Parents of the HS Class of 2026

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
3910

So sorry, that sounds very hard on both you and your S! :mending_heart:

Just because a program is a reach doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have been accepted. My S23 was accepted off the waitlist to his reachiest reach, and was really worried he would not be able to compete with other students, but he’s doing great there, has nearly a 4.0 and will likely graduate with honors.

The main thing helping my S, I think, was that he had great study skills going in… that he had actually developed while struggling in middle school and early high school. The study skills made all the difference, as many other students at his university coasted through HS, and then had to learn study skills when hitting tough spots in college.

You are asking great questions about why your D might have struggled in HS. I would say, try to get answers for these questions and try to figure out if your D has figured out strategies for overcoming them. It can be a positive in college when kids learn to overcome struggles… and a negative if they haven’t overcome them.

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3911

professional admissions counselors don’t know your student. You do. Are they the kind of kid who would thrive in an environment where they are average or below average? If not, that’s 100% fine. Do what feels right for your student, not because of what an anonymous person says.

FWIW, my youngest only applied to 4 schools - all large publics, 3 in-state. I guess I would have called them all targets to safeties. I only one I thought he might not get in was UVA, and that was still a likely given our area’s history and his stats. He was a 4.0 UW student with rigor, blah blah blah, but he is not a genius and most definitely does NOT thrive where he is in the bottom half. I was so happy he found his perfect major at JMU and chose to go there. He completely blossomed.

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3912

You know your kid better than random professional college admissions counselors who have blog posts & all that online.

Re: should your D26 apply to Pitt or not? On the one hand, hey, you only live once…go for it. On the other hand, does your family have to decide that, like, right now? Maybe not. Should you guys decide some time this month? Probably. So it’s ok to think about it, chew on it for a little bit.

When my D24 was applying to colleges 2 yr ago, she was dead set on one particular big university at first. I insisted that she consider & apply to some CTCL (Colleges That Change Lives) schools and a couple of WUE universities (Western Undergraduate Exchange) in a nearby state. She went along with it and humored me. And then we visited the CTCL & the 2 WUE schools that she applied to…and like my gut told me, she ended up picking one of the small CTCL liberal arts colleges.

The college counselor at school at the time even told me during senior year in the fall that she was a little concerned that D24 would end up being kind of lost and falling through the cracks at a really big public university like the options we have in our state.

If you look at it from a different point of view, then I say go for it…go ahead and put Pitt on the app list. Because if you don’t, it’s a definite no. In the meantime, do some research on the college’s website to get some more info about additional student support services, tutoring, etc. that’s available. If you go on a tour of the university, then go and visit some of those offices in person so you guys can ask questions and get more info (i.e., don’t just rely on what the tour guide tells you). That will probably give you a better feel for what it’s like and whether it would be a good fit for your kid or not.

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3913

I am not one for applying for reaches just because it is a suggested thing to do.
If the reach is truly a desired program/school that the student would be a great fit for (financially, socially, geographically, educationally…….) then yes- do not let the fact that it is a reach stop them from applying!

But to apply just because you need a reach or two on the list to make it look more well-rounded- nope!

Cornell is the only reach that my D26 has even considered. It is not on her current list because it is not a top choice and would waste her time- a school that shows up as ‘likely’ is one of her top choices.

Remember- reaches usually are a time-consuming application:

D26 does not want to spend the time that could be used for her top choice applications and time needed for applying for scholarships and such on something she does not actually want. If the time comes available- perhaps she will just to see- but I hope that she sticks with her original plan and uses her time more wisely than on a ‘what-if’ situation.

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3914

I think this is so individual. D19 got into her reach, and ended up doing just fine (apart from a couple of wobbles sophomore year which had a lot to do with covid), but for probably her first 6 months -until she got first semester grades (which were either 4 As or 3As and a B+, I don’t remember exactly now) - she had a serious case of impostor syndrome, because almost all her classmates had been or been close to straight A students in high school.

With C26, there is only one school that I really consider a possibly attainable reach (they’re applying to another but it’s a CSU with impacted major and I think they know there’s no real chance, but no essays required so why not). C26’s grade issues in high school were related to ADHD/EF issues. In addition to the fact that these are largely sorted out now that we have a treatment program, the reach in question has by all accounts a great disability center not only for things like ADHD but also includes specific support for autistic students (C26 is on the spectrum too). Combined with a little more STEM emphasis in the curriculum (these are subjects they have generally done well at through high school), I do feel they would be successful if they got in. There are other reachy-but-maybe-attainable schools that I would not be comfortable with them applying to (more social sciences heavy in their curriculum, less support etc). So I think it’s really about knowing your student.

