Then you might appreciate my pain: I didn’t get one from South Carolina because it would have been another hour and 40 minutes each way to walk there from campus, no public transit to speak of, we didn’t have a car, and I couldn’t quite justify two Lyft rides for a TJ bag.
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Got back home earlier today from a good Virginia Tech admitted students day. I’ll hand it to VT, they have a message (we are a community, and we value service) and they hit it hard. I hope to post more about the event itself on the school thread, since we went to both the open house and the admitted students day.
They showed as well as they could, yet it looks like it will not be enough to move the needle for my S25 to commit to Blacksburg.
I’m not sure it impacted the kiddo’s decision process, but I had a miserable ride back home, getting urgent symptoms of food poisoning about 30 minutes into the 3 1/2 hour ride home. I’m completely wiped out tonight, and definitely glad that I was the only one affected. Hoping a solid nights rest will make it easier to process the visit and conversations there.
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Oh, how awful. Were you driving?! Hope you heal soon and that others don’t get sick.
It must be so validating to get these acceptances – and as a parent who loved my smaller college experience and hoped for this for my son, I’d be struggling mightily with watching her let go of Swat or WashU. And yet…she’s been putting so much effort into her development as a dancer, and a number of great dance programs basically said “keep going! we believe in you!” to her. Also validating! And I can understand not wanting to just stop believing that she could have a two-stage career. Feeling so glad on your behalf that she found a program that meets her needs on both fronts (and the fact that it’s in-state is just a sweet bonus.)
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Having gone in basically blind with S19 and S23’s first living spaces, this is a huge help. Not perfect but much more useful!
Ohh, I so feel you. There is every possibility that even if my D26 gets into Georgia Tech – which has a major very very close to her interests, is a fantastic, highly-ranked and respected school, she likes the campus, marching band is fun and big but not TOO competitive or taxing, AND our in-state merit will make tuition almost free – she might still prefer a school that is much more expensive, a plane ride away, and a less well-known name.
And for the same reasons – lots of kids from her school end up at Tech. It’s the “boring” choice, only 45 minutes from us. For the longest time she wanted to stay close, but now she says she’d like to go somewhere completely different and have an adventure.
We’ll see. And, yeah…sigh.
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I’m not going to lie; I’ve asked her to not decline WashU until after the UCI day. My experience at a big state school with a popular pre-med major vs my 40 person cohort in grad school would lead me to a different choice than her. But I don’t think she will ever regret being able to dream her dream, and because of the Regents scholarship, it ends up being within 2k of her lowest priced option, which does not have dance at a high level.
I think what has helped me is to mentally make a matrix of the qualities I know she cares about, how heavily she weighs each of them, and then apply this to her choices a la @sbinaz 's matrix mentioned upthread. Given how she weighs things, UCI is the clear winner. At this point, she is planning on grad school. Maybe WashU won’t be the one that got away forever. But that’s not for now.
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I’ll see you with being alum parents and raise you with D25 being a potential 4th generation student at one of her choices! 
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Daughter confided tonight how scared she is to choose — or rather, how scared she is to make the “wrong” choice.
For most of our kids, this is the first major adult decision of their lives. The last 4 years of their lives have all been about this one choice. It’s hard. Tens of thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of dollars are involved. Peer pressure, prestige, their future career, possibly their future spouse, their happiness…all affected by this one choice.
I’m not saying anything other than the obvious here. But our kids just don’t want to mess it up at this late stage.
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I wish they didn’t feel like so much rides on this one choice. And it’s not their fault they feel like that. There is an entire industry dedicated to getting into the “right” college. And while choosing college x might mean a different career trajectory than college y, it’s not a choice between success and failure. My D25 acts like it is though. You’re right it is one of the first adult decisions they make. I just wish they didn’t feel like so much was riding on it.
I can tell from your posts that you’re a supportive parent and that you’ll reassure her that whatever choice she makes will be a good one.
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Absolutely agree! And in the middle of a very stressful year. Even though I wish my kid would process it all more aloud, i am so grateful it is his decision and not mine to make. My overthinking and over analyzing (and my husband’s) makes me prone to indecision at times. Even if it tests my patience, I am glad he is not like me in that way. Although I will say that I had to make these types of decisions 4 times in my life and each time I had pro/con lists but it really came down to an overall feel that I suspect encapsulated those lists in a way that maybe I couldn’t fully describe. Hoping whatever choice my kid makes, he owns it and feels confident in it so that he can enjoy this next phase without wondering what if. I feel like he will. I complain here, but I think this process has been a great opportunity for us to show trust and confidence in him. But it is a big decision and it makes it impossible to avoid the changes to come like leaving and all the stress that may bring for some/many kids! Good luck to your daughter. So great she was able to verbalize this. I am sure she will make the best decision for her.
