taxpayers or the Supreme Court). Do I think admissions should be only based on numbers? No. Extracurriculars should matter and so should a students’ circumstance, but I don’t think that’s what it’s used for in many instances.
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I completely agree with this. My D21 applied to schools that many in her class had never heard of. We had very specific parameters, needed strong academic support and a decent vocal program. My S25 has his own set of needs/wants and there is zero overlap between the two.
It helps that my son had no clue about rankings so when we toured schools he was going in with no preconceived notions. He omitted schools for the right reasons.
Edit: On the flip side, there are many well ranked schools that are a good fit for him, but in order to be a viable candidate he needs to have decent ECs to have a shot at getting in. So therein lies the rub. Do we as parents tell our kids not to try to get into those schools because of the work required to meet EC levels? I personally followed my son’s lead. If he was interested enough in an EC to pursue it then I supported him but he has nothing ‘extraordinary’ in his profile. It’s just stuff he enjoys and nothing that caused stress. There is nothing wrong with reaching for your best options, whatever they may be, but it’s important our kids know it’s not about rankings. There are so many great schools and many are never talked about
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I have wondered this myself. I am not sure why they don’t just make more! As an alum, I would have no clue which one was the “cool, selective” one if someone reached out to me 
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I tried to be honest with my kids from 9th grade… College applications are a bit of a game, and to get into the most selective schools, the AOs are looking for certain things (like robust, interesting ECs with a pretty deep commitment to something).
I advised them on the game, but let them play it or not.
I also gave them some idea of what the tippy top kids do. Both my kids have no interest in being that busy academically or EC wise.
I wouldn’t recommend they do something ONLY for applications, I think they can tell a lot of the time, but if deciding between 2 things in the summer, or clubs, etc would think about applicaitons.
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At D24s school there are parallel clubs thank goodness that are far more inclusive. However, people still very much aspire to making into the highly selective ones so it’s not a perfect solution. Still, I am happy that there are options for everyone to be included.
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That’s good to hear; I’m glad the idea is out there and making a difference!
Be the change you want in the world, yes? 
And imagine the rush they’ll all feel if they can grow the popularity/impact of the newer club. (It just feels a little strange with all the people starting clubs and orgs in high school but not being able to do the same in college… with funding from the college! The talent should definitely be there)
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This might say more about my naïveté more than anything else, but I didn’t start talking to D25 until junior year approached. College was always kind of a given because I work for a college. But I didn’t want to stress her out or put pressure on her. She joined the clubs she wanted to join, and participated in ECs because she wanted to. My position has always been that they’ll be fine and that name recognition doesn’t matter.
Fast forward to now. Along the way, she picked up the idea that name matters and is concerned that her friends recognize the name. She doesn’t want to go to the same colleges where a lot of her classmates will go.
What you did that I wish I had done, was give her a sense of what the tippy top kids do. I worried that by talking about it that she would think I was comparing her or pressuring her. Where it may have backfired is in her perception that she would be competitive in really rejective colleges. (I like that term. Thank you all for introducing it to me.) Her high school also really insulates her from the high pressure of a lot of college prep. But it also didn’t really prepare her either. We’re a district with high poverty. We have APs, but that’s kind of the extent of college prep. The counselors are too busy with the kids who have much bigger issues than how to hone the college list. As a result of this insulation (not discounting my role here), she kind of naively thought as a student with really good grades, top 10% that she’d be more competitive than she is for top schools. It’s been challenging to temper her expectations without hurting her. And I think she resents a little that I didn’t push her more. I’m glad I didn’t. I let her be happy with low stress. I just wish I’d talked up the tier of colleges without name recognition earlier or something.
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I could have written every word you wrote, but about my S25.
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Same for my S25, I just let him take the lead. I thought for sure he’d go the software engineering route and he somehow chose international business. I think the month he spent in Japan changed his life and now he just wants to travel. My son was not interested in ECs with the exception of working and Lacrosse. I told him to sign up for some but didn’t push, so he didn’t. Which was fine with me. He ended up getting into his top choice school USC (South Carolina not California) and got into better ranked schools as well but this is what he is drawn to. I think you just have to follow their lead (within reason) and they will figure it out. 
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This is so true!
And it is so hard to find a balance - especially as teens can easily take things the wrong way and personally (adults can do this too, but at least my teens are very sensitive ). Trying to explain what other kids do, and not make them feel badly is not easy. Not sure I also got it right, but tried 
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I think it gets easier if you have multiple kids as they can see the experience of their older siblings. My oldest was unfortunately applying to college during Covid, so it was a little different, but I would say he/we accidentally did the right things needed for college applications, then after seeing the essays that he had to write and what the expectations were, my younger kids have been more intentional with activities, etc. with college applications in mind, but not because of them.
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That being said - I don’t think it’s a bad thing, if you have a highly motivated student, to guide them starting early. Waiting until 11th can eliminate some opportunities, so I think it’s good to at least discuss a strategy in 9th grade with regards to activities, class scheduling, etc. If your child is pretty sure they want to do something like nursing (using this example since that is what my current senior is doing) - use summers to intentionally volunteer in health care settings, shadow nurses, etc.
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Same here–honestly, I had no idea how much college apps had changed since my day. We had to figure it out on the fly for S23. Younger S25 apparently used Reddit to gain knowledge about clubs, research, and such. We didn’t use private college counselors or anything like that, just let them follow their own interests even they don’t always excel. For example, S25 (who’s a STEM kid) just auditioned for the school musical but wasn’t cast. He was badly disappointed, but I told him I was proud of him for getting out of his comfort zone and doing his best.
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We are in the process of declining acceptances and Tuition Exchange awards. I didn’t do a true bed party but did do a little photo op with the gear she has from her school already. No snacks or balloons. She is still a bit nervous about her dad touring with her and getting his opinion and she hopes he likes the school she choose. She did message me this morning all excited that Misty Copeland visited her future college yesterday and did a talk for students. She was so sad she wasn’t already a student and didn’t get to go! Tonight is her final dance team banquet where it will be announced to the group where she is attending after graduation. College is getting more real to her and I know that is a bit scary! I’m expecting a rollercoaster of emotions in the upcoming months (for both of us as she is my last!)
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I had never even heard of a bed party until a couple of weeks ago and I saw one on FB. It was crazy!
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TIL about bed parties! It sounds potentially expensive. Fingers crossed that my D isn’t expecting one because she’s going to be disappointed.
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This one looked very expensive! There were about 20 sweatshirts on the bed!
I think one or two will be enough for my kid. 
. And no bed party!
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Yeah, nuts. My kid got a hoodie and that’s it. Then I bought him another hoodie and a lanyard at ASD.
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