oh my favorite part - how I’m greeted. I go to the check in desk, he shows his qr code, the guy looks at us like we are crazy and hands it back (apparently don’t need to check in, I don’t know) and I said “okay where do we go from here”? I knew it was in the Hoff theater and because I’m an alumni and current parent I knew it was in that building but I didn’t know WHERE in the building and there were no signs. He said “it’s in your app”. Well thanks buddy. Welcome to UMD! Way to make me feel wanted.
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This happened to us at UMiami in December during the audition day for the school of music. The student panel was made up of 4 freshmen and 1 sophomore. They had been there less than 4 months and had nothing of value to say, other than, this university is great! That’s why we picked it! At that point it almost feels like the school is hiding something that they don’t want the experienced students to tell us, or that the upperclassmen don’t have enough warm fuzzy feelings to come do a panel.
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Went to the Penn admitted students event and the College of Arts and Sciences could not be bothered to have any events other than please visit the museum for free. It was the Saturday event and everyone kept saying yes the Thursday event is for the CAS kids. Did anyone bother to let any of the CAS kids know that?? It is crazy how these schools act then ask you to pay a crazy amount of $$$.
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I keep hearing things like this, and it matches the experience my C23 had touring, though I’d hoped at the time that it was just the awkwardness of coming out of covid lockdowns.
Makes my Maryland-alum (married to a Maryland-alum) self sad and disappointed as well.
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You sound a little angry and your comment makes a lot of assumptions.
My son and I seem to have different approaches to decision making, which is driving me a little crazy. After finally going to a much anticipated admitted students day yesterday and having a short discussion about college choice, we are back to, “I need more information from the next admitted students day before I can fully discuss.” That is on April 18!! On the bright side, the day was mostly great other than the cold, rainy weather (same as the open house 1.5 years ago) and we probably should have skipped the last thing of the day like he wanted because we were all exhausted. It didn’t really add to what we already know.
For the positives, the kid was very engaged in talking to the student doing the resident hall tour and seemed to like the room. He even said he should have measured some things like his monitor to think about fit. He listened intently to the academic presentations and had very engaging conversations with many faculty across several divisions. He did say on the way home that the day made him feel kind of excited, which is a big deal because he has been so down since the reach rejections. But now he is insistent that he can’t really process more because he just needs to go back to the other school. He says he has thought about it all alot and and done enough other research. I feel it is so late and there is a lot to process, but any pressure is counterproductive. He assures us on April 19th he will want to fully process it all. Crossing my fingers that this isn’t just avoidance. He generally is a decisive kid, so trying to trust him. He did narrow it down to 2, so I guess there is that.
We are being careful to not show our opinions too much because we want him to own this decision. This whole thing is complicated because my husband and I are alums of one of the schools. We have to seem neutral because if we gush too hard, he may shy away from it. Or it may make him choose it, but then when the inevitable first-year bump in the road happens, he may say we pushed him there. Parenting can be a delicate business. So there we were at our alma mater yesterday trying to act like we didn’t go there and holding back any walk down memory lane feels, while also hearing everything that makes it a perfect place for him. If I asked someone to design the ideal curriculum and approach to academics and intellectual pursuits for my kid, this would be it. He was fully in his element chatting with professors. He felt this at the sample class and also in the conversations with professors yesterday, but this place is more expensive than the other. I appreciate that he takes this under consideration, but we can afford it and he is our only child. There are probably other things he is considering too, but as above–we aren’t really talking about it all until April 19th! There is likely to be better weather and it is on a weekday so there will also be more students around. Not totally fair comparisons, but he says he can see past weather. Can anyone really? It is so hard to have a poker face. I also have the patience of a toddler, so this next 2 weeks will be rough. To a fault, I process and verbalize what is going on in my head, so this is really hard. Anyone else struggling with kids not wanting to process? Anyone else navigating the issue of being an alum at a school your kid is considering? Appreciate having a place to vent!
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Understatement of the year! It definitely has gotten more so THIS year, as we have opinions about best fit for our child, but also are trying hard to back off and let them decide. We are fortunate that the schools that appear to have shaken out as the Top 3 would all be great financially and educationally. Now C25 just has to figure out what vibe she’s looking for. It’s her life, now it’s time to let her live it. (Soooo much easier said than done.)
