Parents of the HS Class of 2026

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
6034

SO much going on right now my head is spinning. The good but also bittersweet- D26 turned 18 yesterday- I really can’t believe it and I am really proud of the person she is. She celebrated with her cheer team at team dinner last night (we hosted) with Chipotle catering and then make your own sundae bar :face_savoring_food: They are finally competing this Saturday- got pulled from comp last weekend after too many sick athletes.

Senior night is tomorrow night and I know I will be a mess. She has cheered with many of these girls since Youth Cheer in 3rd grade :sob: We are thankfully no longer getting a huge storm tomorrow as the weather changed and it should be out of here by early tomorrow. And D26 has her first boyfriend! She feels like she has been waiting a long time. This kid is really sweet- comes to the door to get here when he picks her up, made an effort to introduce himself to us formally. Showed up last night with flowers and a necklace for her birthday right before the team dinner- she was super embarrassed but also I could tell she LOVED it, LOL. When her friends arrived for dinner they all went giggling up to her room to see the bouquet and necklace- it was very cute. So things are good on the D26 front, I am just really feeling the feelings right now of her growing up, last events at high school, etc.

My main stress is coming from my mother’s situation. Long (very) story short, we have not had the best relationship over the years. She has been living abroad since 1995- had an opportunity to return to the US in 2014 and essentially blew it by not doing the things she needed to do. Her health took a turn for the worse a couple years ago- I went to visit her and help her- she has zero assets and zero retirement - is solely living off her monthly SS payments. A year ago she really started declining and refused to leave because she has 4 dogs that she can’t live without. Now she has significant dementia- not Alzheimer’s as far as we can tell but other than knowing who people are, does not know where she is, loses words, has hallucinations, etc. We have been paying for 24/7 care for her and can no longer sustain this situation. I have gone through all the feelings- anger at her for not planning for this, resentment that I am stuck dealing with this, guilt for being angry, etc., etc. Now I am just really sad- I had a video chat with her this morning and it is so hard seeing her- she has been bedridden for the past month b/c she was admitted to the hospital in September for a UTI and was never once gotten up out of bed- they cathed her and left her in bed and now she can’t walk (or control her bladder). Oh, and she is on heavy duty psychiatric meds (some we do not even use in the US anymore) so she is really out of it most of the time. I work full time and as soon as I got off the call and ran to the bathroom to cry.

Based on the above, I made the decision to move her to an amazing place in Thailand of all places (they have incredible care for the aging there) and now have to travel to her (a 12 hour overnight flight) and move her to Thailand (it will take two entire days of travel from where she is to Thailand). I have no idea if she can even sit upright or transfer to a wheelchair. I am terrified that she will be unable to fly and be stuck where she is. Elderly homes will not accept her in her country b/c they need someone “local” to have legal responsibility for her, plus I am sure she will rot in a bed in any place there for the elderly.

So the current plan is for me to fly there in early December- causing me to miss D26 cheer banquet. I know this is not the end of the world but I am pretty devastated about it. As mom of a captain, I have been really involved with this team and am truly pretty sad to miss it. I could potentially leave right after the banquet but I need to be back home by 12/15 since D26 is having surgery and I will NOT miss being there for that. So I have two weeks in December to get my mother to Thailand and get all her stuff moved out of the house, her dogs sent to a sanctuary/rescue and tie up loose ends. I know I just need to get through it but at the moment I have never felt so helpless/hopeless and overwhelmed in my life. I wish I cold just hide from it all :pleading_face: And I DO have a sister who is helping, but I am the one doing most of the planning and orchestrating and she will not travel to my mother alone as she is not a savvy traveller, especially in a foreign country where she does not speak the language. Otherwise I would have her go a week before me to start packing up, etc.

So that’s me right now. Sorry for dumping. I haven’t told anyone here b/c I haven’t even told the kids yet- planning on that when S24 is home for Thanksgiving. My DH is super supportive but also sort of feels helpless and knows until she is safely in Thailand there is nothing he can do to make me feel less worried and stressed.

Thanks so much for listening- I am grateful to all my virtual parents, many of whom I am sure are also dealing with aging parents while parenting teens. It is no joke!!

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6035

Ohhh my goodness. That is so much to deal with, and so incredibly stressful. I am so sorry! :slightly_frowning_face:

I am also dealing with aging and ill parents with several complications, but only in another state, not another country. Ughghg.

Totally understand about missing the banquet – that would devastate me, too. Tightest hugs to you! I hope it all works out smoothly. Do you have someone where your mother is who can evaluate whether she can transfer to a wheelchair and travel to Thailand? I am overwhelmed at just the thought of that.

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6036

I had a video conference with the agency who employs her caregivers and told them we were moving her and needed her to be able to transfer and sit up for the flight- she was noncommittal about it and just reiterated she will continue to get her PT and kinesiology appointments (they come weekly). I stressed that the caregivers needed to also make sure they were getting her up and she said they were. This is the main issue- these caregivers are essentially domestics hired by the agency and likely barely being paid anything- it is much easier to manage a strung out old lady asleep in a bed wearing diapers all day than a demented one wandering the house and hallucinating :frowning: They have no reason to push her b/c it adds work for them.

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6037

Oh, that sounds so very stressful! I hope it all goes as planned!

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6038

Oh gosh, that sounds really tough. I hope the move goes smoothly so you are able to let go of some of those worries!

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6039

I wish I could give you a big hug! I hope everything goes ok. It’s so hard.

A good friend of my sister’s has an elderly mom living overseas. The elderly mom has some ongoing health problems + now dementia. It’s been really really hard for my sister’s friend to try to manage it from afar. Hang in there.

