<p>@nysmile, yea, I meet up with them quite a bit at the football games, its rather really fun. I might go out to a movie once my applications are done, after the stress is gone.</p>
<p>^Excellent…
Honing your skills for socializing with carry over to helping to achieve a successful transition into college life.
The ability to carry on conversations and engage face-to-face with people takes practice and hanging out with your peers in different environments is very helpful in gaining these skills. I think this is why your parents would like to see you do a bit more socializing outside of school.</p>
<p>hello Thephoenixforce. It is good to have parents who are concerned about your well being. I think you might consider trading some of th computer time for some face to face time. I bought my son an air hockey table for the house and it gives him something to do with others. As a parent I feel better when I finally meet my son’s school friends, even though I know they exist. Good luck. I know you will be fine.</p>
<p>Thanks guys, support means a lot, I decided to go to the movies next friday, as It’s a half day then. Probably show my parents that I can socialize too. @nysmile, thanks for all the help, you did quite a bit.</p>
<p>Some of us are okay being by ourselves. If you aren’t stressed over it and can socialize when with people, then I don’t see the problem.</p>
<p>You’re very welcome. I hope I didn’t come across as too mean. I posted comments that I would have said to my own sons. </p>
<p>Sometimes, it really does help to view a different perspective on things. I don’t think your parents were trying to nag you about socializing. It’s very possible they want you to experience socializing so you get some of the typical HS social awkwardness out of the way before you transition into the very social world of college. They do care–:)</p>
<p>Have fun</p>
<p>When this thread started yesterday, I thought “here we go”. Another teen complaining about parents, the teen gets mad when posters agree with parents and the teen argues with everyone who tries to help.</p>
<p>Refreshingly, ThePhoenixForce listened to advice and is mature enough to realize that maybe his parents were not being completely unreasonable. ThePhoenixForce - enjoy your movie night! If your friends are like minded, I wouldn’t be surprised if they would like to do more socializing outside of school but feel uncomfortable initiating plans. Successful socializing is a skill. Some people are born with the skill but it is possible to develop it too.</p>
<p>Both our girls went to a school half an hour away and often their friends were on the side of school. They had many sleep overs at each other’s house, and the boys did the same (not in the same house). They would meet up for dinner then go hang out at someone’s house. We did a lot of driving before D1 got her license. We had a deal with them that they could only go out one night a weekend because H and I wanted to go out one night. As long as they gave us enough notice, we would rearrange our schedule to accommodate them.</p>
<p>marbling – The book “Quiet” is an exceptionally insightful examination of what it is to be an introvert. I read it at the urging of my introverted DH, who happens to manage an organization of several hundred people at a Fortune 100. He is a true introvert in that he adores his alone time, perfectly content to read and ponder and putter around. He is not shy or anxious to be around people. He just re-charges by being alone. My younger kid is the same way. She had a small nexus of very close friends in high school and occasionally saw them on the weekends. Not often. But they are very close friends, still in touch almost daily as they’ve all headed off to college. I think she’s far less lonely, actually, then many “popular” teens with a gazillion friends. Now I didn’t always get this because I’m more of an extrovert. So seriously consider getting ahold of the book and sharing with your parents.</p>
<p>Some of the most outstanding leaders in our society have been quiet people without a big need to always be socializing. As a society, we don’t recognize that very well and tend to stigmatize introversion.</p>
<p>My son is 14 and just started high school. He is an introvert, as well, in that he requires a certain amount of alone time. He goes to school, plays several instruments that he practices every day, and participates in several organized activities. He really, really needs that alone time now more than he needs to go out and socialize. He gets plenty of friend time in school, on the bus and at his activities, but I was worried about his choice not to hang out with friends on the weekend it until I read this thread. Very helpful.</p>
<p>Do what makes you happy. Don’t force yourself to spend more time with your friends JUST to please your parents, and don’t worry too much about their opinion of your social life - after all, since you are the one living it, you have a much better idea of how it actually is.</p>
