Thank you for this! I needed a kind word today. I’m pretty much an emotional mess at the moment. Part of it is this choice, part of it is what this choice means in terms of life changes for all of us.
Like, if he goes to a school that’s a flight or 10 hour drive or overnight train ride away, then I don’t see him for Thanksgiving (those flights are too expensive), or random long weekends. And if he goes to a school where the career fair for his major markets mostly to employers in GA and SC, then in all likelihood, he ends up working in the deep south, when I was hoping for more like NC or East TN (he’s always been clear he’s never moving back to our area of VA). He’s my baby and my mini-me that has inside jokes with me and travels with me, and who likes the same things as me. So I’m hoping that I’m having a hard time now, but getting through this now will make the fall easier.
Also, selfishly, I want to feel some of that excitement and celebration and just fun and joy that I got when my older son committed. Sigh. Also, probably this is all tied in with the fact that I turn 50 in a couple weeks, and work is exhausting and overwhelming and sigh again.
Sunshine, some kind of ice cream, and some time away from all of this sounds really good.
Just wanting to chime in to send big hugs your way! I can relate to so much of what you share. These transition times, especially when there are multiple happening at once, and life stresses are tough. You are not alone!
I definitely get it, if my son were to tell us he wanted to go to UMD even though I freaking love that school I’d know it was a mistake compared to his other options.
I’ve always told my husband once our youngest has landed wherever he lands, if that is different from our oldest - we’ll sell our current house and buy a condo near one and a ranch type smaller house near the other so we will always be close to both of them in retirement.
It is hard watching your child have two “good” school choices where you know one of them isn’t actually all that good (for the child).
In some ways, I think this is like watching your child dating someone you know isn’t good for them. Worst thing we can do in that situation is to tell the child “Don’t date that person” as it is completely counter productive to our actual goal of our child not dating them.
If I can give you a small piece of comfort with your current actions of saying all the right things and giving him the space to make his own decision. If/when he has complaints about the school he chooses, he is more likely to be honest about his concerns and complaints if you continue doing what you are doing. Much like if you don’t bad mouth the bad SO, your child is more likely to come to you when things go south in the relationship.
It is hard moving from our protector roles with our children to more of a witness/support role where a great outcome is openness and honesty from our child (especially when we disagree with their choices/decisions). Giving them the space to make decisions without judgement and with our full support, even when we know the decision is suboptimal, is a huge part of acknowledging they are adults who get to make different choices than we would and those choices are ok.
We’ve all made our fair share of mistakes (I made more than my fair share). It was easiest to ask to help, advice and support when I didn’t feel like someone would say, “I told you so.” in response to my reactions to my choices.
You’re doing all the right things, remember that planting the seeds doesn’t mean we enjoy the harvest immediately. ((((hugs))))
As someone who doesn’t fly often, and who might have a child 12+ hour drive away (she’s torn between 2 colleges), I appreciate this insight. We were wondering how flights home and back were going to go bc they look so expensive. There is also a train option, which isn’t all that much cheaper than us driving to and back. Lots of decision making on this one. I just want her to choose what she wants and I’ll worry on the rest.
Our school does senior recognition on its social media accounts, but there is no mention of plans after graduation. It is just the student’s first name with a baby picture and current picture. I think this is a nice way to recognize the seniors.
I’ve mentioned before that my C25’s high school is all DE, and so seniors are done with courses when the local university’s finals end (the juniors have a post-high school planning camp thing the following week), which this semester is 1 May. (Though graduation doesn’t happen, annoyingly enough, til 16 May, because apparently all the specialized schools have to have their graduations after the “regular” high schools, no matter how nonsensical that is.)
In previous years the school has invited students in during mid to late April, and has posted photos with each of them holding a whiteboard that says “I’m going to {name of college, military branch, apprenticeship program, whatever}!” There are always a few that just say “I’m going to college!”
Weirdly, the school’s senior honors night is always sometime in the middle of finals week, which pretty much always places it before 1 May (this year on 29 April)—but by then most students have decided, and I’ve noticed that the couple I’ve seen that didn’t have firm plans seemed to have all the more other honors mentioned, so it seems the HS staff is aware of potential issues and works to handle it.
So we just got an email from the HS that a student at the school has Pertussis (aka whooping cough) and that everyone who may have been in contact should’ve gotten a letter via USPS. And then on the HS Facebook page I see a mention from a family that got a letter yesterday. And because I have very intermittent mail delivery, we haven’t actually seen the mail carrier or any mail since Thursday. Here’s hoping my kid isn’t spreading whooping cough. I mean, he’s vaccinated, but I’m hoping that (a) doesn’t affect us and (b) if it does, that it isn’t like flu vaccine where you might still get it, just not so bad. Because I can NOT handle that today.
Right? Exactly what I was thinking. I mean, the school has more than 2500 students, so what are the odds that mine happened to be in a class or activity with this one? I am 100% crossing fingers that there’s nothing to this.
Also, I’m irrationally annoyed (probably because I’m super tired - we had a friend over for dinner last night who stayed until after the basketball game was over, then S25 wanted to talk, and i probably didn’t fall asleep until almost 1:00 and I get up at 5:15) because what if we had an immunocompromised family member? Do we just deliver these things by MAIL? Could the county not call people and tell folks “if you didn’t get a call, you’re good”? Mail service is slow at the best of times.
We had to miss my dad’s last Thanksgiving before he died (12 years ago now) because the day before we heard there was whooping cough at the elementary extended day program, but no one could confirm if either of our boys were near the infected person, and I couldn’t take a possible carrier of whooping cough to the same place with my dad who was undergoing some serious chemo at the time. So also probably some PTSD here.
25’a class instragram (run by kids not school) does list people working, or gap years, or going to military too…its called “future plans” not “college plans”
It is, in general, incredibly positive. I am sure kids have various levels of commenting, but all the comments I have seen are really cheering everyone on. it is pretty heartwarming all around IMO (though I am not a teen..)
I believe if you are vaccinated TDAP has a very high effectiveness rate. He probably got his final one at like age 11/12. Sometimes when you get a tetanus booster (i.e. bad cut from metal getting stitches) you may even get TDAP (or sometimes you just get TD). My last booster they gave me the full TDAP.
Excellent to hear @skkm0906 - thank you. I know he’s up to date on things because it’s one of the things they are super stringent about checking to play HS sports. So at least I feel good that he’s probably not walking around waiting to break out coughing (in the unlikely event that he was exposed).
@L_NewEngland - I don’t THINK they call. All I’ve got is one parent on the HS Facebook page saying “we got this letter saying kid was exposed” - which appears to have been posted before the school sent out the general communications to everyone, so I think it’s probably true. But right? I’d think they would call, it seems like the kind of thing that generates a call. But maybe if vaccination levels are high in the community they send letters instead?
So sorry 