Edited to add: Thank you for sharing because this is a good reminder of the weight of the decision, even if my kid is not saying it out loud.
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I think my son is feeling the same way, although he hasn’t verbalized it. He is being very quiet on our tours. Did Michigan after UW (Seattle) and he had a poker face. He seems stressed about the choice. Probably not helped by us verbalizing that we much preferred his other choices over UW-his favorite so far.
Touring Macalester today. Hoping for some more excitement- it looks like a fantastic schedule of events.
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I think my son is feeling the same way, and maybe some of the “don’t want to disappoint a parent” thing. So I’m trying really hard to make sure that he knows we’re proud of him regardless of what he chooses, that we know he can and will be successful regardless of which school, and that no matter what, it’s going to be an exciting time for him.
Its so much harder than it was with my first son, but a lot of that is because this second child processes things so differently and weighs things so differently. And for the first boy the choices he was weighing were so unique in their own ways, that it was easy to make an argument for any of them as “the best” based on clearly measurable factors (just depending on which factor you cared about more) whereas this time it’s more like splitting hairs.
It’s important to me that he be happy and feel supported with whatever he chooses. I’m struggling with how to get my husband on board with that. I do a better job of it IRL than I do here on line (this is like my safe space, to say the things that I can’t, or won’t, say to my child). I tried giving husband the Tough Love talk yesterday (a whole lot of suck it up buttercup and just be happy and excited) but I think there’s going to have to be more of that coming soon.
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That’s our next week visit to Oberlin with our D25, lol. Met my husband there and his brothers went there, his mother went there, etc. But it’s been 35 years since we graduated, and my husband and I have been unsure whether our kid is a potential Obie (Oberlin is not for everyone, lol), although after her response to St. Lawrence University this weekend (great admitted student program and really nice school, but she says not for her – a little too small, not diverse enough in any way, tiny/limited art department, not enough academic oomph) we definitely can see it a lot more. But in the meantime, we’re off to see Skidmore, Dickinson, and Denison, any of which could be great for her, so who knows what will happen before then!
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I don’t think it’s weird at all- I’ve made sure I had roommate’s parents’ contact info just as an added safety measure. And there was one time when I did have to reach out, and I was glad I had it! Better to have a bit of a relationship with them from the beginning, in case something goes sideways and you need to get in touch.
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D25 was at the Dickinson event this past weekend. It made her love it even more. And they sent her home with a ton of swag, which did not hurt. She and her best friend both liked Dickinson and Skidmore with bestie leaning toward Skidmore and D25 leaning toward Dickinson. My child is drawn to Dickinson’s global focus, sustainability, and archaeology labs. Some people don’t want a required language, but D25 wants to take more language anyway. Her friend is drawn to Skidmore’s strengths in the performing arts. The bestie doesn’t want to major in a performing art, but will likely minor in one. After D25’s visit to Oberlin, she decided she is not an Obie. She didn’t apply to Denison, but a friend of mine used to work there. Several years ago they made concerted efforts to diversify faculty and students. Your D25 might find more diversity there than the other SLACs. It sounds like she has some wonderful choices. I hope she finds one she loves.
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Survived the rain storm of the century here in the midsouth. We have four inches of water in the basement, but at least we are all safe. The real bummer was that they canceled S25’s prom. Actually they canceled all the proms in the city. It was just too dangerous with the roads being flooded. He was disappointed, but hopefully they will reschedule it soon.
Love hearing about all of the admitted student visits and sending clarity to your kids as they make decisions!
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I thought this weekend would be so calm, '25 made their decision, '27 finished up a big course selection process..and bam, both had SO SO much homework and projects and work. Both freaked out 
I don’t like to wish the school year away (especially senior year!) but I think it is going to be a rough next 6 weeks…
Also, on personal note, now that 25 is picked, I am eager to schedule visits for 27 this summer 
though they are not really ready to think about that given all they have going on right now.
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Haha, after my D25 was admitted ED, I asked my S27 if he was excited to get started!
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I agree; we had a suite parents’ chat for DS20 actually.
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We buy one way tix for our S21 sometimes using different airlines each way to get better pricing. Buying one way tix gives you more flexibility if you need to change one direction which has happened to us due to change in finals times etc.
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