<p>“Emilybee–Having raised two sons and being a part of a family with many boys, I can tell you that many teenage boys would rather be picked up/dropped off to/from a friend’s house by Mom or Dad then sit at home on weekends with Mom and Dad.”</p>
<p>Who said they are sitting home with mom and dad? Maybe mom and dad are out. </p>
<p>Also, if we were home, my son was down in the basement not sitting in the family room with us. </p>
<p>As I said in my original post, from talking with other parents of the same aged boys, I found out that this behavior was pretty much the norm, yet after they began to drive they all became much more sociable.</p>
<p>OP–You will be amazed at how much growth and awareness comes from getting out of ones comfort zone and engaging with others. Yes, it’s fine to stay home and read. I hope I didn’t imply that there is anything wrong with it. However, learning how to engage with others outside of your comfort zone is equally important. </p>
<p>It’s up to the individual to figure out the right balance between work and play. To eliminate either from the equation tips the scale in one direction. IMO–the goal should be to find a healthy balance.</p>
<p>@zoosermom I really liked reading your post. I remember from medical school (when Teddy Roosevelt was in office) that there were some objective measures to consider such as appetite, grades, unwanted weight loss, to gauge if a person is ‘OK.’ It has stuck in my mind for many years (well maybe not thattt many). My son is home and reading a lot, but I feel that his contentment is good and I envy him in a way. He is comfortable in his skin and not trying to be someone else. I don’t worry about him often.</p>
<p>OP,
Why is it frustrating for you? Why are you even paying slighest attention, why it matters? I am not understanding your concern at all. If you are happy, than stay happy, if you feel a need to change you life, then change it. Everything else seems to be irrelevant.</p>
<p>
Thank you! I tend to obsess about this particular child since he is, by virtue of his gender, so different from his sister and me. He’s almost like a science experiment in our home! Poor kid.</p>
<p>Sometimes extrovert parents cannot understand introvert children, and they worry. As long as you are happy with the level of social interaction you have, and as long as you feel comfortable and accepted by your peers, do not worry about clocking hours of socializing to prove something to your parents.</p>
<p>As a fellow introvert, however, I would recommend that sometimes you do make the effort to socialize even if you don’t really need it or feel like it. The reason is that people will stop trying to include you if you never show up. You need to keep yourself on the radar of others to some degree. Cocooning at home is often the easiest and most comfortable default option, but it can lead to more loneliness than you really want. Friendships take some effort.</p>
<p>@emilybee, I agree with you. Both my sons had only occasional weekend social activities (outside of school) until they could drive. Somehow driving helped them become much more social even though I would have happily driven them anytime.</p>
<p>The PhoenixForce -</p>
<p>If you belong to clubs at school, and you go to football games, and you do spend time with the friends that you have, I don’t think the issue is with you. The issue is with what kind of social life, exactly, it is that your parents think a kid your age should have. Maybe when they were teenagers they had mobs of friends in and out of their homes on a constant basis. That you don’t come home every afternoon with five starving teenage boys who will raid the refrigerator would seem strange by comparison. Likewise if your parents had dates every weekend (or at least for every major dance or social event at school), and you aren’t obviously romantically involved right now, they might worry about that. Lastly, if their parents knew all of their friends when they were in HS, and your friends rarely are places where your parents get a chance to meet them in person, wondering just exactly who these invisible (to them at least) friends are can be a source of concern for your mom and dad.</p>
<p>Yes-- this might all be about the OP’s parents dreams of what their lives as parents would be. Some parents have Kid Central, with teens hanging out all over the place all the time. Or they remember that place when they were kids. It’s nice when it happens. But some kids just don’t have that kind of social life, and parents have to give up that particular fantasy. </p>
<p>Our house sometimes gets the million kids there, and it’s really fun when it happens. But our son is also sometimes a hermit, and likes to “play” video games online with his friends but at his own house. So even though he’s solitary upstairs, believe me, with the yelling, the (sometimes bad!) language and the maniacal laughing, we certainly know he’s still being social. Maybe the OP can do some of that kind of “socializing”? Then your parents will certainly know you’re still interacting with your friends, just in a different (and increasingly modern and “normal”) way?</p>