DD also has gotten a lot of love from Allegheny but she decided it was further away than she wanted to go (and the thought of walking to classes in snow for much of the winter was also a turn-off as we only get occasional snow here). I do wish she would have at least visited to give it a proper view but she felt she had to narrow things down, so distance was one of the first things she looked at. I will say that with our experience, the hand written notes (either from Admissions Officers, professors, other students, alumni, or current parents of students) and frequent communication is not specific to this school. She applied to mostly SLACs and many have done that. Many of these schools also seem to make an effort to send communications not only to her, but also to me (and not necessarily the same stuff- I get lots of parent type emails/letters of how the school can benefit my child, ways they support their students, etc.). While part of it may be the lower student yield and having to work harder to win students, I think it is also just the way these schools work with tight connections between students, faculty, and alumni. They care about the personalized experience for each student and try to demonstrate that early on through the admissions process.
My daughter is not yet ready to consider her current acceptances. There are a couple of RDs she’s waiting on and likes, but no idea if she’ll get in. If she has to choose from the subset she’s kind of meh about, I also fear that she’ll want to transfer. I don’t want her to have to go through all of this again. She’s going to an accepted student day in April, probably another one or two to come as well. She’s been to one so far and we did a debrief after. We were thinking of asking her to make a preliminary decision in April, talk it through, let her sit with it a few days, and then go from there. I really want it to be her choice, but we also want her to be able to tell us why she chooses the school she lands on. I want her to be excited, but I don’t know if that will happen.
Ooof…same. I keep saying (but not to S25) that we are waiting for his deus ex machina—that one school decision that he gets super excited about. He is still meh on some very good decisions that have already come in and has extremely high hopes for only the tippy top of reaches.
He has five big reach decisions coming this week with confirmed dates. Finally! Two on Friday and three on Saturday.
Good luck! There are a couple coming out this weekend for D too. It’s possible that there could be four, but two have said exactly nothing about expected decision dates. Stats wise, they’re all targets. But because they’re need aware, I’m thinking of them as reaches. She’ll be crushed if they’re all rejections. But I worry that this is a year when full payers, or at least those with a lot less need, will have an edge in admissions. The targets don’t have as deep of pockets as the reachy reaches. And I’m not sure she is competitive at the reachy reaches.
'25 actually cancelled 3 accepted students days this week. (We already went to 2 and had 6 more to go (!)). Narrowing it down, slowly! I still think RIT is going to win in the end, but we shall see -kid may surprise me:)
I think part of the problem is that there’s a built up mystique around choosing your college. That there has to be One Perfect Fit and you’ll see it and know and the sun will come out, birds will sing and unicorns will poo rainbows. (Ok, that’s a little extreme, but you get my point.) Life isn’t like that. Like, I wish every time I saw my spouse giant hearts took the space of my eyeballs, but sometimes I realize I’m married to a guy who probably should’ve showered again today and who really should just stop “letting it mellow” and flush the damn toilet.
Anyway, I think that while some students certainly do get a click of “rightness” when the visit, that’s certainly not the case for everyone, or even most people. Rather it’s a continuum of “could you imagine yourself here” and “could you be happy here”. And the reality is that you probably can imagine yourself many places. And wherever you pick, there are going to be times when the school frustrates you and doesn’t feel right or makes you annoyed or something just feels off. Because no school (and no spouse) are always perfect.
So I think the trick is getting our students to see that while it’s good to aim for something better than “good enough” there may be many schools that are perfect for them. They are just perfect in different ways. And it’s really a blessing, a gift, to have so many places that ALL could feel great.
For my S22, we had him make a pro/con list. He made it on those giant poster size papers that are like huge post-it notes, so he could stick it to the back of his bedroom door. He added things as he thought about them for each of the four schools that were in contention at the end. And just sort of spent some time sitting with the list. Like weeks of adding to it and thinking about it in off moments. We didn’t talk about his choice for the entire month of April - which was kind of killing me, but he was over talking about it, had his last AP exams to prep for and spring season of his sport to get through, and he just wanted and needed time to work through it.
Every now and then I’d go in his room and see things added to the list and, as we got closer to May 1, colleges started getting crossed off. By April 25 he had two schools left and a clear preference, he just wasn’t quite ready to pull the trigger. I think seeing the things he wrote out - regardless of how important or silly, really helped him to feel at home and comfortable with his choice.
My oldest knew 100% he wanted to go to UMD so the minute he got in (and direct to business school), he was like whelp this is where I’m going.
My youngest has a ride or die that is 1-impossible to get into 2-my husband and I are concerned about him attending and 3-not sure I want to pay that much for college. So I’m a terrible mom sort of praying he doesn’t get in and it’s a non issue. Outside of that school he’s not really sure.
I love this. I’ve shared your words and the post-it idea with S25.
Allegheny is definitely trans-friendly. My 2 transgender grandchildren went there.