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3915

My kid was an excellent student with mid ECs and has ASD/ADHD. He applied only to the reach schools he was truly interested in - not just because they were ranked higher. In the end he got into every single school.
But he was burned out from high school and after visiting schools on admitted days picked a safety school that completely shocked me. But he was looking for a supportive environment and was excited about attending.

He is thriving academically, and more importantly (for me), socially. It was the right call. He went for fit.

So if there are reach schools your kid is interested in, apply. But make sure that they know it’s completely fine to pick the school that they feel is the best fit for them.

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3916

We have reaches on our list because they provide more financial support AND they would be a good fit for my kid.
But I also think that your child WANTS to shoot their shot at a reach, they should go for it. I just think it’s important that a list has plenty of safety/likely/target schools too.

But NO one needs to apply to a reach. My older kid applied to one in-state school because he wanted to go there. One and done!

In the end it’s about fit and affordability, I think.

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3917

I really think it depends on your child’s personality and what she wants to do. And yes, pondering why her grades in high school weren’t higher makes sense – is there some underlying issue? Was the material just challenging? Maybe she’s just really not a math and science kid?

I totally understand that you’re nervous because of your experience with your older kid, but is there a reason you think your daughter would do poorly at Pitt, if she were to get in and decide to attend? I actually don’t know that much about how rigorous the academics are – but I know class sizes and lots of other factors also affect how well students do.

We are really mindful of varying abilities and personalities in our family, as we have three wildly different kids, lol. D22 was a classic overachiever, applied to tippy tops, got into a reach school and has been thriving there for three years. She is really bright, but the workload is intense. She’s up for it, however.

S25 has a lot of challenges and was in special ed for most of his schooling. We didn’t even think college was a possibility, but he really stepped up the last couple years of school. So he’ll be attending an in-state college which is known to offer good support for students who struggle. I am still holding my breath – I have no idea whether he’ll be successful, although I’m hopeful. He’s a little unrealistic in his outlook on life, and he wanted to apply to film schools in LA. We gently dissuaded him from doing so (plus he didn’t have the test scores to get in anywhere like that).

D26 is as bright as her older sister, and her grades and scores are really high. However, she has significant ADHD, and she just doesn’t have the work ethic that her sister does. And, she is pretty self-aware – she does NOT want to grind in college. There are programs at Cornell and Carnegie Mellon that on paper would be perfect for what she wants to study, but she made the decision that she doesn’t want to apply to a school like that.

So yes, SCOIR is yelling at us that she is lacking any reach schools on her list, lol. And possibly her counselor will give some pushback, too. I’m not bothered by it – I don’t see her thriving at a school with a rigorous workload. (Yes, she is capable of handling that now, but only because I offer a ton of scaffolding.)

Sorry for writing a book! In your situation, I would only dissuade your daughter from applying to Pitt if you have specific reasons to believe she wouldn’t be successful there.

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3918

What kid nowadays can lose their phone? It’s like a part of their body.

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3919

There’s always a way. :rofl:

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3920

It has been a busy but productive week for D26.

~Senior photos are done!!!
She has decided that she will never be pursuing a modeling career :blush:
We had her hair and makeup professionally done- she does not usually wear any makeup, and we probably wasted money on that :rofl:- all D26 would allow them to do is some powder with very light blush, almost undetectable eyeshadow and lip gloss. She did look beautiful and very natural!!!
Though she was a good sport about it all- she did not enjoy the experience at all.
They were taken in the mountains near us- and it was a very awesome backdrop- I am eager to see how they turn out!

~ She finished her Summer HW. School starts next week so I am glad it got done intime!

~ Today she is hoping to finish off her last writing prompt for applications- nearly done- just fine tuning.

She really wants a ‘do nothing’ weekend this weekend before school starts and I think she lined it all up to where that will be possible.
So excited to see her start her Senior year.

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3921

re: the question of “Should one’s kid have a reach school on the app list?”

My kid doesn’t have any reaches on her list. And her list is small at the moment. She’s not applying to anywhere that Top 25/Top 50 sort of place. Affordability, geographic location, options (or lack of) in her specific major, & campus vibe are the biggest driving factors. Our family won’t qualify for any need-based aid and we are not willing to take on Parent PLUS loans for this.

As a result, this has thinned the herd quite a bit.

I’ve found several various schools which would fit the bill in terms of her specific major & the curriculum required to graduate in that major, but none of those schools made the list because 1 or more of the following apply:

  • too far away
  • weather too cold
  • too expensive
  • school is in LA, Mississippi, Arkansas, Georgia, North or South Carolina, Florida, or Alabama (D26 said she doesn’t want to live in these states for college)
  • major requires 3 semesters of calculus + linear algebra
  • major requires chemistry

so she’s not going to have any reaches on her list. It’ll be likelies, targets, matches, ‘sure thing’ schools, or whatever the heck else we call them. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

It’s definitely a situation where ‘your mileage may vary’ and there isn’t one hard and fast rule that applies to every student.