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Vibe was the word of the day over here, which I fully respect. Fit for our kid is one of our biggest priorities. Just wish the next accepted students day was next weekend and not the 18th!! Good luck!
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Hoo boy, yes!
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Was that last year? We are going to Quaker Days next weekend, but it looks like nursing has a specific session. My daughter did ED, so it’s a done deal, but she’s excited to meet other students and go to the bookstore now that she’s admitted.
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D25 may kill me but I meddled a bit. S23 knows I have “met” some parents online (and some in person as well) and that I am social media “friends” with his current roommates mom. We honestly rarely communicate directly but have liked a few posts here and there. I truly do keep it pretty hands off.
Well, I reached out to D25s roommates mom which kinda sounds creepy to a teen. D25 made a comment about how her roommate is the oldest and she is figuring out the college thing so to speak. So it took about 2 seconds to find her online and I just sent a message to her mom saying hey, sounds like our girls will be rooming together, D25 is our third and last and we have btdt, that I am letting D25 lead the way but wanted to reach out in case the parents had any coordination type questions that the girls weren’t sure about and that I respected their privacy if they preferred.
I don’t know. Maybe my own personal and work experiences have jaded me a bit. Am I totally psycho for at least peeking into social media of the person who will be sleeping in the same room as my kid? Btw, totally relaxed and chill about her choice. Not that it is my decision at all but her future roommate and her family seem really sweet and I am excited for them!
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I have to say your kid sounds like they are very mature and doing an amazing job processing their options. It’s so hard though as a parent when you have a strong feeling towards one of the schools. We’re kind of in the same boat. My kid is leaning towards a school that we think is less of a fit academically. He isn’t making quite the same detailed effort as your kid though- I wish he was. It’s hard to be patient right now- I totally get that.
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No- not psycho at all!
Edit: that wasn’t meant to sound sarcastic btw 
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S23 literally did not (and could not) decide until end of April his senior year. Hugely due to last minute financial offer that came through and him being self aware that he needed to visit the final choice schools before making an informed decision. I love the getting to the planning stage but looking back, pushing him to commit any earlier would not have resulted in the best choice for him. D25 is much more of the “let’s just get this done so I can move on and plan” type of person. She did get 2 full tuition offers after she already chose her school. I did say she could change her mind but she felt secure and firm in her choice and said “why would I pick the other schools now, I am already set.”
Between their dad and I we have 5 degrees at 4 different colleges and I work at a 5th. Neither of my college bound kids would consider any of them.
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Yes! My husband & I are also alums of one of the schools D25 is considering. We didn’t talk it up much prior to acceptances because it’s become even more selective than when we went, & supposedly while legacy is not ignored it doesn’t count for a whole lot. I honestly underestimated how excited I’d be for her getting accepted there. I do want to push it but I am afraid of being too pushy for the same reasons as you-- I want her to choose it.
Unlike your kid, ours does want to talk about schools & the decision, but despite that we are no closer to getting to a decision. We have visits scheduled for her top choices all the way up through the end of April so we may have a down to the wire decision.
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@jthree @2plustrio @Julmarmc
Thank you for your words. This is why I am on here. It helps normalize some of the struggles while also helping me gain perspective.
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This is exactly how we felt when we toured UMD. Our guide just walked ahead of everyone and didn’t talk to any of us. They handed us a map at check in and that was it. We felt like, this is the school, if you like it great, if you don’t great. Sad because we are in state but it was such a turnoff. My daughter ended up choosing Penn State.
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100% I did my best to stay neutral during the whole experience. They picked my school in the end. I am happily surprised by the choice.
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@2plustrio , I think you’re fine; your tone sounded warm and friendly, not psycho.
Update here: D25 has been shockingly decisive in this process. Once you take away denial/WL, she had 17 options. She narrowed to four (with a couple others on the sidelines, I think): WashU, UCI, Swat, U of SC–could you find more different schools? But they all have dance, including pointe, variations. D25 has struggled to find a unicorn–a college with high level ballet + modern, with strong academics. In her ideal world, she’d also have small classes. So even though these schools seem totally disparate (and I get why anyone would say that), they cater to different parts of her.
