I was afraid of this when mine chose the most selective school, which I wasn’t sure was as good a fit as another SLAC that is almost as strong in her chosen area of study. It was spring 2020, so all admitted student days were canceled and replaced by hastily thrown together virtual previews. My daughter hadn’t seemed super excited when we visited her chosen school, but it was one of our earliest college visits. She loves her school, but it took until her second semester to find her people and feel settled. She likes to remind her that I told her it was fine to apply to transfer when I saw her at Parents Weekend in the fall of her first semester.
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I thought I knew what my dream school was, and then when I got in and visited (twice, actually), I just couldn’t get excited about it. So I went to a different school, one where I DID feel butterflies when I visited. But even there – although aspects of it were magical – it took a couple of years to really find my people and get into a groove. I don’t think I ever second-guessed the decision, though. It’s just – growing up is hard! For everyone, probably, but maybe especially for those of us who weren’t basically born knowing how to adult, or who are socially a little awkward, etc.
I think my point is that your kid could get into their dream school and still, there they’d be, warts and all. My fancy college didn’t confer on me the life-coping skills, study habits, social poise, and brilliance that I’d hoped it would (if anything – surrounded by so many hyper-competent people – I think I developed quite a case of imposter syndrome). But it’s okay – I survived, and met amazing people and learned some things and at this point I’m trying to just be more gracious with my hopeful but clueless younger self. (wish I could travel back in time and get a do-over w/ ADHD meds, though.)
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College app newbie question: S25 received his first waitlist decision today. Is he supposed to send a LOCI? He sent them for his two deferrals, but we are unsure what to do for schools where he is waitlisted.
Reasonably popular opinion: The whole idea of a “dream school” is pure marketing fluff, and is actually detrimental to applicants.
Much more unpopular opinion: The whole idea of “fit” is pure marketing fluff, and is actually detrimental to applicants.
Those are my two CC hills to die on.
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Hard yes on the first one hard no on the 2nd one! 
I can think of a few schools my kid would definitely not ‘fit’ in- but that’s for a very specific reason (being trans).
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I think so if your student is still interested. There are some good examples online.
Thanks. He wrote two strong ones (I think) for his deferrals. We just weren’t sure about the protocol.
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I think this is overemphasized and some people try to make pretty similar schools seem more different than they are IMO. I don’t think there zero truth to it, though. My wish-washy take 
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Lots of great thoughts in this post, thank you! While I have tried to echo that theme (lots of good choices, lucky to have so many solid options, etc.) I don’t think it means much coming from me. And any family/friends asking have their own pre-conceived ideas about the options (or will say they haven’t heard of the school, which then makes her think it’s not a good school). I do like the pro-con list idea and the ability to continue to add to it. I asked her to think of the top 3 things that are most important to her and her answer was “I Don’t Know”. While I don’t want to wish away time as it is her senior year (and we are starting all of the last time activities, such as concerts, school trips, etc.), I am looking forward to May when decisions have been made! Although my new stress is if any of the schools she is considering will survive the combination of current policies in addition to the enrollment cliff.
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Well my son was just on the verge of committing to the school that has been his strong lean for a while. He had three schools remaining that he basically decide would be to expensive or otherwise wrote off. He got accepted into one with a full tuition scholarship making it by far the least expensive. Now the decision tree has altered. Originally the school was high on his list from the first visit. After a couple of extra visits he started to doubt if he would fit in. But he is hyper analytical and wants to go to med school so the cost is a big influence. I’m not sure it’s the right place for him, even with the cost, but we might be heading back for another visit.
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Fair! But that’s different, no? That isn’t lack of fit so much as just being excluded/persecuted—that’s a negative reason for striking a place off the list, whereas fit is a positive reason.
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DS has spent the first part of spring break in hospital. I don’t know how he has got through senior year so strong. Lots of health stuff going on. College is the last thing on our minds right now, but when it comes down to it I really don’t want him to be too far away.
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I don’t think so. I think fit can be looked at as good or bad.
If we are looking at a college as a place we should thrive both academically and socially then there will often be varying degrees of both. A school can be a good fit academically but a poor fit socially and vice versa. Often we need one to have the other.
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Huge amount of illness going around at least in Massachusetts. Sending healing thoughts to your son 
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I’m so sorry. That’s an awful thing to be dealing with. Sending positive, healing vibes your way.
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Sorry to hear this! My daughter also had serious health issues her senior year but still chose a school on the other side of the country (UW Seattle). She admits that it is extra hard when she gets sick and is so far away. I do have to shout out to the UW Seattle parent community who rallied around her and brought her home cooked food when she was so sick. It is really hard when they are so far away.
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I think there are broad buckets for “fit” like large university vs small; D1 sports environment vs D3; diversity on campus (i.e. are there kids who look like me) and the universities reputation for supporting that diversity (for the trans example, how is the gender inclusive housing, what is their reputation for supporting students who have been treated poorly due to being trans, etc).
However I think in terms of “fit” there isn’t that big of a difference between schools who fill those buckets. Like UMD vs Ohio State vs Penn St vs Wisconsin etc. The academic program is one thing but all of these have similar buckets they fill. For me then it comes down to cost. I have a lot of friends whose kids leveraged “fit” to get them to go out of state to what is essentially the exact same campus in another state and I’m like sorry, you gotta do better than that in this house.
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Oh no! I’m so sorry, what a tough time to be dealing with a serious health issue. All the best.
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I’m so sorry! I will be thinking of your son.
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I absolutely refuse to pay a third party mega business for this. The POA for Healthcare form is free (I just printed them from our state gov website) and only needs 2 unrelated witnesses (in my home state).
I worked in ED/Trauma for 25 years. Never had an issue with this. We are automatically next of kin for medical decision making here in our state (and where our son goes to school) for a childless unmarried young adult.
I am not saying that medical and financial POA paperwork is useless, it is good to have. The issue I have is that many parents assume that signing some of this paperwork allows them to continue to have 100% access to their childs medical information. Regardless if they have signed paperwork, an awake decisional child can tell the healthcare providers to not give any information to their parents. As a healthcare professional, if your kid is talking to me, I will not call you unless the kid asks me too.
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