This has been one of the nicest surprises of having a kid go through the college application process: seeing who steps up and says “you can’t make a bad choice.” For me, it was my uncle, and my son still quotes that as one of the best conversations he had about college.
It’s a good reminder for me to try to be the cheerleader for those kids I see getting asked again and again and again about their future, when all they want is to enjoy their ice cream.
You’re probably right. I don’t remember it as being too much (even though I grew up in one of those super high achiever areas) but part of that is because I got in to an amazing school Early Action. So I did four additional applications that were all other potential dream or reach schools and figured if I got anything then that would just be whipped cream and a cherry on my sundae. So for me, I wasn’t stressed, because I had a good decision in hand early that, frankly, I was confident I’d end up selecting. (And then, funnily enough, I ended up not choosing that school when it got down to which check was I writing to go with my acceptance packet.)
where you not stressed about that one? curious!
I actually don’t disagree kids are more stressed today (and certainly more kids are highly stressed), but I do think there always was a fair bit of stress (at least for many). Not what you were saying, but I am a little sensitive about many (other) people implying regularly that “in my day” it was all easy and few worried or whatever. That surely was true in places, no doubt, but wasn’t everywhere;)
I wish more of my family had learned this lesson. Part of the problem, I think, is that I’m the oldest of my cousins, and my older kid was the first of that generation. Everyone was up in his and my business as he went through this process. It was a little easier for him, in a way, because he was only looking at engineering focused schools, and generally smaller places that weren’t like big state schools with engineering programs. And no one in my family is an engineer, so they had nothing to add and just would stop talking after the initial question.
My younger guy hasn’t had it so easy. Everyone in the family “knows” his schools and everyone has had an opinion and he (and I) feel judged for his choices. And most of the judging is so based on 30+year ago stereotypes. The only mitigating factor for him, really, is that the one child (amongst all my cousin’s kids) of their generation born after my older and before my younger is struggling a bit to launch. She’s perfectly happy and will, I’m sure, go on to have a good life even if college isn’t in the cards for her. But it’s showing my most judgey aunt and uncle that there is more than one path to post HS life.
Anyhoo, enough blathering on. I’m just going to try to remember to try to help all the family kids, kids of friends, friends of my kids and whomever else enjoy whatever ice cream they have. It’s all good. It might not be the right choice for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the perfect choice for you - I’m never going to touch pistachio ice cream, but damn, my mom loves it.
Weirdly no. In retrospect, I was probably super overconfident, more than I should’ve been. That one I got into early? It was an Ivy. I mean really, who did I think I was, confident and not worried at all about getting in to an Ivy! 
The other four schools I applied to? Three more Ivy’s and my state school (William & Mary). At the end of the day, I got into three of four Ivy’s and chose W&M.
I agree though, it wasn’t all roses and sunshine even back in the day, but it didn’t feel like it does now. I certainly had friends who were nervous, and friends who had unexpectedly poor outcomes. But, and I’m going to blame the internet now, it just feels like so much more. It’s so much more public and that leads to so much FOMO and competition of what “everyone” is doing. And it’s not that that didn’t exist before, because sure it did, but you weren’t constantly confronted with perfectly curated pictures of unrealistic life.
Sigh. I feel like I should now shake my fist at the sky and shout “get off my lawn” because I’ve reached that level of old fogey.
ugh so, so rough!!
I’ve read so.many.books!
What has struck me the hardest is how much different it is with my youngest compared to my oldest, even at the same schools. My oldest got in most places, got scholarships and LLCs. My youngest who has better grades, better scores, stronger rigor, leadership across the board, more ECs that he’s stuck with year after year, internship in the field? Schools act like whatever we don’t care, defer, no honors, no merit, nothing. It’s been shocking.
And I hate to sound like I’m crapping on the oldest, he’s done super well in college, but my youngest is next level when it comes to his drive and his love of learning. This is a kid who LOVES to learn, he’s the dream for any college. I just don’t get it, at all. Even my oldest has said it makes no sense at all.
It is all confusing, that is for sure
If I put my kids detailed stats you’d think they’d get in nowhere remotely selective. They got in 13/14 schools (admittedly disproportionately targets).
I think people underestimate (at their peril) role of gender, playing game of DI, the helpfulness of being full pay (or not) and rigor/reputation of ones HS. We had a lot of helpful points in their direction.
Major choice matters a ton at many schools too. Getting into UMass Amherst for CS and for history are entirely different things. We continually have confused people in my community over this one
Yeah but that’s the weird part, same school, same everything aside from major. One was business and one was engineering.
But it really does go to show that the admissions process has little to do with actual merit and a lot more to do with ridiculous gamesmanship. Oh sorry “holistic review” as they like to call it.
I’ve occasionally idly thought that by now there should have been at least a couple college consulting groups, but targeting sane college admissions, born out of these parents groups.
Heck, I’d be willing to lend my tenured-prof Ivy-doctorate name to the effort, so that we could reel in the status-seekers to speak sense to them!