Fast forward to the last four days. We flew out at 5am (the things we do for our kids!) so that we could head to WashU in time for D25 to take a ballet class on campus. Folks, WashU is beautiful, and despite being ready to rain, the trees were in bloom, daffodils were showing their heads, and the fact that you can take Metro directly from the airport to campus? Amazing for this pro-public transportation kid and her mom. We got settled into the very nice hotel on campus (without a car, I just wanted convenience, and I’d highly recommend the hotel), walked over the Lower40 (where most/all of the frosh live) to get a late lunch (sushi from a grab and go place) and then she took the ballet class. D25 was nervous beforehand, but once another dancer arrived, all was well. I took Metro to the local Trader Joe’s (and added a Missouri bag to my TJ bag collection), and then opted to meet D25 back at the hotel. I got a text after the class, with an enthused D25 saying she was talking with the dancers, but would be back soon. She got back, and did what I later realized is her pattern–Start with the positive, and then compare it to her front runner. What she liked: everyone was friendly and included her immediately. The ballet prof is good–gave good corrections (to her, too!) and the combinations were challenging. At this point I thought, “Hey, WashU might be in the running!” But then she continued with her cons: she was probably the strongest dancer in the room, and all the dancers reinforced that “this is a really academic place”, that it would be extremely hard to augment dance enough to make her feel like she could be headed toward a pro career. There was a bit of wistfulness in her voice at this point, though, which got a bit more pronounced the next day during Admitted Students Day. “They’re saying all the right things…everyone is so well-spoken/articulate…I would love to do the Philosophy/Neuroscience/Psychology major.” She also ran into an academic rival (in a positive way) from middle school and we had a lovely conversation with the family at lunchtime, and I think this reinforced her feeling that this was a place where she would thrive. She clearly felt strongly about the school, because she categorically declared that we could cancel the Admitted Students Day at Swat, because she would choose WashU over Swat. We battled through the rain and arrived at the airport wet and with wet clothes in our suitcases, despite umbrellas. After a damp first leg to Charlotte, we sprinted to our connection, and panted as we collapsed into our seats as we hopped to Columbia, SC, crashing about 12:30am.
No rest for the weary; we were at U of South Carolina for Dance Day/Admitted Students Day at 8am. For anyone interested, U of SC is also beautiful. I’ve spent very little time in the South, but this is how I picture it–these older, beautiful trees overhanging the wide brick paths that intersperse the campus, the blooming bushes, the fountain in the center of campus, lots of space everywhere. It’s lovely. And if you want big school spirit and people so, so, so proud of being a Gamecock then this might be an awesome fit for you. The honors college presentation was compelling, straight down to a down-to-earth Dean who did a David Letterman-esque (Top 10 reasons why you shouldn’t come here) and had the social awareness to tell guardians to explain to their children who David Letterman was. I think the Honors College takes good care of their students and provides an intellectually rigorous environment. D25 came back from her day letting me know that she thinks performance opportunities could be better here than UCI (you sign up for a class, and the auditions are only for which piece you’ll be in, not if you’ll be in a piece), she liked the emphasis on ballet and modern, and said, “I could be happy here.” But, she followed, she didn’t really like the campus, felt like she’d prefer the culture at UCI, and thought she’d grow more as a dancer at UCI. Watching some of their top dancers dance in a show with the Joffrey Ballet did not change this perspective. Given that there are no direct flight to Columbia and we have people who could be emergency contacts close to UCI, this was music to my ears.
D25 thinks she’ll try to do the Honors Program at UCI to have some discussion based, smaller lower division classes. (This does add ~5-8 classes to her 4 year plan, which is already tight due to double majoring. We’ll see how it goes.) Unless things go awry at Celebrate UCI (their Admitted Students Day), I think we’ll have an Anteater in the house this fall! I’m really impressed with how D25 has navigated this process. She has been laser focused on dance and hasn’t let that go even when she got into more “prestigious” schools (and her friends have absolutely tried to convince her she could add a dance major at UCLA). I told someone that I’m watching her blossom into a young woman right before my eyes, and it’s true. There have been discouraging times in this process–she had far more important-to-her artistic denials at the beginning than at the end, but she has stuck with it and feels good about the end result. How grateful we are. Thanks for journeying with us! (And I’m not going anywhere–I have an S27 and I like this community.)
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I’m so glad I’m not the only person who does this 
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