<p>Be careful in labeling this online modern interaction as “normal”. Children and young adults need to interact face-to-face with others to grow socially and emotionally. How is the kid spending his free time alone in the basement playing video games going to successfully transition into different adult situations? How is he going to handle 3 hours job interviews which require talking to people from various depts.? How is he going to handle sharing a living space in a dorm? How is he going to handle speaking up when disagreements happen (and they will) and learning to compromise? How is he going to have the confidence to introduce himself to others and make new friends and acquaintances? How he is going to know how to interact with others in the workplace? </p>
<p>The CC College Life section is full of kids who don’t know how to make friends, how to socialize, how to introduce themselves, how to deal with roommates, etc.? Please, encourage your children to talk and to interact with people face-to-face rather then allowing them to hide behind a computer/TV screen. Yes, there are some people who prefer to isolate themselves. For them, this may be considered normal, but to the general population, it isn’t viewed as such. Preparing our children for the future requires more than emphasizing academics. We should also be sure that they are growing emotionally and socially. This doesn’t mean they need to be social butterflies. However, they should be able to function in the world with some sort of social confidence and this can’t be learned in isolation. It takes practice.</p>
<p>It is normal for many of us - it was normal for me 35 years ago and I had to deal with parents who were always trying to change me. My S did not go out much in high school, and I did wonder how he would do in college. He found a lot of kids like him and they are getting along great. He did a lot less socially than the OP in high school and is turning out just fine, thank you. There are so many times I see on these boards people who insist that their way is the only right way to be. There is plenty of time, especially for boys who may be slower at these developments.</p>
<p>NYsmile I’m glad you were not my parent. My uncle is like you and I do believe if he had been my parent I would be mentally ill. He would have demonized my shyness and reserve. It would have been a horrible mismatch between and extreme extravert (him) and and extreme introvert (me). Bad bad bad. I would have had to listen to loud show tunes all the time. GAH. Thank you so much mom and dad for leaving me to my room when I needed it, which was lots. Whew!!!</p>
<p>The point I’m trying to make is there should be a balance between academics and socialization. Both are important and gaining these skills takes practice.</p>
<p>Please nysmile. I do appreciate your concern, but knowing a boatload of happy normal teenage boys, I know that some online gaming with friends is perfectly okay. Of course my kid (I’m not talking about the OP) has friends and interactions at school, and did you miss the part where we have a houseload of boys here often. I’m not worried about my son’s social interactions online-- the games allow him to “hang out” with his friends from where we used to live and his cousins in Indiana-- they’re supplemental social interactions, not primary ones. Of course there are kids who take gaming to extremes-- there are also a million kids killing zombies online with their friends and having a ball. Geez.</p>
<p>^sounds perfectly normal. He has friends. He socializes with them outside of the school environment. He plays online games with his friends as supplemental social interactions.
All, perfectly normal.</p>
<p>My concern is for those students who choose to isolate themselves for some reason (such as anxiety, fear of stepping outside their comfort zone, no desire for human contact, etc.).</p>
<p>OP - It sounds like you do have the right balance of friendships and home time. Maybe things could be smoother with your parents if you shared more about your life? Their concerns might be lessened with some extra efforts at communication. </p>
<p>But parents yearn to learn more. Our kids went to a magnet hs, and they tended to not mention friend names. They would just say “you don’t know him/her”. We learned to reply ,“and we never will if you don’t use names.”</p>
<p>Not judging at all but my humble opinion is that about 5 hours a week would be my arbitrary guesstimate sugeested limit for online gaming. I think that it becomes addictive like slot machines or gambling and my personal opinion is that online gaming is often a problem masquerading as a relaxation. I do see benefits of hand to eye coordination as well as relaxation but it is a very fine line separating downtime from escapism. I think that it could lead to major benefits for a future surgeon or invasive radiologist due to like skill sets. Fwiw. …</p>
<p>Sounds about right. imo though there is a difference between solitary gaming and online with friends. It’s a very different experience-- solitary yet social. And it IS the new normal, like it or not… And then in college, gaming because more a truly social endeavor for many. At my D’s school there are game systems and screens in the big lounge along with the pool tables, TVs and smoothie bar. Much hilarity ensues.</p>
<p>The point is missing that young adults have the ability to adjust to any situation, as challenging as it might seem to us, parents. Parents need to trust them more, let them make some mistakes and learn. Yes, talking / warning is important but so is to know when to let it be, let them own their own decision making and various aspects of their lives. Otherwise, you risk of loosing that special relationship that any parent would love to maintain with kids all thruout their lives, into their 40s and later. Without this special relationship, you have no input, whatsoever. Delicate balance is a must, it is a central point. So, choose your battles very carefully, when they are 5 y o, when they are 15 and when they are 30 and 40. Love does not mean intrusion in every aspect, everybody deserves his/her own space.</p>
<p>It was my observation with older kid that the most socially successful students at this high school sometimes had difficulty adjusting to college. Either they went to state U with their big crowd of social friends and the socializing hurt the academics. Or they mourned the loss of their high school social lives and had trouble starting over in a new context where no one really knew them.</p>
<p>Being somewhat low-key socially in high school is not a bad thing. It is not the apex of one’s social life – or if it is, then that’s just sad.</p>
<p>I’m really surprised about the tone that this thread has taken. OP asked if he should go out more, someone suggested that he should, he agreed to give it a try and actually sounded like he was looking forward to it.</p>
<p>No one is forcing him. He didn’t say that he didn’t like socializing, he just said he doesn’t do much on weekends. If he doesn’t enjoy himself, no one is insisting that he keep trying. </p>
<p>Why would we not encourage a teen to try something new? No one is suggesting that he do something dangerous or illegal. He’s going to a movie!</p>
<p>My S (now 24) is an avid photographer. I have seen the pictures of him looking out over mountains he took when he hiked alone. I’ve seen him in front of the temples at Angkor Wat when he solo’d through Cambodia. Being comfortable doing things “solo” is a great attribute.</p>
<p>That said, he had meet-ups with a friend for a week on the beaches of Thailand. He joined a group of solo back-packers composed of a male from Australia and one from Malaysia and a girl from mainland China for a 4 day stint in Laos. In the US he hikes/camps alone sometime and sometime with a friend.</p>
<p>"I’m really surprised about the tone that this thread has taken. OP asked if he should go out more, someone suggested that he should, he agreed "
-OP sounded very annoyed. If there is a cool down, then there is no issue, reason for discussion has desappeared, problem got resolved.</p>