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3922

yesterday, D26 came home from school with a ‘college timeline’ hand out from the counselors. It had high-level things to do each month. Sharing the info here in case it’s helpful:

August:

  • build the college list
  • college research
  • college visits (on campus at the high school)
  • create common app account
  • fill out your activity list
  • request teacher recs
  • resume
  • research scholarships

September:

  • brainstorm essay topics
  • essay writing (they’re doing this together in the counseling class)
  • common app account
  • college research
  • college visits
  • final college list
  • scholarships

October:

  • essay writing
  • finish early apps
  • final SAT/ACT
  • college visits
  • senior research project
  • scholarships

November:

  • early apps due (a couple of D26’s are due 11/1)
  • begin regular apps
  • essay writing
  • senior research porject
  • scholarships

December:

  • early apps results
  • essay writing
  • finish regular apps
  • regular decision apps due
  • senior research project
  • scholarships

January:

  • CPR training (in the counseling class)
  • senior research projects
  • scholarships

Feb:

  • senior pictures
  • senior trip
  • start in person stuff at senior research project sites
  • scholarships

March:

  • all admission decisions released
  • more senior research project stuff - if you’re doing a research project (optional)
  • scholarships

April:

  • visit colleges you were admitted to
  • enrollment deposit by 5/1
  • last college meeting w/counselors
  • continue senior research projects
  • scholarships

May:

  • senior research project presentations - these are always the 1st Saturday of May
  • graduation on 5/14
  • scholarships

June:

  • counselors send final transcripts to college you’re attending
  • submit AP scores to college you’re attending
  • pay your housing deposit if you haven’t already
  • attend orientation
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3923

I share your thinking on this. The only reason S26 has a reach on his list is, because it is the school his sister attends and he likes what he sees of her college experience. I will let him apply, Tulane doesn’t charge an app fee. But if he gets in I am not completely convinced it is a good school for him. It would be a lot more work than what he is used to. We will see what happens.

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3924

Personally, I think applying to a “reach” school just for the sake of having a more well rounded list is a waste of time if your D26 has no interest in addending the school. If she does have an interest, she should apply and put her best foot forward. Our kids have a way of surprising us on the daily, so if she likes the school and can see herself there, she should take her shot. Even if she does get accepted, if it doesn’t feel like the right fit, she doesn’t have to attend (unless she applies ED). It just gives her one more option. Options are good.

Mine is committed to a high reach. Her back up options and state flagship are also reaches. She’ll apply to safeties if her other options don’t work out. I’m not a fan of her plan, but if the worst thing that happens is that I get to keep her for another year, I can live with that. Not sure if I’m ready to be an empty nester.

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3925

We’ve gotten this feedback. My kid’s school based college counselor has commented multiple times that his list isn’t balanced, that he needs a reach or two, but the reaches he suggests are bigger, or further away, or more expensive than he wants, and while they have course work adjacent to his major they don’t have the specific program that he wants.

In addition, he’s a kid for whom academics will be the weakest part of his application. He’s got good but not great grades, and not a lot of rigor, and he doesn’t test well. On the other hand he has wonderful extracurriculars for his area of interest, and he’s that kid who every teacher loves because he’s an incredibly hard worker. His counselor feels like he is a really strong candidate for schools where his stats seem low. But because music and service and staying physically active are all really important to him, he wants an environment where the work load is manageable, So, the schools he likes, which are small regional schools within a few hours of home, are academic safeties and a mix of financial safeties and targets. He’s put a few reaches on the list, but always takes them off because on reflection they were just there to make someone else happy.

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3926

That would be my sweet space cadet! Over and over and over. I try to look on the bright side and say “hey, at least he’s not addicted!”. We usually find it, thanks to find my phone, and if not, he’s learned not to be picky about the kind of phone, so he can usually find a hand me down.

My biggest worry isn’t that he’ll lose it in college though. It’s that he’ll never have battery and thus won’t be able to use it to open his door, or buy dinner or whatever.

3927

If C26 gets into their reach I am not convinced they would go either. We haven’t visited the school yet so would need to admitted students day tour and see. The two programs are a little different too (one more focused and one more breadth - either could work depending what they end up deciding they want.) At the moment their favorite school on the list is not a reach.

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3928

C26 appears to be working on essays…starting with the shortest supplemental, but that’s fine. They always do better once they just actually get started.

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3929

I think Pitt is a great school and that your kid should apply if they have her major and the school interests her. Really nothing to lose other than the application fee.

By the way, I was amazed at how much my older kids matured during their senior year. You never know what she will be like by next fall.

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