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6040

Talked to D26 about UAH on way to school after her Dr appt this a.m. UAH’s program would require taking macro & micro econ + 2 accounting classes for the flavor of cybersecurity she’d major in there if she attended (BSBA Information Systems, cybersecurity concentration). She said, “Um, nah. Alabama is too far away for me right now. I don’t want to live in Alabama. It IS closer to Disney World, which is nice, but that’s not enough of a pull to get me to go there. Plus, flying home would be more of a pain.”

so it’s not going on the list. Darn. Oh well.

1 of D24’s classmates is attending there right now and likes the school a lot.

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6041

Furloughed posters unite!

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6042

10 RD apps here! Unless of course she gets in EA somewhere that makes her decide to cull the list. :crossed_fingers:

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6043

We’re in state, D26 was interested in one of the UCs until early this semester, she then looked at the PIQs and was like “nah” and crossed off the list and didn’t look back. :joy:

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6044

Flying can definitely be difficult. The airport is tiny. It’s 1.5 hours from Nashville, which helps, but not enough. We are lucky in that Delta has a non-stop from Huntsville to Detroit. Not cheap and not a lot of options, but doable. Bummer to have it dropped, but no use in applying if she isn’t interested!

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6045

I’m so sorry -that is so hard.

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6046

So, I was mostly off the board for a day or so for work and life and oh my, I had so much to catch up on. So much happening with folks!

I finally want to share that I had the chance to read D26’s top EA application that she sent in and I was overwhelmed with emotion, joy and pride. My family rightfully decided that I should not be involved in her essay writing/application crafting process as my energy would likely stress her out and make things worse. So, my wife worked with her talking through things, editing, etc. as suggested by D26’s counselor. I poured my nervous energy here, commenting, asking questions, showing support, venting, whatever. And this community has been absolutely wonderful for me in that way, and by association great for D26 and my wife even if they do not know it.

So, D26 sent me a pdf of the final application that she had already submitted. More than anything else, the application oozes her! From the activity list to her incredible essay (I’m biased) to her short answers, I can feel her coming off of the page. When I read it, it is so uniquely her that it made me weep. She is and always has been her own person since she was little. She does her own thing and does not care if those around her aren’t trying to do the same or are trying to do something else. She is so self aware it is stunning in a 17 year old package, as it was in a 10 or 12 year old package too. She does her own thing and yet, she also cares deeply about community and connection. About bringing people together, about sharing and collaborating, about helping others. Her interests are so eclectic that I could not imagine how they would make sense in a list. But she has presented her application in a way that they totally do. They make sense in the way that they scream, this is who she is!

Her application doesn’t try to position her as the best (or even in the running for it) at anything. She objectively is not the best at anything she does that colleges might typically care about. Not even close. But the thing is, she doesn’t care. She does everything she does for the joy of it. She loves school and learning, and teaching and sharing. Where she fits in the pecking order does not impact her love of a class. How objectively good she is at something does not impact her joy or commitment to it. Some of her favorites have been her worst subjects. Some she dislikes are where she naturally excels. And, you feel that through her application, that she is not trying to compete with anyone. That she does not chase opportunities because they are the thing people say you are supposed to do. She is just trying to be the best her and do the things that help her get there with joy and passion. As a middle aged man who has excelled in more ways than I could have imagined, my teen has taught me so many lessons about a the joys of not giving a F what anyone else thinks and the beauty of loving things you are average at best at. Don’t get me wrong, she is not average, far from it. But she embraces the places she is with a zeal and commitment if it is something that speaks to her. And the thing about her application is, you can feel it through the page. That she has a love of learning and engaging, and whether she is the best or the worst or somewhere in between, she will bring her whole self and bring you along for the ride. It sings to the schools exactly who they will get if they choose her and they can decide if she is someone they want.

I of course do not know what will happen with her applications and which schools will let her in. But I could not be more proud of how she has chosen to spend her high school years and how she has presented herself to the schools. I do not know if I’ve ever felt so lucky to be her father and get to learn from her.

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6047

Getting from Huntsville to the Nashville airport would be hard for my kid because she won’t have a car the 1st 2 yr of college. Thanks for this info!

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6048

Oh my gosh that is so much to deal with. Wishing you strength also.

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6049

If enough students are doing it there should be options though. Bus maybe?

6050

Thank you and @OctoberKate for your service! You do not deserve to bear the brunt of our country’s dysfunction for choosing to dedicate your talents to serving the American people! I appreciate you!

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6051

It’s great to see that many have already finished their applications or, at least, most of them. D26 just submitted her first application, ED to Brown. Her essays were done over a month ago, but she had to finish her optional art portfolio which seemed like forever to complete. She will now work on UC, we’re from CA, which has 11/30 deadline. I don’t know if she’s going to start on other college applications for RD after UC or wait until ED decision on around 12/10. She fully understands that although her chance on Brown is as good as most applicants, the reality of acceptance is really, really low. She really doesn’t have a true safety with 100% chance of admission, but a bunch of targets(some UCs wil be close to safety). My D22 had identical stats, specs and had applied to similar colleges, she was accepted to most targets and a few reaches, but we found out that the reaches were really reaches. D26 has a few more ECs that D22 didn’t have, highly selective research internship, an art portfolio(she spent 15 hours weekly in art studio for the last 2 years), nationally competing athletes, and we will find out if those will tip the needle at all, if any.

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6052

In 30m we will be live w/ best-selling author Jeff Selingo for an exclusive written Q&A in which Jeff will reveal how to create a “Dream School” college list. If you have any questions about the admissions process, college search, or the changing definition of what makes a school truly great write them in the thread:

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6053

This to everything you said. :smiley:

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