Then he will be fine! I think the kids we should worry about are the ones who have checked all the boxes and managed to get into great schools – but lack the internal compass/self-motivation/EF skills/whatever to succeed once there. And there are plenty of them (I’m related to some of them. I might be one of them. blush)
Meanwhile, some of the best students in my Stanford GSB class came from undergrad schools that were not ultra-selective. (This is top of mind because one of them just donated a massive amount to his alma mater, WPI, and I reached out and told him my son might go there.) Our friend who has done really well at Apple went to New Mexico Tech, which he had never heard of before he won a scholarship there.
I do relate to wishing that the most intellectually hungry, with-it kids could all get rides in the rejective schools. (full disclosure: my son is not one of these kids.) But on the flip side – think about the faculty who will delight in teaching them wherever they do land, and the spillover effects on classmates who get to room with them/study with them/etc.
I was actually wondering about that – did the person posting say 8pm, cuz they were east coast, but that would mean 5pm west coast? That’s kinda my one glimmer of hope for Thursday evening.
I’ve got personal experience that can support different views of making a college decision.
The first time I visited a particular college campus, I thought, it’s nice but this school is way too big. Nix.
Happened to visit the college a second time since it wasn’t too far from family we were visiting and it was strong in my interests. Thought, well, I’m not in love, but maybe I’ll just apply to it as a safety since I probably like it better than my in-state flagship (grass is always greener on the other side!).
In the middle of taking some SAT subject tests, I had a sudden realization (that I still think was divinely sent) that THIS was the school for me. So I didn’t mail the EA application that was sitting in the car that I hadn’t had time to mail before the test and planned to do afterwards (it was the last day I could submit to be considered for scholarships…procrastinating is nothing new for this generation!). And I never worked on any other college applications, including the one to an Ivy that had been my erstwhile favorite.
So there were no rainbows and unicorns (much less rainbows pooed by unicorns 
) after having visited a school TWICE, but I ended up choosing a school that I LOVED and am still so happy that I attended, decades later.
My decision threw my parents for a loop, particularly my father. Why was I headed to a midwestern flagship when Ivies had been under consideration? And although I could (and did) iterate logical reasons (it was very strong in my two intended majors and also strong in the other fields I was contemplating for my third major and it wasn’t too far from extended family in case of emergency/Thanksgiving), none of those reasons were the actual reason why I chose that school. So sometimes it is just a feeling…saying, “Because I think that’s where God wants me to go,” probably isn’t much more reassuring than, “I just think it’s the one,” but oftentimes our feelings end up being right on the money, even if there is no great logical rationale.
Depending on college this can be a big difference (in either direction)! Though both are known for difficulty overall.
I don’t think, across board, it is harder this year than last from what I am seeing in my community/friend groups. Natioanl data may be different.
2 of schools my kid looked at (Ithaca, American) under-enrolled by a fair bit last year, so will be interesting their acceptance rates this year. American gamed things by adding EA though..
(@skkm0906, realizing I sounded preachy. I think if I had a kid who’d done everything right and wasn’t getting the results he’d hoped for, I’d be feeling all these same things. Just wanted to encourage you – your son won the lottery in terms of qualities it will take to thrive. This phase of inexplicable, seemingly random rejection is acute and painful but it will pass. 
)
Second this.
I would be so baffled and very upset if my kid has all the stats you’d expect and had many unexpected outcomes. So, so, hard.
Depsite mine having great outcomes with 25, I am already nervous about managing 27’s process. For a variety of reasons they have a good safety (for all intents and purposes) locked up, but STILL they are shooting high and so tempering expectations (for all of us!) is going to be a bear for this one.
I’ve told him many of the same things. Honestly I made him listen to the audiobook from Rick Clark saying all of those things to him. Ironically he got into Georgia Tech, lol! But I’ve told him that his ethic will shine anywhere and may shine brighter at less competitive schools. At other schools you’ll be one of many instead of one of a few.
I’ve told him all of these things, but it’s still hard to watch the light dim a bit in your kid. I do know he’s going to do well no matter where, this is a kid since he was like in 2nd grade used to go immediately to the teacher for them to explain why something was wrong so he understood it better moving forward. He still does it to this day! lol. I joke with his teacher he lies in wait for them at school to come into their classrooms.
From looking at other threads it looks like 8pm PST 
My two cents: If I was doing a college visit I would want to go in with as much data as possible about my other options. If I knew I had gotten into another school I think it could help inform my decision better about the school I was visiting. At this point it really is about comparisons.
FWIW - I have a good friend (west coast) whose son is a freshman at RIT and he LOVES it. He’s a quirky, artsy,quiet kid - I think in engineering. Already has a girlfriend, loving life.
I’m actually fine with my daughter choosing based on a feeling or sense. My actual fear is that her reasoning will be name recognition and that she won’t listen to her gut feeling or let herself see what community is like.
Yep. Same.