Anyone else in here with an I.B. student? I am so ready for D25 to have a break from schoolwork! It has been relentless since the beginning of her Junior year, and will be all the way to the end of May. These kids are so busy!! I know it will make the transition to college really easy, but sheesh, it’s a lot!
It seems wonderful I just wish it was closer! After all apps were in, S25 decided no schools farther than five hours away by train or bus and no plane rides. Pitt is past that limit, but only hanging on by a thread because of how generous they have been.
Parent of an IB student here, and YES! It has been a long series of IA drafts and revisions and CAS project updates and…..argh! I’ve been really impressed with how S25 has been managing it all, figuring out what has priority and how to make the most of his feedback. It does give me a glimpse into how he will deal with the stress of a heavy load of engineering weed-out classes his first year of college, which is a relief.
But for now, it is quite intense.
And the first few weeks of May with both IB exams and an AP exam means he will have a serious and intense season. I’m sure you are looking at the same gauntlet!
One thing that is keeping my hopes up that he will finish strong is that S25 has a solid group of friends who are all as committed to getting through the assignments as well as possible. Study sessions at the library have become a thing…which is quite interesting. They take turns making the reservation. And they are all heading to someone’s grandfathers beach house for a few days over spring break. Hope they get some time to watch movies, order pizza and just CHILL.
Your first three paragraphs should be made into an inspirational poster distributed to all parents in their kid’s junior year.
And then put on prominent display for senior parents night at the beginning of the year.
And then sent out again to parent as a new years present.
Just saying, you nailed what’s important. As usual 
Deposit is finally paid at Rose-Hulman. Glad that things are “official” now, and we’ll go for one of the admitted student events on 3/29.
Quarter 3 is over. Grades came out much better than I had feared (two B+s and the rest As). And S25 is having the laziest, most boring spring break ever. We had made plans to go to NYC, but then he said he was doing something with friends. Those plans never materialized, so he’s just been sitting around the house being bored. (And I’m miffed about canceling our NYC plans.) His dad is putting him to work today on staining the deck, so at least he’ll have one day of being occupied.
I cannot believe the last quarter is about to commence!
Hope everyone has a good day!
I just hate how this process creates artificial scarcity and stress. It’s not a situation of Only One Choice Will Be Ok. Or even that one will necessarily be head and shoulders better than the other choices. If you’ve built a list where all the schools on it have the things that matter to you and they are all affordable, then I wish kids could view it as a fun choice. Like a choice between coffee ice cream and mint chip ice cream - I love them both, both are awesome, I’m not going to go wrong either way. Either one can be a win and either one is a treat. Instead it feels like This Is Determinative Of The Rest Of Your Life and Mistakes Will Be Huge. Which, no. That’s not the case. College is important, of course, but if you’ve gotten to a place where your choices are essentially equal and they are all good, then you pick one, even if it’s based on something as silly as “easiest access to boba tea” if that’s ultimately a thing on your list that speaks to you. And for most people, they’ll be great, and happy, and it will work. But for the people that it doesn’t work for, it’s STILL not determinative of their life path.
Sigh.
I just feel so badly for our kids. There’s so much more stress than there should be. I wish they had more time to see their choices as exciting fun options with all good choices for different reasons instead of stressful do or die choices where you are afraid of choosing wrong.
I think that, between your excellent advice and wisdom and my kid’s process as a case study in admissions choices and review, we could write an excellent guidebook. 
Sympathetic parent of an IBDP student class of 2019. It is really tough towards the end, but you are right, it does make the transition to college much easier. My son was not a super-confident student going in as a college first-year, but he quickly realized he was ahead of many of his classmates in terms of research and writing skills. He successfully tackled a difficult undergraduate double-major and is now in graduate school in the UK. (Although I’m still not sure he would recommend the IBDP program to other kids!)
We won’t discuss EXACTLY how many books on these topics I’ve read… it’s a little much, to say the least.
And the worst part of all of this is that it doesn’t matter how much good advice or intentions or plans that any of us have, if our kids don’t listen or don’t believe it. Really, what we should do, is each be a stand-in advice giver to someone else’s kid so that they can hear it from a stranger.
Funny you should mention this, because it is a sentiment my S25 has actually expressed himself. He’s going back to his middle school in a few weeks to chat with the kids there who will be going to his high school (that middle school distributes about 70 kids to 10 different high schools in any given year), and this is something he is likely to talk about with them.
I’m really glad he did the IB diploma program, and I’m even more glad that he had a bunch of friends go for it, too. It has worked out, even if he is tired of writing these days!!!
Agree, and though this isn’t really new is it? at least not in some regions/circles, etc. I think the stress has spread farther and wider over time.
Way back when I was super stressed, I applied ED and was going to be crushed if I didn’t go to one of my preferred schools (ivys mainly), etc.
My MIL told me recently she was absolutely devastated not getting into her first choice back in the 60s.